| just wanted to say... |
[16 Jun 2009|01:12am] |
Be excellent to each other!
|
|
| An apology of sorts. |
[16 Jun 2009|01:30pm] |
I recognize that things I say are bad. That I should still my tongue and leave things to fall as they will and not express my opinions in harsh ways.
It is one of my failings in life that I have not yet moved past this sick desire to say what I say though. This does not excuse my actions. I am not asking to be excused. I am acknowledging and accepting responsibility for this fact. I know that I have wronged someone, and that the burden of this rests on me. I have the reasons in my head that revolve around and around, but I know that tomorrow will come, those reasons will die away and I simply won't care. That this is all a momentary diversion and that I am indulging myself when I should simply sit down, shut up, and let things pass.
That is what I am doing now. Sitting down, shutting up, and letting things pass. A myriad of others things comes to my head, responses, philosophical disputes, etc. But I will use this as a reminder of why I need to not do the things that I do. I expect no forgiveness for the things I would say, and would not ask of it either. I said what I said, knowing that if I said them, they would serve no purpose but to stir up a fire I wanted to be engulfed in. That was selfish of me, and did nothing but to do exactly that. For this others will suffer, a fact that I also knew but overlooked. Again, my selfishness.
What comes will come. This day will pass and I know that soon, this mask I have donned will melt away and I will be myself again, as has happened in the past. This is not the first time this has happened, and may not be the last, but it is only from our mistakes that we learn how to be better individuals. I will try to do that from today's events. Because it doesn't matter. And I know this. But I stupidly ignore what I know to do what I want. Hopefully this event has not tarnished my own image. If it has, it is my own fault and on one else's.
Thus is life.
|
|
|
[16 Jun 2009|02:02pm] |
Ok. So two points. One - I'm dropping Ruby. Nobody played with her apart from the one character and now she's lost that, so there's no point in keeping her. I'm also trying to get Ethiel up and running but he's evading me in personality.
Two - I'm going on indefinite Hiatus. Things are bad here, and quite stressful, and it's beginning to make me a little crazy. Just one thing on top of another all the time, so I'm trying to get my life sorted and try and find a job before my head explodes or I just curl up in a ball and never come out. Doesn't mean I won't be around and do the odd AIM conversation if need be, but for intricate plot, threading and concentration I am not your girl.
Hopefully be back soon.
|
|