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lieutenant seivarden vendaai (vendaai) wrote in thedisplaced,
@ 2018-09-02 18:35:00

Entry tags:

!network post, charlotte wells, justice of toren, kell maresh, ororo munroe / storm (616), seivarden vendaai

This may seem like a strange or even inappropriate question. But how do the different types of relationships in this culture work? Or in the cultures represented here, I suppose, since there are multiple.

There seem to be different rules from the ones I was familiar with in the Radch, is all. And I'm good at making an ass of myself even when I know the rules.

(Post a new comment)

	queenofpretend 2018-09-03 01:56 am UTC (link)
	~~I believe we've already discussed how arrangements work where I come from.~~ I think you're over thinking it, is your problem. Have the courage to say what you want to someone you take a shine to. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	vendaai 2018-09-03 01:57 am UTC (link)
	I've got no shortage of courage. I just don't want to send a completely wrong message by accident. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	queenofpretend 2018-09-03 01:59 am UTC (link)
	So what if you do? Are you trying to propose marriage? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vendaai 2018-09-03 02:09 am UTC (link)
	No, definitely not that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	queenofpretend 2018-09-03 02:13 am UTC (link)
	Then I stand by my original advice. If you're interested, just let them know. Offering to buy someone a drink or inviting them for a meal is fairly universal. Or, be more direct if your interest is more specific. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vendaai 2018-09-03 02:24 am UTC (link)
	That's sound advice, but I'm familiar with that part. It's only that I've gotten the impression that the words for what I want might have an entirely different meaning to someone else. Your uses of the words marriage and client, for example. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	queenofpretend 2018-09-03 02:27 am UTC (link)
	And if you aren't looking for either, then you should be alright. If you make mistake, insult someone, apologize and move on. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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	pene_clearwater 2018-09-03 02:12 am UTC (link)
	What are the rules in the Radch? It might be easier for us to speculate once we know the guidelines you already use. (Reply to this) (Thread)

vendaai
2018-09-03 02:19 am UTC (link)

The main differences I've gathered so far is that this culture divides people by gender, and has opinions about which genders can be together. The Radchaai find beliefs about gender to be, well, primitive.

We did have marriages, and clientage. The lines between the two are blurred, but clientage can sometimes involve relationships that are neither romantic nor sexual, only formed based on political, social, or financial advantages, whereas marriage can involve any and all of those things but almost always indicates a romantic or sexual aspect.

Outside of those relationships, people generally take lovers as they wish.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	easterly 2018-09-03 02:41 am UTC (link)
	Relationships between two of the same gender are starting to become more accepted, but unfortunately progress is slow at times. Between more than two people probably even slower as it's less common. Among the displaced I think you would be fine so long as all involved are consenting adults, though. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vendaai 2018-09-03 02:51 am UTC (link)
	Yes, that was explained to me. The difficulty is that I'm not used to gender being any kind of a factor in relationships -- or everyday life, for that matter -- at all, so navigating any kind of gendered relationship is new to me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	easterly 2018-09-03 05:18 am UTC (link)
	It can be exhausting, honestly. There's so much bound up in our conceptions of gender across cultures that sometimes I think it would be nice if it wasn't a factor at all. There would be fewer expectations. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vendaai 2018-09-03 03:36 pm UTC (link)
	Having compared the two, I have to say that I completely agree with you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	antari 2018-09-04 03:14 am UTC (link)
	I definitely haven't encountered any cultures that are as lax about gender as yours just yet. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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vendaai, 2018-09-04 03:39 am UTC

	pene_clearwater 2018-09-03 02:54 am UTC (link)
	It is indeed primitive. We've made strides in recent years, but overall, it remains a very structured system. I'm sorry that it is so. I don't know that marriages are vastly different, but clientage is unfamiliar to me. Can I ask where the Radchaai are from? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vendaai 2018-09-03 03:02 am UTC (link)
	Interesting. So your culture is trying to move beyond that? The Radchaai are, like all humans, originally from Earth. But no humans had lived on Earth for a very long time by the time the Radch was formed, and that was a long time ago, for me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pene_clearwater 2018-09-03 03:09 am UTC (link)
	As the other respondent said, slowly. And it waxes and wanes in our history. In some stories of the past, relationships between similar genders was more common, and then it was not again, and so on. I like to think that we're moving forward more than backwards, but I can't promise that. That's so interesting. So they left before cultures became so widespread? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vendaai 2018-09-03 03:13 am UTC (link)
	It seems obvious to me that the issues with gendered relationships could be solved by no longer bothering with gender. But I do understand that it might be as hard to introduce that notion here as it would be to introduce the idea of gender back into the Radchaai. [...] I'm sorry, I don't really understand the question. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	troopcarrier 2018-09-03 02:19 am UTC (link)
	Should we base any such rules on their music, there is much to say. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	vendaai 2018-09-03 02:19 am UTC (link)
	Yes, the music makes me a little wary. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	troopcarrier 2018-09-03 02:23 am UTC (link)
	Indeed. Someone could grow too attached to you, in a way you do not mean. Certainly, it is not encouraging for people wanting different things from a relationship here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vendaai 2018-09-03 02:25 am UTC (link)
	I'd rather not mislead or hurt anyone, if I can avoid it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	troopcarrier 2018-09-03 02:28 am UTC (link)
	Directness may be your only avenue. They must take you at your word. It would bear repeating, as well. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vendaai 2018-09-03 02:32 am UTC (link)
	The problem lies where the words have different meanings. I was hoping to have them explained first. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	troopcarrier 2018-09-03 02:37 am UTC (link)
	I could recommend any number of songs and albums about sex. But I doubt I am the best choice to explain antiquated word usage to you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)