effie trinket (escortof12) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2013-04-12 20:39:00 |
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In Effie's life, she was taught that ignorance is bliss. That was better to not know; it was better to just keep things under the table. For most of her life, Effie was fine living under the blanket of ignorance. She didn't want to know, why? Because there was little to nothing she could do about it, how would facing the truth make any sort of difference? So much has changed since that time. Not that Effie wanted to go back to who she was before, but there was a new amount of pain that she wasn't used to dealing. Effie was sad that Portia had been taken back, but she didn't understand what that meant. For hours she had stared at the computer screen. So much had happened. There was so much information that she wasn't sure how to process it all. Everyone, Portia, Cinna, Prim- so many people had died because of President Snow. So many people's lives were torn, and so much of it was because of one girl. Katniss. Effie breathed heavily, she was so grateful for the young girl and angry. Effie wasn't even sure to whom she was angry with. Katniss? Haymitch? The Capital? Herself. She gripped the desk as she tried to stand up but she felt dizzy. How could anyone care about her after all of this? She had only played a small role, yes she was arrested but she felt like she didn't do anything honorable to deserve it. Not even enough to deserve the kindness that Katniss showed her in the book. How could she ever repay the girl for wanting to spare her life, when she felt like she had done nothing to deserve it. Effie looked back to her childhood and the thought made her feel ill. The Games were just a part of her life. In the young girl's mind there was nothing that could change it. Effie had picked her favorites and was upset if they were killed, but she had put up a wall to keep herself from feeling anything. That's what it had to be, that's what she was taught to do, because there was no use feeling sorry for those people. It wasn't until she started actually working for the games that she started to see things differently. As much as she felt like she was in control on the outside, she was a tired and scared mouse on the inside. Was she truly just as terrible as the rest of the Capital? The books made it seem otherwise, annoying but not evil. So why did she feel that way? How uncaring she must have seen to the rest of them when she arrived. The only person that she had know for sure was Cinna. How stupid she must have come across because she seemed to be the only person that had not known. Were they trying to protect her? Or did they feel like she couldn't handle the news? Or maybe they felt like it wouldn't do her any good. Whatever the reason was, one thing was for sure. She felt terrible. Effie's face grew hot, she was able to slow down her breathing enough to stand up and get her coat. She had to get out of this room. She needed air. She needed something to drink. |