Agent Ward, LEOPARD (grantward) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2014-07-16 10:47:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, grant ward |
Narrative; Grant Ward
Who: Grant Ward
When: July 16
Where: Cybertek Facility, New Mexico
What: A Quarter-ish Life Crisis.
Rating: Lowish actually.
Status: COMPLETE.
Compartmentalization. Grant Ward excelled at compartmentalization. You didn’t become a high ranking specialist in a world class intelligence organization without excelling at compartmentalization. Things were neat. Orders were followed. Nothing blurred over the lines. Emotions and feelings were tools in your tool-box, but they didn’t control you. Nothing mattered but the mission in front of him. For a very long time there had been only Garrett. Garrett had given him orders, helped him hone his resources, and taught him how to survive. As long as there was only Garrett it was easy to keep everything compartmentalized. He’d always excelled at compartmentalization. But then there had been a team -- no a mission -- They hadn’t been a team. Or Grant hadn’t thought they’d been a team until he’d been forced to shatter the bonds and they’d held stronger than he’d realized. They hadn’t the strength of his bond with John Garrett, but Garrett hadn’t been wrong to question if Fitz and Simmons were a weakness. They were. And Grant knew it. Grant Ward was trying to stuff messes back in boxes. But while it had been simple enough to put Fitz and Simmons in a box and to tell himself that if he didn’t kill them directly they had a chance -- more than they would ever get from Garrett -- it was less simple to put everything else into something resembling sense. Things didn’t quite fit, no matter which place he tried to stuff them, and he was worried. The worry led to a sense of irritability, frustration, and the uncomfortable sense of his world spinning out of control. Perhaps the truth was that Grant Ward was better at surviving than compartmentalizing. Perhaps. He stepped out of the Bus into the Cybertek facility and looked around, his eyes tracking Garrett’s location along with the location of everyone else. Quinn speaking with a facility manager. The centipede soldiers standing guard. And Petersen, staring at him again, dammit. The man seemed to have one facial expression. It was a glare that seemed to see right through to Grant’s soul, and when Grant’s soul felt like such a mess, he really wanted nothing more than to close the door on that room and keep everyone else out. Grant turned his back to Deathlok and clamped his jaw together as he reconsidered everything running through his mind. Coulson’s team wasn’t important at the moment. Fitz and Simmons were in charge of their own fate. Skye thought Grant was a monster. Coulson and May - well, they were only important if they ended up standing directly in front of Grant and then he’d deal with that moment if it came. What was important for the moment was Garrett. He’d taken the GH-325 and ever since he’d done so the anxiety that Grant was pushing down had only increased. Grant had been able to get nothing that resembled any sense from the other man. He’d asked Raina to talk with him and found himself with little more for the trouble of having asked. And Skye’s accusations kept ringing in his head far too loudly for the place they ought to be taking up in his mental space at the moment. You’re working for Nazis. But he wasn’t. He was working for Garrett and Garrett was using HYDRA’s resources for his own ends. For the first time, Grant realized he had no idea what those ends were. Did Garrett actually believe HYDRA? Hadn’t it just been a tool? Or did Garrett really believe in the HYDRA cause? Grant realized he didn’t know. It had never felt important, but suddenly it felt like the most important thing. And the lack of understanding where Garrett stood didn’t create a greater sense of calm. Grant had always done what Garrett had asked, but Fitz and Simmons had been his last real order. When he’d gone to Garrett just before landing, he’d been pushed aside, as if he were not only expendable, but perhaps even a nuisance. Not only did Grant not know what his own orders were, he found himself uncertain what Garrett’s long term plan was. So far he hadn’t seen anything that made sense on any logical level. The only thing for it was to try - once more - to get something from Garrett. Garrett could give him some sense of where Grant’s place in the larger picture was going to be and to regain some of the comfort and stability he’d had before. And if he didn’t… |