Ahsoka Tano (dontcallmesnips) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2015-03-03 22:01:00 |
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Entry tags: | !thread, ahsoka tano, obi-wan kenobi |
Who: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ahsoka Tano
When: Backdated to 2/29
Where:Obi-Wan’s apartment
What: Ahsoka has questions, Obi-Wan has answers. And they’re not ones she likes.
Rating: S for sad.
This universe seemed to enjoy the games that it played on its unwitting inhabitants. Such was the opinion of Obi-Wan Kenobi, who had survived the fall of his best friend, only -- it seemed -- to have to relive it over and over again. He had gone to Tatooine knowing that someday he'd have to tell a young Luke Skywalker about Anakin. But what of Ahsoka? Of the other Jedi he'd thought lost forever, and now were here? He only wished that the Force could give him the answers, but whenever he meditated on this, or the numerous other questions that this universe now presented to him, he found only muddled responses. "Can I get you anything?" Obi-Wan had been here more than a month, but still, his apartment looked rather bare. Even on Earth, he had little use for possessions. There was no consolation for him in material items, and he had only the essentials. A guidebook, his lightsaber, a peculiarly crooked lamp that he'd picked up at a junk sale. It was like being in a sparsely decorated thrift shop. As sparse as the apartment might have looked to some, it was comforting to Ahsoka in its own way. Nearly all her memories of a home were from the Jedi Temple. The Jedi lived a sparse existence, with few attachments outside of their lightsaber. How it was all laid out might have been different but there was still a feeling of home, of belonging, that made Ahsoka’s heart ache for a moment as she looked around. “Only if you’re having something.” Ahsoka answered non-committally, looking out the window and out onto the city. This was no Coruscant, but it held its own beauty. The city still teemed with people going about their lives as best they could. The conversation of why she was here, what questions she sought answers to would come to a head. But for now they could explain pleasantries. He looked at her as she looked out at the city. The contrast between New York and Tatooine was still something that he'd had to adjust to. Even with his years spent throughout the galaxy, he'd come to consider Tatooine as a second home, and that life was quite at odds with his own life here. "It's beautiful here," he said, as he turned back to his living area, "but I miss the Temple." He missed more than the Temple itself. He missed the sense of belonging that had been the Jedi Order. He took a seat in a chair nearest the sofa. "Please have a seat. I think I know what it is that you wish to discuss... " He only wished that he didn't have to tell her, not when she'd just arrived here. She and Anakin deserved to have their time here unmarred by future events. If only that were possible. The reality was that their futures were everywhere in this universe, and if he didn't answer her questions, then another might. "I'm happy to answer your questions, Ahsoka, but I'm afraid you won't like the answers." Mention of the temple brought a pang of sadness to Ahsoka’s heart. As much as anywhere in the galaxy had been home, the temple had been. She had spent most of her life there, learning among the Order. Now all of those memories were tainted with the bombing and all the subsequent events that had made it impossible for her to return. Even if the council had extended the invitation, Ahsoka knew in her heart that there was no home for her there. Not that it had been Master Kenobi’s intention, but Ahsoka took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment as she refocused away from the pain of that memory. Turning back to the room and back to Master Kenobi, Ahsoka took a seat on the sofa and faced him. Master Kenobi had always been upfront when he could with her, which was something Ahsoka had always appreciated. At times it felt he was as much her master as Anakin. The three of them were together more often than not. But the lines in his face were deeper, even if he was not all that much older than the man she had known. “The truth doesn’t exist to be liked.” she sighed, her head dropping slightly as she gathered her thoughts. “I’m not even sure where to begin.” "I suspect we should start at the beginning." Much as these memories pained him to rehash, he knew that they'd be more painful for her. It had been the same for him when he'd seen the security footage in the Temple, that moment of knowing what he dreaded to be true. But it wasn't his intention to hurt her or her relationship with Anakin. What they had in this universe was a chance to try again, and that was just as important as knowing what happened back home. "Or as close to it as may be deemed practical. Not long after you leave us, the Jedi Order is destroyed. We were blind to the threat that had ensnared us. I can see that now… I can see how we might have changed, or how I might have acted differently…" He let his chin rest on his hands. "But we mustn't dwell on what might have been. We can only discuss what is, or what was at the time of my departure from our universe. I don't…" His voice faltered from that of a kindly teacher, a lapse in his usually calm demeanor as he tried to focus on how best to say what needed to be said. "I don't know how to say this. The Anakin that we know and love is no more. He is… changed. Under the influence of the Chancellor, who was as it turns out our mysterious Sith Lord all along, he becomes a Sith apprentice known as Darth Vader. I didn't believe it at first. I couldn't. How could our Anakin be a Sith? And yet…" Closing his eyes, he said so quietly that he might not have said anything at all, "And yet it is true. I fought him on Mustafar." Ahsoka sat a little straighter with attention as he began. It was confirmation of what Kanan had told her, the destruction of the Order. Except he continued and Ahsoka could feel her heart begin to feel hollow. While she listened to Master Kenobi she simply couldn’t believe what was being said, as if her soul was starting to freeze from shock. Her head swayed slightly, refusing to believe even as she reached out for any sense of deception. But why would Master Kenobi lie to her? This was her master he was talking about though. Ahsoka stood again, her head still shaking. “No.” it was stubborn, childish, and she knew it was a demand that Obi-Wan could not granted even if he had the power to. “No, Anakin is a hero. He would never, he couldn’t.” Her voice cracked for a moment as loss overwhelmed her. Anakin Skywalker was everything good that she had seen left in the Order, the one person who still trusted her, who still believed. And she had to believe in him. Her hands fisted at her sides as she looked at Obi-Wan. “Anakin was struck down by a Sith. That’s what Kanan said.” It was pleading, a child’s desperate wish, that her master die instead of becoming something that she would never be able to recognize. Obi-Wan couldn't look at her. All of the pain that he'd learned to embrace as a part of him, as something he needed to let go, had returned. If only he could tell her what she wanted to hear. It was something that he'd longed to hear himself, even as far away as Tatooine. That it had all been a mistake. That the Emperor was not the former Chancellor Palpatine. And that a Sith apprentice named Darth Vader was not at his side. But he knew that was not to be. "In a sense, what Kanan said is true. The image of Darth Vader is prevalent here, but it is not the image of Anakin Skywalker." He looked up at her, aware of how much she had in common with his own former apprentice. The two of them had been well-matched, perhaps far better than he and Anakin. And that knowledge made this all the more difficult for him. "He is more machine than anything now." A monster. But that went unsaid. She didn't need to know the cruelty of the Empire, not truly. “You have to be wrong!” Because there wasn’t a lie that she could find. Master Kenobi was being honest with her, like she had always found him to be. And maybe Ahsoka wanted him to be lying, to have a reason to want to hide something from her, something that would require tearing down her master in such a way. Her throat felt like it was strangling her as she stared down at the Jedi Master before her. A small part of her knew that she shouldn’t give into the emotion that was swirling around, clouding her thoughts, but in this moment she couldn’t help it. Anger, sadness, loss, confusion, betrayal, it all clouded her sight and she had no idea what to do with it. “Anakin is a Jedi. He- The Order is his life, he’d never betray it.” “Look at me!” she shouted, not sure why but she needed to see Master Kenobi’s face. “He would never!” When he looked at her, he could sense all of the emotions within her. They were a mixture of his own feelings, his sense of betrayal and confusion at his loss. But what he felt more than any of these was a great sorrow. He had failed. He had failed Anakin, and Ahsoka, and the Republic. And that failure had cost him everything that he'd ever thought worth having. It was hard to preach about attachments when his own attachment to Anakin had made him blind to reality. "I'm sorry, Ahsoka." He kept his voice quiet, restrained. And although he projected a sense of calm, he felt anything but. Beneath his calm exterior, he felt all of his reopened wounds. As though being here with her had taken her back to that time, to that moment when he'd felt everything within his universe shatter. Emotion was running rampant in Ahsoka’s soul as she desperately tried to grasp onto reason. But this was simply too much. In a few short days she’d lost everything. The Order had betrayed her, she had learned of the death of those she had considered her family, and now Obi-Wan was stripping away the one good man in her life, the one person that she trusted above all others. Anakin Skywalker, who was hope and belief that she had so desperately craved, was now being taken away from a noble death and turned into a Sith Lord who would bring devastation upon the galaxy. “Please, Master Kenobi.” She pleaded, her legs feeling weak for a moment as her stance wavered. “You have to be mistaken.” "I only wish I were." Obi-Wan heard the sadness in his own voice, but he didn't turn away from her. He owed her that. He wanted to tell her that, in spite of everything, Anakin eventually brought balance to the Force. In the end, everything worked out. A new hope was born into the galaxy. But that seemed only an empty platitude in the face of real loss. "I know this isn't what you wanted to hear. But I also know how prevalent our world is in this universe. It is right that you hear this from me, and not -- a television program. Or the network." Ahsoka was quiet for a moment, finally stunned into an angry and confused submission. How could her master, the only person to entertain her innocence, have fallen so deeply into the clutches of the dark side? Yes he had anger in him, Ahsoka had witnessed just what lengths Anakin could go to. But it had always been to protect people, his heart had always been driven by what was good for those around him. He was a commander to look up to, one willing to lead the assault shoulder to shoulder with his soldiers. She sat down again, numb as she stared at Master Kenobi. As much as she would want to deny it there was no reason for deception. Ahsoka took a shakes breath and reached out to the force. Peace. How could peace in her heart be achieved with this knowledge. Still after a long moment of silence her voice became steady. "What happened?" |