Thursday, March 27th, 2008 Who: Astrid and Fox Where: On the grounds When: Thursday night What: Fox and Astrid run into each other and everything just comes to a head after the stress of the night
Fox had a decent workout at the gym. Well, decent considering one arm was shot. Literally. The stitches were still there, though his arm was healing. Dr. Seo never did say how long they had to stay in before he could take them out. Hell, he was tempted to take them out anyways. As it was, his arm had already started bleeding slightly again. He didn't give a fuck though.
Working out at the gym had not been enough, so Fox threw on a thicker shirt he had lying around, popped his earbuds in his ear and started outside. He was still frustrated by the afternoon's events. He couldn't get the blood out of his head. So pushing himself to exhaustion sounded like the best idea. Maybe he'd sleep dreamlessly. Once outside, he started running at near brutal pace, but one he knew he could sustain for awhile. The music pounded loud in his ears, pushing his feet to maintain the beat.
Astrid hadn't really been able to sleep very long. When Keagan had dropped her off at her room, he'd stayed until she had fallen asleep, but she'd woken up in an hour or two wondering where he'd gone. A quick note told her he was gone with Jang-Geum, and so she'd tried trolling the journals. After tense exchange with Fox, Astrid had made her way outside. She found a spot under a tree with a bench, and had taken a seat there in a pair of jeans and her oversized hoodie. She sat curled up on the bench, sitting and watching the woods. Not much was happening, but... it was quiet. That's what mattered.
It was the sound of pounding footsteps that got her attention, though, breaking the silence. Astrid glanced over to her left, seeing the distant figure of someone running. At first, she would have just ignored it, but as they got closer, Astrid could make out who it was. Fox... She stood, taking a few steps closer and watching him. "Fox?" She called, watching him, seeing a dark spot on his shirt. Was everything okay? "Fox!"
Tunnel vision. It was the best and easiest way to focus his mind, and the fastest way to tire it out, he'd found. Paying attention to the scene passing, the music in his ears, people wandering the grounds, it was all too much to put into his head, when all he wanted was for it to be empty. So he focused on the metal and rock blasting his eardrums, and the way his boots pounded the pavement sent a jolt up his spine with every step. He didn't even notice a blonde woman waving at him as he ran past.
Astrid could tell that he wasn't focusing, but the closer he got to her, the more she could tell that the dark blob on his shirt was a red one. "Fox!" Astrid finally said, and she reached out, grabbing his arm as he tried to pass her, digging her heels in so he wouldn't throw her away or take her with him.
Fox cursed under his breath from getting pulled off his stride. Turning angry eyes to whoever it was that stopped him, his gaze softened and he bit back a sharp comment. "Oh it's you," he said, tugging the earbuds out of his ears and pausing the iPod in his pocket. "What's up?"
Astrid wasn't sure what to say for the moment, or what to make of it. "N-nothing, I just..." Astrid didn't even really know why she was actually stopping him. They seemed to go from states of constant hate to mere tolerance. She didn't know which one of those times this would be. "Your arm..." She quickly covered, pointing to the dark red stain.
Fox turned his head to look at where she was pointing. "Shit." Rolling up his sleeve, he saw that the guaze was completely soaked through and a thin trail was sliding down his arm. "Fuck." He glanced back at Astrid, curious what mood she was in. Before this morning, she had been hating him all week from their discussion Sunday afternoon. Did she still feel the same resentment?
"Um... uh..." Astrid looked at his arm, clearing her throat. "Here, sit down on the bench. I'll rig something for you." Astrid had an old tank top on underneath her hoodie, so she knew she could help out. "Did you, uh, did you do this helping Adora?" Just the mention of her name made Astrid shiver a little, and she tried to hold it back.
Amused, because it wasn't worth the effort to be annoyed, he sat down on the bench. "I dunno. But I probably popped the stitches carrying her. I'm surprised Dr. Seo didn't bitch at me." He bit his lip, recalling that she was far more preoccupied at the time. And he didn't want to think about that. "So yeah, I guess I did."
"She, uh... had Adora to focus on..." Astrid was quiet, almost whisper quiet, which was a huge change for her, and anyone could tell that she was out of sorts. Once he plopped down on the bench, Astrid yanked off her hoodie, taking the tank top with it. She had a sports bra on, but it was too cold to do this for long. She pulled the hoodie back on, then took her tank top, starting to rip it into strips. Sighing, Astrid tenderly took off all the bandages and used a strip of her shirt to wipe off his wound. "This looks really bad... how'd you get it?"
Fox arched a brow at her willingness to strip in the cold weather, and in front of him. The sports bra she had on was the most he'd seen her in a state of undress. Nice. "Gunshot," he said, casual as you'd please.
"You were shot?" Astrid asked, raising an eyebrow as she started to slowly clean off and wrap up his arm. "Regular hero, huh..." Astrid finished tying up the strips of cloth on his arm, feeling a lump rising in her throat without even realizing why.
Fox shrugged the shoulder she wasn't working on. "People keep saying that to me. I'm thinking I'm gonna have to do something major tomorrow or after break to repair this." He was looking anywhere, at anything but her. She looked like she was going to cry the last time he'd glanced her way, and Fox did not do well with blubbering women.
"You don't have to act like such a dick all the time..." Astrid whimpered, feeling her eyes mist even though she didn't want to cry. She hated crying, especially around people she didn't like. "You did a good th-thing for Adora... i-it was more than I could do..." Astrid cleared her throat and had to turn away to face the woods, wiping her eyes. She was so out of it lately.
Aw, shit. "Look, I know. I'm glad I was there for her, and I'm really sorry that I couldn't do more. It's just," he sighed. "I'm pretty sure anyone else would've done the same. So I don't see what makes me all hero, alright?" It was the same with Rae earlier this week. Duncan and Jack both made him feel like he'd done something spectacular, but all he did was what he could. What was so fucking special about that?
"Just shut up..." Astrid choked, burying her face in her hands and doubling over where she sat so she could cry. How could he not see what he did? If he hadn't rushed her there, she probably would have died, and there had been so much blood... And Astrid had felt useless and couldn't do shit and now Adora's baby was probably gone, she hadn't gotten a confirmation yet.
Dammit. Sighing, he dropped his head for a moment. Taking a breath, he scooted over to Astrid, bumping his hip against hers and rubbing her back. "Hey, Astrid. You did everything you could. And it's not your fault."
"I know that!" Astrid cried harder, tangling her fingers in her hair, still facing the ground. "But her baby could be dead and there was so much blood and I-I used to gossip about her and Duncan and you? You don't even care. You gave that song and dance about caring about Adora, but... it's like you don't even realize you probably saved her life..."
There she went, making him out to be something special again, when all he wanted was to be himself. "Fine. I saved her life. That does what admitting it? Doesn't change me, and doesn't make her indebted to me. There's no sense in running over it. I'm happy she's alive and safe. Whether or not it was my doing that caused it makes no difference." He wanted to pull Astrid close, let her cry it out, beat on him, scream at him, whatever she needed if she'd stop calling him a hero, but he didn't think it'd be welcome.
The horrible part was that all Astrid wanted him to do was to admit that he WAS special. Fox seemed to think that his heartless biker attitude was the only side people liked. The side of him that helped people was the side she found admirable, and yet, when she TRIED to help she couldn't even accomplish anything. "You just don't get it... you could have left us to make it to the infirmary yourself."
Fox furrowed his brow, confused. "Now why would I go to the infirmary and leave a bleeding woman with a scared student?" He shook his head, not understanding. "That really makes no sense to me."
"Forget it, you don't... you just don't get it..." Astrid sniffed, trying to wipe her eyes clean. She was worn out, scared out of her mind, and angry that every time Fox seemed to show some sign of being a decent guy, he then had to start exuding the tough guy devil may care attitude.
Fox sighed, yet again. He seemed to do that alot around Astrid. "Is it too much to ask to not want to be seen as a hero? But just another student?" He muttered under his breath. "Twice this week." This school seriously was drama central. He was looking forward to break, if only for the peace it would bring.
Astrid got up without a word, sniffing and starting to walk towards the woods. Anything. Just... getting her feet moving, at least she could cry and walk at the same time. She hiccupped a little and wrapped her arms around herself. Goddammit, why wasn't Keagan here for her right now? Why did he have to be there for Adora, his teacher?
Fox let her walk for a bit, running a hand through his hair as he watched her. She was pretty upset, and he was certain it was both the situation and at him. Well, anger would serve her better than despair, and he stood to be a hero once again, though this time it was entirely possible she wouldn't want to talk to him. Grimacing, he jogged to catch up to her. Next week would be interesting. "Hey."
"What?" Astrid snapped, looking over at him for a moment before looking back at the woods in front of her. "What do you want? You don't want me to tell you what a great thing you did, you don't want me to tell you that y'know, if you just acted like that a little more often that maybe occasionally someone would find interest in you, but hey, you don't care, you, apparently, do not have a heart." Astrid hiccuped and kept walking. "And my own goddamn boyfriend isn't even here and I feel like I want to fall apart."
Fox raised a brow. "Nice tirade. I wasn't quite sure you could yell like that." Walking quickly, he managed to move in front of her, but kept walking, this time backwards. "Would it make you feel better to stay pissed at me? Beat me up even?" Yeah, he had a heart of gold. And every time he'd shown it as a kid, he got slapped down. Get hit enough, and you learn to hide what pisses people off. So the heart stayed hidden, and the asshole showed. "You can. Hit me again if you want. Don't care." He added a shrug and a wicked grin to taunt her.
Astrid actually stopped walking, turning to face him so she could scream in his face, as if somehow that would make it better. "NO! I don't want to hit you, I want you to act like you actually care about me, about <I>anyone!</i> I don't want to be angry and scared, I don't want to be crying, I don't want any of this!" Astrid cried.
Fox nodded in appreciation, staying calm, because it was proven to rile her. "Not half bad. Add a couple screeches in there, and a few girly slaps, and I'd almost believe you'd mean it." He really hated having to do this, since this time it wasn't any fun. The words had to be essentially forced past his lips. But she was going to break one way or another. He could see it.
"Oh my god, just SHUT UP!" Astrid screamed at him, feeling like he was purposely trying to squeeze her heart until it physically hurt. "How can you stand there and say that? Why the FUCK won't you just act like you CARE?"
He cared alright. Far more than he wanted to admit, and he was perfectly happy to pound his body into oblivion to forget about it. "Aw, because I don't want to disappoint you, Witchling." He forced a light tone to the words, adding his nickname for her. "You seem to think I don't care, and I'm happy to keep up that image for you," adding a careless grin to his statement.
"You fucking MORON!" Astrid shouted, backpedaling a little. "You spent all this time acting like you're some uncaring asshole! What the FUCK do you think you accomplish?! You just HURT people! You keep hurting and hurting and you don't care!"
Ah, there was the screech. He winced slightly, both at the pitch and at her words. Looked like when the witch was cornered, instead of breaking down, she got her back up. Good for her. But her saying he didn't care, snapped his own tight control. "Fuck you, Astrid. You think I don't give a damn?" His words came out tight and hard as steel. "If I didn't care, I would've left the two of you in the hallway. I would've let Adora DIE!" Now he was shouting at her. And he didn't care who heard. "I care alright. And ALL it fucking does is get people hurt." He stepped closer, wanting to tower over her. "But don't you damned well DARE say I don't care."
Astrid should have been surprised, but she was too upset to really react that way. Instead, she just reacted back against him, so close to hitting the point where she'd break down, but it would have just been much, much worse this way. "Okay, FINE! Then maybe it's just that you don't give a damn about me! And why should I be surprised?! You make it your fucking mission to make me want to hate you! Caring about people doesn't hurt them, it's creating them like you don't that hurts worse! But that's FINE! You do that! You go about your fucking daily ritual of treating girls like they're here for your amusement and keep supressing every DECENT thing you do!" Astrid gave a sad laugh, then coughed as she cried harder.
"GodDAMMIT!" Turning, he lashed out, punching the nearest object, which just happened to be a tree. He didn't even noticed his hand came away, knuckles slightly bloody. Keeping his back to her, he grit his teeth. "If you thought I didn't care about you, Astrid, then why the fuck do I hang around, getting to know you?" Turning, he looked back at her, his eyes shining bright blue from the emotional storm. "I care. I care about you, Rae, Frankie, Adora and several other fucking people in this goddamned school and I don't know how the hell to deal with it." Angrily, he moved over to stand beside her, talking quietly. "Y'know those kids we were talking about Sunday? For the first half of my life, I was pretty sure my mom was one of those hookers. And my father never gave a damn about me. How the fuck am I supposed to know how to treat others when I was treated like shit?" Turning back to the school, he started to walk away.
Astrid was not okay with him starting to leave. He didn't get to start that shit just for him to try and walk away. Astrid darted after him, grabbing his arm and yanking him around to face her. "For a start, when you see a girl crying, you asshole, you don't fucking PROVOKE HER!" It wasn't that she hadn't heard what he said about his family, but it didn't excuse his behavior. "Why the fuck does making me angry somehow make you happy? You don't DO that to people you care about! I just wanted to thank you, I just - "Astrid was choking back more tears again. "Just wanted to tell you THANK YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!"
"So then fucking SAY thank you and be done with it!" He welcomed the flash of pain that came from her jerking the arm with the stitches. It kept him focused. "Just say it and stop making me out to be some goddamned knight in shining armor!" That was the part that really got him. All he did was carry her to people that really could help. Dr. Seo did all the hard work and deserved the thanks. Fox saw himself as the transport. "And it's not that I like making you angry, but I sure as hell can deal with you pissed off better than I can you bawling!" Crossing his arms over his chest, he snorted. "Case in point."
Astrid's hand curled into a fist, ready to punch him and she almost did. But something stopped her. The fact that she didn't want to be angry. She was done. Just... done. "I'm not pissed off at you." Astrid said, lethally quiet, the tears streaking down her face. "I fucking PITY you." She hissed, then turned to bolt back for the school, sobbing her eyes out.
"Dammit." Fox bit the side of his tongue, finally registering pain in his knuckles. Glancing down, he picked out the few pieces of bark lodged there and headed back to the building. He needed a drink something fierce.