Billy Kaplan (Wiccan) (demiourgos) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2015-03-08 21:59:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, billy kaplan / wiccan (616), teddy altman / hulkling (616) |
Who: Teddy Altman & Billy Kaplan
When: Sunday Night, right after Teddy’s arrival
Where: Teddy’s new room at Potts Tower.
What: I’m glad you’re here. The world is ending & I’m in love with the God of Evil.
Rating: PG-13
There was absolutely no doubt in Billy’s mind that he had triggered the Tesseract into bringing Teddy Altman back here. He hadn’t done it intentionally, but the shock of having Loki tell him that he loved him, alongside the news of the Celestial’s judgement of earth had left Kaplan shaken, and emotional vulnerability meant that things like this happened. That Teddy came back and now, Billy might be responsible for his death. If the world ended here, if this world ended, could they be certain that they’d just go home again or would the destruction of the Tesseract alter all the universes and the very fabric of reality itself. He had no clue. He wasn’t a physicist. What he did know what that he had to be honest with Teddy, and he had to be honest with him right now. There was no turning away from this and no drawing it out over time, because he knew there was no easy way to tell someone that you loved that you were in love with someone else, and there would never be an easy time to hear it. But Billy had made a promise to Loki, and it was one he intended to keep. Loki had spoken earnestly about how he didn’t want to be discarded if Teddy showed up again, and Loki’d done nothing to deserve it. He’d been great to Billy, he’d stood by him and trusted him even when other people didn’t. He treated him with respect and he loved him. They were together here and they were together now and as hard as it might be to look Teddy in the eyes and tell him it was over, he had to do it. The other day, he’d spoken to Julie about how his friends handled him with kid gloves, how they treated him like he was volatile and unstable. She talked about how that was stupid, and how someone who was sheltered never learned, never grew and never got better. And Billy carried that with him, as he tapped on Teddy’s apartment door. He wasn’t going to shelter Teddy, he wasn’t going to treat him like he couldn’t handle what had happened and what was coming next. He was going to give him all the love and respect that he deserved, even if it meant breaking his heart. The last thing Teddy remembered was leaving the New Year’s party. Billy told him that he didn’t dream him up-- that he could have never imagined loving him like he did. He felt good. Everything was going to be okay. Mother was gone, life could be normal for a bit. Except the ground under his feet kept changing. This place wasn’t so bad. At least, it didn’t seem too bad. He looked at the network and was confused with all the messages. Geez these people like to talk. When there was a knock on his door, he rushed to answer it. “Billy!” He reached for the other boy and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Billy hugged him back, stiffening a little under his embrace, but he was honestly happy to see him, even if the news he was bringing him now was probably not about to go over well. He’d missed him, he’d missed Teddy’s demeanor, his optimism and his smile. He honestly hoped that -- even if romance was out of the question right now -- they could still be friends and they could still learn to rely on each other and care about each other in a new way. “Hey, Hey Teddy.” Billy smiled as his arms folded across the other teenager’s back, and he chewed on his lip a little as he stepped back after a moment and let himself into Altman’s apartment, shutting the door behind them. “It’s good to see you.” Teddy closed the door behind them and walked further into the apartment. “Isn’t this nice? I can probably see if they’ll just let me bunk with you, though.” He went to the small kitchen and poured two glasses of water, returning to hand one off to Billy. “If they’d let us. Do you think they’d let us?” "I can't do that, Teddy." He took the glass of water from Hulking and held it in both hands, he looked down into the surface of the water with such intensity that for a moment the water started to spin into a tiny whirlpool. He looked away from it, his eyes instead meeting Teddy's "I'm going to say a few things right now and they aren't going to make a lot of sense, they won't even seem fair because you won't remember them but -- this is the third time you've been here; twice before you were here and you left -- once I had to tell you all over again that there was a possibility that I dreamed you all up. It was hard, it was excruciating to put you through all that again, but it was worse whenever you left, Teddy, and I'm so sorry." Teddy put his glass down. “You’re… sorry.” This didn’t sound good. Twice before? The pain Billy went through was plain on his face. He wanted to comfort Billy-- but something told him to just stay where he was. This was going to be bad. So bad. “How long have I been gone from you?” "Six months or so, since the last time you were here, and there was a couple months between the first and second trip -- I just." He took a deep breath in and held it, trying to make sure he could get his words in the right order. "I love you, I loved you -- first, and I will forever, but I can't -- I can't be with you right now. I can't do that -- and it's not your fault, and it's nothing you did. It's not that I don't care about you -- it's that -- I'm with someone else, and Teddy, I love him too." Teddy wanted to scream. He wanted to shapeshift into his hulking green form and punch a wall. But he kept that all inside, because only psychos do that shit. He calmed himself, trying to understand Billy’s side of this, rather than the hurt he felt. “I love you, too,” was all he could manage for a moment. “Who.. who are you with?” This was harder to say that Billy expected it to be, and it wasn't because he doubted the way that he felt about Loki, but because he knew that Teddy had come from a time not long after Loki had betrayed them and revealed that the Mother plan had been his doing all along, it would be difficult for Teddy to understand. Loki had played Teddy before, it was his guilt that manifested as Leah, and it was that Leah which posed as Teddy's therapist and lured him into Mother's trap. There was just no way that telling Teddy who he was in love with wasn't going to be the worst part. "Loki." Billy exhaled. "I'm with Loki." Teddy’s shoulders dropped and he closed his eyes. Loki. This did not make him like the god anymore than he did. Which honestly-- he really disliked Loki. “How-- how did this happen?” He wanted to ask, how long was he gone before it happened. A few days? A few weeks? Six months? The thought of Billy in Loki’s embraced made him grit his teeth. “No, nevermind, I don’t want to know.” He put both hands up as if he were getting mugged. “Just.” He struggled with his words, trying to spit something out. “Just know that I love you. And when he hurts you. No. I-- I’m. I have to go. I have to go.” Billy wanted to ask him not to go, he wanted to talk about what had happened, and he wanted to explain -- or at least vouch for -- Loki. He cared about what people thought of Loki, and while he understood how this must look and how much it might hurt Teddy, he did want to stand up for the way he felt for the Norse god. But he knew now might not be the time and Teddy really didn’t owe it to him to listen. He knew how much this must all hurt and he didn’t want to make it worse for him. If he wanted to leave, Billy wasn’t going to stop him. “Okay.” He said weakly. “I’m sorry...” Teddy knew it wasn’t his fault. He knew it wasn’t Billy’s fault, either. There was always something between him and Loki. It was always there. “I know, Billy. It’s … fine. I--” love you? “I understand.” He moved past Billy and went to the front door, pausing with his hand on the knob. “Just -- call me, or text or something if you need -- or you want to talk or -- about anything it -- it doesn’t have to be this, just. I want you to be okay.” It occurred to Billy, probably for the first time, that if he was so worried that it was his fault that Teddy loved him in the first place, maybe he could make him not love him. Really, if Hermione Granger could completely erase herself from her parents lives, then surely it wouldn’t be so hard to just dim what Teddy felt for him. And Teddy’s emotions always rose so close to the surface. It would actually be easy to just... No. He couldn’t do that. Even if he was doing it for the right reasons, even if he wanted more than anything for Teddy to stop hurting because of him, it wasn’t fair to make him. Teddy was as entitled to his pain and it wasn’t his place to take it away from him. They’d work this out, they’d find a way to be a part of each others lives, but they’d both have equal say in it. “Be careful, anyway. Just -- Bye, Teddy.” “I will. I’ll text you. We can still be friends.” But not with Loki around. “I can’t imagine not being your friend.” All this said with his back to Billy. It would occur to him later that Billy could Eternal Sunshine him and wonder why he hadn’t. But also be proud of him for not abusing his powers. “Goodbye, Billy.” He opened the door and left, leaving it wide open. |