Thursday had been a fitful night for Adora. She'd slept, her body had needed to, but her mind had been plagued trying to come to grips with the trauma from the day before. More than once, she'd made little whimpers or cries in the night, clearly still asleep but worried. Duncan had already eaten breakfast, but he didn't want to show up empty hand. Toting a small ziplock of Lindsor Tarts, he knocked once, softly, then poked his head in to see if Adora was awake. Adora had still been asleep when he knocked on the door, but the noise did make her stir. She slowly woke, reaching up to rub her eyes and look around. It took her a few moments before she could even realize where she was. For just a few seconds, she was blissfully unaware of what had happened... and then it kind of hit her. She closed her eyes and reached up to rub her face gently, trying to wake up. "Hey," he said softly, moving toward her with careful wide steps. "Just.. stopping in." He lifted his eyebrows and grinned a little, though it didn't reach his eyes. "Doctor lady gave me a 'free pass' y'know." Adora glanced up at hearing Duncan's voice, letting her hands slowly drop back to her lap with a sad little smile. She was trying, and she felt better today, both physically and mentally. "Hi... I'm glad." She sat up a little, trying not to wince or show just how difficult that was. Her body healed twice as fast as a human, but that was still not easy. "I haven't seen anyone yet this morning." "Well, I'm here," he said, taking up his chair beside her. He opened up the ziplock and offered her a cookie. Adora reached out and daintily took the cookie. It wasn't like her to look fragile or weak, but this was an exception. Her brain wasn't exactly... craving food, though. While her stomach gave a vague rumble, she was ignoring it. "Thank you..." She took a little nibble of the cookie and tried to swallow, but it wasn't easy. "You sleep okay last night?" He certainly didn't look it. He let out a small chuckle and smiled, tight lipped, lines forming beside his mouth and eyes. "Honestly?" Adora gave a quiet little chuckle, and she shrugged, shaking her head and taking another bite. "Me, neither..." He nodded, watching her with jumping eyes, lips pursed. He leaned forward to rest his elbows on her mattress, his interlocked fists pressing her side gently. Adora really hated the silence. Especially right now. But she didn't have a real choice in the matter. There wasn't anything to distract her from that quiet, empty feeling she was having. "I don't normally remember dreams... I just... remember lots of crying... and..." She reached up to run a hand through her hair. "I could hear Jang-Geum shouting my name... " "You mean last night, you dreamt?" he asked, watching her hands as they ran through her hair. She nodded, her eyes glancing up at him then back down again, almost as if she was... afraid to tell him. After finding out about his wife's miscarriages last night, she'd begun to wonder if it was okay to talk to him about it. "Last night, yeah..." She sniffed a little, trying to ignore a lump in her throat that seemed to be on its way. "Two nights ago I had dreamt about her, Duncan..." He nodded. It was familiar, though admittedly, now with sleep and a day between, less painfully so. His desire to help Adora get over this overcame his reluctancy to deal with it altogether. She was worth revisiting. "That's normal, though... you can tell me if you like." "I..." Adora paused, not even sure where to start. "I was... sitting in my room... I could hear giggling. And, uh... I just knew it was her. And i knew she was a girl. She was... so happy." Adora suddenly found herself thinking twice about it, her voice catching as she turned to look at him. "I don't..." Her voice was still catching, and she closed her eyes. "Don't think I can talk about it right now..." She cleared her throat, reaching up to wipe tears out of her eyes. "That's fine then," he said, his own voice a little hoarse. He reached over to lay a hand on hers. "I just.. I want to help. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Fate's cruel." "Fate?" There was a little sad chuckle, and she shook her head, looking over at Duncan. "Oh, c'mon, Duncan, look at who you're talking to. I probably deserved this." Duncan's eyes widened, and his fingers twitched against hers. "You stop that right now," he said, in a harsh tone that left little room for argument. "You don't say that, do you hear me? That's ridiculous. Who do you think is responsible for doling out such a punishment, and whoever, or whatever that force is, what have you done to deserve this?" He pulled his hand off of hers to push his hair away from his forehead, making his horns show through. "Don't you dare say that," he said, softer now. Adora kept gaze with his only for a few moments before she sniffed and looked down at her hands, gnawing on her bottom lip. She sniffed again, then reached up to wipe the tears away. Judas Priest, if only she could just stop crying. "I just... can't stop feeling like... somehow this is my fault... I... I had a cigarette with Hope, I snuck a glass of wine a few weeks ago...." "No, no no no," he cooed, now, softer, gentler, and got right up off the chair to sit beside her. He couldn't listen to this. His fingers found her chin, warm against her cool face, and he lifted it to look him. "No, darlin'. No. It wasn't the wine, or the cigarette. You didn't carry too much, or walk too far, or stay up too late. It wasn't the sugar, or the lack of sugar, or the weather..." he leaned forward and kissed her forehead, enveloping her in a one-armed hug. "I've heard this all before. It wasn't you." Hugs were something that Adora didn't often get for the longest time. At least, not the genuine, caring type. And she needed that right now. Adora sniffed and leaned closer to him, reaching out to rest her hand on his shirt, her fingers tangling in the material as if that would keep him there. "What was it? I don't... I don't understand what went wrong..." She'd been so upset last night nothing had sunk in, she hadn't been rational. "Maybe Jang-Geum has better answers, darling, but no matter what the details...it wasn't your fault. It was just.." how to say this? He couldn't say it. He trailed off, pulling away slowly, head shaking. "I'm sorry..." She whispered, when she started to feel him pull away, and she held on tightly, trying to pull him closer again. "Please don't go, I'm sorry, I'll shut up..." "I'm not going anywhere," he said with a soft chuckle in his tone. "Just giving you air to breathe." "I don't need air, I really need you." Adora tried to move over a little more so he could sit comfortably, but it was slow-going. He was comfortable to sit half on, half off the bed. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and leaned back, pulling her head to rest on him. "This sucks, I know." His eyes became distant, followed by the rest of his face. Once she was settled against him, she nodded in agreement, sniffing a little. "It does." After another few moments of silence, Adora spoke again, a little hoarse. "Doesn't feel like it's gonna get better..." "It will," he said, rubbing her arm. "It will. It took me and Brigid.. a while. We even managed to try again. I had been certain it was my fault, but she begged me to try again. She said she felt it was necessary to try again. That we owed it to each other." "That must have been... so hard..." Adora sighed, nuzzling him a little. "But I can see why. It... feels like I need to... fill that emptiness... And I don't have the first clue how." "It was hard," he agreed, pressing his cheek into her head, "but we got through. We were a good support to each other. She never blamed me; I only blamed myself." Adora sighed. She didn't want to give Duncan the 'you shouldn't blame yourself' speech, but she knew that that was not something she could say in good conscience. As a succubus, she knew what kind of power it took to conceive a child with demons. "Thank you for supporting me. I know I'm not... not her, but... I appreciate it." It was an honest response, and she meant it. He squeezed her. "I hope I can be more solace to you than I was to her. It was.. hard. Being strong, for her. This was back when men weren't really supposed to fall apart at he seams. Even if they were half-demon. Especially not husbands." He wouldn't say it, but it was easier being Adora's friend in this situation. He felt sorry for her, right down to his bones, but there was enough distance that he felt he could help her. "Well, for one thing, you don't have to fall apart at the seams here. It wasn't your baby, and..." Adora took a deep breath, a very deep breath, trying not to talk about the baby too much. "And I'm sure your wife would be glad that... you were helping me. That you can be strong enough now." She glanced up at Duncan. This brought a lump into his throat, and all he could do was nod and kiss her forehead again, with a grateful sigh. Adora had no qualms staying like that for a little while, and she let time tick along for a little bit, just hearing Duncan breathe and... trying not to let her throats and her grief slowly start to consume her. She heard a noise outside, just a clank here or there, and she sighed. "Jang-Geum knew. How... how could she have known?" Duncan shrugged against her. It didn't really matter, but then he couldn't tell her that. He had wanted to know everything and had been given nothing. In fact, for years, he had thought he was the bloody problem.
"Don't tear yourself up, darlin.' She'll talk to you soon. She was doing her best." "I don't know if I want to talk to her..." Adora sat up a little, looking over at him. "I don't know if I'm ready to hear what went wrong." "She won't tell you until you are," he replied, his arm falling off her shoulders. He switched to rubbing her back. Adora rubbed her face once more, as if somehow that would make things clearer, make it hurt less? Or just maybe make her stop crying. "You know what the worst part is? I got... hopeful." Adora chuckled ruefully. "I was... excited about being a mom. I thought I could do it." "You can, if you still want to," he said eargently, giving her a little squeeze. "Don't talk like that. Not now, but this wasn't the deciding factor." "But, I can't do it alone, Duncan." Adora looked back at him, her hair falling into her eyes. "If this hurts this much, I don't know how I could handle being a parent full-time, worrying about my child, and being alone." She sighed, shaking her head. "Not now, not even a year from now, but... if I have a kid, I need them to have a father. And I never thought that would matter." "So why can't he have a father? Do it the old fashioned way. Meet a nice guy who will live a couple hundred years, then have a child with him." He leaned in to nuzzle the side of her face. "No one is telling you to be alone but you. You're fiercely independant." "I could try that, except..." Adora licked her lips, trying to think of how to say what she wanted to say. "I don't think anyone would ever trust me enough to try having a family. Just based on my freakin' reputation, on the stereotypes of my genetics alone." "You can educate the right man," he said, closing his eyes and resting her against him. "Stop writing your own future." She sighed, smiling a little, and Adora laid back towards him again. "Maybe. I guess I just... keep thinking I'm doomed or something." She laughed a little, sadly. "But, y'know, knowing my luck, the right guy would come and go and I would either never notice or he'd never notice." Adora grabbed his hand and put it in front of her so she could play with his fingers idly. "Love sucks that way." "Does it?" he asked, smirking a little. "Yes. But, that probably also has to do with the fact that I didn't... know what it felt like until recently." Adora was sitting there running her finger along the inside of his palm, along his life line. "So what if he's already come and gone and I've fucked it up?" It tickled, or at least, it should have tickled. It didn't though.
"I'm afraid I'm a bad person to ask. I wager that it comes around often enough, though, you just need to let it in. You seem more willing than I to embrace it." Adora gave a little grin. "How optimistic of you." Her fingers kept moving, more as something to keep her eyes and hands occupied. "What makes you so... afraid to fall in love?" She scoffed. "Wow, listen to me." "I don't know if it's fright, so much as unwilingness to trade in her memory." "I doubt she'd want you to think of it like that," Adora said softly. She wasn't sure why she was talking about this. Then again, it was... easier. Easier to talk about him and how he felt, rather than to talk about her. How she felt. How much she missed the baby. "She wouldn't want you to live this long and be alone." Strangely hopeful from the demon who didn't even know what love was until five months ago. Duncan had the exact same thought, but it was with a more positive light, and he didn't share it regardless. "I know. I just... I feel like it's not worth.." he exhaled softly. "You have to realize she .. saved my life. Saved me from myself, from everything I had feared, and accepted me for anything I had ever done wrong, an made me realize I was more than what I thought.... " he let out a soft laugh. "You can't beat that, Adora. I'm afraid... " he laughed again "okay, I suppose 'fright' was a good word.. afraid to try." Adora wasn't often told she couldn't be better than figures to someone's past, but... hey, there it was. Not that she would try to replace anyone but, it wasn't something you wanted to hear. Ever. "Right, I guess I can't. No one can. She's... idyllic." Adora was bothered by that, she just... didn't know why. But then again, it was hardly her priority. She was just trying to figure out how she would get through the week. "Which is awful," I know. Duncan was old enough to understand his faults but stubborn enough to not try hard enough to fix them. "I know. I've tried, but I always doubt the sincerity of my own feelings, and.. it's a mess." He laughed. "And we're talking about me. Alright." "It's easier to talk about you." Adora smiled a little. "At least I can distract myself trying to figure out how to help you. Not that I have the first idea how I would do that." Adora didn't have the first idea how to help someone who seemed sure that he would never find something or someone even to compare to his dead wife. But he was her friend, so part of her wanted to help. "It's my own issue. I'm just afraid of being hurt again." He shrugged. "I never said I was complex." Adora sat back again, letting go of his hand finally. "I didn't saything one way or the other. And I can totally understand being afraid of being hurt. It's why I just... don't know if it's even worth me ever perusing again." He laughed. "This is ridiculous, we can't help each other if we're unwilling to take our own damned advice." "Okay, well, then, tell you what, I will be willing to fall in love if you give it a shot, too. At some point. In the future." Adora laughed a little. "When I'm not laughing..." Suddenly it started to hit her. "Oh my god... how the hell can I be laughing when I just... my baby..." "Shhhnono," he said, again returning to that coo as his nose pressed into the soft spot behind her ear, his arms suddenly wrapping around her from behind. "It's alright t'laugh. That's th'first step. You laugh, because you have to, then you laugh because you do," he said, his voice a whisper against her ear, trying to kep close should she decide she needed to cry again. He was right, he had to be, right? He knew what shew as going through, so he had to be right, but... she couldn't help that overwhelming sense of guilt that took over. "I shouldn't be laughing..." She whispered, feeling that lump in her throat, wanting to make her cry. She was trying so hard to hold it in, she was so sick of crying already. "She died and I'm sitting here laughing..." He felt a tinge of guilt, too, for having made her laugh. He was right, yes, but he needn't rush her. He closed his eyes an lifted his chin a little, his nose dragging along her temple, grimacing. His arms enveloped her a little tighter. "Adora.." Adora turned her head a little more to face him, nuzzling him and sniffing as she tried to calm down. "Duncan... this is the hardest thing I think I've ever been through..." She whispered. He was behind her, and so pressed his cheek to her forehead. "You made it this far, kid." If the hardest thing she had to endure was centuries in, she was diong good. She would be able to come back from this. He was certain. "But I know. And I'm sorry." Adora took a deep, long breath, and she closed her eyes, sniffing and trying not to cry. "I hate crying... and I know I'm not gonna be done crying for a while." Adora slowly tried to shift how she was sitting, as she had begun to feel sore, and then settled again. "Has... Nox come by? Or Hope?" It was the first time she'd thought of both her friends since everything had happened. She hadn't needed them at the time. She'd needed Duncan. "This is the first time I've stopped by," he replied quietly. He didn't know. "Okay..." Adora sighed, turning towards Duncan. "They'll come... right?" "I don't see why they wouldn't," he said, brow furrowing. "They probably assume you need time. Also.. Jang-Geum is playing guard dog." "Oh, probably." She chuckled. "That Asian harpy is a great at telling people what to do." Adora reached up and took hold of his shirt gently, then pulled him closer. "C'mere for a sec." The back of his neck tingled, and he leaned in with an expectant smile.