InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "...that place was me."

Jules (aruthlessheart) wrote in thecityof,
@ 2017-10-01 19:23:00

Entry tags:

clary fray, julian blackthorn

Julian and Clary

tonight

streets of LA

Warnings: tbd

Status: closed | in progress

fading out again
I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream

The Blackthorns had spent most of their lives holed up inside the institute in Los Angeles. Julian was always trying to keep his siblings safe and away from the drama the rest of the world brought. He had failed hard in a lot of ways but he would burn the entire world down to protect them. It was something he constantly thought about. Especially now. Losing Livvy had taken a toll on the Shadowhunter. There was a very big part of him that felt lost and the other part was just trying to hold on for Ty’s sake. This might have been a different dimension but some things really never changed.

A lot of his time lately was spent with Izzy or painting the day away. He could get lost for hours in his artwork. It was a release from his own mind. A way to escape everything without really getting out of the city and the drama that went along with it. And after his sessions with Izzy and he was out of it his work just seemed like there was so much more to it. A hidden secret molded into his sketches. Hidden in each stroke of his brush.

Maybe there was. There was so much pain in his heart that he could never openly admit to. He was broken and broody and raw. It was all things he couldn’t escape but he could put those feelings into something beautiful. Something worth the world in his eyes. Julian painted with his heart and it showed in the artwork that was hanging at the gallery and the sketches that were strewn around his apartment. Maybe one day the pain would ease, but right now Julian couldn’t see that breaking ray of light just yet.

Maybe that’s why he was out tonight. He was looking for something. A reason to feel alive again. Every night he disappeared out into the buzzing streets of LA and didn’t come back until his patrol ended and he had taken out more than a few downworlders. This place was crawling with them. Some not so bad, some worse than anything he’d run into before. He felt like he was making some kind of difference when he was out here like this. Not that it really mattered here. Protecting LA wasn’t why he was brought here but that didn’t matter to him.

Shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket he walked the edge of the sidewalk as people began to pour out of the bars. It was late but no one seemed to notice. His sea green eyes were dark and locked on everyone around him. It was only when someone rushed past him and headed into the street without noticing that car coming straight for them that Julian reached out and grabbed them by the arm pulling them back out of the way as the car whipped past them. With an annoyed sigh, Jules arched a brow. “You alright?”

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

aruthlessheart
2017-10-11 03:44 pm UTC (link)

Julian gave a little nod as she made her mental note. Julian was a little harder back in his world but this wasn't that and Clary wasn't the leader of the New York Institute here. She wasn't with Jace. She wasn't.. Julian had to shake his head at the entire situation. Getting used to all the changes was going to take awhile but Julian knew how easy it was to put hope into someone and have it torn away in a single stroke. Maybe it was better for everyone that they were pulled here. Right now Julian didn't have much to look forward to when it came to going back to his world. Just what remained of his family and that was falling apart.

Julian knew that empty feeling all to well and he frowned. Maybe he wasn't the only one who needed to find distractions here. Clary obviously needed to get out of her own head before she exploded with thoughts and feelings.

He was known to take care of the people he cared about. But it was true. Izzy would have killed him if anything happened to Clary on his watch. There was more between him and Izzy than either of them were letting anyone in on and he was grateful for it. It was still insanely weird at the same time. In his version of things Izzy was with Simon. Alec with Magnus. Kit was running around keeping Ty happy. Things here were just complicated.

He arched a brow as he turned to watch her. "I don't think dumping everything on him is going to be the greatest idea." Because that never ended well for anyone. "I think easing him into it is the better way to go. Things aren't the same as back in our worlds. This place changes things like it has it's own version of fate." Julian knew that better than anything. "when it gets to be too much for me I draw or paint. Keeps my head straight."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

keepscomingback
2017-10-13 04:22 am UTC (link)

Clary knew he was right but it still sucked to have yet another person confirm for her that she needed to ease Jace into the truth about her version of the world. Rationally, she knew that both Izzy and now Jules were right. But the irrational part of her felt like she was going to explode if she didn't tell him everything there was to know, and she hadn't even faced him yet. She couldn't even imagine how hard it was going to be to pace herself when he was standing before her. There was always this energy between them. It was human magnetism, she was sure of it. Or, well, angel magnetism.

How could she hold back when he looked her in the eyes?

She thought about how he'd withheld the information about them not being siblings and how Jace had done it because he didn't want to ruin her happiness with Simon. Was that what he would want her to do too? Was it her turn to be so selfless? Clary felt like she loved him enough that she could do it but that she also loved him enough to always tell him the truth.

Thankfully Jules mentioned one of the few things that could distract her from the mental dilemma at hand. She actually found the tension in her face easing somewhat and a smile appeared.

"I paint too," Clary informed him before giving him a sheepish look. "But then again, I'm guessing you already knew that." Because he already knew her.

"What are things like in your world?" She asked curiously. "For me, I mean." Clary clarified, biting her lower lip as she slipped her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket. "It kinda felt like I was just about to live happily ever after before I got brought here instead." She glanced over at him, meeting his eyes with her own.

"I guess I'm just wondering if at least one version of me actually gets that."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

aruthlessheart
2017-10-13 06:25 pm UTC (link)

Julian knew just how twisted and complicated being here made things. Clary was obviously warring with herself about what to do with Jace but Jules wasn't sure that what they had back in her world could be the same here. Jules knew his version of the future but knew none of it made sense as to what he was doing here now. In his world he was completely in love with his parabatai, Emma. Izzy was with Simon. Jace and Clary were together and running the New York Institute. And Alec and Magnus were together with an adopted child.

None of that was the same here. In fact Jules was the one pursuing Izzy despite knowing what he knew. Alec was clearly in love with Jace and things were only getting stronger between them. Clary had come at an awful time but Julian kept his distance there. He couldn't stop what was meant to be here anymore than he could save his little sister back in his world. Things just happened the way they were supposed to he guessed.

He flashed Clary a smile and nodded. "Mhm. I do know." He tilted his head. "You're closer to my parabatai, Emma, than me. Mainly because I'm normally dealing with a hundred different issues at the same time and whenever you and Ja-" he paused, "Whenever you guys come to the Los Angeles institute it's more of mission issues than a personal call."

He smiled at her question and bit on the inside of his cheek. "You're happy in my world." He answered honestly. "Some things happened back home from where they pulled me, but for the most part you have the life you want."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

keepscomingback
2017-10-14 01:24 am UTC (link)

Clary's brow instinctively raised when Julian cut off quickly mid-name. She wondered what it meant that she and Jace apparently made at least semi frequent trips to the Institute in Los Angeles together. Was it strictly professional? Or were the two of them inseparable for more personal reasons. She was surprised by how desperately she wanted it to be the latter, even though it made no difference to this version of her.

Even though it was kind of old hat, having done it before, it was still kind of a trip for her. Other versions of the universe. Alternate dimensions where the more things were the same, the more different they were.

There were things about the first jump she'd made that she'd secretly wanted to stay for. How could she not be somewhat enamored of a world where Valentine wasn't evil and her family was a complete unit? Still, she was more than ready to go back to her own real world when it was time and she'd definitely be ready to leave this one too.

But if she ever ended up in Jules's version of the world, Clary thought actually wouldn't mind the push and pull for once. Having the life she wanted? She'd come so close to just that and it felt nothing short of amazing. Her biggest fear right now, aside from her history becoming their future, was that time would fade the memory of that feeling. She wished there was a way she could bottle it up somehow. Keep it forever in case she never got to experience it again.

"Thank you, Jules." Clary said suddenly, reaching over and squeezing his forearm with her hand in gratitude. "Maybe some kind of Fate really is at work here because you'll never know just how much I needed this."

For a moment, she had forgotten that they all had a purpose. Nothing they did or suffered was ever truly in vain because shadowhunters had a higher calling. Just because she didn't understand it right now didn't mean that it wouldn't reveal itself in time, just like the truth of her existence which her mother had managed to hide for a really long time but not for forever.

Somewhere out there was a version of Clary that was living her dream. And maybe, just maybe, someday she'd be doing the same. But only if she kept that dream alive.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -