J.D. | Jess Drew | more than another Spider clone (sendintheclones) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2014-03-15 17:47:00 |
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Current mood: | sad |
Entry tags: | !log, jessica drew / spider-woman (1610), willow rosenberg |
Who: JD & Willow
When: Friday, March 14
Where: ESU
What: Willow brings JD a milkshake & talking
Rating: PG13 for a kiss and all the feels
It had been a weird day for JD. A) it was pi day, which made it was automatically a good day. B) she woke up in her (his?) body - no boobs, all male. C) Well, she was supposed to talk to Willow about Tara. JD wasn't mad. How could she be? She'd lost people. Well, Peter had, and if they came back, JD wasn't sure what she would do, but she'd have to give it a shot. There were some people who you moved heaven and earth for. Like Peter and MJ. She had a feeling Willow and Tara were like that from the way Willow had talked about her before, especially on the rooftop that night. She smiled fondly at the memory of that night as she double checked her notes and went back to trying to work out equations on the board. She needed to figure out next week's problem sets so that she could answer any questions the students had. Of course, she wasn't sure how they'd react to their TA suddenly being a guy. Maybe she'd have to pretend to be someone else. She ran a hand through her hair before taking a stab, muttering to herself as she scribbled on the board. Hearing a knock on the door, she turned, smiling when she saw Willow. "Hey! Come on in," she said, capping the marker and setting it on the ledge. "I would have swung by later, you know." ----- Things were not weird enough, Willow was sure a cosmic joke was being played on her at this point, because her dead girlfriend was suddenly not dead and very much alive again and now one of her crushes was a male. Something Willow was almost certain JD would have killed to become randomly, but that didn’t make it easier for Willow to accept, well she was happy if JD was happy about it, but it still confused the hell out of Willow. For a few seconds Willow just waited outside the classroom and paced the hall, she hated doors more than ever in the last two days and was pretty sure teleporting was going to become her new ‘thing.’ Finally, when she feared the shamrock shake was in danger of melting, Willow knocked and peeked into the room only to be greeted by JD’s male figure. She smiled, quickly, but short lived before holding up the shake, “Wanted to get this to you before you started craving something different.” She pursed her lips as she let the door close behind her and she started to move to fill the gap between them, “I didn’t realize they had these types of cups though. I also don’t remember getting a cherry with the shake…but,” she shrugged as she set the drink down at JD’s desk, “smells like minty goodness to me.” “So,” Willow canted her head slightly as she boldly looked JD up from head to foot, “how are you?” She smiled once her eyes reached JD’s again, obviously she wasn’t being judgmental in her look or tone – she just wasn’t going to avoid the elephant in the room. --- "Weird. Boy. I mean, yay standing up to pee, but I don't know. Weird. Science still works. Well, as much as applied nuclear physics can ever work. But it has to work because if it doesn't work, things go boom and that's generally bad, so yeah. Just a bit stuck on this problem." JD hadn't stopped talking and took the shake with a smile, slurping part of it down. "Always in the mood for shakes." She sat on the desk, swinging her legs. "Are you all right? I mean, not even this, but the whole Tara thing. It's good, her being here, yeah?" ------- Willow couldn’t help the slightly lopsided smirk that started to spread across her lips as her left brow arched slightly higher than her right while she listened to JD ramble on almost the same way she could ramble. There were to be no silent moments! Maybe. That could be good. “The good thing about science is that it will always work, one of those cosmic laws that can’t be broken, pretty sure of it.” Willow nodded and slipped into the conversation when JD busied himself with chugging the shake, “Sort of like how you’re probably going to get a brain freeze if you don’t stop inhaling that.” Willow mothered him momentarily before laughing. And then Tara was brought up, and wow that happened fast, Willow breathed out a laugh and it sounded like a gasp, but she shrugged it off and momentarily just made faces and silent reactions before offering upturned palms and a deeper shrug than the first time. “You know when someone dies they tell you not to be angry at them, right? It’s stupid to tell someone how to grieve, but people like to tell others how to react…well…I can’t be angry she’s here. I’m happy, it’s a good thing, but…it goes against so much that I know and believe that it’s hard to not feel…sad. I think sad is the word. Not for me, but for her. But I love her and I want to make her happy…there’s…I don’t think there will come a day when I’m not highly confused about something.” She finally finished and tried to smile, but it just came over as an ‘I have no idea’ sort of look. --- JD flushed at the brain freeze comment, which probably looked a bit weird considering that she was a guy now and guys didn't blush as much, did they? Probably not. "I don't. I- I never got to say goodbye to anyone who died." There was no point in dwelling on that. She took a sip of the milkshake again before hooking her thumbs in the waistband of her jeans (which fit a lot better since they were guy's jeans anyway). "I- It's okay if you want time to think about this. Or space. I mean, the way you talk about her - sounds like she was your one, Willow. And I respect that. She takes priority, Willow." ---- “You’ve got to stop being so mature about everything,” Willow sighed and actually looked upset for a second as her eyes dropped to the floor and arms crossed loosely around her waist so that her fingers could play with the fabric of her blouse around the back sides of her hips. She still wanted JD to be angry with her, how Johanna had been, it just made things easier - but it was also selfish of her…then again, she’d never said she wasn’t selfish. “It’s not that she doesn’t take priority and I’m going to give it all that I have...but...you don’t understand.” Yes, Tara was Willow’s one - her everything - they were meant to have been forever...but they weren’t. Willow already let Tara go, it was some horrifying joke that she was here now...well that was worded wrong even in her head, but it was hard to accept that she was really here and really Tara. “I started to let Tara go...technically I’m dating Kennedy right now. I mean, from the moment that I came here, that’s who I was with...but I haven’t thought about her...except to compare someone else to her. That makes me sound horrible, but it’s the truth. I’ll always hold on to Tara, she’s always going to be in my heart, but...when I’m not standing right there with her it’s hard to just accept that she’s here. That it’s really her.” She shook her head angrily as if needed to rid herself of specific thoughts and turned away from JD. There were soft noises coming from her, half sighs and maybe she was even pouting as she looked up to the ceiling and just shook her head again. “Everything is so confusing and it shouldn’t be.” --- "Lo-" JD stopped herself before she let that word slip. A crush. No need to toss around the L word casually. That would only make things worse, she was certain. And things were complicated enough right now. "Relationships are confusing. Especially in a place like this. People go away, they come back. You never know if you're going to be here for a day, a month, a year or ten. It's a hard way to live like that, being away from everything you know." She bit her lip. "Just breathe, Willow. We don't need to make any decisions today. You wanted to take time, and that's probably a good idea. To sort out you and me, to sort out you and Tara. I'll be here, unless the Tesseract takes me away." ---- Unless the Tesseract takes me away. There was that same sickening gut churning feeling she’d gotten when Tara had made reality the priority in their conversation. The problem was all of this was becoming too ‘real’ for Willow. She’d walked into this world with a chip on her shoulder, Oh. Look. Another world, how quaint. It’ll be like a vacation and I’m just going to do magic all the time and make magical friends. She mocked herself in her head and tried to keep from flourishing about like a crazy woman, but there were cocks of her head and a little shrug as she became more upset with herself. After a brief couple of seconds in her head she looked to JD over her shoulder, twisting slightly at the waist instead of turning to face...him completely. “That’s sort of the problem, isn’t it?” She asked slowly and finally started to turn back around. “Tara and I had our chance, and it was everything, it was more, than I could have ever hoped for. I resigned myself to being happy that she was in Heaven. I promised never to try to pull her from whatever Heaven dimension she was in...knowing that she wasn’t there…” She pursed her lips in sadness and looked down with a slumped shrug as if in defeat somehow over the news that Tara had lingered and watched Willow this whole time. “I’m not trying to jump into anything JD, with anyone, in any direction, but as much as you’re all telling me to take my time and figure things out...it’s just not that easy and time is a factor in this world. I know that if you were to be taken home tonight and I were to never see you again then that’s it. I’ve lost that chance, and as long as I’m here…” She looked to JD again and sighed a little, “I’ll regret it every day.” --- "You and I, Willow," JD said, sliding off the desk and coming towards the redhead. "We had a moment. On the thirteenth floor. A kiss under the stars. We will always have that, no matter what. No matter if one of us gets taken by the Tesseract tonight." She took Willow's hands in her new larger ones, running her thumbs over the back of Willow's soft hands. "And even if we get nothing else, we'll always have that. And I'm okay with that. No regrets." She leaned in ducked her head, brushing her lips against Willow's forehead. "No regrets." ----- How could there be no regrets? It was so easy to not be moved by the forehead kiss, it was awkward feeling JD’s males fingers holding onto her hand, and a completely different set of lips touching her. She was able to stay in her own thoughts for the moment and objectively look at the situation - but only for the moment. When JD pulled back Willow just stared at him for a second longer and then squeezed his hand gently. “If you’re trying to just make things easier for me…” She appreciated it and hated her at the same time, but didn’t say more about it. “Kind of feels like you’re breaking up with me,” not that they were dating, but it somehow felt the same. She forced a laugh to break her own sudden tension and let her hand slip from his finally. Maybe that was for the best though - let someone else tell her they were letting go. It made things easier, even if she didn’t want easy in all honesty, but this whole process was starting to drain her...she could only imagine what it was really doing to JD. She squared her shoulders and straightened her posture a little and forced the realest smile she could, “I should let you get back to work, that problem won’t solve itself.” Willow absently pointed towards the board JD had originally been working at as she side stepped him and started heading for the door. --- "I could never break up with you," JD said, biting her lip. "You're- you're the best thing that's happened to me here. You make me smile and laugh and not take myself too seriously. You make me realize that this body isn't so bad. Well, not this body, but my other body, with the boobs and all. It's.. I.. I really like you, Willow. A lot. I don't want to give that up. But more than I want to be with you, I want to see you happy. And if that means you end up with someone else, well, I had a taste of that happiness. Maybe that's all I get." ---- Maybe getting out of the room with false hope would have been a mistake anyway, Willow thought to herself with an internal sigh. She was tempted to just leave, take what was said and marinate on it later and leave JD with nothing new to worry over. What was she supposed to say? Or do? She wasn’t the type to make moves without all the information, because when she did she was often left with too many regrets to count. “Maybe a moment is all any of us are allowed,” she finally answered without looking away from the door, “Tara was my moment in my world, you were my moment in this world…and now…” She smiled sadly as she grabbed the doorknob and moved to open it, “Now you’re being the hero and doing the right thing…and I’ll always love you for that.” Without looking back she made her exit from the classroom and into the hall as quickly as possible without looking rushed – the last thing she wanted JD to see were the stupid tears she was so sick of feeling blur her eyes. --- It would have been easier if "doing the right thing" didn't make JD feel sick. Once the door was close, JD slid down against it, burying her head in her hands. What else was she supposed to do? She couldn't do anything like this, in this body. Couldn't kiss Willow like wanted, not while she looked like this. Not while she had Peter's body. She stared at the male hands in front of her and pressed them to her eyes, trying not to make noise as the tears fell. |