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Tweak says, "Panic there's a disco"

Grant Ward is not a true believer (notanazi) wrote in timestreamic,
@ 2016-04-01 23:10:00

Entry tags:

damon salvatore, grant ward, jaina solo, raina, skye / daisy johnson

Filtered from natives.
So, that happened. It really is 1832.

Thoughts? I'm not completely against helping them if it gets us out of here. What do we know about this time? We need all the information together.

My name's Grant Ward. I'm a Black Ops specialist back home. So figuring out who we have and what we can all bring to the table, it's our best way forward here.

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	truenature 2016-04-08 11:25 pm UTC (link)
	Ian or John? Because a man only admires what he wishes he could achieve himself. You aspire to nobility, honor, heroics. Far from the selfish, weak monster you tried to paint yourself as. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notanazi 2016-04-08 11:30 pm UTC (link)
	Both. [Raina] You sure you're not clairvoyant? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

truenature
2016-04-08 11:36 pm UTC (link)

All right. I'll drop it.

[ Grant ]

I'm just from further down the line than the rest of you, Grant. That's all.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Raina \| Grant notanazi 2016-04-09 12:42 am UTC (link)
	I know. Which is something I'm still getting used to. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Raina \| Grant truenature 2016-04-09 12:45 am UTC (link)
	We'll get there, eventually. I will admit. I am glad the rest of you have been spared most of it. It wasn't a particularly kind year. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Raina \| Grant notanazi 2016-04-09 12:50 am UTC (link)
	Well I'm not shocked. Can't imagine I had a good year. Why do you care, about what happens us. I know why you care about Skye but me? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Raina | Grant

truenature
2016-04-09 12:58 am UTC (link)

Understatement. I really should have offered to let you come along with Ian and I. Not that you would have accepted, but still.

Despite appearances, I'm not heartless. All of you deserved better than what you were getting, than what your faulty perceptions and fears were forcing you into. Everyone deserves a chance to become the best version of themselves, Grant.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Raina \| Grant notanazi 2016-04-09 01:24 am UTC (link)
	No, I wouldn't have. There's a best version of me? The best version of me was a fabrication. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Raina \| Grant truenature 2016-04-09 01:28 am UTC (link)
	Still. It would have been an offer made rather than simply leaving you to your fate. Perhaps. But you can't con a con, Grant. You know as well as I that the best lies still come ultimately from a place of truth. And who we are and who we want to be aren't always that far removed from each other. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Raina \| Grant notanazi 2016-04-09 01:45 pm UTC (link)
	As soon as Quinn had stopped being useful to John I was going to kill him. Yes, they do. But that's... I'm not that guy. I'm not capable of being that for real. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Raina | Grant

truenature
2016-04-09 02:10 pm UTC (link)

And I imagine that's one of many reasons Ian has chosen to isolate himself from SHIELD and HYDRA shenanigans as of late. He so does prefer his privacy.

Oh, Grant. How little you see.

What's the difference between the decisions you made when pretending and ones you make for real? Where does the line between fantasy and reality really stop when the actions you're taking are just as real as if you had meant them sincerely? Only you know your motivates. How difficult would it be to change them?

Or do they really not matter to you at all like you tried so desperately to convince me?

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	Raina \| Grant notanazi 2016-04-09 06:12 pm UTC (link)
	Self preservation then. They matter to me. You can see that as much as anyone. It would be easier if they didn't. But we're here, not back home. So why does this matter right now, any of this? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Raina | Grant

truenature
2016-04-09 06:45 pm UTC (link)

Self preservation and fear. Ian was never a man of moral fortitude.

I already said, Grant. Everyone deserves a chance to be the best version of themselves. It matters here just as much as it would matter back home.

You're better than what Garrett made you believe you are. Every weakness he played on, made you ashamed of. Those are your strengths. Don't be afraid of them.

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Raina | Grant

notanazi
2016-04-10 02:42 am UTC (link)

And how exactly am I better?

I'm not. That best version of me, that's a lie. I told you. Even if I wanted it to be real, its not.

Caring about the team, it obviously didn't change the outcome, did it? I have a lot to be ashamed of, John wasn't wrong about me, that's the problem. You see something that's just not there.

I want them to know me. The real me. Even if they'll eventually realize they don't want to. I'm not hiding anymore.

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Raina | Grant

truenature
2016-04-10 08:58 am UTC (link)

I see a boy who has been told his whole life that he won't amount to anything, that he is somehow fundamentally broken, and who has taken that to heart in the worst possible way.

It didn't change the outcome because of this, Grant. Because you're so convinced that Garrett is right that you're refusing to see the alternative, that there's nothing wrong with the real you as long as you're controlling yourself rather than letting someone else call the shots.

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