Roxy didn't look up. She knew how he was looking at her without even seeing the expression with her eyes. She could still read him even now. And it made her ache. It filled her with guilt that she couldn't do anything with. She hadn't been able to do anything about the guilt for a while now. And she was starting to forget what she was even feeling guilty for. Breaking Orsino's heart maybe? Breaking Lysander's? The past, the future? Her own problems. Who the hell knew. It really wasn't any clearer now than it was months ago, or any less painful.
Roxy sighed. She hated hearing him say those sorts of things. It wasn't that she didn't want to open up to him. To anyone, really. It was just hard. It wasn't like it was anything she was any good at. She wasn't trying to cut him out or shut herself off. She just didn't know how to open up. She was having a hard enough time dealing with everything that was happening without adding her own relationship drama to the mix. Although, thinking about it, everything that was happening pretty much was her relationship drama.
When Orsino started speaking again, Roxanne raised her head to look at him. The pain in his eyes nearly broke her into tears. It was raw in a way that made her want to reach out and touch him, made her want to hold him... or let him hold her. She opened her mouth to speak more than once but Orsino obviously didn't want her to say anything. She wasn't even sure what to say. How many times had she said she was sorry? And not just to his face. There were at least a dozen songs that she was sure he heard her singing that were clear apologies. To him. To Lysander. To herself.
For a few minutes after Orsino left, Roxy just sat there. She wanted to go after him, but she didn't know if she should. She wasn't sure if he really wanted her to. Sure, he said he wanted her to. And maybe he really did. But what if it wasn't good for him? What if it wasn't good for her? She could be bringing up feelings for the both of them. Although thinking about it, she hadn't really gotten over her feelings for him. And if Orsino being here day in and day out wasn't some indication that neither had he, well there probably wouldn't be a clearer sign.
Roxanne felt the knots building up in her stomach as she walked down the hall toward his room. She paused outside the door, the same way that she had a million times before in the past few nights. He wanted her there. He told her to come. She swallowed the lump in her throat and pushed open the door. The room was empty. Although her attention was drawn to the shower almost instantly. She stood there, with the door open, for a few long minutes. And then she closed it behind her and crawled up on the bed to wait.