James Rogers is the next Captain America (thenextcap) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2013-03-15 09:00:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, james rogers (animated), steve rogers / captain america (mcu) |
WHO: Steve Rogers and James Rogers
WHERE: 113
WHEN: February 18th
WHAT: AU Father and son talk about Steve’s stress and move James into a new place
RATING: G!
STATUS: log; complete.
James only had a few possessions, so it turned out very easy for the two of them to move him out of one room and into the other. He scrambled around trying to make sure his place wasn’t horribly messy when he left it, which for James was certain since he was a slob. He didn’t want to be that douche who caused some mold to grow in the corner somehow though, and he made sure of that before they could move on. In the end he had mostly books and PTYC notes to take up space and some clothing he’d managed to accumulate over the past two months. It still wasn’t much. James was happy as long as he had his shields. When he first opened the door to 113 and they put his stuff down, he was very careful with his father’s old shield. It was still partly broken and scratched up, but he didn’t want to get it fixed. His shield generator was back in working condition though and always strapped to his hand. He didn’t decorate his last room at all, so it was probable the stark appearance of the new place would suit him just as well. “Thanks for doing this. I know you’re busy, but well, that’s sort of why this is a good idea, right?” They both knew James could’ve easily done it on his own. Steve hadn't realized how much he needed the break when the offer from James came, but it became clear within a few minutes that James had been right on the mark. He'd spent too much of his time being what everyone else wanted or expected him to be. He'd spent too much time taking orders from people he couldn't trust, and too much time defending decisions made by an organization he was no longer a part of. When he'd agreed to help, he hadn't imagined he would be participating in so much damage control. Then again, there was a lot that he hadn't knowingly signed up for. Plenty of his responsibilities were simply part of the role he'd been chosen to play, and things that he didn't feel prepared to handle. He knew what it was like to face down an enemy in war. This was different. "I'm not --" Steve cut himself off, about to deny just how busy he was. James knew better. He offered a hesitant and sheepish smile. "I did need a break, thank you… for noticing." James shrugged. He was trained from early on to be the eventual leader of their team. Tony took him to the side when they were still children, and taught him war tactics and instilled a greater sense of responsibility than the others. He was born into a war zone. These politics and diplomatic requirements were beyond him. “It’s easier when things are black and white. Battle’s one thing, this is something else.” This room was a little bit more like his bungalow, although the privacy was 70% of why. Here he wouldn’t have his teammates sneaking in to wake him up every day. He even missed Pym stinging him first thing in the morning. “Is this what your job is? I figured as leader of the Avengers you’d be … avenging … something.” James smiled wryly and rubbed a hand through his red hair. “I guess there’s no giant robots or evil masterminds to fight against right now, huh?” What James was saying echoed the conversation he'd just been having with Howard, and he couldn't help but nod along and smile. Steve found it easier to know what the right thing to do was in the battlefield. He was trained to be a soldier (although he knew he was much more than that), and he'd been tossed into the spotlight as a result of the serum. It'd meant that he finally got the chance to be a soldier, but it'd also come with a number of other responsibilities that he hadn't anticipated. He'd signed up to stop bullies and to save the world. He didn't think that playing mediator was his strong point, no matter what anyone said about his people-skills. Bucky had been the charming one, not him. Steve hesitated, standing uncomfortably near the couch. He hadn't given much thought as to what he was doing here until recently. His position in the tower had been a favor to Tony and Pepper, as well as him fulfilling a request from SHIELD. In the end, he'd seen it as the right thing to do. He knew what it was like to wake up in a strange place, and he wanted to help. The Avengers, however, were still a work in progress. "No -- no giant robots or evil masterminds right now." Steve shrugged his shoulders. "The Avengers -- we were brought together to stop Loki and the Chitauri. We did our job, and that's… that's it. I don't think we're the same as they were in your world, always running around saving people.” “Not yet, at least. But I doubt that’s the end of it. The Tesseract probably has a lot more up its sleeves.” James banded with some of the younger heroes to figure out ways to keep active. It felt wrong to do nothing. To ‘be normal.’ It was alien to him. “Tony said the Avengers came together because they had to do the things everyone else couldn’t. I’d say this whole Potts Tower project is like that. Only you can’t punch it in the face. Well, you could, but you’d make a bad example of keeping the peace if you did.” And that’s what Steve was representing these days. Keeping the peace. Not exactly the typical warrior’s role. “You don’t really have to do any of this. I know people have told you that, and you probably know it too, but it’s hard to walk away.” James took a seat on the couch and looked at his hands. “My father was Captain America. He made that his full time job, he was a symbol of hope and justice and heroism. And he did a lot of good.” It was weird talking about his father with his father, although he was usually good at separating the two. Despite having called him Dad accidentally, he tried to keep clear lines for both of their sakes. “We didn’t have much of a choice in what happened, but I’d like to think if he wanted to hang up his shield and have a real life, people would’ve supported that.” Steve had a bad feeling that James was right. He'd seen the sort of power that the tesseract held first hand. Its power had been harnessed to create a portal before, and that same power could be used for weaponry and God only knew what else. On top of that, there was no telling who or what might show up at any moment. They had to be prepared for the worst. He chuckled lightly. "I don't think people would take it well if I punched anyone, no," he commented. No matter how much he wanted to, Steve knew that violence wasn't the answer in this case. James was right about the tower being a mission of some sort, though. Steve just wasn't sure how to complete it successfully yet. Steve took a seat beside James on the couch. "It is hard," he admitted, glancing at James as the young man spoke about his father - about a different version of himself. Steve felt guilty for even thinking about walking away, but maybe James had a good idea in there. What if he found a way to do both? "I don't know if I'd be able to hang up my shield for good, but maybe there's a middle ground somewhere." James had a feeling there was a lot more to the Tesseract than what they knew already. An infinite amount of knowledge and power. If the gods on Asgard couldn’t do anything about it, they had their work cut out for them. Everyone should only be so lucky if this was the worst it was throwing at them, people they didn’t like. He figured other people were too wrapped up in their day to day drama to think in big picture terms. “A lot of people are getting second chances here, but so are you. You came out of the ice after fighting a war and sacrificing your life.” He knew the story, and at least all the versions he heard so far had that in common. The Captain America story. It used to be a bedtime tale, but Tony didn’t clean it up. The facts remained the same. Even as a kid he knew how tough it had to be. “You just got married. This is your shot with Peggy. If anyone blames you for wanting to find a middle ground to enjoy what you’ve earned, well, point me in their direction. I’ve got no problem punching them.” For the most part, Steve was too self-sacrificing for his own good. Everyone else's second chances came before his own, too often than he wanted to admit. James was right, though. This was his second chance too. He had never expected to see Peggy, Bucky or Howard again, and now they were here. Didn't he deserve it just as much as anyone else here, after everything he'd done? He had a son here as well, which was something new entirely: it was a first chance at something he'd never imagined possible. "If anyone blames me for that, I might actually let you." Steve smiled and hoped that James knew him well enough to know he was joking. "But you might have to get in line behind Peggy and Bucky. They know what I've been through as well as everyone else. Fighting a war, watching Bucky --" His forehead twisted briefly at the memory. "Crashing the plane, waking up here. Another war." He'd lived enough for two lifetimes. "Wouldn't change it for anything." “It might be that you’re the one putting the most pressure on yourself. I think that’s common for leaders. It’s something I felt a lot of the time, even before we had an enemy to actually fight.” James relaxed back on the couch and sighed. “Whenever I get too much time to think, I start worrying about home. There’s a lot of things I like about being here. I’ve gotten to know my pa --- well. You know. You guys. There’s no war to fight or to clean up from.” Any version of them James would be happy with. He wasn’t going to take them for granted. “But that’s the thing. My world needs us. We defeated Ultron, but now it’s time to put everything back together, and I’m not there.” James swallowed, not realizing he was moving into emotional areas until it started to get to him. It was weird how that snuck up on him, he was usually in good control, but his father would always be a weakness. AU or not. “I get mad at myself for not trying hard enough to go back, because it’s the right thing to do. I don’t belong here.” But it was safe and he was tired. Even after spending a couple months getting to know James, it still surprised Steve every time he said something that echoed the way he felt, or his own experiences. Steve was harder on himself than he was on anyone else, and probably harder than anyone else was on him in return. He was his own worst enemy, and James understood that. Here was a boy he barely knew, a boy who only knew his parents from stories and yet still had so much of both of them in him. Either Tony had done an incredible job raising James, Torunn and their friends, or who someone was really did have a lot to do with nature. Or maybe both. It was easy to forget that inner turmoil even existed, so it took Steve off guard to hear about how much James felt he didn't belong here, and how much guilt he felt for not being back in his own world. He hadn't said it in such plain terms, but Steve had a feeling he was right on the mark. "You deserve a break too, James," he pointed out gently, reaching out to put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "It isn't wrong for wanting or needing that, after everything you and your friends have been through." He paused, one corner of his mouth turning upwards in a good-natured smile. "Maybe neither of us should feel bad for that." “Yeah, I’m sure we’re going to start doing that, aaaaaaaany day now,” James snarked in reply. His dimples came out only when he really smiled, which he was doing now, and it was rarer than it was probably healthy. Tony did tell them stories about their parents, and he raised them well, but the traits they had in common were natural. He only had Tony’s word for it before when he said how like his mother and father James was, but now he saw it in person. The weird part was seeing it equally in both mothers. They were different and the same, and sometimes he could see how similar they were because of him. Weird, but true. “Okay so we’re just theorizing here, but if you had to think up a compromise right now that you think would work for you, what would it be? Let’s go with ideal first, and work our way down. Ideally what would you rather be doing?” That’s how James dealt with problems. He put them out there and broke them apart until a solution was found. He was very matter of fact about it, and he figured between the two of them, something could probably be worked out. They were advanced strategists, for crying out loud. Steve's smile widened in amusement as he looked James. Their unyielding sense of responsibility was something else they had in common. No matter how often he reminded himself that he deserved a rest, or how many other people told him, Steve knew he wouldn't be able to stop for long. Too many people depended on him, and too many people needed him. He didn't resent anyone for that -- it was his fault for taking too much on more than anything else -- but it was a heavy burden all the same. "I -- " Steve hesitated, his smile fading and a frown crossing his face instead as he thought the question over. This wasn't a typical battlefield, but maybe… maybe it was a different kind of one. His mind was swimming with ideas, but as to what was ideal, it wasn't clear what the best path would be. "I can't say that I want more villains to fight," he began, feeling as though that desire would be deeply unfair to the civilian population. He did wish he could go back to being a soldier, however. That was what he thought he'd been meant to do. "But helping people, in small ways. I don't think I'm doing a good job of that here." “You’re a soldier, not a diplomat. Maybe you should leave the people pleasing to someone like Ms. Potts or Tony. They seem to like dealing with the public.” James wouldn’t be very good with it either. He didn’t have better answers than Steve about how to handle these people or what they were doing, but he did know how to play to strength. “They’re also better at not taking things personally.” He was honest to a fault, and he glanced over sympathetically with eyes as blue as Steve’s own. “You think you’ve failed if people are unhappy, like you should be able to fix everything. That Pettigrew situation, it happened in another world, that’s not something you can fix. And most people would go everyone stay in their respective corners, stop being jerks, and leave it at that.” James smiled faintly. “But not you. You care and if you keep caring this much whenever it happens, you’re going to burn out.” It was incredible how astute James was. Steve knew he shouldn't be surprised -- the boy had been raised by a Tony Stark who seemed to have himself together well enough to raise several children, and he had the brains of both of his parents combined -- but he was. Part of that, he expected, was that James seemed incredibly adept at getting right to the heart of the matter. He was like Peggy, in that way. She could read him better than most people, except for Bucky, and she knew what was going on in his head better than he did. He inclined his head towards James slightly, acknowledging that what he was saying was true. He did take things personally, and he wasn't good at public relations in the same way that someone with Pepper's experience was. Put a young child in a Captain America costume in front of him and he knew what to do. Put him in a room with Matty, Lyra and Hazel and he'd know what to say to put them at ease, or how to make them smile. Adults were more difficult. "I just --" Steve hesitated for a moment and cleared his throat. "I want people here to have an easier time adjusting than I did when I first woke up. You're right, I do feel like I should be able to fix everything. I want everyone to be okay here. I know what it's like not to be. I know what it’s like to be out of place." James was very pragmatic, a quality that Tony nurtured, although it also led him to be jaded too. He wasn’t sure how Pym managed to still feel like a kid, but he was glad his little brother could, because the rest of them were too serious and thoughtful to enjoy life. He was working on that. But it was a trait he liked in Peggy Carter too. They were on the same wavelength whenever they spoke, and James was glad he got along so well with his father’s wife. Things would’ve been extremely awkward otherwise. “I get that, and it was hard to wake up here. And you were there to talk to me when I did, which helped. But you should also know that sometimes you just have to let people work it out. Give them the necessary tools and support, but let them figure out their stuff from there.” James shrugged one shoulder and tapped his feet on the ground. “Maybe they should use someone else for the ‘keep in line!’ posts, and let you do the positive and informational posts. Leave the PR to either the PR people, or people who don’t care either way like Natasha.” She wrote a post before telling everyone to keep in line, and that worked fairly well. She didn’t take any crap, so she was better suited for something like that. Steve nodded as he listened to what James had to say, filing away the ideas. They were good ones. He did care too much -- which, he could admit, wasn't a bad thing when as far as he could see, too many people didn't care enough -- and he let things get to him when he should let it roll off his back instead. He knew that this side of him was one of the reasons he'd been selected in the first place: he would always fight for those who couldn't, he would always stand up for those who didn't have a voice, and he would always look out for people even when it wasn't easy. His heart was the reason the project had worked so well. It felt arrogant to think, but Steve knew it was true. Pepper was good at public relations without taking it personally, he thought. Someone like her was better suited to this business than he was. "You're right. I never wanted to be in public relations. I just wanted to do the right thing." And sometimes, being a public figure meant that the right thing wasn't going to be popular. He'd experienced that already. "Thor and I had talked once about holding a press conference about the residents here, to help ease some of the public's fears. That much I can handle. I'll look into finding other people to help me… police everyone, for lack of a better word." He paused for a moment, looking at James fondly. "Thank you, James. You didn't have to -- I appreciate you listening, and wanting to help." James felt a wave of shyness suddenly, because it was times like these he realized he was sitting down and talking with his dad. Not the one he knew, but the weird part was he knew this one better than he ever knew his. If “his” father did show up, they’d have to go through the motions of getting to know each other too. The lines with them were blurry, but this was nice. And going to sports games. And being a part of his wedding. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “No problem. Thanks for helping me move. They’re nice guys, I just don’t do well with stress. And by don’t do well, I mean if I think there’s a threat around, I go into war mode and … well you’d get that.” In some ways James wanted to protect them too. He didn’t think anyone was going to show up to attack Harry, but James would be on alert for threats just thinking about it. “At least they don’t live with Torunn. Her reaction to potential threats is stab it with my sword, ask questions later.” Steve chuckled lightly. "Yeah, I get that. A real threat of some sort is a different kind of stress." The threat of war, of the demise of a city, the definition of evil attempting to create weapons to destroy everything he held dear -- those were kinds of stress he understood. Lesser threats inspired a bigger reaction out of him, still, although the more time he spent living a civilian life, the easier it was becoming to find some sort of balance. Talking it over with James and Peggy helped more than he could say. "Torunn sounds like Peggy that way," he commented, his smile brightening and turning a little cheeky. "Don't tell her I said that. Tony's a bit like that too, sometimes." He paused, thoughtful. "I guess I can be too, depending on the situation. Anyway… do you need anything else, or should I let you get settled in?" “I think she gets it more from her Dad. From what I can tell that’s definitely his first instinct.” It wasn’t a bad one, he wasn’t making fun of them. Torunn saved them more than once because of her quick reflexes and how strong she was. “I’m good. Thanks for organizing this. And if you ever need to talk more, well, I’m literally down the hallway.” |