For the first time in my life, I have walked out on a date.
I should have known better than to go out with anybody who would ask a woman out when she's at work. That's always a warning sign that a guy's selfish. Unfortunately, I once again let my good judgement get overridden by dry wit and a pretty smile, and accepted an invitation to lunch.
So I went to lunch with him today. I should've walked out the instant he ordered for me. Dude, you don't know me like that. And second, it's pretentious as fuck. But I thought, okay, maybe he's just old-fashioned. He opened the door for me on the way in, after all. A little courtesy can be nice sometimes.
Then, he proceeds to tell me about his job as an investment banker. And his apartment on the Upper West Side. And his award-winning purebred dachshund. And his stylist. And how he likes taking a chance on the crazy girls now and then. A little walk on the wild side, if you know what I'm sayin'.
I didn't even bother to fake food poisoning or a family emergency. That dude can just eat a whole bag of dicks, for serious. Word to the wise, if you're trying to get a crazy girl to bang you, don't use a Lou Reed reference that makes it sound like you think she has a penis. Oh, and don't imply she's crazy. Or talk about yourself non-stop. Asshole.