svelosynco (svelosynco) wrote in thegrand_ic, @ 2012-05-15 10:06:00 |
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Entry tags: | andrew kirin, taj habib bahar |
Who Taj and Andy
When Right after this
What Their first time seeing each since - everything
Where Taj's house
Warning TBD - most likely lots of sad
Status In Progress
Casper had been doing a lot of heavy sleeping since the demon/silver incident and he was up in Taj's room doing just that on the top level of the house. Taj had been downstairs messing with his hookah in the quiet of the evening. He sat there against the window staring up at the stars just beginning to twinkle. Something in him wanted to be on the roof. He usually got there through his bedroom window, but didn't want to disturb Casper...or...something.
He fidgeted with his phone for a long time, checking for texts every so often as if one was supposed to come in. But, it never did. A strange well started to build in his chest and that's when he sent his message out to Andy. The texting back and forth went at a steady pace when Andy answered him, even though every one sent a new chill down Taj's spine. But, Taj sent out the last text and it was taking a while for Andy to answer. He was probably just deciding what to say back? Yes.
No.
Too much time went by. He wasn't going to answer. Taj's chest started to heave erratic getting upset. Andy really cut him off there? Really?
Taj got up and went to Andy's room and closed the door behind him. He casually walked around it lightly touching decor he'd chosen for him. His fingers touched the engraving in the bedpost and looked up at the hanging stars, stars that were on Andy's ring in some mosaic. He looked down at his phone.
Nothing.
He went to the stereo and turned on some music. It was one of those random things that could shake a person when the lyrics on the radio matched their mood - namely Taj's confusion. Can't let you go was playing. He looked out the window as it started up, mouthing the words along with the song. Guess it was not meant to be, it's not as bad as it seems, it only burns when I breathe, you saw the way that I fell, but I'm better off by myself, that's the tale I like to tell.The whole world changed in the first 2 minutes of the song. Taj looked down at his phone. Nothing again and with three heaving breaths trying not to cry he threw it hard at the wall shattering the phone into pieces that would never be put back together and he fell to his knees in front of the big Moroccan foot cushion and fisted his head, his beanie ended up clutched in one hand, a fist full of hair in the other, face flat down into the cushion.
Feels like the dawn of the dead, bombs going off in my head
Taj was breaking. The song wasn't helping. He remembered a day he was so stoned and drunk and wasted over his feelings for Andy laying right over this same footstool. Andy showed up and watched over him. It was a hard night. It was another night they made it through together when Taj revealed what all those stars meant. It was also shortly after he gave Andy that ring with the same stars on it. As usual that night ended up as platonic as always, but somehow more intense and intimate, a most satisfying piece of his life.
Satisfying because there was always hope? No. Hope for what? More? More what? Sex? Add sex and that would make them together? No. That wasn't it. Taj didn't need the sex or even equate their outside sex-lives or put them together in the same line of sight as what he and Andy were. He was realizing it right then kneeling against that cushion what he might have blocked from himself before. Andy was his lover. They just didn't need all the parts and pieces to make the same connection others searched for within it. Andy was his lover. He had been all along.
Everything in his mind started to spin and twist and his stomach knotted hot and hard. So, that's where he was, clutching his head, kneeling over that cushion, tears welling from inside a creature that was supposed to be kept at an emotional middle. It was incidents like this that cut him off completely from his own powers. It had happened before. It would happen again.
But, it's not that easy for me to say goodbye, when everything in me wants you back in my life.
Can't let you go
The song wasn't helping.