Jaina Solo is holding out for a hero (jainasolo) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2015-07-14 19:23:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, anakin solo, jaina solo |
Who: Jainakin
When: Saturday July 11
Where: Jaina’s apartment
What: Birthday things
Rating: G
This was supposed to be a big day for Anakin. Eighteen. In this world that meant a lot. While he’d certainly been considered an adult for some time at home, this world didn’t think you were an adult until you reached that magic age. There was also the fact that Anakin wouldn’t get to turn eighteen at home which made today even more special. Everything seemed to be going well, their father was back, Rikki and Anakin were planning their wedding, Jaina was getting excited for Anakin’s birthday. Then their mother disappeared. She couldn’t believe that the Tesseract would do such a thing right now but then again, that’s the way things seemed to work with that damned cube. Today would be a much more somber celebration then but Jaina was determined to make it as special as she could for her brother. She’d made muffins for the two of them and invited him over for breakfast. She had a gift for him that she wanted to give him in private. It was filled with pictures of their lives here, happy moments, silly moments, moments that she knew he would want to remember. There were pictures of all three of them in the frame and those had been hard to look at it but in some ways putting the frame together had been cathartic for Jaina. She had cried many tears and laughed and smiled and in the end she was glad that she’d done it. She’d just set the basket of muffins on the table when she heard the door. Hurrying over she threw it open and smiled. “Happy Birthday Bantha Brain! Come on in.” Anakin couldn't help the smile at Jaina's words and he rolled his eyes at her as he stepped in through the door and then on impulse wrapped his arms around her in a hug. It was sentimental and sappy, something he didn't usually bother with - at least not with his family - but right now the truth was all he really wanted was a hug. Eighteen had seemed like the best thing in the world. It meant that he was that much closer to being able to do things without having to justify his ability or his age. He could hold a full job, and determine how to spend his time more. He could get married without his parents permission which was kind of a good thing considering he was currently engaged. He couldn't yet buy alcohol, but that wasn't really something he needed to do, and there were a few other things that would become easier upon 21, but 21 was a long ways off yet. But here he was at eighteen feeling all too emotional, and a little bit lost honestly. And while he'd woke up early and spent an hour just meditating, he still couldn't say why or what it was that was causing this feeling. For all intents and purposes he ought to be happy that he'd made it to 18. But it wasn't something that he did at home and that fact stuck in the back of his mind and refused to go away quite. And his mom wasn't here, and while she had been young, like his Dad, he'd managed to still pull together a relationship with her, and now that had disappeared as well. Jaina was the only family he had here who really knew him. His Dad still hadn't been here long enough to really know him. And hadn't known him at all in his timeline when he was from. So while he had plenty of family, and friends, and people he could rely on for advice and companionship - really only Jaina knew what it had been like to live their life together, and there was a bond there that was stronger than the mere pull of family because of it. So his throat was tight as he pulled back from the embrace, but he flashed Jaina a smile. "I'm not a Bantha Brain. Call me that again and I won't give you any birthday cake!" “Well if you’re going to withhold cake, I’ll be sure not to call you that,” she said as she returned his hug. It felt good to hold on to him for just a moment, to remind herself that he was here, he was alive and that they should enjoy every moment they got to spend together. Letting him go, she walked over to the table and grabbed the basket of muffins. “I made muffins. I also shut Rogue in my room so he wouldn’t eat them before you got here. Blueberry,” she took one out and handed the basket to him. “Happy birthday, there’s your present.” She laughed and went to the kitchen to get them something to drink. “Sit down over there on the couch. I’ll be right back.” Once she’d gotten things together she returned to the other room and handed him a glass of milk. Then she set her own glass on the coffee table and reached for the package she’d hidden just out of his line of sight. “This is your present. I wasn’t going to just give you muffins after all. I wanted to give it to you when it was just us because….well you’ll see why when you open it.” "Note to self, way to get Jaina to do things is to threaten to withhold cake," Anakin remarked with a grin as he sank into the sofa and followed her movement around the room with his eyes. It was good to sit down with his sister and just be in the same space with her. And it was his birthday, and he didn't get this birthday at home. He had nearly nine months of time he wouldn't have had at home. He'd grown wiser, and stronger, and had to deal with learning things about his future that he didn't want to know, and he'd fallen in love. He couldn't complain. And he couldn't complain about getting a chance to live this year - hopefully - either. He took the present offered to him and he glanced over at her with a small smile before he opened it up. When he did so and saw what it was, and the pictures that were flashing through, he found himself staring at his brother and his sister and him and memories of the time spent here washed over him and he found himself blinking back tears. He looked over at Jaina. "Thanks Jaina. This is pretty much the best present ever." He sat it to the side and reached for one of the muffins. "And this is the best birthday breakfast ever." “You’re welcome,” she said, blinking back her own tears. “I couldn’t think of anything you’d like better. It’s us...all of us...in a way that we’ll never be again. Of course I had to go and buy myself one after I finished yours because now I want one.” Jaina picked up her milk and took a sip. “And I baked the muffins even so you’re just special all the way around. I don’t bake for everybody you know. So far I’ve baked for you and Jon. I didn’t even bake for Uncle Luke when he had the plague.” Anakin laughed and shook his head. "So me and Jon, I guess that puts me in good company." But somehow his sister had managed to find him the perfect present. The thing that reminded him that for at least a few months they'd all been together in a way they wouldn't be at home. Or, and it hurt a little to think about this, in any way at home. Because he was older than he'd ever be at home. He took a bite of the muffin and grinned. "They're good. So thanks." He paused and looked over at her with a raised eyebrow. "So You baked for Jon, huh?" “I did. Brownies with dark chocolate chips. We were joking around about it when I was running for the Vice President of the Tower council thing and I made him brownies.” she grinned. “but I’m afraid my cooking skills aren’t all that great when it comes to actual food like a meal. I’m not home enough to do anything really. We’ve been so busy lately, I don’t even know what all is going on but that’s the way they do things.” Anakin just grinned at her over the top of his muffin. The idea of Jaina and Jon had taken him by surprise, but the reality was he did like Jon and it was nice to see Jaina making brownies for someone who Anakin considered a friend. There were definitely people he wouldn't have wanted to see Jaina with and while he might not have immediately thought of her and Jon he was surprisingly okay with it. Or maybe it was just that he was so happy with Rikki that he wanted to see his sister have some happiness too. He knew how much the knowledge of Jacen's future wore at her - knew without asking even - and being able to find something here - someone - to talk with and spend time with was an incalculable blessing. He knew how much Rikki did for him, sometimes without even trying to do so. "So are you two serious? Like still seeing each other and going on dates serious?" She looked at him and made a face. “Nosey. Yes, we’re seeing each other but it’s not like serious. I mean we haven’t talked about it. I’m not seeing anyone else and he’s not either as far as I know but with my luck we’ll have another dungeon of doom, I’ll get sucked into Jon’s and find out he has a harem.” Jaina laughed and took a bite of her muffin. “Seriously though I like him. He’s great and he’s really interesting to talk to. The problem is with me working for SHIELD, it’s hard to be seeing anyone since I never know when I’m going to have to leave but he gets that which is good.” "Yes, nosey," Anakin responded, with an unapologetic grin. But he wasn't going to apologise for being concerned about his sister and wanting to be certain she was happy one way or another. He knew she'd already had one guy here who had not treated her well, and while Anakin didn't really think Jon would do that he was still going to check. "I don't think he has a harem. Or if he does, he isn't sharing and we'll have words about that," he added cheekily as he took another bite of his muffin. "Are you gone all the time though? With SHIELD?" “Lately there’s been stuff going on,” she replied. “I’m not sure exactly what. They tend to keep most of the information for people with security clearances higher than mine. Plus I can just feel it..I’m sure you can do, there’s unrest. I can’t put my finger on where or what but something doesn’t feel right.” Jaina had been noticing it for a month or more, a strange disturbance that she couldn’t get a read on but it was there. “It comes and goes, it has since the whole Celestials thing but lately it’s been stronger.” Anakin considered this. He was sitting here on the morning of his eighteenth birthday and he had expected the day to look different somehow. Something he would have never have expected of it back home. Something he could only expect from it in a place that seemed to put such heavy weight on 18 as if it made you particularly more mature or adult and capable of making decisions. But he didn't feel anymore mature, nor more adult than he had yesterday. Which meant he still had no idea what he was doing for work, except that he was going to have to figure it out. Something besides the extra money he was making by working at Gaige's because he'd no longer have the stipend from Stark Charities now. "There's been a lot of local unrest," he said finally. "The fires, we helped with those, Jon and Rikki and I, and a lot of others. And Steve's been gone," he considered this piece of information he really only knew about because of Rikki, but Anakin knew enough to know Steve was probably better aware than he was. "I've been thinking about SHIELD maybe. I wasn't, before, but Steve suggested it as a possibility - and it might be. I don't want to be away from Rikki all the time though. What I want… I want to do what Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara did - working together. But most of what I wanted from home isn't really an option here so I'm having to come up with a new option." “They kind of had the perfect thing at home didn’t they?” she said with a wistful note in her voice. “I envied that, that’s what I want some day with someone. Jacen said I found it but that’s all he told me so I have no idea.” she sighed. “I think it kind of depends on what part you work in? My team does a lot with the White Event people so we do travel. There are other groups that don’t. It’s worth looking into anyway.” She’d been aware of the fires and had known that Rikki, Jon, and Anakin were involved in helping control them. It had been one of the longest nights of her life. “I was worried about all of you,” she said. “I wanted to help but I didn’t know where to start and I felt like someone should be here in case something happened at the Tower or near the Tower.” "I know it isn't that they never worked separately," Anakin said. "But they were frequently together. That's what I like about working with the Young Allies. I'm with Rikki, and the two of us make a good team. She's a good leader and we complement each other well. I'm a little afraid that if I join SHIELD, it's going to play with that dynamic, or that I'll be away when I should be here. I'd miss patrolling with her. I also know that I don't really want to do additional schooling, and I don't think I'd be happy in something simple and basic, you know? Steve seemed to think I'd be a good pilot for SHIELD or the Avengers… or SWORD. But under the circumstances, that feels weird." He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and looked over at his sister. "I think I stupidly expected I'd just wake up with the right answer. But I'm kind of leaning towards SHIELD maybe even despite the travel. It wouldn't be all the time and I feel like Steve's assessment is probably trustworthy, but you're there, and you know me as well as anyone here - what would you say?" “I’d say that a big part of the reason I decided to work for SHIELD was because our whole kriffin’ family was working at SWORD,” she said and grinned. “I was tempted, I even started the paper work but then I started to think I needed something that was mine here. Like at home, I decided to join Rogue Squadron even though Mom probably would have preferred I didn’t but I wanted that, I wanted something that just mine.” She looked thoughtfully at her brother. “I think you’d be great wherever you decided to go but you’d probably be able to actually fly something quicker with SHIELD or the Avengers. Not that I’ve flown anything but I’m taking lessons. And I love our family, don’t get me wrong but it’s nice to be able to not have to worry about them finding out I did something I probably shouldn’t have done. Mom would worry all the time if I was at SWORD, Dad would too but he wouldn’t say anything and Uncle Luke would probably figure it out anyway because he knows how we think almost as well as our folks do.” Anakin couldn't help but grin at Jaina's bluntness. It was all of it true, at least as best he could tell where he was standing. As much as he admired his Uncle, and as much as at home he had wanted to be as much like his Uncle as he could be, this wasn't the same place. The Jedi weren't the same here, and he wasn't certain SWORD was such a great idea under the circumstances. Not that his mother would be around to worry one way or another… He shook his thought away. "I've had some lessons already - just nothing specific to whatever they fly. But I signed up for them with the ESD. And I'll be teaching them, so I suppose that's some money regardless honestly. But thanks, Jaina. I mean, I feel like that helps…" he hesitated and then raised the last of the muffin to his mouth chewing it thoughtfully before he continued. "I feel so weird today, I guess. I don't know what I expected exactly, but it's weird." “I get it. This place makes such a big deal out of being eighteen, it’s only natural that you should feel like something awesome should happen. I mean eighteen year olds can vote here but we can’t vote because we aren’t citizens. Someone was talking about that the other day at work. They’re electing a President next year but it won’t really affect us at all,” she shook her head. “which feels strange after we’ve lived with politics in our lives forever.” The comment make him tilt his head. "Maybe I should become a citizen, or at least to look into what it would take to be able to vote. I'm not going home again - I mean," he stopped. Obviously at some point he would go home at some point. But when he went home it wouldn't be to anything and what he really meant to say was that this was going to be his home for all intents and purposes for as long as he could make it be that. Not that this was particularly cheery. "Just, this is home, I guess is what I'm trying to say. It's not a temporary stay in the sense that it is my life now. What I have to live, so I might as well go through the process to assume that I'll be here for a while, and as such I should do everything I can to help live in this world and make it better." “I hadn’t thought about that,” she said. “I wonder if we can. Become citizens? I know you don’t have to be born here but we’re also not from this galaxy even. It’s worth checking into though. You’re right, this is home, it’s where we are, this is what we’ve got.” Jaina didn’t want to think that there would be no more life for Anakin if he were taken back. She wanted to cherish every minute she had with her brother, all the memories, life in this new world. “I wonder if it’s really true that you don’t remember anything if you go back. I was here before but I was older, I’ve seen the posts on the network, none of the things she talked about have happened for me yet so I can’t say. I do know that nothing she talked about jogged a memory.” Jaina shrugged. “I just want to believe that we remember the good stuff I guess.” "It seems like we ought to be able to - if we're here long enough. I mean. I don't know. It's worth checking into at least. I'm going to do that…" Anakin's voice trailed off. "But later. I guess." He looked over at his sister and the lines of the face that he'd gotten used to even though it was slightly different from what he'd remembered at home - she was older, not as much older as Jacen had been, but older still. More odd than it had ever been to look at his parents not much older than him, was it odd to look at Jaina and Jacen when he'd been there, and to know they'd lived whole lives without him in it. He reached for another muffin and took a bite. It wouldn't matter if he could remember any of this - but for Jaina who had to live without him, and ultimately without Jacen too - it would matter more. "I get that," he said softly. "Sometimes I think that it might be possible for us. I mean… think about it. Through the Force we can sense things off of objects, right? And there are techniques for enhancing memory. I think if you want to remember this, maybe there's some chance that you can connect it so that - even if you don't remember the details, you'll have it like a dream maybe. I feel like stranger things have happened with the Force." “I think so too. None of us really know what the Force is capable of, what it can do. Maybe there might be a way,” she shook her head. “for now though, I am going to concentrate on this life, the life I have here. It’s not so bad, I have friends, I have a job that’s never boring, I’ve seen things I wouldn’t have gotten to see at home and best of all, you’re here. I wouldn’t trade anything for that.” Jaina was trying to keep the emotion out of her voice but she wasn’t having any luck. “I missed you so much, Anakin, more than you can imagine. I’m so glad that we’re here together, that I get to see you get married...that’s just such a gift. And I believe Mom will be back, she’ll be here because the Force or the Tesseract or whoever owes us one, she wouldn’t want to miss this.” "Stang it, Jaina," Anakin looked over at his sister with a big grin on his face. "If you make me cry…" But the threat was good natured and he just trailed it off. He had wanted his mom to be here today, on his birthday, and he'd wanted her here at his wedding, but maybe she would be. Heck, maybe next time she'd even be the mom he remembered and not one that wasn't much older than the sister sitting across from him. He supposed if he could throw wishes at the Tesseract he might as well include all parts of the wish. "I don't know what I want to do today. It feels weird to have a big family thing without mom being here - especially when we were all just together last night. Maybe you and me and Rikki and Jon ought to just go wander around Coney Island and get cotton candy and ice cream cones. Cause, the life I have here isn't bad at all. I miss things from home. I miss my X-Wing and I miss being a Jedi surrounded by other Jedi who know the same Order I do, and being here has made me realize that there are more differences in culture and beliefs within the Jedi than I ever was aware of at home. But I have you, and Rikki - who is amazing. If I get to have even ten years here with this life, I'll be incredibly grateful." Jaina smiled. “Then that’s what we’ll do. It’s your day so you get to decide. Hey I spent my birthday half dead from the plague so this will kind of make up for it.” she finished her muffin and drained her glass of milk. “and you’re right, it’s hard to believe that there is so much difference inside the Jedi Order but then there wasn’t one a long time too so I guess it makes sense.” She put down her glass. “But we aren’t talking philosophy today. We’re going to enjoy Coney Island or whatever you pick and have fun. Deal?” Anakin finished off his own muffin and nodded with a smile. No philosophy today. There was time enough for it later, and to be honest, he wasn't certain when he'd started thinking about it as much as he had. At home that had been Jacen's forte, but then again, that had been before Yavin IV, before working alongside a Yuuzhan Vong shamed warrior, before being forced to think about what he believed and what he knew and how the beliefs he held shaped who he was. It had been before Myrkr, and before leading friends and fellow knights in a mission that some of them, including himself, would never come back from. It had been before arriving in a reality where none of those things existed, but a mapped out future for his galaxy did. Perhaps it was impossible for all of those things to not pull him back towards thinking philosophy. His brother might even be proud of him which was a thought that brought with it a sudden pang of missing Jacen, even with all of his most irritating qualities. "Deal," he said aloud to his older sister. "I'll go see if Rikki's up and ready and you can see if Jon is and we'll meet in the lobby in thirty minutes, unless you text me otherwise." |