jason collins ☤ luke castellan (evilmalemodel) wrote in thereincarnates, @ 2012-05-10 02:08:00 |
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Entry tags: | jason collins, theresa philips |
Who: Jason Collins and Tess Philips
What: The most insane first meeting ever?
Where: Camp Half-Blood
When: Wednesday evening, May 9th, 2012
Warning: Demigod angst of the most painful variety.
Notes: This is Part One. You do not want to know how many parts this could actually be split into. /cliffdive
Jason had been putting this off for far too long. Between work and.... well, work, prank wars and real wars, it had been easy to put in the back of his mind, but he hadn’t forgotten. Not even close. Every night he went to sleep regretting that he hadn’t crossed off this one item off of his to-do list, and it’d been at the very top for over six years now. A little knot settled in the pit of his stomach, and he knew it wouldn’t go away until he actually manned the fuck up and got his ass to Camp Half-Blood.
… Which he’d done a few times now, but he always came by way of the beach. Never by the hill, until today. Finally. He finally worked up the courage to park his car, climb up the hill, and visit the place Luke remembered too well. Jason still had nightmares about it, sometimes. The night...
Jason exhaled sharply, stuck his hands in his pockets, and turned around abruptly. Okay. He was here. But could he actually do this? Deep breaths, Collins, deep breaths, he reminded himself gently, giving his shoulders a little shake and inhaling deeply before he turned back to face the tree. Thalia’s tree.
Yep. Just like he remembered.
Luke had never been able to look at the pine tree without feeling too many emotions to put names to, all at once and all extreme. Most of them were too deep and too cutting to think about for long, so he’d avoided her tree just like his reincarnate had been doing lately, but now that they were in front of it, well, it all came rushing back, and Jason was perfectly silent and still. He was never like this around people; usually, he was constantly blabbering offensive nonsense and bouncing around like he’d had three or four Monsters for breakfast (which, most days, he actually had). But not here. Not where Thalia had sacrificed herself for her friends. Annabeth, Grover, and... Me, came Luke’s voice, rough in Jason’s head. She did this for me, and just look how I repaid her.
Jason shook his head, neither confirming nor denying, but he still didn’t say anything. Instead, he stepped up to the tree, underneath the low canopy of needles, and took a seat at the base, leaning against the scratchy bark. He tilted his head back heavily to look up through the branches. “Sorry,” he whispered. And then, for awhile, he just sat.
---
Tess had only been the reincarnate of Thalia Grace for a little under two years, but thanks to a little thing called Witness Protection, when things exploded during and after Boston she hadn’t been on the list. Her records had been sealed and put away the moment she’d become a reincarnate, for her safety, so in the aftermath she’d been grateful for the continued privacy. That is until her dream. She was always aware that there might be other reincarnates out there that Thalia knew, but she hadn’t yet made the decision to seek them out and avoided the boards pointedly, not wanting to complicate her life further while things were still so muddled. As soon as Boston had happened Thalia had started urging her forward, to go out and talk to people, to seek out her friends who Thalia was positive would already be aiding in the war effort. Thalia was itching to help, but Tess just wasn’t ready. Not yet.
But then she dreamed of Thalia’s tree two days ago. The tree at the top of Half-Blood Hill and the boy under it who Tess didn’t recognize, but she had felt... something. A weird sort of recognition? She wasn’t sure, but she knew demigod dreams well enough to know that this was something she had to seek out. So she finally got the courage to take that first step. Which wasn’t to seek out Annabeth or Percy or anyone Thalia knew, it was to visit Camp Half-Blood. Or more specifically, Half-Blood Hill. To Thalia’s tree, to the tree that Thalia once was.
She’d arrived just after sundown, speeding through the country roads in her bright blue mustang convertible with the wind in her hair to calm her nerves, and it worked. Sort of. Until she spotted the other car parked a ways down the road, which she quickly reasoned had to just be someone else from the camp. The moment she stepped out of her car and shut the door behind her, she felt that same nervousness eating away at the pit of her stomach just like before, and whenever she’d thought about doing this. There was still so much she didn’t understand, but she knew enough. She’d picked up the books as soon as she’d become the reincarnate of Thalia Grace, and to Tess, this was the next step she needed to take.
It didn’t take her long to climb the hill. By then it was getting darker and nighttime was falling fast, but she pushed herself forward, thinking only of the resolution she thought she was seeking. She craved a level of understanding of what being Thalia meant that only this place could give her, and despite what had happened at the top of this hill, she felt a connection to it that she couldn’t explain. Only feel. When she finally reached the last slope just a few feet from the top and the tree they’d been seeking, she stopped short just after emerging from the growing darkness, her blue eyes wide and focusing on the figure sitting at the base of Thalia’s pine. Even without seeing his face, she knew he was the boy in her dream. For a split second she felt fear, while from Thalia she felt a strange surge of hope that she didn’t quite comprehend as she pushed a mess of long brown hair out of her face and breathed out cautiously. “... Hello?”
---
Jason and Luke were so lost in their own jumbled thoughts that he didn’t even notice when the sun began to set. Memories were racing through his mind faster than he could keep track of them, memories that weren’t Jason’s but felt like it anyway, and instead of fighting it, he just closed his eyes and let it happen. Luke had been a hero by the end (the very end), but before that... well, he had a lot to answer for, and a lot of people to answer to. He’d made his peace with the reincarnates of Percy and Annabeth, but he knew for a fact that this life’s Artemis didn’t trust him, and he couldn’t exactly blame her. If any god ever trusted him again, it’d be a miracle. But then again, it wasn’t their trust he wanted, or their forgiveness.
Then again, he couldn’t get that forgiveness from a tree, either. He hadn’t really expected to when he’d finally come here, but he had expected something. Instead, he just felt worse than before. Apologizing to pine cones was useless, meaningless. The tree was still here, it could be seen for miles around, but when it came right down to it? It was just a tree. It wasn’t Thalia. She wasn’t here.
…. But someone was. Jason’s eyes flew open at the sound of a girl’s voice, which was very nearby, apparently, which was very not good. Jason was supposed to have a demigod’s instincts, the ability to sense a threat coming from a mile away, but here he was, the idiot sitting just outside the border of Camp Half-Blood where anybody could sneak up on him and was. Jason leapt to his feet and promptly got a face full of pine needles – sputtering, he shot out from under the tree and stumbled headlong into the intruder, sending them both sprawling. Jason’s battle instincts finally took over, though (better late than never), and he managed to roll and spring to his feet again, a bronze knife in his hand, stance defensive. “Hey!” he shouted, breathing hard, “Who the hell are – ”
Then, he saw her eyes. His own widened and his jaw dropped, and if he’d been anything but a demigod, he definitely would’ve lost his grip on the knife. “.... oh.”
He blinked. Then, quietly, “Shit.”
---
Before Tess knew it, she was on the ground, but thankfully Thalia was helpful in supplying her with her reflexes. She may not have gotten used to thinking with them yet, but Thalia was, so at the same time as Jason was rolling back to his feet, she was doing the same in the opposite direction, having managed to catch herself on her hands when they’d fallen. In as short a time as it took for the guy to pull his knife, Thalia’s shield Aegis had expanded from the inconspicuous bracelet around her wrist that Thalia had been insisting she wear at all times, and now Tess was pretty grateful for it. At the same time she’d also been quick to yank out the canister from her pocket that grew into a bronze spear, taking an immediate defensive stance with her shield and spear out in front of her as he had taken his with his knife.
“Who the hell am I?” Tess shot back, immediately angry and on the defense, her eyes narrowed as she finally took in the sight of him but made no move to press forward in an offense. Not yet. She wasn’t really sure what she’d do if she did, but for some reason, she knew she could beat this guy. Even if she’d never met him before in her life, she felt a surge of confidence there that she’d never known she’d had. It was a pity, really, she hadn’t even had time to laugh at the way he’d gotten a face full of pine before careening clumsily straight into her, and now there was a very good chance that this was going to end badly for one or both of them.
She didn’t notice his delayed reaction to her at first, too pissed off and confused to realize that he was looking at her so strangely. Who did this guy think he was? Did she really look all that threatening?! … Well, she probably did now, what with the spear and shield and all, but before when it had just been her tall but very petite form in shorts and a jean jacket, she hadn’t in any way looked like she was about to attack him. What was his deal?
“Who the hell are yo-” she was about to counter when she stopped short too, a strange recognition dawning on her and Thalia that made them both waiver where they stood, and she actually backed up a step, looking at him warily with spear and shield now pointed uncertainly at him. “What’s your problem? This how you say hello to everyone or am I just special.”
---
“Aw, gods!” Jason cried out at the sight of her horrible shield (also just like he remembered, except worse), flinching and closing his eyes simultaneously. If he had any doubts about who she was before, they were certainly gone now. The spear, Aegis, her shockingly blue eyes – even if this girl wasn’t literally the daughter of Zeus, she was definitely the reincarnate of Thalia. And... Jason didn’t really know what to do.
While he’d been sitting alone, of course, the scene played perfectly in his head. If he ever met Thalia, he knew exactly what he’d say to her. He had it all planned out, had for a long time now, but... well, she was Thalia, and he didn’t know what to say. So, later, he’d probably argue that between shock and that damn shield, he wasn’t in full control of his of his mouth. Or his brain, for that matter. Or anything. As much as Luke wanted to see Thalia again, to say everything he never had a chance to say, Jason was so not prepared for this.
So he shouted at her.
“Why’d you have to go and whip that thing out, huh?!” He glanced over at her again through tightly squeezed eyes, then immediately looked away again, shielding his face with the crook of his arm and taking a few steps back. “What’s your problem?! That thing could – ”
He was about to say ‘knock a guy over,’ but as it turned out, he didn’t have to. He slipped on a muddy patch of grass, quickly lost his footing, and fell backward down the hill. Another “Shit!” exploded from his mouth, but thankfully he didn’t fall very far, just a short tumble, and when he finally stopped rolling, he was flat on the back and staring at the darkening sky. He sighed heavily and didn’t move a muscle. Graceful like a swan, he thought. I’m the Swan Queen, bitch. Then, even though he was facing away from her, he waved in her direction.
“Hey!” His voice was falsely bright and strangely resigned. “I’m Jason and Luke or whatever. To answer your previous question, no and, uhhh.... yes.” Three fingers curled into his fist in the air, and suddenly he was flashing a peace sign at her. “Wassup?”
---
“Oops-” Though he couldn’t see her, Tess looked incredibly guilty when he lost his footing and went tumbling down the hill. She knew just how horrific Thalia’s shield was having read the books, and she didn’t really know why she’d pulled it out, except that it had been on pure instinct. He’d pulled a knife on her, so she’d reciprocated. … Since when had her gut instinct been to pull out a shield and spear? She looked down at the weapons in her hands with a puzzled expression, half convinced she should just bolt now while she could and avoid the rest of this strange confrontation, when one word stopped her in her tracks as she was already half turned to run.
Luke.
The name caused something in her, presumably from Thalia to freeze up in her throat and the anger to immediately melt from her eyes. She felt a whole range of things at once that she couldn’t quite pick out of the sudden din of her mind, just his name. Luke. That... of all the things she’d expected, she had definitely not been expecting that. What she knew of Luke she knew from the books and Thalia’s memories, and neither helped in lessening their confliction any, but before she knew it she was doing something else unexpected. She was panicked, throwing her shield and spear down on the ground (the shield face down, mercifully) and lowering herself to a crouch in a much more graceful slide down the muddy side of the hill to reach him. She wasn’t sure what really possessed her to do it, other then the guilt and irrational panic that came with knowing it was basically her fault that he’d just fallen. Again.
She nearly crashed into him for a second time that night but managed to narrowly avoid it, turning at the last second mid-slide and coming to a stop next to him, also sort of over him. All previous paranoia temporarily forgotten, Tess was too busy focusing on the fact that this was Luke, and while she should probably still be paranoid considering, she couldn’t just keep standing there with weapons in hand while he was lying pitifully on the hillside and - wait, did he mean yes as in yes she was just special? “... Sorry.” She was fighting with Thalia, who was more or less trying to force her way to the surface to confront this situation, but when Tess spoke again it was all Tess, and none of the fierce daughter of Zeus as she hovered over Jason, looking genuinely concerned. “Are you okay?”
---
One second, Jason was alone on the hillside, praying to each and every god on Olympus that everything happening right now was either a dream or a hallucination, and the next, well, there was the proof that all of this decidedly wasn’t. The Thalia girl slid down the hill next to him and sort of... over him, and for a second, Jason couldn’t do anything but stare. This close, it was so easy to see Thalia in her, but at the same time, he could see the differences, too. For one, she definitely wasn’t a punk, and for another, she definitely wasn’t jailbait. … Which probably shouldn’t have been the second thing he noticed, but Jason wasn’t just a demigod. He was also a dude. And this girl was kinda gorgeous.
“Whoa,” he muttered finally, lowering his arm as she closed in on him and letting it fall uselessly to his side. “Nice moves there, slick. Mad skills.” Gods. What was he even saying. He closed his eyes and gave his head a small shake, but when he opened them again, he didn’t exactly meet hers. “Uhhh, yeah. I mean, yeah! I’m totally fine. I fall off hills all the time. It’s kinda my thing.” Not true. At all. “You telling me you didn’t see my.... Olympic gold technique?” Made up. He just fell. “Well. That blows. Now I gotta do it all over again.”
He rolled his eyes and sat up on his elbows, which awkwardly brought the space between them down to mere inches, but he cleared his throat and pointed a finger at her like he didn’t notice it at all. (He did. So did Luke, but for the first time in a long time, Luke was being weirdly quiet. Not a good sign.) “Didn’t catch your name, bee-tee-dubs. Nature’s kinda working against me today. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised, since this is...” He swallowed. Fuck. Of all the times for his inane babble to veer into the serious, now was not it. “Uh. Well. Your hill.”
He cleared his throat again, and his eyebrows did some strange acrobatics on his forehead. “Awkward... “
---
Now that he was babbling, it was sort of hard to imagine this reincarnate of Luke Castellan as anything threatening, despite what had just half way conspired between Tess and Jason and despite how he and Thalia had left things. If Tess didn’t add in the Luke factor, it was even easier to just look at this Jason guy on the ground underneath her and be amused. It was sort of cute, the way he couldn’t seem to be able to keep his mouth shut, he just kept making it worse and worse until -
Your hill.
That immediately darkened the mood and the small grin playing on Tess’s lips soon vanished. Her hill. For a second she’d actually forgotten why the name Luke held so much anguish for her, for Thalia. Now she remembered. She remembered what had happened to Thalia in the first place, how she’d laid down her life for Luke and Annabeth, only to return to have Luke betray them all, but especially her. Or at least, that’s how it had felt to Thalia. After what she did for him, after what she’d felt for him. It was no secret that there had been more to their friendship then just that, friendship, but in the grand scheme of the events taking place that couldn’t matter anymore. Her feelings for Luke had to be put aside in order to do what was right, all the way up to Mount Tamalpais with a swift, accidental kick off the side of a cliff.
And then it dawned on Tess, that was why she’d dove after him down the hill just now, so quickly. That surge of panic had been Thalia’s, not hers. A gut wrenching, irrational fear that she’d just done it again, she’d just kicked Luke off the side of a cliff even though this was far from a cliff, thank the gods. Even so, this realization left them both feeling a little miserable and that was when Tess realized how close in proximity she still was to Jason’s face after he’d sat up. She swallowed a little herself, immediately sitting back on her heels which at least allowed her a better look at him that wasn’t so up close and confusing.
“... Um. Tess. Well, Theresa, but I like Tess.” She paused, not sure what else to say for a long moment and the longer she stayed quiet, the longer she had to feel everything that Thalia was going through right now and start to get anxious. What was she doing? Should she even be here? She knew how things had ended for Luke even though Thalia hadn’t been there to witness it, thanks to some very vengeful pillars, but still... this was Luke. Wasn’t it? She should be walking away right now, not sticking around for some idle chit chat.
Tess eyed him cautiously, her voice a whole octave or so lower once she finally spoke up again, her insides churning with indecision. “You’re really Luke?”
---
You’re really Luke? Jason couldn’t help but laugh quietly at that. Of all the questions she could’ve asked him, she had to break out the one he didn’t know how to answer. Technically? Yeah, he was Luke Castellan, the same way Xander Christopoulos was Percy and this Tess was Thalia – he was Luke, but he had been himself, Jason, for much longer. They were all two people at once. That complicated things. Blurred every line. Made these questions impossible to answer.
But was he Luke? Was Jason anything like Luke? From the moment Jason had become a reincarnate, reading the books as they were published and avoiding the movie like hell, he’d gone so far out of his way to not be Luke he was practically a caricature of himself now. Because, truth was, he understood Luke. Had from the very beginning. Between his dad dying early, his mom succumbing to depression, and his brother letting him down, Jason had grown up fast and grown up bitter, but somewhere along the way things had gotten better. His and Luke’s upbringings had their similarities, and that was enough to make Jason grateful that, as bad as it had gotten sometimes, things hadn’t been any worse for him. Thank the gods he’d never reached that turning point like Luke had with Thalia’s death and his failed quest. If Will had died in that plane crash... gods. Jason didn’t even want to think about that.
Was he Luke? Jason wanted to say no. He wasn’t Luke. He’d never follow in his footsteps. Never. At the same time, though, Luke’s mistakes, his many betrayals, his tragic past – they were all a part of Jason now. In the end, they were all stepping stones on Luke’s rocky path to becoming a true hero.
Think... rebirth. Try for three times. Isles of the Blest.
Was he really Luke?
“Yeah,” he answered finally, seriously, exhaling as though he were getting the weight of the world off his chest. He met her electric blue eyes again, his own dark brown ones sad and resigned. “I sound like an idiot, and even on my good days I can be a real big one, but yeah. I am.” He took another small breath and exhaled with another sigh. “Sorry.”
---
Was he... apologizing? Tess looked at him like he was crazy, inwardly trying to sort through the haze of her and Thalia’s thoughts in the hopes of reaching a solution. Some way to handle this that wouldn’t lead to... well, anything more painful than this. In some ways the pain of losing Luke three times (once when she died, twice when he betrayed her and three times when he met his own death) was still so fresh that Tess felt as if she’d experienced it herself. But she hadn’t. She’d lived her own life long before Thalia ever came along, a life completely absent of Luke Castellan and all this demigod insanity. A life that she now realized had been much simpler, even if she hadn’t thought so at the time. This? All of this was too confusing, and only made more so by the surprisingly apologetic boy sitting in front of her.
What could she do? Or really, what should she do? Accept his apology? She felt like it wasn’t hers to accept, after all Jason had done nothing to her. Well, except maybe accidentally crash into her and then not so accidentally pull a knife on her, but she figured after the whole shield and falling off the hill incident directly following, they were pretty much even now. At least, she and Jason were. Were Thalia and Luke? Was that something that could ever be put aside? More importantly, was that something Tess should even be worrying about? She frowned to herself, biting her lower lip in thought as her gaze temporarily drifted to the grass by her knees.
He’s not Luke. Tess’s forehead creased in confusion as she silently questioned what her reincarnate had just said to her. Luke is him, now. That’s how reincarnation is meant to work here. Tess nodded slowly, seeming to understand and trying her best to ignore the obvious pain etched in Thalia’s voice. Something about rebirth...? She remembered reading about that, or Thalia explaining it to her when she was reading the books. But what did that mean? Did that mean they could start over? Forget the past? Was the past even something she could legitimately hold against this guy, who as Thalia said, wasn’t actually Luke, just Luke reborn into someone else? Neither girl had an answer for that.
“Hey, don’t apologize. I should be the one apologizing, I’m the one who knocked you off the hill,” she’d started to say, finally raising her eyes again to meet his warm, brown ones. He had such a nice face. Just like Luke. A face that made you want to trust them. Tess wanted to trust him, and Thalia... Well, apparently Thalia had her own ideas. At first Tess didn’t know what was happening, or why she was reaching toward him even though she hadn’t been trying to. It was only when both her hands found his face and held him there, just a few inches from hers that she realized it was Thalia reaching out to Luke. That when her eyes met his again it was Thalia looking fiercely through her similarly blue eyes, trying to see Luke through Jason’s brown ones. She was trying to see where Luke was in this face, in this new pair of eyes.
For a moment Tess held her breath, not sure if she should put the breaks on this in case Thalia lashed out or not. The daughter of Zeus was feeling so many things at once that Tess couldn’t keep up, but in the end, apparently something good won out. Thalia may not have been there when Luke died, but she’d known what happened, what he’d done for everyone. What’s past was past, what’s done was already done. There was no point, and then a warmth spread through Tess as she felt something click, and she knew Thalia must have found him.
She wasn’t sure if the words were Thalia’s or hers, or some combination of both, but it came out in a hushed whisper all the same. “There you are.”
---
Jason smiled a wry half-smile and started to shake his head when she started apologizing for something that didn’t even matter (though for half a second there, he could’ve sworn she was about to say cliff, not hill, and that.... Luke didn’t want to hear that, not now, not ever) – and then, suddenly, her hands were on his face, but she held him still with her eyes. All his life, he couldn’t remember anybody looking at him the way Tess was now, so deeply it was almost uncomfortable, but... no, that wasn’t Tess. Those were Tess’s eyes, but she wasn’t the one looking through them right now.
Thalia was.
A lump formed instantly in Jason’s throat, so raw and painful he couldn’t speak even if he wanted to. Wouldn’t know what to say even if he could. This wasn’t his moment. He and Luke knew that without sharing a single word between them, and quickly, making an unspoken agreement, they switched places. Jason retreated to the background for the moment, while Luke took his place at the front.
“Thalia,” he breathed, hardly believing it, and then he sat up, suddenly urgent. This was a feeling Luke remembered too well, sharing a body with another mind, choosing it but at the same time not really wanting it, and for a moment he forgot that Jason was the proper owner of this body and Luke, if anything, was the unwanted guest. He forgot that Kronos didn’t exist in this world, that the Titan had never taken him over in this life, that Jason was his friend, not his foe. This was the worst kind of regression, taking him back to the moment of his death. A hand went frantically to his own Achilles’ heel, that space under his arm where he’d stabbed himself with Annabeth’s knife, and words spilled out of him as quickly as his blood had, as though he only had seconds left to live.
“Thalia, I – ” His other hand went to her forearm and gripped her tight, eyes pleading and voice breaking. “I never meant to – you know if you h-hadn’t, I never would’ve, but they just let you die, and I couldn’t... I was so...” He had to look away from her, just for a second, but when he looked back, his voice was barely above a whisper, lost and confused and heartbroken and angry just like the night...
“Why’d you have to die for us?” His brow furrowed, and there were tears in his eyes. The ones Luke never let himself spill, and wouldn’t, not even now. “Why’d you have to do that?”
---
“Shhh.” Tess might not have known what he was doing when he sat up so urgently, but Thalia did. One hand left his face to grab his hand, the one that went searching so frantically for his weak spot, and she held it in hers as his free hand grabbed her forearm. “You’re okay. It’s not happening again, Luke.”
A dull pain jabbed at her insides, and from the back of her own mind Tess knew how hard this was on Thalia. How hard this was on both of them. Thalia had come back from the dead to find out that the one person she’d always counted on had betrayed everyone, and that betrayal had made her not think clearly. It had blinded her, made her forget all about the Luke she knew and drove her to kick the Luke she didn’t know off a cliff. A bitter ending to a story that wasn’t finished. And then Luke had been taken by Kronos, Thalia never saw her Luke again. It was easy to only dwell on the bad things that had happened. Much harder to remember all the good. But Tess understood, or at least, she thought she did.
It didn’t excuse Luke’s actions, or undo them. But just as she had when Thalia had fought him on the cliff, Luke had acted out in anger after her death. It wasn’t what she would have wanted, but he’d done it for her. Just as she’d made the choice to die for him in the first place. The things people do for love? She could have told him it still didn’t make what he’d done okay, but she didn’t. He already knew that, and there was no point anymore. These were new lives, and she should forgive him. Not just because he needed it, but because she needed it too. It was time.
“Because I couldn’t not die for you,” Thalia responded patiently, angling the hand on his face to caress his skin with the backs of her fingers softly. “What was the alternative? Letting you die? I couldn’t do that.” She looked at him with an alarming sadness, as if the full weight of what had transpired between them on Mount Tamalpais was just now coming down on her like she’d never allowed it to before, and her bottom lip quivered. “I’m so sorry, Luke. For what I did to you. Please forgive me.”
Tears had welled up in her eyes too, but unlike his they actually spilled down her cheeks, just as they had while she’d fought him, right before she lost him. She’d lost him too many times.
---
Nodding, he set his jaw when she answered and gripped her hand tightly – almost too tight, but they were demigods, they could take it. Both of them could take more physical pain than regular mortals and still keep fighting, but the emotional kind... Luke’s last years had been filled with upheaval after upheaval, but he’d only felt this much internal turmoil once before, and it wasn’t when he died. It was when Thalia told him that he wasn’t Luke. That she didn’t know him anymore. That had nearly ripped him to pieces, but he’d been so desperate to get her back, to have her back at his side just so he could start the world over and make the gods pay for everything they’d done to her – to them, all of the demigods, the heroes and the unclaimed... Gods, he’d been so desperate he’d never known what the cost would be until it was too late, and he’d fought her in hand-to-hand combat with tears coursing down her cheeks.
His throat constricted again at the memories, and he knew she remembered too, because all of a sudden, she was asking for his forgiveness. Luke looked up, alarmed at her words, and at the sight of her tears he was pulling her into his arms – Jason’s arms – before he could stop himself, cradling her against his chest.
“No, no,” he whispered into her hair, rocking her gently to comfort them both. “Don’t – don’t apologize for that. It wasn’t your... I mean, I – no. You died for me. For us, and then I... I let you all down. I deserved a lot worse than a cliff, Thalia. There’s... there’s nothing to forgive. You never let me down. Never.”
That’s what she said about you, before Mount Tam, Jason said softly from the back of his own head, but Luke knew that. He’d read the books, too. He closed his eyes, but as tight as he squeezed them, that didn’t stop the tears from finally falling. If they had to fall, though? It was only appropriate that they fell for her. “I’m sorry. I let you down.”
---
Tess felt the most overpowering wave of relief hit her as Luke pulled them - pulled Thalia - into Jason’s arms. Thalia was beside herself. For a moment all she could do was let him hold her, clinging to him as tightly as he was clinging to her with an actual sob of relief. Rebirth had actually been achieved, thank the gods. It wasn’t until this very moment that she realized just how much she’d needed to see him again. Talk to him again. To feel his arms around her again, even if they weren’t technically his anymore. It didn’t matter, none of it mattered, because they were both here again and everything would be okay now.
“No,” she suddenly hissed fiercely at his statement that he deserved worse than a cliff. “You didn’t. You didn’t deserve any of that. I came back to a world I expected to still be the same, but it wasn’t. The world had changed... you’d changed. And instead of putting the blame where it belonged, I blamed you.” She shuddered against his chest, fingers curling tightly into the material of his shirt. “I said I’d never forsake you, but I did.”
There was now a very prominent wet spot on his shirt where she’d been crying so she lifted her head, though mostly because she just wanted to see those eyes again. The face may have been different, but his eyes. They were all Luke’s, even if they were a different color now. When she saw that he was crying too, Tess gave her silent permission and Thalia leaned in to kiss the skin just under his eyelid softly. His tears were salty on her lips, but she kissed the same spot again before pulling back an inch.
“You didn’t let me down. We let each other down, but you were a real hero.” She didn’t go on, it didn’t need to be said, but they both knew she was now referring to what happened with Kronos. She’d been the coward who joined the Hunt to escape the prophecy, leaving him to a fate worse than death. “I should have been there with you.”
---
Luke shook his head again, but he knew better than to argue with her about this any more than he already had. Kronos may have been the real villain behind the war on Olympus, but Luke had been the spark. He’d resented the gods all his life, before he’d even known who to hate; Thalia had been the penultimate domino, and Hermes’ Herculean quest the final one. He could’ve said no to Kronos in the very beginning. He could’ve chosen to let it go. He could’ve saved a lot of lives and went on his own quest to find the Golden Fleece to restore Thalia, but he hadn’t. Luke had let his weakness get the better of him. The blame belonged with him.
There would be no convincing her of that, though, and selfishly, he didn’t really want to. Even now, he was expecting Thalia to hate him for what he’d done, but... well, he wasn’t exactly surprised that she didn’t, either. Of all the people in his life, Thalia was the only one who’d ever stuck with him through everything. His parents loved him, deep down he’d always known that, but neither one of them, May or Hermes, could be there for him the way he wanted them to be. But then he’d found Thalia. They protected each other while they were on the run from gods and monsters alike. When they ran into the Hunters, Thalia had refused to join them for his sake, and on Mount Tam, Luke had begged her to join him – not because he wanted her to aid Kronos, but because he was in too deep and that was the only way he knew to keep protecting her. Don’t make me... Don’t make him destroy you, he’d pleaded with her. She’d done the right thing in refusing him. The right thing for both of them. And in the end, he’d sacrificed himself to protect her, Percy, Annabeth, and the rest. Because he couldn’t let her die.
Silently, he accepted her kiss. Luke was grateful for it, while Jason was a little embarrassed, feeling like he was seeing something he shouldn’t, eavesdropping weirdly on his own body. This had never been an issue for the two of them before, but of course it would be Thalia who changed that. Which didn’t surprise him, either. On some level, they’d always known that when they found her again, nothing would ever be the same. But they waited, too. Jason and Luke may have been putting it off, but they’d come to Thalia’s tree at exactly the right time, almost like it was fate.
Luke had always hated that word, but here, now, holding a reborn Thalia in his own reincarnated arms... Well. He didn’t mind it so much anymore.
“No,” he said firmly, knowing exactly what she meant, his face going pale at the thought. He shook his head once more and then continued, much more softly, “No. If you’d been there, I don’t... I don’t think I would’ve been able to go. T-to say what I needed to say, so things would be different. I couldn’t have left you again. It was... better. The way it was.”
He looked away before he finished, though. He almost believed it. But he’d wanted her there, too.
---
Thalia’s face (which was technically now Tess’s) softened at that. She was done arguing, even if he’d kept trying to convince her. Logically, she knew there was brutal truth to what he was saying, but it was harder for her to digest now. The steady pain of everything that happened outside her control was rapidly rising in her gut like it never had before. Now that they had a second chance, she didn’t want to think of him that way anymore. He was still her Luke, he always had been. He’d just made a lot of wrong choices, and she’d stopped seeing him. How was it possible that things could get so mixed up? Neither Thalia nor Tess had an easy answer for that either, but that hardly mattered now. Things weren’t mixed up anymore, at least not like that.
“Maybe not better,” she corrected in a more gentle tone, sighing in resignation as she accepted the fact that no matter how many different ways they said it, it wouldn’t a change a thing. “But the way it had to be. I’m still sorry, and there’s nothing you can do about that.”
Her hands went to either side of his face again, guiding it gently back so he had to look at her. It hurt her for him to not look at her, even if she could understand exactly why he couldn’t. She just. She needed him to look at her. She knew she was on borrowed time, and their respective reincarnates would eventually want their free will back. She knew that, logically, even if the thought made her irrationally bitter right now. They couldn’t always be with each other like this, talk to each other like this. These weren’t their bodies, not exactly, and they couldn’t just force Tess and Jason to permanently hand over the reigns. But it was at least a comfort to know where he was now, that he was here. That was enough for her.
She smiled then, for the first time since this exchange had begun, and it was possible that Tess was in there somewhere smiling too. She liked feeling Thalia this happy. “I missed you, Luke.”
---
“I know,” he murmured, meeting her gaze again when she prompted him to and even giving her a small smile. Typical Thalia – stubborn and immovable as a mountain when she made up her mind. She was the most headstrong demigod Luke had ever met, even more so than Percy and Annabeth, and that was saying something. There was no arguing with her or persuading her, not really. Luke, one of the slyest sons of Hermes, had learned that the hard way more than once. They both took after their dads that way. It was almost funny, when you thought about it, and over the years, he and Jason had had a lot of time to think.
That, more than anything, was the reason why he didn’t hesitate after she said that she’d missed him. He had too, so much more than he could put into words, so he didn’t even try to. Instead, he closed the space between them and (with Jason’s peculiar, nervous blessing – do whatcha gotta do, bro) gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. It was long overdue. If Thalia had lived, if they’d made it to Camp Half-Blood safe and sound, the gods only knew how differently everything might have turned out, but Luke knew instinctively that he had always been meant to kiss her. Maybe not in their old life, but this one worked, too. It was different, but he and Thalia had always been inseparable since the moment they met. Still were, apparently. Luke had never had that, and Jason hadn’t, either. And all of this, it was scarier than Tartarus, but it was... nice, too. Jason couldn’t complain.
When he finally pulled away, Luke was smiling – a real, genuine smile. This was the happiest he’d ever been in his entire life, and for the first time in a long time, Jason felt happy, too. He felt lighter, somehow, like Luke wasn’t such a burden anymore, or rather like the burden Luke carried was significantly lessened under the presence of her smile. “I missed you too, Thalia,” he said simply, and he gave her forehead a serene kiss. “More than you know.”
---
Thalia was fully prepared to kiss him back, and Tess let her, because in the grand scheme of things her comfort level was less important then Thalia and Luke’s need for catharsis. This had definitely been a long time coming, and Tess would probably admit later that she didn’t mind so much either. It was sort of weird to be kissing a guy she’d only just met and literally talked to for two seconds before Thalia had taken over, but at the same time, it was because of her that Jason didn’t feel like a stranger. It actually kind of felt like she’d known him for years, in a way that made her feel safe like she hadn’t since she was a kid, so after a few seconds all discomfort was forgotten.
Also, his lips felt really nice.
She (Thalia) laughed breathlessly as Luke kissed her forehead, shutting her eyes for a moment just to bask in the feeling before raising her head to kiss him again, just one more time. She knew there was never going to be enough, she’d never be able to kiss him enough or tell him how much she missed him or how sorry she was enough for it to at all satisfy her, but this was at least a start. The seriousness of their situation was slowly ebbing away in favor of the near euphoric happiness she was feeling now at the brightness of his returned smile and the softness of his kiss. The latter not being something she’d been lucky enough to experience before, but she had now.
It was only half way through the kiss that Tess slowly began to realize, Thalia was gone. Retreated to the back of her mind and let Tess back in the driver’s seat, almost like she’d snuck away and not told her on purpose. Well, that figures. Thalia was a sly one in her own way, just a bit more obvious about it then Luke. She felt suspended in motion for a moment, lips still pressed firmly against Jason’s until after a long pause she (almost regretfully) pulled away. Just a few inches, in order to get her bearings, and then she met his eyes again. This time when blue met brown it was Tess looking at Jason instead of Thalia looking at Luke, and she was actually shocked to realize how different it didn’t feel. She’d give him one thing, the guy left a hell of an impression.
“I, uh,” Tess cleared her throat after a moment, looking sheepishly at him through the darkness, completely oblivious to the fact that they were just out on a hillside in the open night air having quite possibly the strangest first meeting to ever be a first meeting. She had however become all too aware of her current position on him, but decidedly not moving. Nope. Not moving at all. “... seem to be on your lap...” Thalia, remind me to kill you later. The daughter of Zeus lodged somewhere inside her head just grinned.
---
The second kiss, if anything, was better than the first. A small part of Luke was still waiting for her to reject him, but the longer the kiss went on, the smaller and smaller that part of him got until it was gone altogether. It was hard to keep the self-loathing up while she was kissing him like he’d never been kissed before (she was kind of electric, after all), but eventually he came to the realization that as long as she forgave him, he didn’t really need to keep punishing himself for sins of the past anymore. That epiphany sent such a wave of pure relief through him that the intensity of the kiss grew for a moment or two before it waned again, and she finally pulled away.
Opening his eyes, Luke didn’t see Thalia anymore, and for a moment he was confused. His brow furrowed and his mouth parted slightly, but then Jason stepped back to the forefront of his brain with a short, yep, that’s my cue, and Luke was once again relegated to the back. Regaining the use of his own body, Jason exhaled powerfully, sighing away the tension and the slight buzz that still lingered on his lips. This was kind of an awkward position Thalia and Luke had put them in, but Jason didn’t mind. It was worth it, after all – that conversation they’d had before the kissing was one Luke had been wanting to have for as long as Jason could remember, and the sensation of Luke being happy for once in his miserable life, well, Jason wouldn’t have traded that for anything. After six years, they both felt like they could finally breathe again.
Also, a seriously hot woman was currently sitting on his lap. Who in his right mind would ever complain about that?
“Are you?” Jason shot back, raising one eyebrow like this was brand new information to him. “Huh. Somehow that escaped my notice.” He paused, his slightly impish, signature Jason grin fading into something a little softer and a little more curious. He wondered what other reincarnates did in situations like this. Did they bolt, or did they compromise? He had no idea, but Jason did know one thing for sure. He wasn’t going anywhere.
And neither was she, apparently. That hadn’t escaped his notice, either. “You’re... not moving.” Even though it was dark, it wasn’t hard to find her bright blue eyes. “Comfortable?”
----
PART TWO