katniss everdeen (fireandarrows) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2015-01-20 09:07:00 |
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Entry tags: | !thread, finnick odair, katniss everdeen |
Who: Katniss & Finnick
What: Johanna had some horrible news (which I guess is spoilery for the end of Mockingjay, or the movie, at least?)
When: late last night/early this morning
Where: their apartment
Warnings: mentions/talk about character death (possibly spoilery if you haven't read the books)! other THG awfulness might creep in there somewhere too.
There would be a personal cost in the war. People would die.
When Kate had said that-- or something like that, Katniss’s thoughts were too jumbled to care if she was remembering the exact wording-- it had inspired what Katniss had thought was an appropriate amount of dread. And yet she had gone looking for answers anyway, about Peeta. Not knowing, she’d thought, was worse than knowing (since at least she had known she wouldn’t have to read about him dying), and she had pushed for information from Johanna, thinking she could take it.
She’d been wrong about that. So wrong.
Well, maybe not entirely wrong. Because if Johanna said was true then she and Peeta had managed to be on the same team again. How, Katniss couldn’t even begin to imagine, but she’d worked with him and with Gale and they’d both lived and she should have been glad to hear that-- she was, a little bit-- but Finnick had
Finnick had
She couldn’t even make herself finish the thought.
It hurt more than she might have expected. She’d liked Finnick before, found a kind of kinship in shared experience that wasn't to be found elsewhere in District 13, but they’d been here alone for over a month and he was the reason she hadn’t simply fallen apart under the pressure of it. The weight on her heart of those who were missing, the distance between herself and everyone else that mattered. She’d made it through the nights without too many nightmares and gotten up in the morning and managed to smile and even laugh because he was there and he was watching her back and if he could do it, so could she. And she had wanted to go home because she missed her family and Gale and she wanted Finnick to go home and reunite with Annie but now
There was a roaring in her ears, and she clutched at the sides of her head, but that only made it worse because it brought back the memory of Finnick doing the same thing when the jabberjays had been imitating Annie’s screams. And if Katniss felt this way about the idea of her friend dying then god, poor Annie…
She had been searching their apartment for the stupid kitten when she’d gotten Johanna’s messages, and then all of a sudden she was curled up on the cold tile of the bathroom floor. She wasn’t sure if she’d been in the bathroom before or if she’d fled here instinctively to hide from Finnick while she grieved him, because the only thing worse than her finding out was if he did and oh, god, she didn’t want to be the one to tell him.
And then there was a warm, furry thing brushing her cheek and tiny claws digging into her scalp. It was one of Finnick’s stupid kittens and instinctively she knew it was the one they’d been looking for, the one he’d named Gigi because Katniss kept telling it to go away, because none of the other cats ever climbed on her like this. It was the stupidest of his stupid kittens and, irrationally, she hated him and his stupid cats and his stupid ridiculous flamboyant behavior and the even stupider warm, genuine and damaged person that was underneath all of that. But the truth was she didn’t hate him at all. He was her friend, the one friend that she’d started to think that she might be able to keep without any complications getting in the way, and she hated herself for inspiring him to join the rebellion, to be brave enough to come on the stupid mission instead of staying safe with Annie, for getting him hurt. That was the part that was really unbearable.
She reached for the kitten, intending to push it away, but instead she just ended up clutching it like a safety blanket and burying her face in its fur as she burst into tears.