McKay (scribbulus_ink) wrote in time_of_storms, @ 2006-01-24 10:25:00 |
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Original poster: werwolfoflondon
Music: Love Is a Hurtin' Thing, by Lou Rawls (Live at the Monterey Pop Festival version)
When Remus arrived at Durmstrang, he expected to be greeted by a servant or perhaps one of the staff; he certainly didn't expect to be greeted by the headmaster, nor did he expect the headmaster to be plump, red-cheeked, and jolly, or for the man to insist that Remus should call him Ivan.
"I have a second cousin who is a werewolf," Ivan confided as he wrung Remus' hand with what Remus thought was unnecessary vigor for a first meeting of strangers. "Lovely girl." He peered at Remus, looking him up and down, and then he clapped Remus on the shoulder hard enough to make him stagger. "Come! You are tired and hungry, yes? I have rooms prepared. You must stay here tonight. I insist on it. Tomorrow is soon enough for you to visit the others."
Remus trailed behind Ivan through the corridors, listening with only half an ear as Ivan rambled on about the school, the portraiture, and the history of the school. Durmstrang had the same feeling of age as Hogwarts did, but it wasn't quite the same, Remus noted as he glanced around at the dimly lit corridors. It felt... cold. Dark. There was a taint here, as if the fact that the Dark Arts were taught here left a mark in the very stones that Hogwarts did not have.
As a Dark creature himself, Remus supposed he ought to have felt more at ease, and he imagined Greyback would feel right at home, but the place left him uneasy and unsettled, and he was grateful he would only be here one night.
"Your quarters." Ivan swept open a heavy wood door with a flourish, and Remus walked in, gaping at the sumptuous chambers; he had never stayed in so nice - and large! - a room, not even when he was teaching at Hogwarts, and he had a brief twinge of concern that he was being given one last night of pleasure before being led off to the slaughter.
"You will tell Him about how well the school is running, yes?" Ivan smiled nervously, wringing his hands. "And that you were treated well?"
Remus smiled, the pieces finally falling into place. The headmaster was worried that he might end up like his predecessor, and so he was treating Voldemort's emissary with all due respect, not realizing that as a werewolf, Remus was nothing more than a tool and a message carrier.
"Yes, of course I will," he said, hoping to reassure Ivan who, aside from Wormtail, was quite possibly the least dour and intimidating servant of Voldemort he'd ever met. "Thank you very much."
Ivan smiled at him, visibly relieved, and bade him good night. Remus waited as the door closed, listening for the sound of a lock, but there was none. Remus could leave the room if he wanted to, but he had no desire to prowl around this particular school after hours.
Instead, he dropped his bag on the floor and looked around, noting that he had a four poster bed that was big enough for three, possibly four people all to himself, a fireplace that was almost bigger than his tent, and a wardrobe that was big enough to hold every piece of clothing Remus had ever owned in his life with room left over.
Everything was big and dark, and looking around, Remus realized how very far from home and how cut off from everything familiar he was. Although, he thought as he touched his pocket and felt the comforting crinkle of parchment, he wasn't entirely cut off. He could still talk to Severus - if Severus wasn't too annoyed with him to respond.
Taking a seat at the massive, black laquered desk - which Remus thought Severus would like if he saw it - Remus removed the parchment and quill from his pocket; unfolding the parchment, he spread it flat on the desk and stared at it for a moment. He was a little surprised and, if he were honest with himself, a little disappointed that Severus hadn't responded to his farewell, if only to fuss at him over taking unnecessary risks.
It didn't help that he would much rather be in Severus' quarters rather than here. Even being back at camp would be preferable, and he understood now how Severus might feel his elegant surroundings were its own form of prison.
And there was also the fact that he missed Severus.
Grimacing at his own foolishness, he tried to talk himself out of contacting Severus again. It might be unwise in this place. Who knew what eyes might be watching his every movement and reporting back to Voldemort? But he found himself murmuring the password and beginning to write anyway, his desire for some kind of contact with Severus, however slight, overruling his caution.
Severus,
I have arrived safely, and the headmaster has kindly offered me accommodations for the night. Tomorrow, I shall begin my search for the first pack; I have been given directions, and it seems they live quite near a town, which is surprising. I'll have to remember to ask how they manage during the full moon.
He stopped, realizing he was on the verge of nattering on about things Severus likely wouldn't find interesting.
At any rate, I shall keep you apprised of my progress if you like.
He stopped again, resisting the urge to mention how much he wanted to be in Severus' bed, Severus' warm, naked skin beneath his hands, instead of thousands of kilometers away.
Yours,
Remus
Physically and mentally weary, Severus was finally able to escape the Death Eater gathering, Apparating back to his sanctuary and barely resisting the urge to collapse face-first on the bed. As the evening had dragged on, Severus had become increasingly aware of the residual aches and pains of his body, reminding him that despite magical relief and Lupin's care, Severus had nearly died only a few days before.
The memories of Lupin had been annoyingly near the surface of Severus' thoughts the entire time, resurfacing despite Severus' repeated attempts to keep them away. Perhaps it was because Severus was aware of the undercurrent of hatred being directed at him all night, keeping him warily on edge, not allowing him to relax his guard for so much as a moment. Despite the fact that Severus had been recuperating, being with Lupin had given Severus a rare chance to relax, to not have to worry about guarding his back or keeping his masks in place. Being thrown back to the wolves so soon - metaphorically speaking, at least - had underscored the difference between Severus' life inside these rooms and outside of it.
And even though he would never admit it, even to himself, it made Severus ache with loneliness to know Lupin was gone.
Clenching his jaw, Severus stripped off his Death Eater robes, tossing them and his mask into a corner. He felt unclean, tainted by the company he had been keeping and by his own silent acquiescence to the evil plans for death and destruction being made with such gleeful anticipation by those around him. Severus knew he would feel even dirtier when it came time for those plans to come to fruition, but he had had all that he could take for one night. He hurried into the bathroom and spent a long time under the hot water of the shower, letting it soothe his muscles and wash away the taint of his activities, all the while wishing that Lupin was there, to share the shower or the bath or the cold, empty bed which now waited for him.
Cursing himself for his foolish weakness, Severus dried himself and wrapped the towel around his hips, and then he picked up his clothing from the floor. As he did, he felt the tell-tale vibration of the communication parchment, and he told himself he was not eager as he removed both it and the quill from his trousers, dropping them carelessly back to the ground and striding out into the bedroom to read. He deliberately didn't open it at once, settling himself on the bed and plumping up the pillows so that he could lean back in comfort. Only then did he unfold the parchment, his eyes scanning Lupin's message with a relief Severus refused to acknowledge.
Picking up his wand from the bedside table, Severus summoned a book to press upon, and then he set about replying.
Lupin -
So it seems you have managed to get yourself from a bad situation into a worse one. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, but I did not have much time to dwell on it, other than to wonder if you had volunteered out of some Gryffindor sense of bravado.
An outright lie, that, but Severus was still irritated over Lupin having to leave. At least Lupin was contacting him, which eased Severus' mind to a certain extent.
I was summoned just after receiving your first message. I survived the experience, as you can see, although a state of open warfare now exists between myself on one side, and Bellatrix and Lucius on the other. I only arrived back a few minutes ago, in fact, and I am willing to admit that I find myself in no great hurry to ever see those two again.
Severus paused, wondering how much he should impart to Lupin. Perhaps he ought to poke at Lupin's sense of curiosity, make him suffer as Severus was suffering. Smirking slightly, Severus wrote again.
So, has Potter contacted you?
Severus
Remus moved restlessly around the room, checking it for wards and traps; he had little else to do, and he knew he wouldn't sleep until he heard from Severus and knew whether the contrary man had been summoned or had decided to make Remus wait for a response out of some perverse need to maintain the upper hand. He didn't want to bother unpacking, even if he'd brought enough to warrant the effort, since he was leaving in the morning, thus he had occupied himself with exploring instead.
The vibration of the parchment in his pocket was a relief, and he wasted no time in snatching it out and reading Severus' response, his heart clenching in fear when he learnt Severus had indeed been summoned. But Remus could hear the snark behind Severus' words, and it assured him that Severus was all right, although Remus was alarmed about Severus being at war with both Bellatrix and Lucius. It was no less than either of them had suspected would happen, but it still worried Remus, and he wished more than ever that he wasn't so far away.
Returning to the desk, he dropped into the chair and picked up his black quill again.
Severus,
I'm relieved to know you are well. Please be careful. I imagine Bellatrix will hesitate to act against you again soon since she has tried and failed, but Lucius might not. I wish there was something I could do to ensure your safety, but long distance assassination isn't an option, unfortunately. Perhaps we ought to consider a pre-emptive strike when I return.
I assure you, I didn't volunteer for this mission. Greyback arrived at camp and demanded to see the one who had acted as liaison before; apparently, I did my job too well as it meant this task was appointed to me.
He paused, debating whether to tell Severus his plan, and he sighed, deciding he might as well get it over with now, while Severus couldn't yell at him.
However, I have decided to use the opportunity to recruit for the Order instead, he wrote, hunched over the parchment as if shielding it from unseen eyes. If I cannot convince them to fight for the Order, I will try to persuade them to remain neutral. Yes, I do realize the probable consequences when I return without the allies I was meant to gain; I consider it an acceptable risk.
I haven't seen or heard from Harry since his birthday in July. Why? Have you had news of him? Is he all right?
Yours,
Remus
PS: Don't forget to put some of that oil in the blue bottle in your bath water if you are still sore at all. It won't help as much as it would if I were there to massage you with it, but it will ease the aches somewhat.
The words on the parchment caused Severus to smirk, then scowl fiercely, so much so that even the thought of Lupin massaging him didn't ease the expression. The idiot werewolf had promised to take care of Severus, and now he was going to risk getting himself killed by subverting Voldemort's direct orders? Forgetting the fact that he, himself, subverted those same orders and took the same risk on a daily basis, Severus put quill to parchment, fingers shaking with the force of his emotions.
ARE YOU COMPLETELY MAD?
Remus hadn't put the parchment away, hoping for - and dreading - a response from Severus, and he winced as the words formed on the sheet, the force of their vitriol undiminished. It didn't help that Remus could imagine Severus roaring at him, a vein throbbing in his temple as his face turned red.
With a sigh, he picked up the quill again and prepared to compose a response that he hoped would offer Severus a reassurance he wasn't certain he felt himself.
No, I'm not mad. No more than you are, at any rate, and I don't see why you're shouting at me for doing my job or for doing what you have done on numerous occasions yourself. It is all part of the risk we both face, and I would rather suffer whatever punishment I receive for failure than bring him any more allies to use against us.
He paused, deciding perhaps it was an appropriate time to put pride and reserve aside and offer Severus a more personal assurance.
I promised to take care of you, and the truth is, your welfare is my first priority. But I have to do this, Severus. I have been given an opportunity to help our side in a way that no one else can; I would be remiss to ignore it. Surely you can understand that?
Remus' first words made Severus snort in annoyance. He grudgingly acknowledged the truth of them, although he certainly wasn't going to tell Lupin that. It would look utterly ridiculous for him to put down in writing that risks which were acceptable for him he found utterly unacceptable for Remus to take, because it would reveal too much of things which were very, very dangerous in ways Severus had never risked before.
The second paragraph soothed Severus' battered feelings somewhat, and his scowl lessened as his worry eased. Lupin hadn't forgotten his promise and wasn't trying to deny making it. Severus felt a small bit of the tightness in his chest - which had set in when he had received Lupin's first message, the one announcing his absence - lessen fractionally, so that his hand no longer shook with anger as he penned his reply.
I see.
As far as Potter goes, perhaps he might not be as utterly useless and incompetent as I have always believed.
Remus raised an eyebrow as he read Severus' response, and he rubbed the end of his quill against his chin as he thought about what it might mean. Severus wasn't arguing or shouting at him, which he supposed meant that Severus had accepted - grudgingly, no doubt - the truth of his words even if Severus didn't like it. He only wished he could be there to soothe Severus' worries and irritation with kisses and tender caresses rather than trying to find the right words to do it for him.
Would you care to tell me what Harry has done to earn such high praise from you? If you do, perhaps I will tell you what I would rather be doing right now than sitting here, far away in Durmstrang.
Remus' reply caused Severus to raise a brow. He thought he might know what was on the werewolf's mind, and he smirked slightly. He had been going to tell Remus anyway, so it was easy enough to find out.
From things I observed tonight, I believe that Potter may have actually managed to locate and destroy one of the remaining Horcruxes. If I am right, this is very good for our endeavors, for it will weaken the Dark Lord and help my position with him a great deal.
If this is more than just a fluke, perhaps Albus' belief in the insufferable little prat is even justified, since Albus searched for years before finding and destroying even one. Not that I am willing to bet even a single knut on the possibility, much less our lives.
Severus glared at what he had written, but it was too late to erase it now.
Since I have nothing better to do at the moment... what would you rather be doing that sitting in Durmstrang? Picking fleas off your furry brethren? Or perhaps stalking rabbits with more intelligence than the vast majority of Hogwarts students?
Remus punched the air and let out a quiet whoop, pleased and proud at hearing of Harry's success. The news lifted his spirits, and he smiled as he retrieved the quill and began to write, his good humor reasserting itself and prompting him to tease Severus a little.
I'm not certain we ought to continue our correspondence, Severus. It's growing late, and you've been through an awful ordeal tonight. I worry, too, that you aren't fully recuperated from the attack. You should go to bed now and get some sleep. I should hate to think of you exhausting yourself on my account.
Take a sleeping potion if you must, and don't forget to eat something. I know how you get when you're tired, but you'll only feel worse if you don't eat. I'll tell you all about what I would rather be doing tomorrow.
Severus couldn't help gaping at the parchment. Was Lupin deliberately being cruel, or was this some kind of a joke? He frowned in thought, then a smirk curved his lips. Two could play at this, and Lupin deserved whatever he got for starting it.
You are, of course, quite right. I find myself in quite a bit of pain, and no one here to ease it as was promised. So I will take a pain potion, and hope that Bellatrix or Lucius does not discover me while I am unconscious and unable to defend myself. I shall contact you if I receive any further information which you might find useful. Until then, try not to do anything stupid, if you can help it.
Severus
Remus laughed, the warm, rich sound echoing off the cold stone walls of his chambers, and he wasted no time in responding.
Now, now, Severus, don't sulk. It doesn't become you, and I'm not there to nibble on your lip when you pout.
If you're in such pain, take your pain potion and then lie down in bed and think of my hands rubbing your back and shoulders. If I were there, I would undress you carefully and carry you to bed, and I would massage away the pain until you were relaxed completely. I would give each muscle attention to relieve its pain - or its tension - and then I would hold you close until you fell asleep.
Imagine that, Severus. Does it make you feel any better?
Remus couldn't quite stop grinning as he awaited Severus' response, which wasn't long in coming.
I was not sulking. Really, Lupin, sometimes you treat me as though I were a three-year-old child. Or a bloody Gryffindor. But I repeat myself.
Severus gave a harumph, because Remus wasn't there to carry out the things he was writing about. It made Severus ache in a different way from his physical complaints, although it also reassured him that Lupin didn't regret what had passed between them. Which made him frustrated because Lupin was stuck thousands of miles away in a place with bloody anti-Apparition wards.
As far as feeling better, I suspect that will have to wait until you return from your mission. Your suggestion, however, sounds tolerable. I suppose it would only be fair for me to reciprocate in some fashion, so that you don't feel used and neglected.
Remus chuckled, feeling a bloom of fond affection for his ill-tempered, wasp-tongued lover, but the bloom was tinged by an ache of longing to be with Severus. He knew he ought to be grateful that he could communicate with Severus instead of being cut off entirely, but he wasn't; words weren't enough when his entire body was hungry for a single touch.
A wistful smile curled his lips as he responded once more.
I'm unconcerned about fairness, as I have yet to feel neglected in your bed. As long as I can touch you, I'm satisfied.
I suppose I should bid you good night in earnest this time. It is growing late; I must be off early in the morning to begin my search, and I do want you to rest. I cannot emphasize it enough: please be careful, Severus, and take care of yourself since I'm not there to do it myself.
He paused, worrying his bottom lip, and then he scribbled the words quickly before he could talk himself out of it, knowing once they were written, it would be too late to take them back.
I miss you.
Severus read the final words on the parchment, blinking in shock. He couldn't help the rush of warmth which he felt, nor the tight feeling of longing in his chest. No doubt it was because of his mental and physical fatigue, the result of a trying day too soon after a major traumatic injury. It certainly couldn't be because the thought of Lupin missing him made him feel special or anything like that. Because that certainly wasn't the case.
Severus didn't know how to reply to that declaration, and he swallowed hard, more flustered than he could remember feeling at any time in his adult life. He had faced death, had endured pain, had suffered through loneliness and hardships his entire life, but for some reason those three words affected him more deeply than he wanted to admit.
Still, he couldn't remain silent, in case Lupin got the wrong idea. That wouldn't do, not when they were both in so much danger, and this exchange might end up their last. The experience with Bellatrix had been a painful lesson, but Severus had learned it well.
You are to take care as well. Trust no one; you are in more danger than I am at this point, but do not hesitate to contact me if you need assistance. We'll deal with any danger and worry about explanations later.
Drawing in a deep breath, Severus put the quill the the parchment again. Better to risk appearing a fool, than to add one more thing to the heavy burden of regrets he would carry for the rest of his life.
Do not dawdle in that idiotic place, I expect you to get it done and get back as quickly as possible; for some unfathomable reason, I feel your absence as well.
Goodnight,
Severus