Honestly, I think I said that because I didn't want to complicate things further between us, for either of us. You had a lot going on and so did I, with Illya and Gaby. I didn't think it would end well for anyone if I confessed that I cared more deeply for you then I first realized, if I let myself know that.
But keeping these things to myself, being secretive about my thoughts and feelings? It hasn't done me any favors, so I'm trying something new, trying to go with being honest, and letting you know where I am when it comes to you.
I don't know what it means for the bigger picture, but I don't want to go on pretending you're just a friend either. I'm sorry that it complicates things further for you or if this is something you don't want to do deal with. But this particular omission of truth? It felt like a lie. I didn't plan to fall for you or Gaby or anyone, honestly, but I did and this is what's going on with me now.