Jane Bennet still wears braids and bowties (braidsnbowties) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2013-03-02 00:16:00 |
|
|||
Jane waited until she heard the deadbolt slide in place after her sister before she reached for her computer. Today was Thursday, the day that Lizzie typically uploaded her vlogs to YouTube, and it seemed that the actors portraying them kept the same schedule as well. Her sister had been acting a bit strange towards her today, but Jane quickly pushed these thoughts aside. Perhaps Lizzie was just tired, she rationalized as she curled her feet under her lap and leaned into the throw pillows, and it meant nothing at all. The overly bright smiles and concerned glances she caught from the corner of her eye were simply illusions, not reality. Imaginary or not, she didn’t want to chance any opportunity for Lizzie’s day to be ruined over her reaction to whatever had been posted. “Let’s see what’s happening back home,” Jane hummed aloud, her long fingers easily dancing over the keys of the computer as she called up the vlog. She settled back against the couch as the Pepsi commercial played, fingers curling around her warm mug of tea as she watched Sofia Vergara try to improvise a wedding toast out of her desire for a can of diet Pepsi. Jane felt her lips twitch slightly at the clip, enjoying a small sense of continuity. As silly as the commercial was, it had given her a chance to compose herself before each of her sister’s vlogs when she had sat down one afternoon and caught up to the most recent episodes. It was a small breather, a break to file away what she had just seen before more information flooded her. Jane smiled when she saw herself appear on screen with Lizzie. The irony that she was headed to New York wasn’t lost on her, and she had a small list to her future self on her computer of things that she had wished she had known before coming to the Big Apple. She was touched that Lizzie was dedicating an entire vlog to her as a going away present, but she wanted to tell her sister that it wasn’t necessary. However, a few beats later someone else took that away from her: Bing Lee stepped into the frame, and Jane couldn’t help the gasp that slipped her lips. She hit pause and placed the computer on the coffee table, her eyes glued on his green shirt as she placed her feet flat on the floor. Jane hadn’t realized how much she had missed: holiday dinners, Lizzie’s time at Collins and Collins and Pemberley Digital, Darcy’s confession about his feelings to Lizzie, Darcy’s involvement in breaking up her and Bing, Lizzie and Lydia’s fall out, Lydia’s trip to Vegas that drove her straight into the arms of George Wickham, George’s past, Caroline pretending to be her friend… the list went on and on. She had left for L.A. for a chance to further her career and heal, and while a part of her wished that Bing had called her, the majority of her was still overwhelmingly hurt and confused over his treatment of her. While the vlogs had shown her the truth and how she was able to wipe the slate clean with him and try to begin again, that wasn’t her. Behind her piles of muffins and neat braids, Jane was still quietly nursing her smarting heart. While she said she was New Jane, New Jane was just better at burying her feelings and busying herself with work than Old Jane. Even now, looking snic-cinnamon sugar cookies was still difficult. But she was okay. Bing could have called her, and he didn’t. They were both busy, and he and school while she had work. Now, she was in New York. Life was good, and she had at least six and a half more minutes to watch. “It’s okay, Jane,” she told herself, pressing play. She could do this. It was just her future back home she was watching, not the future she was going to live here. She curled her hands under her chin and watched, barely blinking as the events transpired. She watched as she stood up for her dreams, insisting that she was putting herself first this time. Invisible hands squeezed her heart as she listened to Bing attempt to ask her to stay, but those quickly disappeared when he asked to go with her. Her back straightened as the vlog progressed, emotion flickering across her face quicker than the amount of time it took LA traffic to back up. She listened to his explanation for why he dropped out of med school, listened to his apology for treating her the way he had, and his confession about how she was a big part of her life. She watched, unsure of what to think, as she said no and then called him back. She listened to herself lay down the ground rules and come around, but when it came to the kiss, she had to shut the video off. She pressed her thumbs on either side of her nose in order to prevent the tears from spilling over. Jane had vowed weeks ago that she wouldn’t cry over Bing Lee ever again, and she wasn’t about to start now. She had ached to hear those words after he had left, but they hadn’t come. Hearing them coming from him on a video on YouTube was almost too much, but the tight pressure behind her eyes started to ease as she remembered how happy she had looked on screen. Jane could take the video two different ways: One, she could let it consume her and sink back into the Jane that had locked herself in her room for two days after the break up, or two, she could use this as closure. All of the questions she had asked herself, all the whys that had kept her up at night, had been answered through Lizzie’s vlogs. She knew why Bing had left and what he truly felt, and she was going to be happy with him and have her career in New York. She had already experienced the first, so why not live through the second? She could allow Jane Bennet of LA, soon to be of New York, to be happy with Bing Lee. But here, she vowed as she reached for her cup of tea after posting a memo on the network about going dress shopping tomorrow, a small smile starting to form on her lips as she caught sight of the corner of a movie stub peeking out from beneath her computer, Jane Bennet could be happy without Bing Lee. It wasn't something overnight that she could fix, but she could start taking steps in that direction. Time healed, and she had to figure out who she was. That chapter of her life was over. Like she had said on screen, she wasn’t that girl anymore; she had changed. And she liked that change. |