InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "ANY QUESTIONS?"

Ren Waugh-Solo (behindthemask) wrote in thedisplaced,
@ 2017-12-17 18:06:00

Entry tags:

!network post, alastor moody (au), anakin skywalker, annie cresta (au), emmeline vance, kylo ren / ben solo, padme amidala, penny adiyodi, petunia dursley (au), pidge gunderson, quentin coldwater

(023) Kylo Ren
The black sheets were a bad idea.

[Filter: Petunia]

Thank you for your help with Lupin's present.

[Filter: Anakin Skywalker]

~~How badly did she yell at you after she stopped talking to you publicly?~~ I think I left our last conversation rather abruptly, but ... it did help. I think.

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	Anakin and Kylo behindthemask 2017-12-19 12:05 am UTC (link)
	~~Unlike Grandmo~~ It can be over-rated. They have numbers, the first three seem to be about your past. Not yet. I wasn't going to, but I think I will. Maybe it will help me understand what people see. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo balancetheforce 2017-12-19 12:10 am UTC (link)
	Strangely, the ones that come later in life were "filmed" first. Do you plan to watch them alone? When I watched mine, I watched with Ahsoka. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo behindthemask 2017-12-19 12:13 am UTC (link)
	That is not the strangest aspect of all of this. Eliot's going to watch them with me. He offered, and I [...] he should probably know what I've done in the past assuming it's even accurate. Does she believe in you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo balancetheforce 2017-12-19 01:32 am UTC (link)
	No, but these are one of them. You'll be able to tell him if they aren't. Yes. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo behindthemask 2017-12-19 01:39 am UTC (link)
	You've got me there. The costumes also. Strange. No, it's true. I can. Good. [...] Did you talk to mother? Or maybe I should rephrase, how much did you talk to mother? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo balancetheforce 2017-12-19 02:21 am UTC (link)
	It's unsettling to see your own face and your own life as if it's just someone's holodrama. Be prepared for that. At length, and in private. Why do you ask? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo behindthemask 2017-12-19 02:28 am UTC (link)
	Can you be prepared for that though? I’m still not used to so much of it being public knowledge. I was just curious if she kept talking to you or not considering. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo balancetheforce 2017-12-19 02:31 am UTC (link)
	Maybe you can't be completely prepared, but try to get your head around that before you start. She did, yes-- but as I said, in private. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo behindthemask 2017-12-19 02:45 am UTC (link)
	I’ll keep it in mind. I’m not sure if I’m glad Eliot will be with me or not. But I think it might be good for both of us in different ways. He believes in me but [...] hopefully he still will. Right. Sorry. It’s good she did anyway. I wasn’t sure if she would. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo balancetheforce 2017-12-19 02:54 am UTC (link)
	Watching it alone is an option. Your mother and I don't have a great deal of face-to-face history with each other, but what we do have is [...] difficult, and obviously our actions impacted each other's lives-- more mine affecting hers than the other way around. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo behindthemask 2017-12-19 05:27 am UTC (link)
	Honestly, I don't think it would be the best idea. She's going to have a difficult time pretending that you don't exist here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo balancetheforce 2017-12-20 01:08 am UTC (link)
	An option, not the BEST option. Have you tried considering it from her side? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo behindthemask 2017-12-20 03:05 am UTC (link)
	Have you forgotten that my entire life all I heard was her side, generally not coupled with any recognition that you were my grandfather? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Anakin and Kylo

balancetheforce
2017-12-20 04:06 am UTC (link)

From what I've learned, I almost wish you'd never found out. That it had remained a secret. Maybe then you wouldn't be trying so hard to be like me, complete with my mistakes. She feared for you that everyone would judge you and expect you to become Vader's heir-- and you've willingly tried to be exactly that. You've embraced that image instead of proving them wrong.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo behindthemask 2017-12-20 04:28 am UTC (link)
	[...] I thought if anyone would understand what it feels Like to have impossible expectations thrust upon you, it might be you. I was never going to be what they wanted. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo balancetheforce 2017-12-20 04:34 am UTC (link)
	What impossible expectations? I feel like "not becoming a mass-murdering tyrant seeking to subjugate the galaxy" isn't such an impossible expectation to live up to, and yet that's who you've sought to be. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo behindthemask 2017-12-20 04:44 am UTC (link)
	Right. ~~They tried to~~ I guess not. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Anakin and Kylo

balancetheforce
2017-12-20 04:55 am UTC (link)

I almost seems like the real reason you're so angry that you didn't know about me for so long was because you could've started down this path sooner if you'd only known.

Yes, I know what it's like to feel completely different from everyone around you, to feel like there are answers outside your reach being denied to you, to feel like everyone expects something of you. But those things all came without a family history.

Of COURSE your family didn't want you to become like me. Of COURSE they wanted to spare you that if they could. They saw what became of me, and they didn't want that for you.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Anakin and Kylo

behindthemask
2017-12-20 05:35 am UTC (link)

That's not true.

[...]

I'm angry because they didn't trust me. They didn't trust me enough to know about you, they didn't respect me enough to let me learn with the truth. I'm angry because my mother was more concerned with trying to create consensus out of the anarchy of dozens of senators than she was spending time with me.

I went with Luke. I did training exercise after exercise. I tried to be what they wanted, and what I got for my trouble was a kriffing lightsaber in my face.

Snoke offered me trust and respect, or at least I thought he did. and it may have been a lie, but it felt real at the time. Maybe if they'd have talked to me I wouldn't have felt so damn alone all the time.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Anakin and Kylo

balancetheforce
2017-12-20 08:42 pm UTC (link)

Your mother was trying to fix a galaxy that I helped break, and get you the guidance with the Force that she didn't have the knowledge to provide.

I'm tired of telling you the same things over and over. You want someone to relate to and validate your point of view, then refuse to see that anyone else's is also valid. You are self-absorbed, and have remained self-absorbed. You really are too much like me.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo behindthemask 2017-12-20 09:02 pm UTC (link)
	Fuck this. I don't need your approval or validation. I don't need anything you have to offer. I didn't need it then, and I don't need it now. And I'm sick to fucking death of being measured against you one way or another. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin and Kylo balancetheforce 2017-12-20 09:24 pm UTC (link)
	What you truly need from me, as I've said, is to learn from my mistakes so you don't become just like me. Other people have measured you against me, just as your family feared they would, but you've also done that to yourself. Stop going down the path that I took, and find a new one that's your own. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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