Devon McCafferty (devmccafferty) wrote in tiberiusswann, @ 2011-06-09 13:19:00 |
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Entry tags: | devon, james, will |
Sunday - December 7th, 2008
Who: Devon, Will and James
When: Morning
Where: BGH
What: Devon's secret comes out.
Devon woke up early with his tummy growling on Sunday morning. He gave his body a small stretch and then heard the distinct sound of cloth ripping. Frowning, he looked down at himself, then he sat up quickly. Okay. It was definitely working, just like the nice genie lady had said it was. His pajamas didn't fit anymore and they had when he'd gone to bed last night. But now they were a good twelve inches too short and way too tight, hence the ripping.
Glancing over, Daddy Will was still asleep. And so Devon tried to get up without the other man noticing so he could go find some different clothes to put on. It hadn't really hit him yet that ALL of his clothes were going to fit like this. And though he logically knew he wouldn't be able to keep what he had done a secret forever, he hoped to have a little more time, at least one more day, to figure out how to explain it. He wasn't quite ready for that just yet.
~~~
Will was dreaming once again, locked in visions of dungeons and dens. His father's eyes flashed angrily at him, there were screams, corridors, Haddon's room... then all faded into white, as Will found himself safely in James' arms, a smile on the demon's face as he cradled the angel to him, kissing him to say all would be alright. The angel felt a warm sensation, love and security and happiness, along with relief flooding through him and he smiled, leaning into that body and drinking in that smile when something jerked him awake; the realisation that it had been a scene in his dreamworld, the feelings dragged up from the past.
His blue eyes stung with water and he frowned as he turned over in his bed. Happiness was replaced by something festering and he settled in the middle. There was no point in keeping to one side any more, nobody would lie there, but he always found himself curled against the edge of the bed anyway. Angry at his mind rather than himself he wiped his tears away and sat up, peeling the covers off. "Devon, get up. Breakfast."
~~~
Devon froze the very instant that he heard the voice. "I'm awake," he said in a soft voice and then made a face as he realized that even his voice sounded a little different today. He hadn't quite reached the age of puberty, sure, but his body was changing, drastically, and so his voice had deepened ever so slightly, enough to startle the kid as he stood there in his ripped pajamas, the pant legs fitting him like some sort of weird capri, looking like a deer in headlights.
~~~
That wasn't Devon. That really wasn't - but it sounded like him. For a second Will thought he was hearing things and he turned to find the direction of the voice. The angel's eyes widened. This was... what was... what? Devon was taller, older. Will was stunned. And confused, and very unnerved. "You - you're - what have you done?"
~~~
Devon didn't know what to say. He looked a little sheepish as he was accused of something and then he just shrugged his shoulders a bit. "I grew." He was willing to leave it at that. He had no idea what to say aside from that. If he told the truth, he'd be in trouble, and he didn't wanna be in trouble. "I'm hungry. Can we go eat now?"
~~~
"You grew." That was an understatement. Will stared at Devon for several moments before he blinked away the dryness in his eyes. "Yeah... no, wait, Devon..." The angel stood, surprised to see that Devon was quite tall at whatever new age he apparently was. Will looked incredibly suspicious. "What did you do? This isn't just a grow bag you've dumped yourself in..."
~~~
Devon started to walk off but of course it wasn't that easy. He stopped in his tracks and then frowned a little. "I didn't do anything." That was a lie. Devon never lied before. This was his first one. But he was too scared to tell the truth. Apparently he was learning what it meant to be a grown up already. "Can we have french toast?" He was trying to change the subject. "I need bigger pants."
~~~
Yes it was a lie and Will recognised it even without Devon's slightly stunned look afterwards. Clearly displeased Will frowned then walked over to his dresser, picking up his phone. "Yeah we can have French Toast, right after I call your dad and tell him to come home because you've shot up twelve inches since Friday and aren't telling me what's going on...."
~~~
"Don't call him!" Devon practically yelled at the man, looking shocked at himself for doing it afterward. "I mean... He won't care. He doesn't care about us anymore. He makes you cry in your sleep and he makes Aunt Rocky sad and I don't wanna see him." He huffed a little, a scowl upon his lips as he crossed his arms over his chest and then took a seat on the edge of the bed that had been set up in the room for him to sleep in.
~~~
That really was a surprise. Will's thumb hovered over 'dial' on the keypad. There were several moments where he watched Devon as he slumped and pouted on his bed before he finally put the phone back on the dresser, walking over to sit next to his newly-grown stepson. He hadn't known Devon had seen him when he'd been dreaming... but that was probably to be expected sharing a room. Sighing Will then placed a hand on Devon's knee. "I'm not mad. I just wanna understand. You were five. And a tiny terror. And now you're..... you look older, taller, you're not that Devon any more."
~~~
Devon wanted to tell him. But still, he was terrified of the trouble that he would get in if they found out what he had done, or that he had done this to himself. He bit his lip, thinking about it, and then he exhaled a soft sigh. "I wanted to be a grown up. I knew I was too little to help. So I..." He inhaled a sharp little breath and then exhaled softly. "Jack showed me where the bottle was. She let me in the room. And then I wished for it and... Now it's happening." He glanced quickly up at the other man. "You promise you aren't mad?"
~~~
It was those eyes that got him. Devon had been a little like James before but right now, looking at him desperately with those soft blues Will found everything inside him melting. It was a pang of yaerning for his husband but also sadness that Devon had been driven to this. "You asked a jinn?" he repeated softly, knowing of that bottle reference. "I'm... not mad, Devon, no - you only did something you hthought would help... I don't... why did you think being a grown up would be better?"
~~~
Devon nodded his head at the question. There. It was out. But Will didn't look mad, he just looked sad. And Devon hated that. "Because... If I'm grown up, nobody has to take care of me. And I can help take care of all of you instead. You and Rocky. Maybe then I'll know how to make you both less sad."
~~~
At Devon's reason Will sighed and stroked a hand through Devon's hair, smoothing it. "Oh little guy," he sighed, not really knowing what to say. "You... didn't have to do that. This is just.... temporary right? I'll get over your Daddy and stop feeling sad. So will Rocky. You weren't part of the problem."
~~~
Devon shook his head when Will asked if it was temporary. He wasn't sure if he was talking about what Devon had done or if he meant him being sad, but he was referring to what he had done. "No. It's not. It's for good. Two years every day for a week. And then I'll be grown. Then I can help." He was still mentally young enough to be idealistic. "It won't matter what daddy does after that because you won't need him. You or Rocky neither one. Cuz you'll have me."
~~~
Will felt incredibly sad and very responsible for this. Devon had wished away his childhood, all the years to act silly. All the years Will had had stolen from him because of his own parents. "I thought I already had you, Dev?" he asked softly, smiling a little. He was trying not to appear too upset with this whole thing but it was a lot to digest. Another thing that he and James had seemed to destroy. "You know I will need tell your Daddy about this, right?"
~~~
He may have been trying not to seem upset, but Devon could tell that he was upset and now he was starting to think that maybe what he had done had been wrong. But what could he do about it now? He couldn't take it back. "Did I do wrong, Will? Did I... make you sad too?" His voice was soft as he asked this, completely ignoring for the moment what he had said about needing to tell James about what was going on.
~~~
"No, no..." Will was quick to reassure him of that and he cuddled him close, unable to just sit away from him any more. He felt completely different. "You did what you believed to be best. I understand that, Devon - just - you're not gonna be my little guy any more.You're gonna be this grown up, gorgeous big guy... who has too much responsibilty too soon, but still this... amazing guy..."
~~~
Devon smiled as Will hugged him, hugging him back tightly. "But I can be your big guy," he contested, then leaned up to kiss Will on the cheek. "And I promise to take good care of you too, okay? For always." And he knew just how to start. "I'm going to make us breakfast. I've seen it done enough times and I can reach the stove now so I'm gonna make it. You can rest. I can take care of everything." And with that, he got to his feet so he could head downstairs to do that.
~~~
Devon was just fo fucking.... adorable. And he had such a big heart, he was well-meaning. He barely knew Will and yet he would do anything for him, even forego his childhood. But if he thought Will was just going to let Devon go downstairs on his first day being ten and burn himself to fuck he was very wrong. The angel smiled but was quick to follow him. "You know - you'll need help. And I'm not having your bare skin over naked flame. Okay?"
~~~
Devon exhaled an exaggerated sigh as Will got up to follow him. "Yes, dad," he replied with all sorts of cheek. He dug a wedgie out of his butt on the way down the stairs then asked, "Can we go get me some bigger pants today. Maybe some that will fit now and some that will fit later too." He had no idea how big he was actually going to get, but if they got a few sizes, that should help. They may last him a couple of days at least.
~~~
"You know you're really tall?" Will commented, passing him as soon as they were in the kitchen to arrange the pans. "So yeah I guess you'll be needing a lot more clothes until you stop shooting up like a beanstalk." The stove was done and Will stepped back, folding his arms. "So shopping after this. What are you making me, Masterchef?"
~~~
"I think I'll probably be just as tall as daddy. Mom was short, but I take more after him than I do her." And he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing at this point in time, but it was what it was. But yes, clothes would be required. He was going to look odd going out to shop in a pair of pants that probably wouldn't button on and would be a good foot too short. "I already told you. French toast!" Devon had already started to gather the things he would need to make that happen, finding that he liked being taller because stuff was so much easier to reach.
~~~
"You can borrow something of Mandy's if I can get in her room," he said with a shrug. She wasn't too taller than Devon, maybe a pair of shorts and a t-shirt or something. He'd get something to fit, but it was agreed that Devon would be probably 6 feet tall by the end of next week. Forewarned was forearmed. "Make me French Toast then. Tres Bien. C'est... superb."
~~~
"Oh, okay." Devon hadn't thought of that. He didn't really think much about girls just yet anyway. And wearing a girl's clothes would have never crossed his mind but since Mandy kind of dressed like a boy, it would probably be okay. Cracking the eggs and getting started on everything, he waved a hand at the man. "Go on. Go sit down and watch tv or something. I'll bring it to you when it's ready." He wasn't going to burn himself. He could do this. He had this under control.
~~~
"I'm not stupid, Devon. I'm not going to be murdered by your father because I didn't supervise you and so your hand went up in flames, ok? You're too valuable." Will sat down, but on one of the breakfast stools that was near the counter and he watched Devon work. This was surreal but Will had been used to that over the years. He learnt to take it in his stride, and though it was hard, and he knew James wouldn't take it well.... if it was what Devon wanted.... he didn't see the harm.
~~~
"He wouldn't care," Devon muttered, a frown pursing his lips. "Maybe if I set Fisher on fire, he'd care." But he wouldn't argue with Will any more than that. If he wanted to watch him cook, that was fine. He wouldn't burn himself though. He was actually good in the kitchen. His mom had started teaching him to cook as soon as he was old enough, putting him on a chair in their little tiny kitchen in New York. And now that he was bigger, he had more skill behind his hands, more control. French Toast was easy to make, sure, but considering that he'd been only six years old two days, ago, he did a really good job of it. And soon enough the plate was presented, the toast piping hot and perfectly golden, six slices for Will, because the angel had a massive appetite, and four for him, because he was a growing boy, quite literally.
~~~
Though it was a very serious comment Will forced himself not to laugh. It was no laughing matter! Devon, threatening arson on the very man who James had left Will for, no.... but still the angel surpressed that smile from his face and he frowned, concentrating on watching Devon work. It was very odd to see him because he was so different: his limbs were long and gangly, no longer was he the chubby faced little boy who ran up to him and almost kneed him in the groin. He was growing up so like his Dad. The breakfast was received well and Will smiled at him. "You know - you're quite good."
~~~
Devon felt a bit gangly and awkward in this body too. Even though he had been told this was going to happen, he had known it was going to happen, it was still more than a boy his age could have been mentally prepared for. And yet he felt oddly at peace with it. He didn't feel six and look ten so that was something. Taking a seat across from Will, Devon folded his legs up in the chair beneath him and smiled. "Thanks. I wanna learn how to cook more things. Maybe tomorrow I can make pancakes." Tomorrow he'd be twelve. And he was already curious as to what that was going to feel like.
~~~
"Pancakesh are gud..." Will mumbled during mouthfuls, trying and failing not to dribble some crumbs onto his chin. After swiping them up nicely and finishing off his wonderful breakfast he smiled and looked at Devon. "Think you can wash up too? I need to get dressed..." And call your Dad, because I can't just leave this....
~~~
"Okay!" Thankfully he was now at that age where he liked being helpful, so the suggestion that he do the dishes didn't bother him at all. Tomorrow that could be a different story entirely. Devon hopped off his chair and gathered everything up to take to the sink and clean up the mess, leaving Will to go do his thing. "Don't forget to try to find me some pants," he called out after him. These were starting to get very uncomfortable fast.
~~~
"Yeah I know, Devon. I'll find the ungirliest clothes I can." With that he smiled and headed back up the stairs, expression fading while he was in private. He wasn't sure how this converastion was going to go down but he knew it wouldn't be good. James would probably shout, blame him, something along those lines. Finding the clothes was first, so he went into Mandy's room and grabbed the nearest boy-like clothes he could just so that if necessary, he could dress Devon and escape before the onslaught. Once in his room he dressed himself, and grabbed his phone. Not. Easy.
~~~
James had been with Fisher ever since Friday night at the wedding. Apparently Lyle had taken off to Vegas and Fisher was a bit of a mess worrying about him. But the up side to that was that they got to spend all their time together. They'd stayed in Boston all weekend long until just a few hours ago at which point they had headed back to TJS. Fisher was finally trying to sleep after staying up all night worrying about Lyle and James had been attempting to join him when the phone rang and he had to slip out of the bedroom to answer it. It was Will. He recognized the number. And he could feel his stomach literally tense when he hit the button to pick up. "Hello?"
~~~
The moment Will heard his voice he stalled. "This isn't a personal call," he said quietly.
~~~
The silence was deafening, but James waited for a voice to come from the other end before he breathed. "What is it then?" He didn't think anything of it at first, though the second those words had left his mouth, his brain went on high alert. "Is something wrong with Devon?" He sounded near panicked though controlling it as best as he could.
~~~
Shit. Why did James always have to assume shit and interfere? Will took an audible breath but continued evenly. "Yes. He's fine, healthy, happy, so don't worry. But he's make a wish with Djinn and I don't think you'll like it."
~~~
"A Djinn?" This was like something coming out in Greek all of a sudden. James mind was on hyperdrive and there was no stopping it. But he had to stop it. And he did this by coming out with a very firm statement, though the firmness was due mostly to his own thoughts and less toward Will. "Tell me what happened."
~~~
"Yes. A Djinn is like a genie that grants wishes, she..." Will sighed, then, running a hand over his face. James wasn't the only one that needed to keep himself calm though Will managed to do it without sounding void of anything. "Devon apparently asked her to make him older. Grown up. And it's happening gradually. He looks - well, today, he's ten years old."
~~~
"I know what a Djinn is, Will." That wasn't what he was asking. How his child got his hands on one was a better question to ask, however. Of all the thoughts that had gone through his mind about what Devon could have asked for, that wasn't one of them. He was not at all prepared for it. "What?" He asked, his throat suddenly dry, the question coming out in a near croak. "What do you mean he's ten years old? That's not... that isn't possible."
~~~
"It is if you ask a genie to make you ten," said Will. There was no point in beating around on this issue. "I thought you'd better know before you came to see him and he was sixteen or something. He's happy about his decision. I don't know how old he wished for, just that it was older. It seems to be a few years a day..."
~~~
"He's..." James couldn't even repeat that sentence. But he laughed and then he growled, a hand dragging fingers back through his hair as he started to pace. "How the fuck can you be so calm about this, Will? He's a child! He's supposed to be a child. He's not supposed to be... How could he.... He's just wished his whole childhood away and you're saying that he's happy about it?"
~~~
"I didn't think getting hysterical about it would help any," he said, warning James in his tone. "I'm just telling you what's happening, not commenting on my own feelings about it. I told him what he already knows, that he's about to gloss over being a kid. He wanted to help piece his family back together, and this was the only way he thought was best." Will paused then, getting softer. "You need to talk to him. I need to buy him clothes, so whatever you're doing right now can stop."
~~~
This wasn't happening. And how Will was so calm still bewildered him. This wasn't the way he knew will to handle things. Not at all. Usually James was the calmer of the two and Will was the one that was freaking out but this was Devon, his son, his child, and this.... "There has to be a way to stop this. Where did this Djinn come from? We have to make this stop." And already as he spoke he was gathering up some clothes to put on, trying to find his shoes and his keys.
~~~
There was a time when James had been in pieces and Will had been the calm one - when Rocky had had her accident. Will had taken James into his arms and reassured him that things would be ok. He'd organised, calmed, and soothed his husband throughout. It appeared that didn't change. "The Djin was in a room," he said softly. "In this house. I don't know where, but Jack let him in. I don't keep one, Wesley sure as hell doesn't, I doubt Cissy would have one around, so maybe Ric kept it.... I don't know."
~~~
"Get Wesley. See if there's anything he can do to stop it. Then we need to talk to Ric, find out if he's the one who has it so we can put an end to this." He found his shoe! Finally! And he flopped down on the sofa to pull them on. "You're at his house?" Ric's house, of course. "I'm on my way over.'
~~~
"No, you don't need to storm in here and tal to Ric and interrogate Wesley," Will warned him, sounding annoyed. "You need to come here and talk to your son, who is already terrified that you will disown him for doing this. He did it for the family, so he wouldn't have to watch Rocky, your sister, fall apart, or have to see me.... go through this, so the last thing he needs is for his father to come crashing through on a mission."
~~~
"I know that, Will!" James didn't mean to yell, but he was upset. He was angry. And the only person he could logically be angry with was himself right now. Hearing the reasoning behind it didn't help much with that either. "But you can go talk to them while I talk to him. I mean it's not like we can just sit back and do nothing about this!"
~~~
Will had to reign himself in when James yelled. Closing his eyes and counting to ten, the angel forced back his temper. It would do no good. "Fine. I will go talk to them, and you sit down with Devon and listen to him. He is very angry at you right now, so all I ask is that you don't come in here all guns blazing or thinking you're right... ok? He doesn't want to see that."
~~~
"I don't need you to tell me how to deal with my kid." James couldn't help himself. Will telling him what to do and what not to do right now was really hitting a nerve. "I'll be there in ten." And he hung up the phone, leaving without bothering to leave a note behind. It honestly slipped his mind. But he'd probably think to text him later.
~~~
After James hung up Will let out a long breath and pocketed the phone. He now had to deliver the news to Devon that James was on his way and shopping would have to wait. Trudging downstairs with Mandy's clothes he smiled as he saw Devon and held them out. "I hope these fit," he offered, placing them on the back of the sofa. "They might be a little baggy."
~~~
Devon had finished the dishes and had found his way to the television to flip through the channels. He was still young enough to like cartoons. Glancing over as Will came in, he smiled at him. "Thanks, dad." He stood up to grab them and then just changed into them where he stood, feeling weird about not having underwear on because they didn't actually fit him. And he couldn't help but notice that he had grown everywhere. Of course he was still too young to think much about that,
~~~
As Devon changed Will averted his gaze out of respect for him. He really didn't want to stare at Devon's new non-five-year-old body. It was surprising to hear him say 'dad', but more upsetting to think that Devon wouldn't be saying Daddy Will again.... Will stopped the show of tears before he turned around. "Your Dad's coming..." he said softly, admitting that he'd contacted him was hard.
~~~
"I know," Devon said simply, sighing a little as he ran a hand through his hair and then walked over to Will to give him a hug. No longer did he come up just to the other man's waist. Now he came up nearly to his shoulders. "I know you had to call him. It's okay. I'm not mad."
~~~
Will hadn't expected a hug or understanding, so this was weird. But he got over it, or forced himself over it, and hugged him back. Kissing Devon's head he then ruffled his hair a little. "Ok. Good. You smell like a girl, by the way," he teased, grinning and releasing him before he could be smacked.
~~~
"Shut up!" Devon still managed to get a good jab in, a frown pursing his lips as he said, "So I guess we gotta wait to go shopping, huh? And he's probably going to try to talk me into changing my mind and asking her to take it back." He knew how his dad's mind worked. "I'm not going to, you know? He can ask all he wants." Devon flopped down on the sofa, more comfortable now though the clothes were a little bit baggy. Better too big than too small.
~~~
The angel swung himself so that he landed next to Devon and he took his hand, bouncing it a few times before he settled. "He is going to do that, yes. Because he's worried about you. I need to talk to Ric and to Wesley, because he's going to want to know if there's a way it can be reversed. I told him your reasoning, he didn't say much, but like I said to James - you need to talk to him. Ok? No... stubborn bravado that you both do so well."
~~~
"He can't make me change my mind," Devon replied simply, making no promises that he wouldn't be stubborn as they both knew he was quite capable of being. "You and Rocky need somebody to take care of you and he won't do it."
~~~
He couldn't do it any more. Will wrapped his arms around Deovn and tugged him for a hug, pulling him onto his lap and rocking him slightly. "You have just done either a very stupid or a very noble and brave thing... it was reckless that's for sure. But that's what makes you amazing.2
~~~
Devon let out a bit of a grunt of surprise when he was pulled into a tight hug. He was almost too big to be on Will's lap already but not quite yet. He smiled though, hugging the man back as he then closed his eyes and rested his head on Will's chest. "I'm just tired of bad things always happening and being too young to do anything about it." He'd already lost his mother. If he'd been older, if he'd been able to take care of her, that wouldn't have happened. She'd still be here. "I'm not going to lose anyone else," he said softly.
~~~
Devon was the sweetest kid.... granted Will didn't know a lot because he'd always stated he was allergic and during the first several weeks of being with James Will had made a point to either forget his name or dodge him at all costs. Now when he'd grown to love and adore him Devon was changing. But what that wouldn't change was Will's feelings. "Well you're definitely not gong to lose me," he stated firmly, cuddling him. "I just hope you think that this was worth it in the end."
~~~
"I was going to grow up eventually anyway," Devon gave a small shrug of his shoulders. "It may as well be now when I need it most." He sighed and then he settled down against Will. "I won't regret it." And if he did, there was no turning back now.
~~~
After several moments of quiet thought Will wiggled him a litle. "So what are you gonna do for when your Dad gets here, talk here or in our room?" he asked, not minding if he wanted privacy.
~~~
"Upstairs," Devon decided, and then he moved off of Will's lap just because he didn't feel like sitting there right now. He settled onto the sofa beside him and leaned his head on his shoulder. He was sure his dad would be here soon and he wasn't sure he wa ready for that yet.
~~~
It was a good job Will's room was somewhat tidy. Yeah, so, the purple and gold hippy-sttyle material that hung from the walls was a little bit wrinkled, and his bed was unmade, and there was gadgets and trinkets all over the place including his clothes but James was used to it. It was Will's room, not a shared room... it was what he was. "Do you want anything to drink?" James would no doubt be two minutes away and Will still had to warn Ric and Wesley of the oncoming storm.
~~~
"No thank you," Devon replied, glancing over at Will with a smile. "I think I'm gonna go outside and wait for him." It was cold out, but the air might do him some good. He pushed himself up to his feet and then smiled. "Wish me luck!" This was not going to be a fun conversation.
~~~
"Good luck, kiddo," he said softly, watching him go buy at the same time wanting to go after him. A deep dread was settled in him. Whatever the outcome he hoped it would be good i the end.
~~~
It was about ten minutes later when Devon came bustling in the house with James right behind him. "Why won't you just listen to me?" James was asking, and Devon was nearly burning holes in things with his eyes. Clearly they were already into the discussion and it wasn't going well.
"Because you don't listen to me! You don't listen to anyone! You're selfish and.. and stupid and I don't have to listen to you!" The younger man started up the stairs and James was right behind him. The older man was just as upset as Devon was, but he said nothing more, any further conversation to be had in the room that Devon and Will currently shared.
~~~
Uh oh. Alarm bells. After informing both Ric and Wesley that James would be arriving Will was now in the kitchen but alerted to a shouting match by the two men. Poking his head out he was just in time to see James disappearing up the stairs and morbid curiosity took hold of him. He had to go on up, because not only was he worried for Devon but he understood James' concerns too. And, despite his better efforts in some cases, he loved them both a lot.
~~~
"Devon, you don't.. you have no idea what you've done." James was pleading with the boy once they'd made it into the room, Devon sitting in the center of Will's bed now with his arms crossed over his chest.
"I'm not a little kid, dad. And I'm not going to take it back. I'm not going to go back to being helpless. I'm going to be grown up soon, in less than a week, and then I won't be helpless anymore. And you can go do whatever you wanna do and I can clean up your mess." He was angry. He wasn't to be moved. And no amount of logic on James' end was going to change his mind.
"But what about.. your childhood, Devon. You.. there..." James sighed. "You're going to be missing out on so much. You don't have the slightest idea what you're giving up."
"Yes I do!" Devon yelled, pushing himself up from his feet. "I'll be missing out on years and years of you constantly changing your mind, of having to be worried about who I'm gonna be living with and where you're going to take me next and who I'm gonna lose because of you, who I'm gonna have to leave behind."
Hearing his son say these things to him was enough to reduce James to tears, his heart aching. "Devon, I'm sorry. I'm so... I've never meant to make you feel like that."
Devon shook his head. "It doesn't matter what you meant. It's what you did. And this is what I'm doing. And if you try to stop me, I will never speak to you again." He pushed by James and left him sitting there on the corner of Devon's bed, storming passed Will in the process and heading quickly down the stairs.
~~~
Hanging his head as he heard Devon spout those words to his father, Will stayed still for a second then slowly opened the door, entering his bedroom and looking for James. It was the first time he'd seen him close to since they'd ended it. He'd spotted him at the wedding but said nothing. It was kinda hard to do here. Leaving Devon to go and let off steam downstairs was probably the best thing.
It was only now, though, that he realised he didn't know what to say. It was his damn house, his own bedroom, but still.... "I'm - he's really decided on this," he started quietly.
~~~
James pushed himself up to his feet quickly when he heard Will's voice. He wasn't sure what he was going to do. He was either going to yell at him or ignore him or.. something. He had to do something. But what he ended up doing was something he'd not expected and he was sure Will hadn't expected it either. He hugged him. He hugged him tight and hard. "I can't fix this," he whispered, his voice strained from crying. "Fuck, I'm such a... fuck!" He nearly spat the words. "I should have just let them take him. He would've been better off."
~~~
Startled Will froze, not knowing what to do. Those arms, that warmth, this man was holding him just like Will had dreamed last night only under very very different circumstances. The momentary relief gave way to his mind, telling him he needed to peel James off him but he couldn't do it. Maybe it was selfish but he couldn't turn him away now, not when he apparently needed him. Curling his arms around the demon Will closed his eyes as James sobbed, shedding a few silent and selfish tears of his own. He had to try and speak now. "No, he's not," he whispered, ragged. "He's just a lost boy, James. Same as we both were."
~~~
James' grip tightened a little, perhaps bordering on painful but he wasn't really aware of that. This whole situation just... it was killing him inside. And the things that Devon said... Was that really how he felt? Maybe Rocky was right. Maybe he was just as bad as their dad had been. He hadn't thought he was. But maybe Elijah hadn't thought he was a bad father either. "I don't deserve either of you," James managed to croak out after a few minutes, then he forced himself to pull away, wiping the tears from his eyes. "You should be relishing in this not..." He exhaled a breath. "You never cease to amaze me, Will."
~~~
A sad smile crossed Will's face which then crumpled and faded as Will had to avert his gaze downwards because of the water spilling from them. He could say so many things. He hadn't awnted to cry infront of him, it was weakness, so much weakness! It completely betrayed everything he wanted to put across to James like indifference and a hard, cold mask, but here he was. He'd just had James in his arms, their son would be a grown man by next week and James was now giving him compliments. His head said 'yeah but look who you still chose' and his heart did nothing but ache. "I don't relish in the heartache of family," he said simply, almost shyly.
~~~
James hated seeing Will cry. He hated that he was the one who made him cry. He hated that he couldn't change things, that he couldn't just.. rip Fisher out of his heart and keep things that way they had been before. It would have been easier. This would have never happened if he could. But unfortunately he couldn't do that. And he'd had to make a choice. A part of him would always wonder if perhaps he had chosen wrong, especially now. But it was too late to go back. "So what are we going to do, Will?" He changed the subject, kept it on Devon instead of on them. He couldn't break his heart and then turn around and fix it. It didn't work that way. "Did Wesley or Godric have anything to say?" He knew the lore just as well as anyone did. Unless the person who made the wish took it back, there was nothing to be done. And since there was no reasoning with Devon right now... "Do we just sit and do nothing?"
~~~
"What else can we do?" Will whispered, sniffling hard to try and allow himself to talk better. "Wesley can't do anything, I sure as hell know Ric has something to say. All we can do is be there for him." Will managed to surpress the urge to hug him again but it was clear in the way his arms rose slightly and then put them back that he'd thought about it. "You should know that Devon is very resentful of Fisher right now. Through all of this you've made it seem like he's more important than your own son. You spend more time with him lately than you have with Devon, phone calls aren't the same as being there for him through a huge overhaul for such a young kid... he's upset. He's sick of having no control so he's taken it. You don't have to call him when you're with Fisher any more, or even at all, and you don't have to worry about me or Rocky because he wants to be the provider. He's what he wanted all along, to protect and be with family.... and I'm not sure I would want to take that away from him."
~~~
"So it's all my fault?" It was a question, but James already knew the answer to it. He dragged a hand back through his hair and closed his eyes. "I can't.. fucking win. There's just.. no fucking happy medium anywhere." Either his family fell apart or he fell apart. There wasn't a way to have both, to keep them both together, at least not one that he could see right now. "So that's it then? It's just.. done?" James exhaled a breath as he looked at Will. "You won't even try to talk him out of it?" He wasn't angry with Will, not like he was with James. He might listen to the angel since he definitely wasn't listening to him right now.
~~~
"It's the fault of circumstance, but you didn't help," Will reasoned, a very cloaked 'yes' in short. "With you there's never a happy medium. Unless you count the emo you have waiting for you." Joke, ha. Will offered a chuckle but it faded a little. James was clearly at a loss and though it wasn't Will's job or duty to pick him up, put him on the right path and dust him off, he did it anyway. "If you want me to, I will try. I love... him very much. I understand what he's missing out on, everything that I didn't get when I was his age. And as much as you've hurt us through this... you don't deserve to be ostrocised from your family."
~~~
The joke was lost on James. It got nothing more than a bit of a scoff in response. It was a bit soon to be joking about things like that. And no, perhaps it wasn't his job to pick James back up, but it was his duty as a co-parent to try to make things better for Devon. "All I ever wanted was to give him a better childhood then I had for myself." James hadn't had much of one either. He could relate to Will in that regard. He'd had to grow up way too fast because of his father and now... "Fuck." That was really all there was to say. And then he had to scream it, "FUCK!!!" He felt so goddamn helpless and frustrated right now.
~~~
It seemed that both he and James had been screwed over by their parents, particularly their father. Though their circumstances were different, the abuse they suffered was abuse all the same. It had damaged them, and while Will was only just getting closure over it James was still battling his demons. "Hey!" The angel immediately reached out and took hold of James' arm, tugging him closer to both reassure and snap him out of it. With his voice soft but firm Will tried to catch his eye. "Don't give up on me. Not again. And don't give up on Devon. He's only scared, just like you were...."
~~~
James' eyes grew a bit wide as Will grabbed him, his gaze locking with Will's own. There were at least a dozen things he wanted to say just then, looking into the other man's eyes, but there was only one thing he could bring himself to say right now. "And what do we do if we can fix this?" He exhaled a breath. "He's never gonna forgive me, Will. It's going to be my fault that he.. he missed everything."
~~~
Not moving his gaze, Will found his grip relaxing and forming into a soft stroke down James' arm. It wasn't a nice thought but WIll was more used to objects of the weird and slightly wonderous, was accustomed to these sorts of things happening. "Then... you help him be the best man he can be," he said simply. "But we will try. Together. Divided they fall...." he said simply, unable to move away just yet.
~~~
It was unsettling, almost, how calm Will was. It made James feel like... like a complete and utter mess. But one thing was for sure, he was so incredibly glad that he was here. And so he hugged him again, tightly, though it didn't hold the same drama and desperation as it had just moments ago. And though there was a voice in his head that warned him that he shouldn't say it, he said it anyway. "I love you, Will." And maybe that hadn't been enough to keep them together. Maybe that hadn't been enough to make James stay. But it wasn't any less true today than it had been the day that he had married him and he was fairly certain it wasn't at all possible that it would ever be any less true than it was right now.
~~~
Will could carry on torturing himself, but he wasn't going to. So although the hug was warmed to, cuddled into his body in an almost desperate act to believe it, a moment later Will peeled James away, barely looking at him. "Let's go downstairs," he said quietly, turning without another word as the angel sadly made his way out to the hall.
~~~
The moment passed and James was left standing in the room as Will headed out into the hall and toward the stairs. Closing his eyes for a moment, James moved to follow, trailing behind Will to find Devon, it was so strange to think that this tall boy was his son, on the sofa glaring at the tv with his arms crossed over his chest.
"You're still here?" Devon asked, looking over at his father. "Let me guess, you've changed your mind again and you and Will are going to renew your vows later this week so you can break up again before Christmas." He was angry. He hadn't calmed down. That much was clear.
"No, Devon," James replied softly. "And yes, I'm still here. I... We need to talk. All of us."
~~~
Will sat himself next to Devon, motioning for James to sit the other side. The taunt was not met by a reaction from the angel, he just settled beside his son putting an arm around him. He expected James to do the same in a moment.
"He is still here because he loves you. And I know you love him, despite being very angry." An encouraging rub of his shoulder was given so that the boy might not feel quite alone. "It's no use shouting. Shouting gets lost in the echoes of the ceiling. It's what's said quietly, with meaning, that gets your point across. So... tell your Daddy. Let him understand."
~~~
Devon was still young as far as his education was concerned. He didn't have the vocabulary that an older boy would have but still the same vocabulary he had had as a child. Granted, he had been very bright for his age, but now, when it came to dealing with things this serious, he found himself at a loss for the correct terms to say what he wanted to say. So he frowned at Will for a moment before he sighed, turning his attention to James.
"I watched my mother die. I watched her just... get so sad she couldn't stand it anymore and there was nothing I could do about it." He blinked tears from his eyes and then looked down at his hands. "I've watched you fall apart time and time again. Because of Fisher, because of Will, because of things that I'm still probably too young to understand." He glanced over at Will. "I've seen Will unravel around everyone but me because of you, dad." He smiled at Will then looked at his hands once more. "I've seen Rocky go from being happier than I've ever known her to be to being completely lost. And all this time, there's been nothing that I could do. I've just felt.... helpless." And if anyone could relate to how that felt, it should be James.
"And now I have the chance to change that, so I'm going to." Devon looked over at James with a determined expression on his face. "You're both sad and scared that I'm letting my childhood go, and I understand that. But I haven't ever had much of one to begin with and so I just don't want it anymore. I'm going to be a grown up and I'm going to take care of my family. And you can either suck it up and deal with it, the same as I have to do with the choices you make, or you can get out of my life."
"Devon..." James began but the boy cut him off.
"If you're only opening your mouth to try to talk me out of this, you're wasting your breath. I don't want to hear it."
~~~
Wordlessly Will put his hand into Devon's and squeezed him gently. He wanted to continue along this same vein but at the same time, he wanted James to voice whatever it was he was thinking too. Devon was really grown up. Devon was too grown up for his age, but that was what made him special. He'd need to understand that.
"I think your Daddy should talk," he said softly. "You've had your say, and now he should say what he feels. Remember, James, meaningful voices."
~~~
James gave Will a look, but he did have a point, and the hardness faded after a moment and he was left silent, inhaling a deep breath to try to gather his thoughts. "I'm sorry." That's all he could really say to begin with. That was the only place he could start. "I've only ever wanted a better life for you than I had myself and... I've failed you in that. I know I have."
Looking over at Devon, there was really only one thing more he could think to say. "I really wish you'd change your mind, Devon." But that wasn't what the boy wanted to hear, and he knew that. "But if you don't, I will still love you. You'll still be my son." He smiled as he added, "You can't run me out of your life that easily."
~~~
Though Will tried very hard to keep watching them talk between them Will had to lower his head, staring at his lap. This was very difficult for more reasons than he cared to admit. Though he hadn't had his say he didn't plan to. He was very glad that the only tear to fall was on the cheek facing away from James.
~~~
Devon wasn't sure that he bought it. He wasn't sure that James was going to just give up and give in so easily. He frowned a little as he eyed him and then he finally said, "I'm not changing my mind." He sounded like a broken record. And then he was quiet for a moment before he asked, "So you're not going to try to find someone to undo this? To make this go away against my will?"
James would be a liar to say that the thought hadn't crossed his mind but then he just sighed and shook his head. "No, Devon."
Devon still wasn't sure that he believed him. But he would leave it at that, his attention turning back toward Will. "Can we go shopping now? I'm tired of wearing girl clothes."
~~~
Throughout it all Will had remained silent, torturing himself. If he hadn't been so stupid and upset around Devon maybe he wouldn't have done it. If he'd been stronger or forced James to take back his son, maybe Devon wouldn't now be heading to his twenties by next week. His little boy, because essentially that was what he was, was growing up. The same little boy who had softened him the moment he'd placed that tiny hand on Will's, assuring him that everything was going to be ok after he'd gotten home from being tortured by his own parents.
Surprised, as if Devon had caught him out, and with a strangled voice Will managed to nod once. "Sure...." Why was his lip wobbling. It shouldn't be. He smiled a little then let go of his hand. "We'll get you some clothes."
~~~
Devon hated seeing Will look so upset, and again he felt like his father was the one entirely to blame for that. So when James offered to take him shopping himself instead of Will, he got a very curt answer in return. "You've done enough here today. Why don't you just go back to your boyfriend ?"
James knew when a battle had been lost. He pushed himself up to his feet and glanced at Will briefly before he added, "Well if you need me, just give me a call." Walking away right now felt impossible to do, but it would only make things worse if he hung around. And as he lingered, Devon gave him a slight wave, dismissing him as though he were nothing. So the demon turned and headed toward the door, shoulders slumped, looking utterly dejected.
~~~
Will clenched his jaw as he watched the exchange, feeling terrible. Devon was James' son, and he was treating him so horribly but he knew what it meant. The angel wanted nothing more than to let James go, to feel completely useless. To feel just like Will felt every single day, unwanted, and disowned, not good enough....
But the more he watched James leave, the more he realised he couldn't do it. "Wait," he said, quickly to get James' attention. Then to appease Devon... "You know we need a ride. And I'm a little short on cash for a cab, and I don't know the good stores." A complete lie but said like a good one. "I'd appreciate his help, if he'll offer it...?" Will looked to James, silently telling him this was a true offer.
~~~
Devon wasn't pleased with the idea but he wasn't going to argue about it. He just glared at both of the men as James replied with a soft nod of his head. "Let's go then." He appreciated Will more than words could ever express right about now. Granted, this was going to be a difficult day, a terrible day, but... He'd rather be a part of it than at home alone.
Devon exhaled a deep breath and then moved to his feet, brushing passed both men on his way out the front door. This was going to be fun. Only not at all. But at least he'd get some better clothes to wear.