Albus Dumbledore (dumblebee) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2015-03-05 08:32:00 |
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Albus leaned against the balcony wall and stared out at the city that stretched out below. It was bitingly cold outside but a warming charm was more than enough to keep him comfortable as he got lost in his thoughts. He could have done this inside but he’d had enough of the four walls of his apartment for now. Certainly staring at them hadn’t gotten him anywhere. Not that he thought staring at the city would help much either but at least it was a change of scenery. He still couldn’t get the events of that strange television world out of his head or more precisely he still didn’t quite understand what the point of it had been. To teach him that he really wasn’t the kind of person who would take over the world? He’d more or less figured that out already when he tossed in all of his and Gellert’s plans. He might once have been the kind of person to do that but somehow Ariana’s death and the fact that Abe now hated him had rather put paid to any further ambitions along those lines. He’d even tossed aside any ideas of joining the Ministry. Or had it been a lesson that Gellert could still turn his head? He sighed and shifted a little. He wouldn’t deny that he still felt... something for Gellert, despite all that had happened. He just didn’t know what that something was. He’d thought he was in love with Gellert but… now he just didn’t know. Could you truly love someone when you’d realised you had such a fundamental disagreement with them? Maybe he’d never really loved Gellert? Maybe it had been just a stupid crush? But would a simple crush leave him feeling the way he did when it all ended? And if Gellert turned up here, what would he do? There was the possibility that the television world had simply wanted to teach him that it was alright to... to love men. If so, he’d call that a heavy handed lesson in overkill. He was already aware that in this time and place, it was acceptable and certainly not illegal anymore. He wouldn’t say he’d entirely accepted that within himself but he’d been… getting there. Slowly. Why had the tesseract or whatever had been behind the television world deemed it necessary to endanger his friends to teach him that when he had already been sidling delicately down the path by himself? Of course, it was possible he was lying to himself about how much acceptance he felt within himself about that aspect of his personality. He didn’t think so but he had spent the better part of his teenage years denying how he felt and only a few months before coming here indulging in it. And that had come to a bad end so it was entirely possible he was deluding himself in an effort to make himself feel better. Albus sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands. He still didn’t have any idea what was going on in his head but at least he could say with certainty that the change of scenery had been of no help at all. |