It had started as a pretty vague plan, this idea to patch things up with Rez. And it wasn't getting any less murky the further Fisher got into it. He wanted life as it had been, a long time ago, when Fisher had teased that Rez would fall completely in love with him and Rez had insisted that wasn't gonna happen, but played along anyway. And now here they were, exactly where Fisher had predicted. It sucked.
"I don't know either," he admitted, fingers fidgeting with each other. "I guess..." He scoffed a little, soaking in the irony. "I guess I'm like James. I can't give you what you want, but I don't want you to leave me, either." He sighed a little. "But unlike James, I don't want you to just pine for me. I want you to move on, and be happy. Because I do love you, and maybe I could stay and we could be together and it would be good enough for me, but... I don't want that for you. You shouldn't be with someone who can't give you everything they have. And if I left, m-maybe you could find someone who..." He trailed off, sighed, and started again. "I just want my best friend back," he said, voice barely above a whisper. I wana be able to call you up and tell you about something awesome I saw, or something stupid someone said... I wanna stop breaking your heart. That is what I really want, Rez." He turned his head to look at him. "Not this boyfriend placeholder, not someone who I keep leading on. I want my best friend back."