Peter Parker is right where he's always been. (spiderlike) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2013-07-23 16:25:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !log, gwen stacy (mcu), peter parker / spider-man (mcu) |
WHO: Peter Parker (MCU) and Gwen Stacy (MCU)
WHERE: Gwen’s bedroom
WHEN: Backdated! Sunday evening, July 21st
WHAT: Peter and Gwen discover that they aren’t on the same page with their relationship
RATING: Low
STATUS: Complete.
It was still hot. That was probably one reason for Gwen to keep her window shut so the central AC could keep her room cool but she was expecting company. It was company that had come by a few times this month stemmed from a conversation that she never expected to happen but. Hey. Peter was her ex and if they were just having a bit of harmless fun, it was no big deal, right? Except the part where he was suddenly asking her to dinner’s with Aunt May. Gwen adored her but there were a few alarms going off in her head, even though she decided to don a cotton summer dress anyway. Having dinner with an ex’s family wasn’t something you did when you were just having a bit of no-strings-attached make-out sessions with him. It wasn’t like she never had dinner with his aunt before but this situation was very different. And that was why Gwen had paused in front of her mirror, makeup-less, jewelry-less and not much close to being ready when she heard the fire escape outside her window make noise as someone landed on it. Peter knocked on Gwen’s window, waiting a moment before he let himself into Gwen’s room. Webslinging across the city was an efficient-- not to mention cheap-- way to get around, but it did have its drawbacks. Especially when the temperature outside continued to rise and the humidity went up with it. “Hey, Gwen,” Peter greeted as he pushed his hair off of his forehead. He was sweaty, and he probably didn’t smell all that fantastic, but they had enough time that he could wash up before Aunt May had dinner ready. Still, the air conditioning offered a much-appreciated relief to the stifling heat outside. Peter let his backpack fall from his shoulders with a soft thump before he approached Gwen. He felt like they were finally getting back to being something-- maybe not what they once were, but maybe they didn’t need to try to be the Peter and Gwen that they’d been before high school graduation. They’d been through a lot, so much more than anybody else he knew, he was just happy that they’d managed to work through some of it together. “Anything I can do to help you get ready?” Peter asked as he came up behind Gwen and brushed her hair away from her neck. “I mean, unless you’re totally ready to go, then we’ve got some spare time before Aunt May expects us at the house,” he added quietly as he pressed his lips to the soft patch of skin just beneath Gwen’s ear. Despite her wariness, Gwen’s lips tugged up into a slight smile while still facing the mirror and she had to bite at her lower lip to keep it from getting stupidly goofy. Because Gwen was cool and collected all the time, of course. Except not really. “Not, um... not if you’ve suddenly become an expert at what jewelry matches with what dress. Or shoes.” She probably should have held back, maybe asked him what did he really mean by this dinner because since he had asked her to go, it had been in the back of her mind. Maybe not so much before, because she figured Aunt May was just probably just thinking about her, bless her heart, but the warning bells were starting to get louder and louder. Of course, Gwen just decided to turn around instead and greet him properly. “You look like you’re going to need another shower,” she said before standing on her tip-toes and placing her lips on his. “Well, I haven’t suddenly become an expert at anything,” Peter replied, smiling his own stupid smile. It was fine if Gwen wanted to hide her own-- Peter would just have to compensate for the both of them. “I don’t know that jewelry is necessary, but shoes, I do know that those definitely serve a purpose,” he added. Not that Peter really cared about what Gwen did or didn’t wear, so long as she was comfortable-- those things didn’t change the person that she was. Peter wrapped an arm around Gwen’s waist, holding her close when she leaned into him. “I thought I’d have enough time to get a quick one in and change my clothes when we got back home. Besides, I thought you might like to have some time to chat with Aunt May about whatever it is you two talk about,” Peter explained. “Guess it’s just my luck that I’m not too gross right now, right? Surely you wouldn’t let me kiss you if I smelled really bad.” At the same time, Gwen’s arms moved up, circling around his neck, one hand playing with his hair at the nape. “Girl talk? Is that what you’re saying, Peter? That I should have girl talk with your aunt?” That was probably not too far from what she and Aunt May had talked about last time she was at his place, actually. Gwen learned all about what kind of girl May had been back in high school. “And no, you’re not completely gross. Surprisingly. Maybe that means it’s not as hot outside as I expect.” And the wariness came back despite the fact that she didn’t want it to. “Um... you know. It would have been way more fun if you, you know... just stayed here. And... we... stayed in.” “You know, she likes talking to you, I think that you like talking to her, and some of the things that she tells you are things that I never want to hear my Aunt May talking about,” he answered. His aunt had her own friends, although Peter worried about her getting lonely, but he still enjoyed the idea that May and Gwen could talk to one another and easily get along together. It was just another part of all the things that he felt for Gwen, he liked her more than anybody else because she fit with his family (rather, the only family he really had left). Gwen’s next words gave Peter reason to pause. “We can come back after dinner if you still want to-- I can stay as long as you like then,” he replied, although he’d assumed that’s what they would do. Peter leaned in to give Gwen a quick kiss on the mouth. “Do you not want to go?” he asked carefully. It was one of those moments where there was just a feeling that the next thing out of her mouth would either be taken well or.. taken very wrongly. Fifty perfect chance for each. And as much as Gwen would have wanted to keep this up and just go to the dinner and then come back later, she had pretty much said what she had said that had led to his question and now there was no going back. Because she had already started to wonder if they were on the same page. This was totally casual, right? “I love your aunt,” she said, starting with a disclaimer. “She’s awesome and I would love to spend time with her any day. But, um,...” She let her arms hesitantly slide off his shoulders. “Is that... really such a good idea considering we’re just-- I mean... if it’s just a friendly means-nothing sort of dinner, then it’d be fine. But I’d just hope she wouldn’t get any... ideas. About us.” Peter opened his mouth to speak, then just as quickly closed it because, for once in his life, he felt like he needed to carefully consider the words that were about to come out. They’d been having a lot of fun together over the last month or so-- fun being the operative word there because, as Peter suddenly realized, they’d barely seen one another outside of Gwen’s bedroom. He chewed on his lip for a moment, dropping both of his hands to Gwen’s waist. “So... none of this has meant anything to you?” Peter asked, hesitation evident in his voice. It wasn’t often that he was so blunt about issues he truly wanted to avoid, but after everything that had taken place-- after everything that he and Gwen had discussed about last year, after all the things that the other Peter had told him about what had happened during his life, after everything else that he’d learned and the way that he’d been with Gwen-- he couldn’t stand to not know this now, not when he’d finally felt like he and Gwen were finally beginning to pick up where they left off. So this was going to go down the “very wrongly” path. She could see it already happening. She could feel her throat starting to close up because of the way he asked her that next question. This hadn’t been casual. Otherwise, she would have expected him to shrug and something like ‘well obviously it’s a friendly dinner’. “This was... I thought--” Gwen reached up to push her bangs to the side of habit. To have something to do with her hands, otherwise they were going to hang awkwardly to the side because he’d already stepped back. But what had he expected, asked a voice in her head that clearly wanted her to jump to defensive mode. They were broken up anyway, and it’s not like you had talked to him about trying again. No, this wasn’t his fault. “We were just... having some fun.” Peter’s hands dropped from Gwen’s waist, and instead he raised both of them to once again push his hair out of his face. It was a welcome distraction from the realization that he’d deluded himself into thinking that he and Gwen were sharing a meaningful experience. He stared blankly at Gwen, hoping that the slew of emotions he was feeling-- confusion, hurt, sadness-- weren’t written plainly on his face. Not that he had any chance of leaving here tonight with any shred of dignity intact because Peter had already laid his cards out on the table. “Then why-- I mean, how was I supposed to kiss you and do all of those other things that we did--” things that Peter knew he couldn’t talk about without turning red as a strawberry, which was the last thing he needed right now “Without feeling the way that I feel about you?” he asked, even though he knew that doing so was pointless. Peter shook his head, chastising himself for not truly paying attention to what was going on right in front of him, the things that he was doing. “I’m sorry I didn’t understand what you wanted from me-- maybe I ignored it because of what I wanted from you,” he said. Peter looked Gwen in the eye, reaching out to take one of her hands in his own. “I don’t think that I can have one thing without having the other, too-- not when it comes to you, Gwen.” And realizing that maybe Gwen could kiss him and have it mean nothing to her hurt Peter too much then for him to put up any sort of a fight. “I... don’t know...” That was the best thing that could come up with because, Christ, all that guilt. How in the hell did she not see this coming? He was hurt, she knew it. It didn’t have to necessarily be written plainly on his face because she knew him... or at least she had thought until just now. She hadn’t intended this to grow into a relationship again, probably because at this point in her life, she was pretty sure it wasn’t going to end up that way. If there was such thing as destiny, she wouldn’t end up with anyone anyway, except a freaking tombstone, but that was one part of her alternate universe story that she was making sure wasn’t going to happen within the next eighty years of her life. Her and Peter though... well, they’d been over for over a year. That was chapter of her life was one part she was sure had come and gone. “I’m- I’m sorry, Peter, I didn’t....” Gwen shook her head, trying to find words to make this better. To make someone feel better. Whether it was her or him, she didn’t know. “I thought you knew. I mean, we just started talking about... things.. or doing things and we never talked about it, so I just... I assumed. I’m so sorry, Peter.” “Hey, no, um, don’t worry about it-- I, yeah, I understand,” Peter said, although his voice lacked any note of conviction. He just needed to get out of there. Peter squeezed Gwen’s hand then let it drop as he backpedaled toward the spot where he’d left his backpack. “I guess that I should go. Yeah, I’m going to go, give you some space, and,” Peter paused for a second, gesturing toward his backpack then to the window. God he was doing it-- making this so much more awkward than it really needed to be. Gwen didn’t want him the way that he’d wanted her, he’d dealt with rejection before and other letdowns, he could do it again, even if things had felt different to him this time. “You know, don’t worry about tonight-- I’ll just tell Aunt May whatever, if you want me to tell her anything,” he added. Peter nearly tripped over his backpack, or he would have if he hadn’t just caught himself in the most awkward position possible. “I’ll see you around, Gwen,” Peter said with a nod before he pulled his backpack on and hopped out of the window. He almost wished that he was angry-- that was an emotion that was always easy for him to deal with. Maybe it’d come later, and if it did, at least he’d be away from Gwen, but for now, Peter just felt the ache of something else he’d messed up. This was getting out of her control. And Gwen hated that. She hated that lack of control. She felt it when her father was killed, she felt it again when she kissed Ben on her rooftop and every truth came spilling out, and she was feeling it once again right now. He was stepping away and Gwen... she wanted to fix this. She needed to fix this. She left her spot by her mirror to follow him to the window just for that reason. “Peter,” she called, desperation to have him hear her out was so apparent in her voice. “Please don’t be-- I’m--” I’m sorry. Can we start over? I can still go with you to Aunt May’s. Please just stay. Maybe we can still work something out. She could have said those things but her throat closed up again. Would any of it really solve the whole situation here anyway? It was obvious what he wanted -- something that Gwen wasn’t completely sure she’d be able to give because of her own self-doubt in herself and her entire future. She had to figure herself out before figuring out everything else. But what they had had for the past few weeks now was a great distraction from it. She didn’t want to lose that. But it appeared that she had just lost a lot more. “I’m sorry,” she offered again, seating herself on the top of her bookshelf by the window in defeat. Peter gripped the edge of the fire escape, wanting to tip over it so that he could get away from the situation and Gwen and all of his own stupid assumptions. He inhaled deeply, trying to relax, clinging to some semblance of normalcy so that he could hear Gwen out. “It’s okay, Gwen. I mean, this-- this conversation-- was going to happen sometime, right?” he asked, hoping that his voice sounded neutral and not as strained as he currently felt. He wanted to act like it didn’t mean anything-- both for his sake as well as Gwen’s-- even though they both knew how he really felt. Gwen wouldn’t have apologized if she hadn’t felt like she’d hurt him. “See? I’m okay, it’s okay,” Peter said to reassure her. She didn't believe him. How could she possibly? Not many people got over something that quickly. She was one of those that didn't and so was he. But she was starting to feel the same urgency for an escape and so, instead of reaching up with her hand to grasp the sides of the window so she could get outside and stand with him, she let it drop in her lap. "Okay," she mumbled, averting her eyes. "Okay. I'm... um, tell her I'm sorry I missed dinner." Gwen very nearly asked him if they were going to be okay but a part of her dreaded that answer. God, what the hell was wrong with her? She had been so focused on how she was doing and feeling about nearly everything, that she hadn't stopped to figure out what could be on anyone else's mind. “Yeah, don’t worry, she’ll understand,” Peter said with a nod. He gave Gwen a wave before he pulled his mask back on and took off up the side of the building. The last thing that he wanted to do was explain to Aunt May why Gwen wasn’t coming to dinner with him, but at least he had a few minutes of webslinging to help him come up with some sort of explanation for her before he got home. |