InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Mind the piano player."

Rose Hathaway :: Vampire Academy (lildampeer) wrote in timestreamic,
@ 2016-09-27 17:33:00

Entry tags:

anakin solo, damon salvatore, jacen solo, rose hathaway

Well, fuck.

Anakin, Jacen

I'm sorry about Jaina.

Is there anything I can do?

(Post a new comment)

	Filter jeditraitor 2016-09-27 07:02 pm UTC (link)
	No, I... I guess it's good she got to see me pulled back from the edge. It's something. I don't know entirely what she's gone back to though. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Filter jedidestiny 2016-09-27 07:27 pm UTC (link)
	I hadn't even thought about that. It might be the original timeline, or might be the altered one. ~~I'm guessing back to the Vong thou~~ She'll be fine though. ~~Are you~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Filter jeditraitor 2016-09-27 07:48 pm UTC (link)
	She will. She's Jaina. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jacen jedidestiny 2016-09-27 07:54 pm UTC (link)
	You want to do something tonight? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin jeditraitor 2016-09-27 07:57 pm UTC (link)
	I was going to check in on Ren but, yes, we could. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jacen jedidestiny 2016-09-27 08:03 pm UTC (link)
	Maybe you should. Looks Like his friend Hux is gone too. I just figured it might be good to have some form of distraction. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin jeditraitor 2016-09-28 03:27 pm UTC (link)
	He is. I'm making sure he calms down. Not worried I'll slip are you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jacen jedidestiny 2016-09-28 04:21 pm UTC (link)
	I think you've seen where that road goes. Should I be worried? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin jeditraitor 2016-09-28 04:37 pm UTC (link)
	I have. And I am. I'm worried. But then it hasn't really been long at all. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jacen jedidestiny 2016-09-28 04:57 pm UTC (link)
	This may seem like a weird question, but what do you want to be? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin jeditraitor 2016-09-28 05:43 pm UTC (link)
	What do I want to be? In what sense? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Jacen

jedidestiny
2016-09-28 06:05 pm UTC (link)

You said you were worried about backsliding. Do you know what you want your life to look like? Who you want to be? What you want to be remembered for? I don't know. Maybe it's a ridiculous question, but it feels somewhat important.

I mean, for instance, me? I've always wanted to be a Jedi. I've known I want to serve the light when and where I can. Compassion is something I've always valued. I know that I've got the capacity to act from Darkness. I get angry more often than I'd like to admit to. But knowing who I want to be, has helped me stay on track. Knowing that putting other beings before myself is something that I value helps me check myself.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin jeditraitor 2016-09-29 03:36 am UTC (link)
	I...I don't have an answer to that. I know who I had to be. I haven't let myself actually want something in years. I mean, Tenel Ka and Allana but they were an impossible dream. But me, now. Now I have no idea. That's pretty messed up. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Jacen

jedidestiny
2016-09-29 02:10 pm UTC (link)

I didn't really struggle with who I thought I was supposed to be versus who I wanted to be. Those two things always matched, more or less. I mean, little things, sure, it's not like my life has been easy, but in this way - it's not been a dissonance I had to live with. Everyone expected me to be a Jedi and I wanted to be one.

But I could see how if what you felt you had to be, and what maybe you wanted were at odds with each other, or didn't feel compatible - it would create tension.

Right now though, you don't have other people's expectations. Well, okay, maybe you have a few other people's expectations considering I'm expecting you to not kill anyone, but I don't need you to be a Jedi, Jacen. And nobody else here does either. Nobody needs you to take care of the galaxy. You have some time to figure out who you want to be.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin jeditraitor 2016-09-30 03:05 am UTC (link)
	Not planning to kill anyone little brother. I promised you. As for the rest,I still don't know what the right path is or how to get on it. But I have you to help there. I'm not a Jedi. I was never very good at it, not like everyone else. But thanks to you I'm not a Sith either. I'm going back to what felt right for me. To neither. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jacen jedidestiny 2016-10-01 10:08 pm UTC (link)
	You do have that. As long as I'm living, you've got me to help you. And see, that's somewhere. I think the question is, how are you using the Force? Or not using it? As much as I've always wanted to be a Jedi, I don't believe it's the only way to live with the Force ethically or well. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin jeditraitor 2016-10-02 01:23 pm UTC (link)
	I'm not sure. I have so much at my disposal Anakin, so many things I've learned that I'm not sure any Jedi knows. Powers the Order never considered. I learned so much but is it bad? It doesn't feel bad? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jacen jedidestiny 2016-10-02 02:31 pm UTC (link)
	Not ignorance, knowledge, Jacen. I know you're not a Jedi and that you don't want to be, but if you think your Jedi brother is going to sit here and say that what you've learned is bad, then you don't know me very well. It's how you use the knowledge that will determine if it's bad or not. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin jeditraitor 2016-10-02 04:15 pm UTC (link)
	Knowledge can be dangerous. It was a search for knowledge that started me on this path. A need to understand more (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jacen jedidestiny 2016-10-02 04:25 pm UTC (link)
	But it was Allana and wanting to keep her safe that pushed you further into trying to control things - keep the galaxy safe - risk subjugating and dehumanizing segments of the population for the better good. Or am I understanding wrong? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin jeditraitor 2016-10-02 07:35 pm UTC (link)
	She was my goal yes. The cause was... It's hard to know, but an artifact was put in our path. Do you remember, Jaina was tasked to look into it and I convinced her that I should? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jacen jedidestiny 2016-10-02 07:47 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah, I do. More or less. That was the start of it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin jeditraitor 2016-10-02 07:59 pm UTC (link)
	That led me to Lumiya. It had all been set in motion so long ago, those Tassels were always going to find me. They called to me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jacen jedidestiny 2016-10-02 08:12 pm UTC (link)
	Tell me about the tassels, Jace. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin jeditraitor 2016-10-03 02:18 am UTC (link)
	They were... Looking back now they were a dammed map. A how to guide. I put a lot of work into getting them translated and when I did it led me to her. I can still remember every single one. It became almost a code, a mantra (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jacen jedidestiny 2016-10-03 02:37 pm UTC (link)
	Were they actually historically an artifact? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin jeditraitor 2016-10-03 02:59 pm UTC (link)
	I assume looking back she had been cooking this up for quite some time. I was the logical choice. Most likely to slip up on my own arrogance (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Jacen

jedidestiny
2016-10-03 03:24 pm UTC (link)

~~Don't~~ Jacen, it could have been any of us. The method might have been different, but it could have been any of us. Do you know how many times I've held onto anger? How dangerously close it has been to driving me forward? How many times that's been true? You worried about me when we were younger, I know you did, and the thing is, it wasn't and isn't unfounded worry. Master Ikrit once told me that it could burn me if I didn't let it go, and the thing is, there have been times it's burned hotter than it should have.

I do keep moving forward. I keep my eyes on justice. I question my motives constantly. I accept that sometimes I'm going to to do it wrong and I trust the people in my life to want to see me succeed and to call me out when I fail.

But I hate to see you think that it was obviously going to be you; that Jaina or I had or have no weaknesses that could be exploited. It's simply not true.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin jeditraitor 2016-10-04 01:09 pm UTC (link)
	Then why did she not try to turn you or Jaina. If it's so likely it could have been any of us why was it me? Anger isn't inherently dark. The code, it's still too dammed restrictive. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Jacen

jedidestiny
2016-10-04 01:15 pm UTC (link)

Don't try to get me to guess what she was thinking, I can't. I'm just saying that you shouldn't put yourself down and Jaina and I on a pedestal. It does none of us any good to think that way.

I agree, anger isn't inherently dark, and emotions aren't inherently bad. But when you hold onto anger, when it's fuelling everything you do, when it's clouding your judgement, when it's pushing you forward without considering consequences - it can lead to dark places. Trust me, I know.

The code is structure.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	Filter lildampeer 2016-09-28 11:51 pm UTC (link)
	She was from before, wasn't she? I guess with how we changed things, there's no telling what will happen for her now. I'm sorry. That probably isn't helpful. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Filter jeditraitor 2016-09-29 03:39 am UTC (link)
	It's alright. She'll be fine either way. I just wish I knew if she'd remember a version of me that stopped. That didn't cross that line. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Filter lildampeer 2016-09-29 08:46 am UTC (link)
	~~I'm going to miss her either way~~ Maybe she'll come back. Does that ever happen? (Reply to this) (Parent)

	ignoretheodds 2016-09-27 07:47 pm UTC (link)
	Lost a friend? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lildampeer 2016-09-27 08:56 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah. You, too, right? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ignoretheodds 2016-09-27 08:58 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah. Christine. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lildampeer 2016-09-27 09:10 pm UTC (link)
	That sucks. I'm sorry. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ignoretheodds 2016-09-27 09:14 pm UTC (link)
	Right now I'm going to make sure Bones doesn't drink himself to death. Should I do the same for you? (Reply to this) (Parent)

	someonehasto 2016-09-28 12:06 pm UTC (link)
	Hey. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lildampeer 2016-09-28 12:26 pm UTC (link)
	Hi. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	someonehasto 2016-09-28 06:31 pm UTC (link)
	How you doing? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lildampeer 2016-09-28 06:46 pm UTC (link)
	Peachy. You? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	someonehasto 2016-09-29 08:29 am UTC (link)
	Oh, dandy. Having my happiest memories waved in my face and shattered, was the highlight of my year. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lildampeer 2016-09-29 08:48 am UTC (link)
	~~So, you just took off~~ Yeah, Im sure it was. Sorry about that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

someonehasto
2016-09-29 02:34 pm UTC (link)

Not your fault TARA's bitchier than Katherine Pierce on a bad day.

[Rose]

I just can't deal with the happy couple right now, you know?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lildampeer
2016-09-30 06:53 pm UTC (link)

No, it's not, but I'm still sorry.

Damon

Yeah, I get it.

(Reply to this) (Parent)