God, she hated that look. Even on her best days, which this clearly wasn't, a look like that from Matt had a curious way of making her feel naked. Like he could see right through her. Now especially, that was the very last thing she wanted, so it annoyed her more than it might have normally. And it would still have annoyed her, back in the old days. It was just that in the old days, that general annoyance towards him wasn't usually accompanied with the twinge of sad regret she felt now.
Yes, there was a time when she actually preferred the Falcon's more remote location, far enough away from Camelot and her nosy family and therefore perfect for a convenient getaway for her and Matt when the castle started to feel too crowded. You wouldn't think a place as big as Camelot could feel at all crowded, but it honestly never felt more cramped than when you were trying to find a place to be alone. The Falcon had always been good for a brief sanctuary on the rare occasion that they both could afford to get away for a little while.
Glancing again at the sad holiday cactus, Lydia couldn't help feeling another touch of nostalgia for all those holidays that had been spent here on either side of it. Matt hadn't always been off-mission for the occasion, but whenever he could get back just before or immediately after it was always like Christmas had come early, or never actually ended.
No matter how furious she could get with him, she was always glad to see him come back.
Lydia forced those thoughts away to return his even stare without flinching, but inside, it was a different story. The distant memories of a relationship gone sour and the unfortunately not so distant memories of a stolen kiss in a storage closet caused an overwhelming amount of turbulence that Lydia had to work hard to reign in. Not so easy when there was still a part of her that couldn't stop thinking about his touch, how easy it was in the end to fall back on old habits. That same part of her that still couldn't admit to herself how much she missed him, even now that she was in front of him again. It was a weak moment, Lydia had told herself repeatedly ever since then, that was all.
"Of course not," Lydia bristled, getting up as swiftly as she'd first sat down. Lydia had never been very good at staying still, in any given situation, but especially when she was already this uncomfortable. This was a mistake, she should have waited longer before doing this. How long are we talking, another couple of years? Worked out great last time. With a silent huff, she turned her back on him and Leia's annoyingly dry commentary for the few necessary seconds she needed to pull herself together and walked a few steps, paused, and crossed her arms. Her usual move. It wasn't the most inconspicuous, and the tension was riddled in both of her shoulders, but that was oddly comforting.
"And before you get any ideas, I'm not here because of what happened either," Lydia added more stiffly as she turned around, her expression one of stern resolve. She was all business now, no matter how conflicted she felt about this meeting internally. "And I think it would be best if we just moved forward. Keep things professional."
Ha. Professional. When they weren't recklessly making out in a castle storage closet they were usually having very public screaming matches so honestly who was she kidding? But she'd still said it, so it didn't matter if she actually meant it or not. Before Matt could interrupt, Lydia plunged on ahead, not wanting to dwell on that particular subject for obvious reasons. "I'm here on Daniel's behalf. A job offer, Matt."