agent phil coulson (magicalplace) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2014-07-10 00:49:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, phil coulson (mcu) |
Who: Phil Coulson! And open to the team if anyone wants in, because. Motel.
When: backdated to the 8th because it was his birthday! And because I haven't had much brain power this week.
Where: That cheap motel in LA.
What: Phil is thoughtful?
Rating: G!
So this is what fifty feels like, Phil thought. He was living out of a cheap motel in Los Angeles (for the moment, anyway), he was technically unemployed, and he’d just found out that he’d been in charge of the project that had caused extreme mental instability in other patients and had been used to bring him back to life. This was not how he’d expected to spend a birthday. Whenever Phil Coulson imagined his birthdays, there were only ever two scenarios. Before New York (no, his mind corrected, before Bahrain), he’d imagined being on an op with May, somewhere deep in the Amazonian jungle or undercover in New Delhi, or back in Portland with Audrey. The year he died, he and Audrey had plans to spend a few days in San Francisco. A longer vacation was being planned for a few months later - Paris, where he was going to propose - but none of that mattered after New York. This one was the first birthday in two years that Phil actually enjoyed. It hadn’t been what he’d expected, but life was never what anyone expected. A few months ago, he would have said he’d probably get breakfast with Jasper, but a few months ago, Jasper was alive, and Phil didn’t know he was compromised. That thought made him shudder. He hadn’t talked to anyone about it, and he tried not to think about it, but he felt that loss every day. Phil closed his eyes and tried to mimic the breathing exercises May was so fond of. What was important to Phil now was that he was alive, even if he didn’t know what consequences that would hold for his future, and that his team was there with him still. The roster had changed slightly - for the better, as far as Phil was concerned. He had his pant legs rolled up to his knees, and he sat at the edge of the pool, dangling his feet into the cool water. May had been right to assemble this team. He could see that now. What he’d once thought was manipulative and cruel, he could see had only been for his well-being. She’d found a biochemist and an engineer to help him, and he had May if he ever became dangerous. Fitz and Simmons were two of the smartest people he’d ever met, but that wasn’t the only reason he liked having them around. He admired Fitz for his enduring faith in the good of humanity and his desire to prove that there was always hope, and Simmons for her enthusiasm and her compassion. Between them and Skye, they were the heart of his team. And because of all of them, Phil saw hope. Not just for himself, but for the future of what remained of SHIELD. The world was a better place with them in it. He hoped they knew that. The cool water lapped at his legs, and it occurred to Phil that before they’d gotten to this hotel, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d taken even an hour off. He’d been running himself ragged over the last few months, and he couldn’t see that changing any time soon, not with HYDRA and Garrett out there. As long as people needed protecting, he still had a job to do. He just hoped he’d be able to continue to do that. Although he felt fine so far, there was a very real concern that one day, he would wake up a different man. He hoped to prove otherwise, but if something went wrong, Phil knew he was in good hands. May had never turned her back on him before, despite what he’d recently (erroneously) believed; he knew she wasn’t about to start now. Maybe their situation wasn’t ideal, but there was nowhere Phil would have rather been at that moment. What was a birthday without a family, after all? |