As Valentine's Day approaches, and my office overflows with selfishness and stupidity, I find it necessary to make a Public Service Announcement:
LOVE SPELLS/POTIONS ARE NOT A WACKY PRANK, NOR ARE THEY IN ANY WAY ROMANTIC.
First of all, it is incredibly, stupidly, colossally WRONG to alter another person's mind. Good wizards don't do that.
Second of all, WHY WOULD YOU EVER THINK THAT IS OKAY? I mean honestly, do you REALLY think that if you make someone fall in love with some other person as a hilarious Valentine's Day joke, that they're going to just have some smooches and call it a day? THINK. THINK about the CONSEQUENCES of your ACTIONS. LOGIC, PEOPLE.
And the final part of this announcement: - If you have sex with someone who is under the influence of love or sex magic, that is rape and you are a rapist. - If you cause someone to fall in love/lust with another person and that person is raped because of it, you are a rapist too. - If someone has sex with you while you are under the influence of a love spell, you were raped. Report it to SHIELD and the NYPD, and if there's someone you trust in the magical community, report it to us. We have the skills to uncover evidence of mind control, and we do not take it lightly. - If you have reason to suspect that you or someone you know is under the influence of some kind of love magic, please call me. If you/they are, I can help - free of charge, because I hate rapists much more than I like money.
THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT LOVE SPELLS/POTIONS.
Thank you. I feel better now.
Now, if you want something FUN and NOT STUPID OR EVIL for Valentine's Day, by all means pay a call to the offices of Mallory & Carpenter. Want adorable kittens to play the violin at your fancy dinner? Blue roses? Your girlfriend's name written in glitter in the sky? Chocolates that taste amazing but aren't real and therefore don't make you fat? Chocolates that taste like brussels sprouts (because THAT is a prank that's actually FUNNY)? For the right price, we can do all this and more. Check out our website at www.mallorycarpenter.com for more ideas and some sample rates.