The moment lengthened into infinity as they explored this new sensation in silence. A distant part of Freya thought she should say something, anything, to break it. The absence of any sound beyond her own heartbeat in her ears was almost too heavy to bear. If it lasted for much longer, she wasn’t sure what might happen. Or what she might do.
Rey and Kylo never knew how lucky they were, she thought suddenly. Their moment when they touched hands had been cut short thanks to a meddlesome uncle’s interruption, and then too much happened too quickly to properly talk through what that touch meant for them. The last thing Freya wanted was for anyone to intrude on this moment with Kyle, but at the same time, she couldn’t help imagining what it would look like if this life’s Luke Skywalker barged through her door and thoroughly completed a repeat of the past.
The thought was so patently absurd that hysterical laughter bubbled in the back of her throat. She managed to keep it down, but only just. And only because, at the exact right moment, Kyle’s hand moved and the laughter turned into something else.
A small, strangled noise escaped Freya's lips and her eyes widened in shock as she felt rather than saw Kyle trace a finger along her palm. This touch was no accident, she could feel that in the way the stroke of his finger burned with purpose through the Force and lingered when it was gone. Lingered and then spread, filling her whole body with a warmth she never expected from someone whose presence often left her so cold.
She hardly had time to marvel at the change when he moved again, brushing his long fingers over her wrist, then suddenly enveloping her entire hand in his, then just as suddenly twisting their joined hands upward, palm to palm. The progression happened within a breath, and Freya watched it unfold with something close to alarm, but… not quite. Alarm implied a threat, but nothing of the sort was coming from Kyle. Only the need for a stronger connection.
Through his touch, Freya felt herself being pulled toward him through the distance made close by the power of their bond. Like the movement of their hands, she didn’t fight it. Why bother when she wanted the same thing he did?
Seeing their hands like this, hers almost childlike in size compared to his, made that very clear. She wanted this connection, badly. More than that, she needed it. Something dark at the edges of her awareness preyed on that need, offering her an imperfect fulfillment of her deepest desires like the cave on Ahch-To. This time, though, no one was here to stop her from taking it.
But why shouldn't she take it? Meeting him in the middle wasn’t the same as turning to the Dark Side. Freya still felt the light in herself as strongly as she felt the darkness in him, and whatever their dyad was becoming, she was still herself. She would still remain herself. No black-cloaked, red-bladed version of Freya Shepherd was waiting on the horizon. She could want this new connection with Kyle without fearing that much, at least.
Feeling more centered by her resolve, Freya finally broke the silence.
“I feel…” Dizzy? Close – what she felt in the aftermath of their touch was similar to the feeling she got at the top of a staircase looking down, when her fear of heights overtook her. With Kyle, though, there was no fear in the vertigo, not anymore.
Still, between her lack of sleep and the pure emotional intensity of the past few moments, there was a good chance the spinning feeling might overwhelm her if she let go of him. The only thing keeping her fully awake and alert now was the life force of their bond surging between them and through her. No wonder Palpatine had stolen it from them.
So she didn’t let go.
Instead, Freya shifted her fingers until they filled the spaces between his, then folded them down to hold his hand. She watched herself do this with an almost experimental curiosity, like she still couldn’t quite believe what she was doing even as she did it.
“I feel like I finally know you,” she finished finally, soft and sincere. Her eyes caught his again, and she offered him a small, relieved smile through her visible exhaustion. “We’re not on different sides at all.”