gwen stacy (labrat) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2013-05-18 22:14:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, ben reilly / spider-man (616), gwen stacy (mcu) |
CHARACTERS: Gwen Stacy and Ben Reilly
SETTING: Saturday night, after the prom, on the roof of Gwen’s building
SUMMARY: Cheese-cake-sharing, a slow dance, a kiss, and then confessions
RATING: PG, maybe.. G for Gut-wrenching?
STATUS: Completed
Gwen had never been to her prom. Considering it had been about a month after her father’s death, it seemed heavily inappropriate. And it wasn’t like she was in much of a mood to go anyway. She wasn’t entirely sure, now, if she regretted it or not, because the prom that she had just attended was one of the best damn events to happen in her life this year. Right after meeting Ben, of course. Actually, it was probably because of him that this evening had been amazing. She’d arrived solo, or at least with her oldest brother in tow who had immediately disappeared the second they walked in... and then she had left with the guy she’d spent most of her night dancing with. Part of that reason was because Philip had decided to spend the night at the tower with... okay, no, she was definitely not going to think about that. The second Gwen unlocked the apartment door, it was obvious that nobody was home. Which meant that her mother was definitely pulling in overtime hours at her office and had decided to have Simon and Howard stay with a relative. She didn’t like leaving the boys alone at home, especially not since last year. The thought would have been sad if it wasn’t for her company. “Alright, you have the choice between cheesecake or ice cream for dessert,” she said, after closing the door behind them and pulling Ben toward the kitchen. “Unless you can handle both at the same time.” She was half tempted to break into the wine cabinet and pull out a bottle as well. “Nobody’s home, so another set of choices is if you want to sit by the fire escape or go up to the roof.” Ben felt like he’d just gotten back from a great day of web-slinging. There wasn’t really any other thing to compare it too. The prom had been great. Fun and mostly carefree and it was great to just goof around and dance with people. It was ridiculously normal for all the abnormal people, events, and world involved. He doubted that he’d be sleeping any time soon, so it had made perfect sense to offer to take Gwen home when her brother found... other activities to occupy the night. Loosening his collar a bit more, he raised his eyebrows as he leaned against the counter. “You have roof access and you’re only mentioning this now? You’ve been holding out on me, Gwen. For shame,” he teased. Gwen laughed and nodded. “Yeah. Are you a fan of roofs? I guess the choice for that one is made.” Probably for the better right now, considering sitting on the fire escape would require going into her bedroom first. “It’s the best during the summer when you know you won’t be able to get a spot on the beach. Who needs that? You got the roof to sunbathe in and get your daily dose of vitamin D.” Placing her purse down on the counter behind Ben, she moved toward the fridge, and bent down to grab the plate of leftover cheesecake. One large slice big enough to split. Perfect. Ice cream was always a lack of guarantee because she wasn’t sure how much of it her brothers had already eaten. “Alright. We can grab some spoons and head up there,” she said, straightening back up and tossing a glance over her shoulder at him. “Just so you know. If you start using me for my roof access, I might start charging!” Ben ducked his head and turned to go searching for the spoons when she looked over her shoulder at him. Yeah, right, he needed to be doing something right now and not letting his thoughts spiral off on the whole sunbathing thing, especially since she’d already been talking bikinis that week and that wasn’t even counting how nice she looked tonight. Those were very bad thoughts to indulge considering this was so not that kind of relationship. Friendship. Friendship. That kind of friendship. “Yeah, me and rooftops,” he said as he pulled drawers open. “There’s just something about being so high above the city. Just clears my mind and frees everything up, y’know? Just getting to look out over everything. All the people and the buildings and what you can see of the stars ‘round here. It’s great, so yeah, I’m a fan of roofs.” Finding the spoons, he gave a triumphant whoop before holding two up. “Spoons! Alright. Lead the way to the roof then. Don’t make it too easy though. Otherwise I might just keep sweet talking the doorman to let me in and make my own way to the roof.” Gwen scooped up her purse again with her one free hand, right after pulling her keys out of it. “That would be why I like going up there. Anytime I need air I either go up to the roof or out to my fire escape.” She started making her way back toward the hallway and the front door, talking as she went. “Sometime I’d sit on a pillow in the fire escape with a blanket wrapped around me and just, like, look at the stars. Especially when I would have trouble sleeping. And around this time, during finals week.” She led them out and up the stairs and the second that she opened the door, she shivered as the breeze hit her directly. Bare arms and... mostly bare back. Gwen should have expected that. This late at night when it was still spring, it was always somewhat breezy up here. Too late to get a sweater now. “Come on. This side has the best view. You can see Central Park.” Following behind Gwen, Ben frowned at the shiver. Right. Night’s were still a bit chilly. Slipping off his jacket, he draped it over Gwen’s shoulders before taking the plate of cheesecake from her so that she could have her hands freer to deal with the tux. Walking backward to keep facing Gwen, he shifted the spoons in his hand before scooping a big bite of cheesecake into his mouth. “Problems sleeping?” he asked with a tilt of his head. The jacket on her shoulders caught her by surprise. So did the fluid way he just did that and took the plate from her hands. A man full of surprises, she thought, smiling at him and tugging the jacket around her tighter. And in a good way too. She liked that. A lot. “On occasion,” she said, heading toward the spot on one side whether they had decided to play a table and some chairs, right where there was the better view of Central Park and the Upper East side. “The insomnia comes and goes. I guess it depends on the stress level, either at school or at work.” She stopped walking for a moment to reach over and take the other spoon up. “Last year, this one time, I was tossing and turning for hours and then around one in the morning, I decided to sit on the fire escape... ended up dozing off right there. In that sitting position. Alas, looking at the stars sounds relaxing but my neck and back begged to differ.” She laughed, shaking her head at herself before she took in a spoonful of cheesecake. Ben wrinkled his nose as he rolled his head slightly just at the thought of it. “Oh, man, I know. You get that crick right there-” He tapped his neck with the handle of his spoon. “-and you feel like your back needs cracking and you just can’t get right the rest of the day. I’d say you’d need a little make-shift bed out there, but hello fire hazard.” He took another bite of cheesecake, murmuring happily at the taste. “So, you also geek with astronomy or just like star gazing?” “Ha! No, that’s okay. Trust me, my bed is much more comfortable.” She gave him a wink, before turning her attention to yet another spoonful of cheesecake. Gwen shook her head, but waited till she swallowed before she spoke again. “Star gazing. I just have my own microscope, not telescope. I couldn’t name any of the constellations save for Big Dipper. Everyone knows the Big Dipper though. And it’s not like you can really many of them anyway in the city. Anywhere upstate though... Albany, Vermont, New Hampshire, I loved star-gazing there. You lie back on the lawn chairs and just.. look up.” And Gwen did exactly that as she tilted her head back, but it had been a partly cloudy day. There wasn’t much to see at night. It would have been disappointing but summer was coming up soon and there would be better days. Ben smiled fondly as he watched her, making sure to keep the plate of cheesecake steady. And not think about comfortable beds. “If you like it up there, you should check out Utah. Or Montana. Ain’t called the Big Sky Country for nothing. The stars out there are really great. Nights are chilly, but the stars. Wow.” He took another spoonful of cheesecake. “Mmhmmm... And then there’s Tuscany. Look up at the same sky that Galileo did.” He wrinkled his nose. “Ok, yeah, not the same sky because long time ago and we’re not even really seeing where all the stars really are due to the speed of light, so obviously, different sky, but you get the sentimental channeling past scientists part, right?” “I probably will. Not this year though. Maybe next summer. We’re just... a little tight on budget, but usually we would take family trips to a few places. But there is no way I’ll have enough to go to Tuscany for a good while.” Gwen shook her head at the thought. Seriously, Tuscany? Dream vacation, seriously, but there were just some more important things going on. “I wish I could go though. Just drop everything and leave but that would probably be extremely selfish.” After another spoon of cheesecake, she placed the spoon down on the plate and gestured toward the chairs and table to get him to sit. “Pretty much been on our feet all day. Let’s get them some rest. You know,... you’re a pretty fast learner with those dance moves!” “Take the camera or Kindle money into a trip fund,” Ben suggested. Because he really was finding it hard to think up a reason why running off was a bad idea. Traveling the US. Traveling the world. It was away from New York, away from whatever chain of events might unfold. The urge to be the one to whisk her away was all too familiar. Hit the road, run away, just live from day to day, and not worry about anything but what was happening in that moment. Not that that kind of life lasted. Something always ended it. Considering the two big question marks in his life right now, that ending’d most likely be his disappearance. If they were lucky, it’d be by Tesseract... Which was not the best line of thought for right now. Placing the plate on the table, he shrugged as he sat down. “Not extremely. Everyone wants to escape sometimes. Sometimes you need it.” He snorted in amusement. “And I hear that taking care of yourself is just as important as looking after other people sometimes. But, hey, more cheerful topic. Yup. Dancing. I’m a quick learner. Highly adaptable. It’s a thing I do. Plus, no shame. Helps a lot with the dancing.” “Hmm. Yeah, it is. I guess I could afford to think of myself from time to time.” That would have been a good idea to put that money into a trip except, she had already made her decision on what that money was going to go into. It wasn’t even going to be for her. But she wasn’t about to mention that. That was going to be her selfless act for the month that was full of being selfish and indulging herself in the company of the guy she was absolutely crazy about. “Well, you taught me a couple of moves. It’s a good thing you were holding onto me with all that spinning.” She grinned at him from her seat across the table before popping her spoon full of cheesecake into her mouth. Leaning his elbows against the table, Ben raised his eyebrows in amusement. “Are you sure those were moves and not just me trying to keep up? Because, really, when in doubt, spin. Works every time.” He narrowed his eyes playfully as he took another bite of cheesecake. “Hmm... Or is this another nefarious ploy? Are you trying to get me to dance more? I think you might be trying to get me to dance more.” Gwen laughed just as she had taken her last bite, that she had to cover her mouth to keep anything from falling out. “Now you’re just thinking everything I say is a dastardly deed. You’re starting to lose faith in my good side, aren’t you? Damn.” She placed her spoon on the plate again and reached for her phone in her purse. Because now that he had mentioned it, she had realized she really did not want this night to end. “Well.. since you’ve brought it up now...” she left it at that and gave him a slow cheeky smile, tilting her head at the same time. “It’s the swearing. Totally gives you away,” Ben teased. He eyed the phone, his eyebrow arching up at the music. Shaking his head, he laughed. “Really? You’re not tired of me stepping all over your feet yet?” Even as he spoke, he stood up though, walked around the table, and offered his hand to Gwen. Probably a bad idea considering the song she’d put on was slow, but the scenario just felt so natural and easy. Plus better the sassy look than having to deal with the puppy dog eyes he’d likely get if he dodged it. “Don’t worry,” she started, placing her phone down on the table before she slipped her hand in his. “We’ll go at an easy enough pace to avoid that. Besides...” Gwen stepped up, circling her arms around his shoulder as Jason Mraz started singing out of the small speakers. “We did nearly every dance there already, except this one. Now the night can be complete.” “Well, you know, can’t cut in on Cap. That’s like a big no-no.” After a moment, Ben wrapped his arms loosely around Gwen, his hands resting at the small of her back. “Counts as treason. Yup. Treason. Because taking a dance away from Cap is taking a dance away from America. And you don’t wanna make America angry. Or sulky.” Ok, maybe he was talking a little too much. Which was ridiculous because this was nothing. Gwen’d been having a tough time, so yeah, she’d want to dance more. To nice slow music. It was really just a swaying hug. A nice swaying hug that he maybe was enjoying more than he should, but that was just him and his history, nothing more. “No, no. Absolutely not,” Gwen said, with a frown and a shake of her head. “But I am pretty sure Captain America is also more forgiving than people believe.” Having a dance with Steve Rogers was one thing... an absolute honor, for sure. But it was something completely different to finally have a slow dance with Ben. It really did feel like the night could be complete and she couldn’t help her mock-serious look turning into a soft smile. She even risked budging a tiny bit closer as they continued to sway. “Besides can you blame him for claiming me right when a slow song started? I’m pretty special, you know.” “Yeah, pretty much, but come on? The intimidation factor? It’d be like kicking a puppy. A very, big muscular puppy...” Ben wobbled his head slightly as he shifted his arms to wrap more snugly around Gwen. “Plus, plus, the humiliation? I mean, what guy would think they could match up to a Captain America slow dance? That’s a very high bar.” He chuckled softly as he leaned his head in to rest his forehead against hers. “Which is probably the only reason you didn’t have a line of guys wrapping around the dancefloor for a dance. Because, yeah, you’re more than pretty special, Gwendy.” Gwen was pretty sure her heart would have been loud enough to be heard if it wasn't for the music playing from her phone. But they were dancing very close. Or closer even, with her tightening her arms around his shoulders. Gwen's laugh was accompanied with a blush and she bit her lower lip momentarily before speaking again. Because she was so giddy that she just had to keep herself from giggling like a school girl. "Well, don't tell him, but..." she said in a low voice. "But I think you're doing a much better job right now." Ben nudged his nose against Gwen’s temple gently as his eyes closed and a fond smile spread across his face. “That’s just because I haven’t stepped on your feet yet,” he teased, his voice just as low. This was perfect. Gwen safe. Gwen happy. Laughing. Everything else just melted away in these moments. No bridges or alternate histories that might come true or superheroes or memories that weren’t his. Just him and Gwen being him and Gwen and so blissfully normal that he just felt warm and... happy. Yeah, that was definitely happy. And complete. Could toss in a good chunk of at home into the mix too. He breathed out a content sigh as he hugged Gwen lightly. “But don’t worry. I won’t tell him. Would hate to see that sad, sad pouty face,” he mumbled absently. Happy was probably an understatement. She was riding on cloud nine right now. Because the night couldn’t get any better than this. For a moment she didn’t say anything as they continued to sway and then after a while, she lifted her head slightly to look at him. “You know, this is way better than getting a prom queen tiara.” Gwen smiled, as she brought one hand from his shoulder to the tuft of blond hair at his temple, and lightly brushed it back with one finger. “I feel much better about not winning.” “Really is a shame,” Ben said as he cracked an eye open to check out what her finger was doing before focusing down at Gwen. “You’d look good in a tiara. The royal life might’ve kept you too busy for your nefarious ways too.” She gave him a half shrug and replied, “It’s okay. Maybe I’ll get my tiara another way.” She didn’t need one right now to feel like royalty anyway because the way Ben was looking at her was enough. The way Ben always looked at her. If there was ever any doubt in her mind about how he must have felt about her, his look and his hold on her said enough without the need for him to say anything. And that was why she didn’t hesitate any longer and she craned her neck high enough to place her lips on his. His eyes lulled closed as Ben tilted his head just enough to melt deeper into the kiss. It felt natural and safe and simple and great. Just another perfect part of the perfect moment. His hand drifted up, the back of his fingers brushing against her cheek. He cupped his hand around the back of her neck, his thumb resting against her jaw line. Gwen smiled into the kiss as it deepened, her heart pounding hard enough in her chest that at this proximity, she was pretty sure he could feel it, as her hold on him tightened. The hand that had been on his temple moved to the back of his neck as well, drifting up to lightly tread her fingers through his hair. It didn't matter to her if the song had changed because all she had her mind on was just her and Ben. And this kiss, something she had been wanting to do for so long. And she knew the feeling was mutual. There had been fleeting moments when Ben had thought of doing this. Why hadn’t he done it though? There had to be a reason, probably a bad one, considering how nice it felt to be kissing Gwen. Yeah, Gwen. Gwen...? Wait a minute... Gwen. His body went rigid and his eyes snapped open. Oh God, Ben, what are you doing? That was definitely Gwen. Peter’s girlfriend. Ok, not really at the moment, but they’d always been so off and on and wasn’t one of those off times after her dad died because she hated Spider-man because she blamed him for his death and she was obviously distraught, not that this Gwen seemed to be doing that, but they had gotten together after that off-time and... Pulling back from the kiss, he ducked out of the loop of her arms and stumbled back a few steps. He rubbed his hands over his face before carding them up through his hair. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. They were just friends. That’s all they could be. Otherwise... He felt sick to his stomach. How many times had they tempted him with this? Warren. Traveller. Even fucking Carnage. He’d fought them all off, never giving in except to take Peter’s place in jail, but now... “Fuck,” he spat out as he turned towards the edge of the roof and the view of Central Park. One second, Gwen was close to calling this the perfect end to this night and the next, he was ducking out of her arms. Despite wearing his tux jacket, Gwen felt cold again. She turned around quickly, grabbing her phone to shut off the music before walking over to him, hesitating as she stood behind him. Everything was going great... right? She got all her signals correct and she was damn sure she hadn’t been reading anything wrong. So, what had just happened? “Ben?” she said, reaching out for his shoulder. “What’s wrong, what happened?” She took a few steps forward toward his side and leaned over to attempt to look right at him. Ben shrugged off her hand and turned his head away from Gwen. What was he supposed to do now? There's no way this could end well. Great, so his talent of ruining nights was still going strong and it wasn't even because he had to run off and be Spider-man. Unless... If she wasn't with Peter... He shook his head. No, he couldn't think like that. "I can't..." he choked out. "I'm sorry. I just can't... I can't. We're friends, yeah? I can't do anything more than that. I'm sorry..." Well that didn't answer her question but something was definitely wrong. And when he shrugged her hand off, she dropped it to the side feeling... well, absolutely rejected. "What? What are you..." Gwen shook her head as well, but for a different reason. No, she couldn't be wrong about this. "Ben, don't tell me you don't feel anything because I don't believe that for a second. I'm not blind. I've seen the way you look at me, the way we talk and..." Her voice caught momentarily before she continued. "And there is definitely something there!" Ben rubbed a hand over his face. Well fuck. He could try and deny it, but it was really a losing battle there. Plus he wasn’t sure if that’d end up hurting her more or less than whatever he was doing had already done. Oh God, he was hurting her... That was something he never wanted to do. He leaned against the wall of the roof. If only he could just hide behind his mask, have that extra layer of protection. Or just end this conversation by jumping and web-slinging away. But that’s just open up all those questions and he’d have to answer them anyways... “It doesn’t matter, Gwen. I can’t do this. Not to you or... or Peter...” He took a deep breath. He just needed to power through. “I haven’t been completely honest with you. I-” Well, that didn’t work out right. His throat closed up on the words. That bit of hope left over trying to grasp for some possible way that he could stay just Ben and human and not... Ok, different tactic. Hopefully to strengthen his resolve. “Why do you like me, Gwen?” he asked softly as he focused on where his hands rested against the top of the wall. Gwen pressed her lips together listening to him. She didn't like the sound of that but it wouldn't be the first time someone has hid something from her. And speaking of which, she didn't like hearing Peter's name coming up in this conversation either. "Why do I like you? Because you're... amazing. You're great company, you make me feel like..." Gwen shrugged, struggling to find the words for her feelings. "Like I'm worth something. And you make me happy and you make me laugh. You've been there for me when I needed someone, no questions asked, like you just knew." Gwen paused again to give a sigh. "And I know it's only been a month and a half but that hardly matters because we clicked right away." Ben closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. Ok, how to best go about this... They really needed a handbook for this sort of thing. Geez, he really should have just listened to Pete and gone about his usual way of life of avoiding everyone from Pete's past. You'd think he'd learn something after Betty... "Ok..." he breathed out. "Yeah... That clicking... I..." He pressed his lips together as he shook his head. "I know you, Gwen, and-" Ok, that wasn't working either. He opened his eyes and turned to look at Gwen. "I'm a guest here and I've been abusing that. I could disappear any day. And there's someone here that can be all those things to you and won't disappear." It’s not like the Tesseract taking back people didn’t cross her mind before. She’d read about it plenty of times on the network, and each time she was relieved to see it wasn’t one of her closest friends she managed to make in that tower. And lately.. that it wasn’t Ben that had been taken back. He had a point that he could disappear but that hadn’t stopped it. She’d still selfishly wanted to be with him. What he didn’t have a point about, was that last sentence. Gwen shook her head. “I know all of that, Ben. Julie can even be sent back and she’s still become one of my best friends. I get it. But there’s no one else. And if you mean Peter.. don’t make this about him. Please. I already told you that’s done with. There’s not a chance.” Gwen scowled, looking away, in the direction of the park, suddenly remembering that she and him had been standing on the rooftop after that dinner with her family. That argument with her father. “I don’t need someone who makes me feel bad for moving on, or who takes his frustrations out on me.” “But it is about him,” Ben puffed out, feeling sick all over again. Like he’d swallowed a bucket full of ice. Straightening up, he sighed heavily was he rested his hands on Gwen’s shoulders. “He shouldn’t be doing that to you, but give him time. He’s in a tough spot and we kinda suck at dealing with that. It’s hard to not lash out when you keep trying to do the right thing as best as you can and it keeps falling apart and going wrong. And then you get threatened and you just get possessive and protective and...” He shrugged. “It can get nasty. But if he’s anything like us, even just a little, he doesn’t mean to hurt you...” She wanted to tell him to stop. This wasn’t what she wanted to hear. Why couldn’t they just go back to dancing? Why wouldn’t he just give in? What was it that had him pushing her towards Peter? Gwen shook her head with her eyes closed as he kept talking. She didn’t move her hands off her shoulders although the urge to do so was getting stronger. “Ben,” she started, opening her eyes again, and taking a step closer, not due to intimacy but to make sure he looked right at her. “He’s not like you. He’s not even like the Peter Parker I once liked. I’m not going for you because I can’t have him.” She paused, pressed her lips again and leaned back slightly. “What is it that you’re not telling me?” Ben pressed his lips together in a thin line and his brow furrowed. There were a million what ifs running through his head. The usual guilt filled ones, but those weren’t nearly as bad as the small voice that kept speculating and questioning why he was doing this. He shook his head as he rubbed her shoulders lightly before letting them slide off and taking a step back. He ran a hand through his hair as he looked out towards the city again. “You know Pete,” he tried to start. “He makes enemies, right? You do good things and you make enemies and they’re always thinking up new, outrageous ways to torment him. So, one of ‘em, he thinks he’s got this really great idea of the perfect way to torture him, so he makes-” His throat closed on the words again. Shaking his head, he laughed as he tilted his head back to look at the cloudy sky. “Funny thing? I wasn’t lying ‘bout still being six. It’s really the big joke right now. Six-year-old Ben’s such a big boy. But it’s so ridiculous, you just say it at the right time with the right attitude and no one’s gonna believe you. Guess when everyone’s so used to hearing you lie through your teeth all the time, it isn’t surprising that they wouldn’t believe when you toss the truth at them, especially when the truth is really crazy.” He sighed as he ducked his head. “I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I... I just wanted to be your friend. Last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt you.” When he had dropped his hands, there was that chilly breeze that only she seemed to feel, that she instinctly grasped the lapels of his jacket and pulled them tighter around her. She turned in the same direction as he stood - out to the city, her eyes following the canopy of the scattered trees of Central Park. It only made sense to because she knew he was about to talk about something uncomfortable and not facing him directly seemed like it would be... comforting. But as he continued talking, Gwen couldn’t help turning her head at him, wrapping her brain around his words. They weren’t cousins. She knew that much. She wasn’t stupid, but she was pretty sure both of them knew nobody would believe that. But a theory that she could have believed would have been that they were long lost twin brothers separated at birth and placed in different households which wasn’t that far-fetched, and wouldn’t even need a cover story. But it made sense now. It was crazy, this was true, but she’d seen her share of crazy now. She’d believe anything. Even in the tooth fairy and Santa Claus. She didn’t say the word, though. It was like a curse word that would be a stab to the heart if she said it. And she couldn’t because as far as she knew, he was his own person. She fell for him, not for his world’s Peter Parker. Gwen didn’t speak for a few seconds after he was done, until she figured out a way to ask what she wanted to. “Do you.... do you have the same abilities? The webs. The wall-crawling. The senses.” Her next question caught in her throat and her vision swam from the tears starting to well in her eyes and she had to turn her head back to the city view, but when she spoke again, her voice was more hushed, slightly broken up by emotion, but still loud enough for him to hear. “Do you have his memories? Like.. in general? And-- and of me?” Ben crumpled slightly at the questions, his shoulders caving in. He closed his eyes as he nodded slowly. “Yeah. Whole shebang. All spidery and all with the swinging around the city and all. And the spider-vision. Plus invisibility. And talking to fish.” Ok, he needed to stop adding fake powers to his line-up. Especially as she might believe him considering that she couldn’t call him on his bullshit like the other people he joked with could. He nodded again as he ran a hand through his hair. “And, um, yeah. Yup through college. Which I never actually finished because having two Peter Parkers showing up to classes would have been weird. Or the start of a great sitcom. Or both. But, yeah, all his memories up until then.” Looking over at Gwen, his look turned sad. Just great. Probably for the best that he couldn’t do this considering how much he sucked at it. About the only thing he seemed to be good at was ruining other people’s lives. Osborn’d be so proud of his creation. He could push Gwen away more. Tell her that he was just hanging out with her because of their Gwen. He knew how much that could sting, but... “You’re not her,” he said, a soft smile quirking his lips. “So, yeah, I got memories of you and I got his memories of her. And I know which ones I prefer. Everything else seems to fall away when I’m with you...” The thought that she was being used like that would hurt, it’s true. Seriously hurt. But Gwen just refused to believe it. Maybe it was denial or maybe she just knew how to read him really well, but she really did not want to think that all that time he spent with her and in that moment inside the photobooth when the camera shot a picture of him looking at her with nothing but love, he was thinking about his world’s Gwen. She didn’t look back at him again until he was done talking. Gwen’s blinked, dropping her gaze down to the surface of the wall in front of her before she looked back at Ben. There was no way she could help herself... that smile, despite the heavy mood, was still contagious and Gwen find herself mirroring that exactly smile with the bleary eyes and all. She believed him. “I like them too.” But then what had happened after college? Why had she read the word “dated” in reference to herself and Peter in this other universe? Gwen furrowed her brow, stepping around to face him, her eyes on the ground. She opened her mouth to speak and then shut it again. There was nothing anyone could say to her to have to get back with Peter. He made his decision a long time ago and so had she. So whatever he could possibly say in answer to what she wanted to know would likely not change anything. But there was that nagging question that existed in the back of her mind all the time, that seemed to want to make its way out not. “What happens to me? Where... where do I end up in... in your lives?” "Me too," Ben said with a soft chuckle. "In case that wasn't obvious." He sighed heavily. Well, crap. Right and this is why he was avoiding this. Well, one of the reasons. At least he'd avoided the full why and when to the cloning thing. Plus who else was cloned with him. He could do this now, save Peter the hassle and pain, but considering how stellar he was doing on this conversation. He shook his head. "I'm sorry. That's a talk we need to have with Pete 'round too." He made a face. "My Pete. It's more his story anyways." Gwen didn’t want to push that topic, but that didn’t mean she was pleased. There had to be way more than he had already told her or what Peter had already told her, and perhaps she should have just dropped it altogether, but something wasn’t letting her curious mind move on to other things. Except right now, when the reason she was here with him in the first place was because she really liked him and she was just being pushed away. “Ben,” she started, stepping up closer to him, hoping that he wouldn’t move away. “I don’t know if you just... if you expect me to just stop hanging out with you because of this, because of what you just told me about yourself, but you.. you’re still...” Gwen reached up with one hand, lightly placing it on his cheek for a moment before letting it drop slightly, afraid he’d just move his head away if she kept there for too long. Instead it just hesitantly hovered between them before she decided to brush off a loose tear from her cheek. “It doesn’t change anything. Whatever you think... that’s not... you’re Ben Reilly. And you’re pretty damn special, you’re your own person and everything I like about you is because, it’s you.” She wouldn’t admit that the initial attraction was probably that. Sharing the same face as the alternate universe version of your ex without actually being him? Yeah, that was probably what got her to talk to him. But along the lines, in the development of whatever you could call this, things had changed. Ben closed his eyes and leaned into the brief touch. The words were nice. Really nice. That rare bit of hope bubbled up again. The hope that maybe he’d get a little bit of a normal life. That he could have something like what Pete and MJ had. But, damn it, no, he couldn’t think like that. It’d be nice if it was that simple, but his life never seemed to want to go with simple. Breathing out a sigh, he opened his eyes. Oh man he’d made a mess of this, hadn’t he? Reaching his hand up, he rubbed his thumb against Gwen’s cheek lightly. A sad smile graced his lips. “A few, rare days I can even believe that just a little,” he breathed out before he shook his head. “That doesn’t change anything though, Gwen.” He ducked his head, looking down at the ground between them. “I can’t do this... Even if you say that things are long over, I can’t steal his life.” He swallowed down the lump forming in his throat and the sick feeling that very idea gave him. Even if the scenario wasn’t exactly the same, it was too close for comfort. Far too close. He stroked her cheek one last time before pulling his hand away and running it through his hair. “I... I should go. Before I ruin the night even more.” Gwen shifted her head slightly to let her lips rest against the skin of his wrist, closing her eyes as another tear slipped through. And then another when he dropped his hand. She shook her head, and wanted to say more but what else could she possibly say? Would he even stay if she asked him to? Probably not. But she didn’t want them to end on the worst note ever. The only thing worse than this was not ever seeing him again. “Don’t,” she started. “I didn’t-- I don’t want to not ever--” Gwen couldn’t even come up with the words for that, fearing that saying them aloud would actually make it true. But in case, she really wasn’t going to... Gwen reached up, pushing back that same tuft of hair from his forehead. She took a step closer on tiptoes, placing both her hands against his jawline and her lips on his for a few seconds, and then her forehead against his for another two, before stepping back. Her hands fell to his shoulders before she dropped them to her side. “You didn’t ruin it. Trust me. I had the best prom ever.” Because she was pretty sure it was her that had just done the ruining. It took every ounce of resolve for Ben to not just wrap his arms around her again and melt into the kiss. He should just give in. Say he changed his mind, that he was wrong and he could give this a try, even if he knew it would end in disaster. She would be happy again then, right? She wouldn’t be hurting as much. At least until he disappeared, whichever way that happened. And even if she kept counting him out, there was this world’s Pete. God, he’d fucked this world up, hadn’t he? “Me too,” he said softly before leaning in to brush his lips against her forehead. “I’m sorry. I really am...” A moment’s hesitation before he stepped back and turned towards the edge of the roof. He should just take the stairs, keep up some of the semblance of pretending that this whole conversation didn’t happen, but he needed this right now. The freefall and exhilaration. Even if it was a little chilly, he slipped off his dress shirt and wrapped it in a practiced motion around his face. At least he had his undershirt. Not that whole secrecy thing mattered really, right? But the habit was hard to break. Just like wearing the webshooters to prom because who knew what might actually happen considering their luck. He hopped up on the ledge as he checked his webshooters, making sure they were in the right place and working right. He glanced back over his shoulder at Gwen. What had he been thinking? His shoulders curled in and his whole body slumped as a strong wave of guilt and shame washed over him. Yup, have a good look at what you’ve really been hanging with this past month? Which just started the big string of insults that hadn’t fully circled through his head in months. Fake, fraud, imposter, liar, freak, science experiment. He closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to stop that train of thought. Nothing good ever came from it. He gave her one last wave before diving off the roof’s edge. Gwen wasn’t surprised at all that he’d go that way after everything he spilled. Really, it did seem like a much more fun way of getting around, but her heart wasn’t in the place to ask him about it. Instead, she fought to keep herself together, watching him as he stepped up. She raised a hand as well and mumbled “Goodbye” but he had already left off. And she was left staring at the vacant spot he’d been standing before. Now was probably the best time to go back downstairs before her mother came home, and to be the annoying big sister and to check up on Philip. That and a plate and spoons to wash, which she had just started walking back to. But it took Gwen one look down at her arms as she crossed them over her stomach again to realize she was still wearing jacket. Oh, god, how the hell had she just let the night fall apart? Gwen let out a sob, covering her face, before she collapsed down onto the lawn chair. This night would have been perfect otherwise. It was perfect up till this point but she was pretty sure she wouldn’t remember prom night without remembering... this. Being that she was completely alone up there (and never felt more aware of it before), she curled up her legs, hugging them against her chest and cried freely. |