Lydia stood there stubbornly by the boarding ramp for a few more seconds, maybe ten, even though she had no other choice now. Gabe was gone, she didn't have a speedy exit if she wanted one. She could call Gabe to come back, but that was out of the question, since that would also be admitting defeat. She couldn't have that. No, she was just going to... stand here and stare up at this gigantic ship sitting in the middle of the desert until she got up the nerve to actually make her way inside.
It was stupid, really. Lydia had been up close and personal to it a million times, been inside it more times than that. Just because this was the first time she was coming within spitting distance of the Falcon since she and Matt had broken up shouldn't matter. It was just a ship.
You try telling him that.
Leia's voice inside her head carried with it its usual firmness, a tone of finality in every word she spoke, but this time there was something almost gentle about it too. As if Leia didn't believe that anymore than Lydia actually did. It wasn't just a ship. Maybe if it was, this wouldn't already feel so complicated before she'd even crossed over the threshold.
For 'just a ship', there were far too many memories that it still held within its walls, ones that threatened to unravel Lydia's carefully woven threads at the mere recollection of them. They weren't all good, of course, but with Matt the good had always usually outweighed the bad. With Han, too. That's what made this all so difficult. The pang she felt echoing in the pit of her stomach was as much for her as it was for Leia, who had her own set of (mostly) fond memories from the Millennium Falcon that involved the same man they were both coming to see.
When you were dating your reincarnate's other half, after awhile, everything started to bleed together. Even memories. It got harder sometimes to immediately remember which was yours and which was theirs, especially when you often occupied the same spaces. All of the private moments she and Matt had shared on board together were theirs, and yet so many of them felt connected to Han and Leia's. Every kiss, every touch, every fight. Lydia didn't get nostalgic about much, and yet she found it exceedingly difficult to get herself to stop dwelling on them now.
One of the only times their sets of memories truly deviated was anything involving flying in open space, which was strictly Han and Leia's territory. Still. Lydia thought about nights spent with Matt leaning back in the cockpit and watching the stars together, like they might have if they'd actually been up there among them. A lump formed in her throat that she quickly swallowed, mentally banishing the thought from her head.
Before Lydia could get too caught up in memory lane, her eyes caught something as she briefly glanced upwards. Just a flash, she couldn't really be sure what it was. Maybe it was just the sun's reflection off the glass. Or, maybe, it was her infuriating ex doing something stupid and trying to hide from her. Either scenario was equally possible.
With a noise of frustration, Lydia finally forced her feet to move forward and she began to climb the boarding ramp. Which had been down. The idiot, wherever he was on the ship, was apparently just leaving the front door to the Millennium Falcon open for anyone to see now. Lydia silently logged that away as just one more thing to yell at him about as she climbed up the ramp and made her way, nervously but with no more hesitation, into the body of the ship. Might as well get on with it.
"Matt?" Her voice was almost soft around it the first time she called out his name, before steeling herself for a sharper, somewhat less forgiving tone as she turned down the corridor. Every step she took in this place felt like a ghost. "Matt. Where are you? You know you left the boarding ramp down? Anyone can just walk in!" And anyone was here.