Dr. Leonard McCoy has left the Enterprise. (just_bones) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2013-05-06 23:23:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !log, !trigger warning, james kirk, leonard mccoy |
WHO: Leonard “Bones” McCoy and James T. Kirk
WHERE: Jim’s apartment.
WHEN: Backdated! Saturday night, April 27th.
WHAT: Bones is upset about some information Pike shared with him.
RATING: Medium.
STATUS: Complete.
As soon as Leonard left Pike’s room-- he’d done his weekly progress check in record time-- he headed straight downstairs to his own room. Leonard still felt furious, furious at those degenerate members of the admiralty, furious at Pike for airing out his dirty laundry, and then furious at himself for nearly picking a fight with Jim over it. He took the stairs, medkit jostling at his hip as he moved, but when Leonard reached his floor and his own door, he spun in the opposite direction and headed straight toward Jim’s. Jim had stood up for him, both against Pike’s publicity of those embarrassing details and against the admiralty for tolerating (or even encouraging) such sentiments, and Leonard had responded by trying to cow him. Hadn’t Jim just been giving him what he’d wanted from somebody his entire life-- for somebody to stick up for him, regardless of personal cost? Leonard’s heart was fit to burst at the idea that somebody-- let alone Jim-- would make such an overture for somebody like him. Add to that the fact that he was still reeling from Pike’s comments, and Leonard was just as eager to obtain some form of validation, anything that would erase the sinking feelings of ridicule and self-doubt from his conscience for a while. “Jesus, please tell me that he’s not out,” Leonard muttered after he’d checked the kitchen for Jim. “I’m not out,” he replied, leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom, arms crossed lazily against his stomach. “Unless you were actually waiting for a response from the man himself. The portal has done crazier things.” He hadn’t spoken to Bones since that little debacle with Pike. He was careful not to rush the man. There were plenty of issues Jim didn’t want to talk about and he knew first hand that it didn’t do any good to push. Not that it made it settle any easier. Bones had never been one to shut him out, but then again when had Jim made it a point to try and dig? He knew that keeping things private wasn’t always a sign of distrust, but he also knew how Bones valued being able to talk about things. He had to trust that Bones would come to him if and when he was ready. He wasn’t sure if this was that moment and he was content to let Bones take the lead. Looking at him now Jim wanted nothing more than to beat arrogant heads against the wall. He knew no system was without corruption, but what Pike spoke of was unforgivable. It was a blatant misuse of power from the very organization that stood for justice. It was all bullshit. Kirk eyed Bone’s medikit with suspicion, pushing himself off the doorframe. “I hope you don’t plan on using anything in there on me.” Leonard let out a sigh of relief when Jim made his presence known. His first instinct in a confrontation was to fight and snap and snarl and worry about the consequences of his actions later, but he didn’t want to do that with Jim. The admiralty and his academy instructors could go straight to hell for all Leonard cared, but the last thing that he wanted to do was allow those destructive behaviors carry into his relationship with Jim. Whatever that relationship was, but that was the last thing that Leonard was worried about right now. “What? Oh, hell no,” Leonard replied when his medkit caught Jim’s eye. McCoy dropped his pack on the floor as he walked toward Jim. “I just-- I was so angry with Pike, and then I took it out on you when you were trying to help me, and I’m sorry.” Leonard spoke quickly, trying to get all of the words out before he got distracted, although his hands were already reaching for Jim. He brought one of his hands up to slide across the back of Jim’s neck because he just couldn’t keep his hands to himself. “It happens,” he said with a shrug. Not usually between them, but Leonard wasn’t the first person to deflect his anger. Jim had been guilty of it plenty of times in other situations and with other people. “You should be angry with Pike. With them. With all of it. I am.” His voice was calm, but there was a sharpness to his tone that gave away an underlying anger. He let Bones touch him, his own hand coming up to play with the strap of the medkit. It was probably a good thing they were in this world when he found this information out. If they had been home he would likely be on suspension at best. He wasn’t one to go through the proper channels to solve problems. He was more likely to tackle the problem with his words and his fists. It would feel good in the short term and accomplish little in the end. What worried him most is that they wouldn’t remember this information when they got back. That he would be blind to the problem and they would continue to act this way. “They shouldn’t have been allowed to get away with that. I’m putting a stop to it when we get back.” He just needed to figure out how. “I don’t want it to happen,” Leonard replied, searching out Jim’s eyes, almost as if he was trying to make him a promise. Granted, he generally didn’t want to do hurtful things in his life. It was the same as saying that he didn’t want things to die-- despite his wishes, efforts, and best intentions, it still happened, and he was still going to fuck things up. “I am angry with all of them, with Pike. I--” Leonard started, but he paused for a moment. He couldn’t help but appreciate the edge in Jim’s voice, all of that anger restrained, yet brought to the surface on his behalf-- on one hand he was mortified, not knowing what Jim was likely to do, but on the other he felt cared for and proud that somebody felt that for him. “I couldn’t even touch Pike tonight during his weekly exam, not after the shit that he put out there for the whole network to see,” he explained. Buried beneath the anger, Leonard felt ashamed that he’d let his personal feelings get in the way of his duty as Pike’s physician, but he’d let his feelings override his better judgment, and there was nothing to be done about it now. And no, he wasn’t going to apologize for it. He was still vibrating with tension, could feel it from his toes to the tips of his fingers as they stroked the skin at the nape of Jim’s neck. “And then he got the idea that what I needed was to hear some form of validation from him, like that could change the shit that he said about bending me over a desk to teach me a lesson. Point is, I couldn’t think about anything else, so I came here.” “Then you won’t do it again,” he said simply, as if everything could be fixed that easily. He wasn’t going to dwell on it because at the end of the day he trusted Bones. He trusted Bones more than he trusted himself most days and if the man said he didn’t want it to happen then he knew it to be true. “You should be angry,” he insisted, emotion creeping its way into his voice as he rested his forehead against the other man’s. “You should be. You should be furious.” He bunched his hands in the fabric of Bones’ shirt, easing the urge to punch a wall. “He knows better. He should know better.” Pike wasn’t above bringing up sensitive topics. Jim had his own father threw in his face more than once. He knew it had been a method of motivation, but the line had been crossed too far with this one. Bones wasn’t him, he didn’t need things knocked into his skull. “You’re allowed to be upset, even if he is your patient.” Jim tilted his head upwards, catching Leonard’s lips in a too soft kiss. “Good. You should come here.” He wanted to be that person. They had shared and ignored their personal problems for years and that shouldn’t change now. They had seen each other at some of their worsts, the fact that they now also happened to kiss now and then shouldn’t mean they hide away all the ugly broken parts. “Come on, I’ll get you a beer.” Talking about it did make him feel better, Leonard was relieved to notice. He had no problem with expressing what he was feeling or thinking in a superficial way-- it’d gotten him into trouble his entire life-- but getting to the root of those feeling and talking about that was a different beast altogether. “I feel like it undermines every single fucking thing I’ve done in the last three years, Jim,” he said, his voice beginning to lose some of its harsh edge. “I know it still matters-- all the work I put into the grafting techniques, the xenobiology-- but the idea that they’d discuss that sort of shit instead of my research--” Leonard cut himself off, shaking his head in frustration. He leaned into Jim for support, accepting his kisses as comfort. “I’m not thirsty right now. Think I’d just rather go to bed,” he replied as he dropped his bag onto the floor. “Can I stay?” “You don’t have to ask, Bones. You can stay whenever you want. Go make yourself comfortable.” He knew his friend was hurting and he was powerless to stop it. He hated moments like this. It was no different than watching trailers to the movie about their lives. He could see the problem, he could see the trouble and he was helpless to do anything about it. It was infuriating. Jim knew Bones’ research was important. Hell, everyone in Starfleet knew he meant business. That these bastards had him questioning that was almost too much to take. He moved to the kitchen, knowing that even if Leonard didn’t want a beer he was going to need one. When he returned to his bedroom he sat on the corner of his bed, looking at Bones warily. “Your research means something, Bones. They can talk all the shit they want, but at the end of the day it shows exactly what you’re capable of. If they’re too blind or ignorant to focus on its worth that’s on them. You know better. You haven’t gotten as far as you have by chance. You earned all of it.” Leonard changed his clothes while Jim was gone, trading the jeans and button-down that he’d worn home from the lab for a pair of sweatpants and an Ole Miss shirt that he’d bought to replace the ratty old one that he’d slept in for the better part of his adult life. He had faith in Jim, he trusted him more than he trusted anybody else, but there was still part of him that was hesitant to ask for things, afraid of finding Jim’s point of refusal. And yet they hadn’t crossed that threshold-- he knew that Jim meant it when he had said he could have whatever he wanted. While Leonard hadn’t wanted to hear those words from Pike, they were different from Jim-- he needed that reassurance from him. He hadn’t realized that was what he needed until Jim offered it. Leonard reached out, took hold of Jim’s hand and placed a kiss on the inside of the other man’s wrist. “Haven’t quite figured out what I’ve done to earn you,” he said quietly. “Thank you, Jimmy.” |