InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I am the lizard queen!"

Ren Waugh-Solo (behindthemask) wrote in thedisplaced,
@ 2018-02-27 13:34:00

Entry tags:

!network post, kylo ren / ben solo, padme amidala, sam wilson / captain america (616)

(030) Kylo Ren
[Filter: Padmé Amidala]

I know that we're back on the ship, and we normally have breakfasts, but I don't think I can do that this week. ~~I'm sor~~

If you want to come by the cabin at any point though then I'll be there.

~~[Filter: Mom]~~
[Filter: Sam Wilson (616)]

I Do you have extra time this week?

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	Kylo & Padmé secretwife 2018-02-27 09:41 pm UTC (link)
	I understand, but in a couple of days I'd like you to at least take a walk with me so you can get some fresh air. We'll keep it short, I promise. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Kylo & Padmé behindthemask 2018-02-27 09:46 pm UTC (link)
	~~There's a balcony~~ I'll think about it and I will let you know. I don't know what to do [...] Exactly. I don't want to be stupid about it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Kylo & Padmé secretwife 2018-02-27 09:47 pm UTC (link)
	What do you think would mean that you're being "stupid" about it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Kylo & Padmé behindthemask 2018-02-27 09:55 pm UTC (link)
	I don't [...] I messed up at home. I don’t want to mess up here. I’m afraid if I see him too soon I’ll mess up here too n (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Kylo & Padmé secretwife 2018-02-28 12:24 am UTC (link)
	There's a certain balance you'll have to find between too soon and too late. I don't want you to miss this chance you have to make amends with him. ~~And I don't want them to lose you the way I lost Ana~~ Would it help if I'm with you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Kylo & Padmé behindthemask 2018-02-28 12:37 am UTC (link)
	~~I wish I knew what he'd said to Mom.~~ [...] I don't want that either. Assuming he even wants it. I don't know. It feels like something I need to do by myself. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Kylo & Padmé secretwife 2018-02-28 01:24 pm UTC (link)
	I can't imagine why he wouldn't, Kylo. ~~I want you all to be happy~~ It's up to you. I can be nearby if you like. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Kylo & Padmé behindthemask 2018-02-28 11:12 pm UTC (link)
	I can think of at least one fairly reasonable reason. Thank you. ~~I might~~ I'll let you know if I need it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Kylo & Padmé secretwife 2018-03-01 12:06 am UTC (link)
	Kylo, he's your father. He loves you. If you aren't able to feel that, you can at least believe me because I know he must. Of course. I'm always here for you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Kylo & Padmé behindthemask 2018-03-01 12:53 am UTC (link)
	~~I know what I f~~ there's a difference between what you've lived through, and finding out somebody does something... I'm just giving him space [...] and me. ~~I'm not ready~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Kylo & Padmé secretwife 2018-03-01 01:00 am UTC (link)
	[...] Please believe me when I say that too much space will do more harm than good. Not talking to him, forcing him to avoid you and avoiding him in return - the longer you wait, the harder it will be, and the wider the gap will become until it will be too wide to close. I don't want that for you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Kylo & Padmé

behindthemask
2018-03-01 01:22 am UTC (link)

I [...] I'm not forcing him to avoid me. He knows where I am and presumably how to get to me. If he wants to talk to me, he can. ~~But there's nothing to say he wants~~ Mother knows where I am too. Either one of them could say something to me.

[...]

I'm just trying to figure out what to say so I don't completely ~~kriff~~ mess it up, that's all. I'm not avoiding him, I just don't know what to say. I mean, what do you even say? "Hello, I'm sorry I killed you because Snoke told me it would solve all my problems? But it didn't? Sorry?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Kylo & Padmé

secretwife
2018-03-01 01:48 am UTC (link)

They could, but it might be best if you reach out first. Show that you want them to talk to you, and that you want to talk to them. There has to be an effort on both sides.

Kylo, you said you're staying your cabin for the time being. You're avoiding him, sweetheart - which I understand, and I don't blame you for. You can start with the apology, particularly if it comes from your heart.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Kylo & Padmé

behindthemask
2018-03-01 02:21 am UTC (link)

~~I'm always the on~~ ~~She never checks on me~~ I will. I just [...] ~~I just need time~~ Maybe this weekend. [...] There's been a lot going on.

I can't stay in here forever, which both you and Eliot have reminded me of. I'm talking to Sam tomorrow -- Maybe I'll have a better idea after that. I just don't know how I say anything that will be believed. Sometimes, here, it's easy to be the person I want to be. I forget all the things I've done and that I can't just bury that person in another galaxy.

[...] You don't call me Ben.

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Kylo & Padmé

secretwife
2018-03-01 02:38 am UTC (link)

Alright. But remember, there's always a lot going on. You can't keep using that as an excuse.

Good, I'm glad. I hope talking to him helps. I think this place can help us to become better people than we were, if we choose to let it. You can become someone new here, even though mistakes of the past haunt you.

You introduced yourself to me as Kylo. I won't call you Ben until you choose to use that name and be Ben.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Kylo & Padmé behindthemask 2018-03-01 04:19 am UTC (link)
	He's had some good ideas - I think. I don't know that much about it, but it's nice to have someone that isn't... involved. I guess. [...] I wish you'd been around when I was a kid. I'm glad you're here now. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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