To say that Taj always had a way of getting Andy to do what he wanted sounded creepy, but it was true. Taj seemed to know what to say to make Andy see the sense in his words and it helped that half the time when Taj said 'jump' Andy was already in mid-air having anticipated it.
He didn't want to see Taj, but not because of anything his brother had done - he was, as he'd said, just too ashamed of himself to see him. His uselessness made him sick and only made him feel his worthlessness more keenly. Okay he'd done what he could but it hadn't been enough, and when would it ever? Taj had really been in trouble and Andy had been too late. He may as well have not gone at all. All he could think about was that Taj had been hurt and Andy hadn't been there and all the times that Taj had been there for him.
Yeah he'd punished himself for what he'd done but he hadn't been thinking about it that way, not really, and no amount of physical harm was ever going to make up for not being there when he was needed.
Taj had told him it was okay, but how could it be when he'd let him down so completely? He'd fully expected his brother to be angry with him, no, not angry, hurt by his actions. He hadn't expected Taj to wonder where he'd been, as though Andy would ever have anything better to do. He supposed that not being there to help Taj had made his brother think that he didn't matter to him when nothing was further from the truth; his brothers were all that mattered to Andy.
He couldn't blame Taj for not realising that though, not when he was never around when he was needed.
Taj had said please but he'd also given Andy a chance to be there now, although it wasn't a do-over and never could be a second chance. Andy still grabbed onto it and went as soon as he'd read it, not wasting the time to reply.
He ran the 25 minute walk to Taj's and it's probably his unicorn speed kicked in, just to help him. He got there and he was a mass of sick-feeling, self-hating nerves but Taj had called and here he was and as he knocked at the door (he didn't think he had the right to just come in anymore) he knew that he was where he was supposed to be.