Roxanne sat silently. She didn't look at him. She looked down at the table and closed her eyes. And she listened. Despite the fact that she didn't want to listen, she did listen. And it hurt, honestly. Every word hurt. Although she couldn't figure out if it hurt because it was the truth or if it hurt because it was Orsino telling her those things. She wasn't sure if she could handle hearing those things from him, but it wasn't like she had a choice. Maybe it was just harder because he cared. Still, after all she'd done, he cared about her. It was heartbreaking.
Not that every moment of every single day wasn't heartbreaking. Roxanne was still going through this whole emotional instability thing. She knew she still loved Orsino. There wasn't a question of that in her mind, especially when she looked at him sitting there telling her those things. Every part of her wanted to reach out to him. She wanted him to hold her. There were nights that she actually walked down to his door and argued with herself about knocking for twenty minutes or more until she convinced herself it was stupid and pointless and walked away. Bloody hell did she still love him! But what good was that now?
And Lysander. She didn't even know what was going on with Lysander. She did everything she could to set things up to try and fix things with him... and he ignored her. It was like it wasn't good enough for him. Like she wasn't good enough for him. It was horrible. It was stressful. And it felt like she had ruined her whole life here for nothing. She couldn't be with Orsino while she was thinking about Lysander, but she couldn't be with Lysander while she was thinking about Orsino. It just felt like she was screwed either way. And now she didn't have either one of them.
"I've written the best songs of my career here." As if that was an explanation. At least something great was coming from all this. She hated all these emotions, but they were turning her into a great musician. Although she knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear. It wasn't like she knew what he wanted to hear. "I don't know what else to do, Orsino. There isn't really much else to do around here."