She could feel his turmoil when he turned away from her, but she didn't understand it. With Matt, that was maybe a first. The fact that he never seemed to see or appreciate his potential anymore than Han did wasn't new, but this felt different. Even during their worst fights as a couple, Matt had never seemed so far away from her as he did now, and Lydia hated to admit even to herself how much that unsettled her in the moment.
During the course of their relationship, their fights were numerous, but they usually sprung from knowing each other too well. Too well not to find those buttons that were just begging to be pushed. Now? The connection they had felt intangible, a ghost sadly wandering the halls of the ship, long past time to move on. Almost like they fought now out of habit, and because they didn't know what else to do, but they didn't know each other anymore. How could they? Too much time had passed.
Or maybe that was just another lie she was trying to tell herself. After all, it didn't matter how much time Han and Leia spent apart, they always found their way back to each other. Facing Matt now, Lydia couldn't decide which thought was more unbearable, that she didn't know Matt at all or that she still did, and she wished that she didn't. Maybe comparing them to their counterparts all the time wasn't healthy.
The truth was, she didn't know what she wanted from him anymore. But since she couldn't admit to that, she dug her heels in instead. Fighting with Matt was easier than admitting that she missed him. Nothing was ever easy with him, but at least when they were fighting, she could pretend it didn't matter that she had no idea where they stood, especially after the last time they saw each other. Which she still wasn't thinking about, because as far as Lydia was concerned, that hadn't happened either.
A shadow passed over her face, all too brief, before Matt had to go and open his mouth again. Isn’t Combat’s office right next to yours?
Color rose in her cheeks, some masochistic part of her simply unable to believe that he would be that bold. But of course he would. It was the same act, just a different argument. When they'd first met, Lydia had found it exhausting. When she found out he was Han, she still found it exhausting, but there was a part of her that felt undeniably drawn to it too. Back then, she understood why he behaved the way he did, once they'd stopped lying to themselves and each other about how they really felt.
But now? Now she wasn't sure about anything. Except for the fact that she suddenly very much wanted to strangle him with her bare hands.
"How dare you even-" Features twisting into one of old and new anger all rolled into one royally pissed off package, Lydia could feel Leia's cringe of familiarity. A feeling that only encouraged the other woman to finally start yelling, arms at her sides and hands balled into small, tight fists. "As if that has anything to do with it, you brainless, arrogant, overgrown neanderthal!"