Chuck Hansen (bulldog) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2013-11-05 20:17:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, chuck hansen, mako mori |
Who: Chuck Hansen, Mako Mori
When: Monday night after Raleigh left
Where: Chuck's apartment
What: Mako comes looking for Max.
Rating: PG13 for some language
She needed someone to tell her this wasn’t the worse she’s ever felt. Someone to tell her to get her shit together. Because Mako certainly didn’t have her shit together. After learning that Raleigh was gone-- and that Stacker was going to be in Medical for “awhile,” on top of Chuck unearthing feelings she carefully buried, Mako snapped. You could probably hear the sound, like rubber bands pulled too tight. Twang twang snap. For so long, she kept everything in her mind. She overthought everything until it was a fine powder that she could swallow with a glass of water. But now, what was the point? Now things were different. Everything was changing and she had to evolve, like the kaiju did. Mako never drank much before the recent Halloween party. At celebrations in different Shatterdomes, someone would pass her a beer. But her body was a temple and blah blah blah. Now, she knew it as something that calmed her and numbed her. It made her kiss Chuck. And maybe because he was the one that carried her home on Halloween, maybe that’s why she ended up in the hall outside his room. The idea that if he took care of her before, he’d take care of her now. They cut her off at Sam’s and she tip-toed to his door. She sat on the floor, knees to her chest and her back to the wall next to said door. In the same cardigan, skirt and woolen tights she wore to see Stacker. Except she somehow lost a shoe and her cardigan was buttoned wrong. Mako put her hand out and blindly knocked. “Max! Max c’mere boy!” Not a sign of rain outside the window. Chuck had made it a habit to stop and watch the sunrise and the sunset these days. It was stupid, he knew, because he'd never been an introspective person, but he hadn't died before, had he? Nope. So there he was, standing at the large window in the living room. The sun went down earlier today than it had last week -- he wasn't sure what the fuck Daylight Savings really was -- but he continued to stand there for a while longer. He stood there until there was a loud, unrhythmical banging on the door that brought his attention away from the window. Max, who had been sitting on Chuck's foot until then, began to grunt and whine under his breath as if he knew who was at the door and wanted to run that way. And then Chuck heard her voice, and his feet stalled out as soon as he turned to walk the length of the living room toward the door. Ah, christ. She was emoting all over his door and probably all over the neighbours and fuck if he knew how to handle his own emotions, let alone someone else's. Another bang on the door pulled a sigh from deep within his chest, and as soon as his legs broke free of their paralysis, Max bounded toward the door as fast as his short, fat legs would take him (that is to say, not very far and he even had to stop on the way). Chuck took a few moments to gather whatever hope he might have inside him that he wouldn't fuck this up. Unfortunately, fucking up was a Hansen thing to do. The door jerked open and Max slobbered his way toward Mako. Chuck, to his credit, managed to stand in the doorway and not just slam it behind Max. "Don't sit in the hallway, Mako." Mako looked up at Chuck. The crown of her head thudded against the wall. Slow, lazy smile with heavy lidded eyes. “Don’t tell me what to do, Chuck.” As if you didn’t see that coming. She pointed her toe, the one that didn’t have a shoe. It was funny for a second, but then she remember the little red one that fucked up and screwed her out of parents. (No, it was the kaiju, but sometimes the shoe is blamed). “Crap.” Wait. The mission. Mako sat up straight and licked her lips, they were impossibly dry for someone who just drank all that she drank. “Max, was all I wanted. Please, Ranger.” Chuck rolled his eyes. He was good at being annoyed and giving off the impression that he just couldn't give a fuck about anything. But then he stooped down, grabbed a hold of Mako's arm and lifted her -- surprisingly gently -- off the floor. He tossed her arm over his shoulder to bring her inside without drawing anymore attention to herself. This was going to be the shittiest evening he had in a long time. "What is happening to you, Mako?" he sighed as she heaved her tiny form across his living room. Max followed at his heels, making a noise that sounded suspiciously like a fart or maybe just his stomach growling. "You're stronger than you're giving yourself credit for." If she was going to be honest, the alcohol just made her tired. It didn’t kill any pain. It made her feel like it was okay to say silly things, like when she was with Newt. Her eyes narrowed as she started to think about how alcohol and Newt were related. Then she realized that Chuck had already gotten her into his apartment. He was warm and strong and his accent still made her want to laugh. “I am sick of this.” She wriggled from his arms and went to sit on the floor near his couch. “Max, come.” At least she wasn't crying. That was a bonus, right? Had to be. Maybe she'd just play with Max quietly for a while, and then fall asleep. That's what he used to do whenever he was upset. Kind of wish he'd had Max right after his mum died. At least then someone would have stayed with him. Frowning, Chuck sank into the chair across from the couch. The dog, however, reveled in any attention lavished on him and immediately stuck his flat nose between Mako's hands, licking the front of her shirt in his excitement. "You need some water?" She attempted to pull Max into her lap but didn’t make it. The dog ended up half on her and she made a sad sound at her failure. “Don’t you get sick of it? Don’t you feel it in your muscles and bones, in your stomach?” Mako was obviously asking Chuck, but she didn’t look at him. Just gazed at Max. He was the only one who wasn’t dying or disappeared or not speaking to her. Well, Newt wasn’t any of those things, but Newt was a neutral party. An uncle who occasionally enabled her to set fires. She paused before thinking of more hard-hitting questions, “Yes. Water would probably be good.” Chuck heaved himself from his chair with a heavy annoyed sigh. A headache was beginning to form between his eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he hunkered toward the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water. Time was a funny thing when you didn't have any of it. Chuck thought about the red lights of Striker as Scunner and Slattern closed in. He'd mentioned his father, but never said anything directly to him. Stacker had taken the chance to say goodbye to Mako. Chuck kept silent; there was nothing he could say that sacrificing himself in that robot couldn't say better. When he returned, he set the glass on the coffee table and glared down at the pair of them. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not in that head of yours." Mako tilted her head, studying him. He gave her water, so that was a plus. But he was an asshole, so he should be taken care of. Taken care of. “Of being strong. Pay attention.” She scratched behind Max’s ears and stayed silent. Maybe she wouldn’t keep picking at her scabs. Mako wanted to cry, wanted him to hold her. “Why did you get to have a dog?” Chuck gave a bitter laugh. As much as he loved Max, he knew that the dog had been a present given out of guilt. Then it turned out that Chuck had someone -- even if it was a dog -- to rely on. Max always knew when he was upset. Max never left him alone. He reached down and gave the dog a familiar pat on the head. Arooo. The bulldog looked up at him, underbite dramatically sticking out as usual. "Max was an offering -- a bribe -- and I was the young Jaeger pilot around; I got to do whatever I wanted." Chuck shrugged. There was nothing untrue about that statement, no matter how egotistical it might have come across. “Why didn’t I get a dog for being held back?” She imitated his laugh, like a little parrot. “Why…” She bit the inside of her mouth and fought back tears. Fuck you, tears. A tiny voice urged her to tell him that he was once her best friend and that it wasn’t fair. She was just as capable. Why didn’t he get mad she wasn’t already in a Jaeger? Why wasn’t he-- “Why aren’t you on my side anymore?” Her voice hitched and a small sob escaped her. No waterfall but she obviously was losing the fight. Goddamnit. Fuck this shit, and fuck this night. Chuck just wanted a night where he could stare at the television and watch all these "old" shows his mom used to watch. Maybe even pretend that she was out there in Sydney right now. Some alternative universe version of her, one that never died when a giant monster attacked their city. Chuck wanted something to throw across the room, something that would shatter and make a lot of noise. "Why aren't you on mine? Why aren't any of us on each other's sides?" He had a fine point but she would never admit that. Instead, she quietly responded, “I’m on Max’s side.” It was strange how they were mankind’s last defense and all that-- a team of people from all over just to defend their species. But they were the most dysfunctional group of people. Maybe it was a drift thing, maybe it was a military thing. Surviving was such a hard thing to do, it took so much out of you. Mako just figured there was nothing left of Chuck. “I was on your side.” But then he asked a sixteen year old girl to leave her only family and move to Sydney to do-- to do what? For a brief instant, a pained expression crossed Chuck's face. He wasn't going to do this, not while she was drunk, and not while he still needed time to process everything that had happened those last few days before he died. Didn't anyone understand that he needed so goddamn time with himself? He got it; he was dead there. They wanted to fix things -- for themselves -- not for him. "Max is on everyone's side. He doesn't count." He flung himself onto the chair again and shrugged. "Yeah, well I was on your side. You made it clear you didn't wanna be on mine anymore." Mako had come to terms with what happened. Mostly. Apologizing would only make herself feel better. What would it do for Chuck? And he made it clear that he didn’t feel that way about her any longer. Some part of her wanted him to. Why? Why, Mako? Maybe she needed to figure that out before she went bothering him over it. Maybe she would have had more control, but she was still a little drunk. “Chuck! I didn’t-- I couldn’t go with you. Sensei wouldn’t have allowed it. And it would have ruined my chances at doing the one thing I wanted more than anything! You know that’s not fair!” She didn’t realize she was raising her voice. It wasn’t a common occurrence. “You just wanted me to be yours, you didn’t care if you were mine.” Did that make sense? To her, at that moment, a little bit. Chuck didn't care if it made sense at the moment. All he knew was that this was bringing up uncomfortable feelings and memories that he didn't want. He'd shoved them down, and once his dad had tried to talk to him about them after he'd seen them in the drift. Hell. No. If no one was going to talk to him when he was lonely, he wasn't going to help anyone out when they were lonely. Sure, it made him an asshole, but at least he wouldn't get hurt the way he had when his father left him to the machines. "We gotta live with our decisions, Mako. You didn't go with me. I didn't stay. This is how things are." It was three fucking weeks, not even long enough to get to any stupid proclamations of teenage love. "I know you've had it rough, and I'm sorry for that, but you gotta pick yourself up. No one else is gonna do it for you." He'd learned that the hard way. “I don’t want you to pick me up.” Yes I do! “I’m sorry I keep bothering you.” Do you want to make out a little? “Seeing you again made me realize…” She trailed off. It was ancient history. It was a small amount of time. But she was happy then. It was hard to remember times when she was happy. Mako went to stand and stumbled a bit, caught only by the couch. “I’ll go,” she said after landing on the cushions of the couch. “You just kept talking about my connection with Raleigh and I started to think…” Her mind was so scattered, she was thinking of so many things at once. She was going to run out of people. They were all leaving or-- suddenly not caring what happened to her. He didn't want to know what she was starting to think. Dear god, he didn't, because it would make him second guess everything he was thinking and feeling at this moment. Did she think that he didn't care? Jealousy was an ugly thing, and whether he wanted to admit it or not, there was no other way his temper tantrum could have been read. "Don't hurt yourself," he sighed, jumping to his feet and shuffling Max away from that particular spot on the floor. The dog only moved a few inches. Chuck sat down on the couch. "You can stay here till morning. Max'll keep you company." “I am graceful.” Usually. Not so much now. How else did she lose the shoe? When Chuck sat, Mako’s mind was instantly made up. Her body took a second to react. She kicked her remaining shoe off, scooted back, and curled up in a ball. Her mighty armadillo form then went right to Chuck’s side. If he pushed her away, he pushed her away. But Mako laid her head on his chest anyway. “Just stay, for now. Until I fall asleep.” Not unlike the moment with his father, Chuck froze. All of this hugging and affection was peculiar to say the least, and he was not comfortable with it. He wasn't even sure if he'd ever get comfortable with it, despite his childhood desire to have his mother with him. She was good at hugs. She was good at a lot of things, and they were all gone. (All because of him.) Chuck forced an annoyed sigh to cover up his discomfort, but the fact remained that he slipped his arm around her shoulders. "You gonna fall asleep any time soon?" Mako made a small sound. It signalled that she might already be halfway there. She remembered a time when Chuck didn’t freeze when she got close. (But her swimming thoughts also thought of how Raleigh cradled her after their first drift). She wanted to say something that would make Chuck think. She wanted to say something clever. Instead, she fell asleep. Rolling his eyes wasn't dignified, but Chuck Hansen had never really been a classy sort of fellow. Instead he sat there for another ten minutes to make sure that Mako was asleep before he eased out of her embrace and gently rested her back on the sofa. Her took a hold of her legs and rested them on the couch cushions. Max licked her dangling hand before nudging his nose under it. "Yeah, alright, boy. Come on." He grumbled before picking the dog up off the floor and setting him softly near the back of the couch so that he could curl up with Mako. He shook his head, and though he may have been looking at Max, it wasn't quite certain who he was talking to when he said, "What am I gonna do with you?" |