REED: I need girl advice. LORI: ooooh? REED: I don't know if I have a date this week. I might, but I'm bad at this shit. LORI: lol kk dish REED: Girl I met while out getting coffee this weekend. She's coming over to help me pack and make dinner. LORI: well i guess thats pretty innocent LORI: wait wait WAIT dinner? REED: Yeah, we're making pasta and having wine. Her suggestion. LORI: okay you know that like a date with pasta and wine is like LORI: not like my kind of date REED: But is it a date or just a friend thing? I'm so dim. I never know when women are interested in me. LORI: idk did it happen online? can I read it? where? REED: Yeah, in my post about moving in with you. Her name is Lucia. LORI: ooooh LORI: maybe it is REED: Crap. Now I'm gonna be nervous. LORI: well thats why you have wine REED: Getting drunk, that's your suggestion? LORI: naw LORI: but wine does relax youuuu REED: Right. LORI: idk i never had a normal date REED: I usually screw them up. LORI: mine just start out in bed REED: Oh. LORI: did i make you blush again? REED: Yes. LORI: oh well theyre all idiots anyway LORI: any girl would be lucky toget you REED: Thanks, that's what my mom says, but I figure she's required to say that. LORI: i'm obvs not your mom REED: I would NEVER mistake you for my mother. LORI: haha REED: She's confused about me moving in with you when we just met and aren't dating. LORI: woah lol old fashioned much REED: She's from Indiana. And Catholic. LORI: this is new york LORI: the usual rules don't apply LORI: i roomed with a drag queen for a couple of months REED: Yeah, I'm aware, but she's not. LORI: best months ever REED: You probably don't want to borrow my clothes or shoes. Sorry. LORI: idk well see REED: But I have an awesome cat! LORI: imma steal it for when i sleep REED: He won't mind. He's a snuggler. LORI: hmmmm LORI: why are all the good men cats REED: I'm a good snuggler too! LORI: lol you wouldnt want to date me REED: I don't do so well with sharing. LORI: but youre sharing your cat REED: That's different. REED: I can't share a woman. LORI: woah talk about being shot down much? REED: Was that insulting? I mean, your job kinda requires that you be single, right? LORI: uh lots of the girls have boyfriends LORI: its just a job REED: Oh, I didn't know that. I've only been to strip clubs maybe three times in my life. LORI: well if you want to make it a fourth i promise i wont embarras you REED: I don't believe you. LORI: i dont take tips from my roommate REED: You won't make me get up on stage or anything, will you? LORI: noooooo LORI: im just gonna let the other girls have at u REED: I think it would be weird, especially of I saw you naked. LORI: ill make sure im dressed at all itmes REED: Good. That would be awkward. LORI: the cat might see something else tho REED: He's a cat. He watches me shower all the time. LORI: now i wish i was a cat REED: …. LORI: what naked is natural LORI: a cat is naked all the time REED: Oh, you were talking about wanting to be a cat so YOU can be naked. Got it. REED: Sorry, blushing again. LORI: hahaaaa LORI: you woke me up again :-( LORI: hows a good girl ever going to get any sleep REED: Sorry? As my new roommate you're required to deal with my randomness at all hours. LORI: really? REED: Yep. LORI: then im going to tapdance at fivein the morning LORI: just saying REED: I'm usually awake by then on weekdays. LORI: but not on weekends :-) REED: Damn. REED: I'll learn to love it. LORI: hahahaaa REED: Batman will probably try to chase your feet. LORI: not if i attach a feather to my fan REED: Yeah, that'll keep him occupied for HOURS! Though, I warn you, he can jump pretty damn high. LORI: :-* REED: No I will not makeout with you! LORI: dreamon youre too proper REED: Not according to my mother! LORI: so youll spank me until my asscheeks are red? REED: Dammit, stop making me blush! LORI: http://pix.avaxnews.com/avaxnews/7f/2d/00002d7f_big.jpeg LORI: yes okay i made you dead REED: *is dead* LORI: you know i have a porn vid? REED: You.. what? LORI: i made one! REED: I have no response to that. LORI: lemme find the link LORI: you jyst wait REED: Wait.. you said we were watching Big Bang Theory. You're not gonna trick me into watching a sex tape with you, are you? LORI: Look, it's Sheldon! REED: THAT'S NOT SHELDON! LORI: really? LORI: i should check again REED: You tricked me! LORI: well sjeesh itsnot like its dirty REED: Oh really? Because the first thing I see is a vagina. LORI: do you want to see me in chains instead? REED: No. I'm going to be living with you. LORI: see not dirty REED: Are, uh, chains normal? Like, am I going to hear rattling on a regular basis? LORI: uh no i go to an sm club for that REED: You know what I mean. LORI: imightbe sore sometimes? REED: I just mean, we didn't discuss bringing dates back to the apartment. LORI: do whatever you llike LORI: my boys will just have to clean their places REED: That's not really fair. It's your place. REED: Maybe just give me a heads up so I don't walk in on something. LORI: bra on the door? REED: That works. LORI: altho LORI: im a screamer REED: Oh god. REED: You're trying to kill me, aren't you? LORI: Totally REED: I'm not clicking that. LORI: well just so you know how loud i scream REED: ..... LORI: someone clicked REED: DAMN YOU! REED: I don't know if this living arrangement is gonna work. LORI: NOSECRETS LORI: why? REED: Because I clicked. LORI: dude areyou hot forme? REED: I don't even know what to make of that, I had to close the window. LORI: thats not even as worse as it gets REED: DO NOT LINK ANYTHING ELSE! LORI: ugh so no hot gay action? LORI: fiiine REED: Woah, wait. LORI: you said wait REED: Ok, now I hate you. REED: I thought you meant lesbians! LORI: okay okay okay lesbians REED: Oh no, no more clicking. I don't trust you anymore. LORI: and that'll teach you never to use my computer LORI: ever REED: Promise. REED: Can we get back to my problem? REED: Because now my date that may or may not actually be a date has me even more nervous. LORI: just go with the flow omg REED: I don't wanna screw things up! I always do. LORI: you wont screw up LORI: just beyourself REED: You mean the forgetful me who doesn't always call the next day? LORI: ugh the guy who blushes LORI: ill remind you to call REED: Good. LORI: nope LORI: say 'thank you' REED: Thank you. LORI: good REED: I need the help. LORI: you really doooo LORI: ill ask lydia what her opinion is LORI: shes like a normal girl and all so REED: Dude, don't give her my name! LORI: i wont dude youre not the only guy i know REED: Good. REED: I mean, thanks. LORI: stop being a professor lol REED: I can't. LORI: i mean stop talking like one REED: But I AM a professor. LORI: not when you leave the school you aint REED: It's not like I check my PhD at the door. LORI: until you make me a dishwasher out of a soda machine im not taking anything for granted REED: I could do that. LORI: really REED: Yeah, well, with the help of some spare parts in my apartment. LORI: or a magazine rack? LORI: like thiiiiis LORI: http://www.poetichome.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/repurposed-magazine-holder-dishwasher.jpeg LORI: i want thiiiiiiiiiiiiis REED: I could do that. LORI: so pretty REED: I'll make one for you. LORI: yay REED: But after I move in, okay? LORI: okay! LORI: so you still moving in then? REED: I suppose. I have a feeling maybe you're testing me by trying to freak me out. LORI: im always testing people LORI: so far youvepassed everything REED: Yeah? LORI: yea REED: Awesome. REED: Alright, you go back to bed. I'm gonna try to start packing. LORI: okaaaay LORI: have a good one REED: You too, but not TOO good of one. LORI: hey! REED: Just sayin'. LORI: hmmm REED: Bye! LORI: bye!