Who: Kate Wagner What: Visiting her mother's grave on the anniversary of her death. When: December 24, 2010, afternoon Where: A cemetery in Brooklyn, New York Warnings: Angst and a fragile psyche?
It had been eight years since her mother's untimely death from cancer, and Kate still found the pain as unbearably fresh as if it had been yesterday. Katherine Wagner hadn't just been her mother, she had been her best friend, and it had taken her a long time to learn how to function without her. Or at the very least just give the pretense of functioning. Even now she wasn't sure if she was still carrying on a masquerade or if she had really come into her own.
Clutching the bouquet of white roses in her gloved hands, Kate silently slid out of the cab that had taken her to the gates of the cemetery. A frosty wind was blowing, typical for New York in December, which is the reason the flowers were fake instead of real. Every once in awhile she had debated with herself about making a trip there in the spring or summer to place real flowers on her mother's grave, but never actually did it. She could only handle the renewed rush of sorrow that each visit inflicted once a year. Otherwise the pain was just too much.
She threaded her way through the gravestones mindlessly, knowing the path by heart after all these years, her green eyes focused on the ground beneath her feet. There weren't that many other people around, there never were; most preferred to spend the Christmas holidays with the living rather than the dead. It was a natural choice and there were plenty of other occasions to make the trek to the cemetery for, but this had always been the place for Kate on Christmas Eve. Ever since her mother died, she had found little enjoyment in the holidays anyway.
Upon reaching her destination, Kate merely stood the for a few minutes, gazing down sadly at the gravestone that marked her mother's final resting place. The engraving on the stone was a little worn due to the years and harsh weather, but the words still stood out: 'Katherine Louise Wagner, Beloved Daughter and Mother, 1960-2002.' A lump rose in her throat at the sight of them and she slowly knelt down on the grass, laying down the flowers.
"Hey, Mom," she murmured softly, her words almost lost to the wind, "it's me. I'm here as always. Grandma's sorry she hasn't been able to make it the past couple of years. Her health just hasn't been up to it; she barely leaves the house these days except when I have to take her to the doctor." She dropped her gaze to her gloved hands, which were folded in her lap. "She doesn't think it'll be much longer before she joins you up there," she finally added softly, "and I'm afraid she's probably right."
She shut her eyes tightly, swallowing back another lump, fighting back the tears she could feel threatening to overwhelm her. "I don't want to be alone, Mama," she whispered, her voice a little tremulous. "It scares me. I-I know I'm taking more care of Grandma these days than she's taking care of me, but I don't know if I can survive on my own. Once she's gone it'll just be me and Christine."
No, a little voice argued in the back of her mind, one that wasn't Mademoiselle Daaé, you won't be alone. You have him, you have the Angel of Music. Kate shook her head vehemently against the thought, feeling the tension that had been overwhelming Christine since she first found out that Erik was out there. She didn't even know the man's name and she wanted nothing to do with him. No good could come of any further interaction; she knew this; Christine knew this, even if a part of her soul would always belong to the man. Did that mean he now had a claim on Kate, too? The thought made her shudder.
"I just," she finally spoke again, a tear sliding down her cheek, "I wish you were here, Mom. I wish you could be here to tell me what to do. So much is happening so fast and I-I don't know who to turn to. God, what I wouldn't do to hear your voice one more time." She exhaled shakily at that, another tear following the first, then another. "I miss you so much, so, so much." Her slim shoulders began to shake as a great sob escaped her and she all but collapsed on the ground, crying her heart out in her misery and confusion.