riley pollard (aknightcomplex) wrote in the_dome, @ 2013-09-10 12:02:00 |
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Entry tags: | 04-10-2017, lia, lia and riley, riley |
Man(hood) v. Werewolf
Who: Lia and Riley
When: Afternoon
Where: The ranch
Lia had meant to talk to Riley after Sophia left for school that morning, but she had lost her nerve. It wasn't the kind of conversation she could really prepare for, and Lia had gone to work, intent on thinking over how to approach Riley about what Micah had told her. When Lia was done teaching for the day, she walked back to the ranch, aware that she had some time before having to pick up Sophia. Her palms were a little sweaty, and her stomach hurt, but with the full moon happening tomorrow, Lia couldn't put it off any longer. Hell, she hadn't been able to really accept what was happening to her, and what it meant, so Lia couldn't really imagine what Riley would think. All Lia could do was hope he wouldn't freak out about it the way she wanted to.
Walking inside, Lia was greeted by the housekeeper. She smiled and they exchanged a few pleasantries before Lia asked about Riley. She was pointed out back, and Lia inhaled deeply before wandering outside to find her husband. He was with another man, and a horse, and the smell was overwhelming. Horse, hay and manure. And the man's cologne. Lia swallowed hard and then pasted a smile on her face as she approached them both. "Hi, love. I don't mean to interrupt, but do you think we could talk somewhere private for a moment?"
Riley was busy being mildly annoyed. Tom had brought the horse to his attention as having a slight injury which Riley was pretty sure had been the result of Tom's never-ending carelessness. He wished with all his might he could fire the guy but there weren't a lot of people in the dome willing to fork manure and hay out of stalls in their free time. He had to work with what he had. So when Lia wandered out toward them, Riley was relieved to have something far better to occupy his time. At least, for the moment.
Tom walked off with the horse, leaving the two of them together alone. "Hey, good day at school?" he asked, kissing her cheek. "Everything alright?"
Lia gave Tom a small smile as he walked away. When Riley turned toward her, Lia returned his kiss, her hands reaching out to touch his chest gently. She returned his kiss, feeling that familiar, wonderful warmth fill her stomach. It helped ease some of the tension she had been carrying around all day. "Everything is fine." That was a bold faced lie, but Lia couldn't get into what was wrong just yet. She took Riley's hand and tugged him along gently toward the house. "School was all right. Plenty of bored, hormonal students, as usual. "I've got to go pick up Sophia soon. I just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes. I'm not taking you away from anything important, am I?"
"Don't get too close," he warned and wiped at his brow with the blue handkerchief he'd had hanging from the back pocket of his jeans. "I'm all sweaty." He laughed lightly, happily though, enjoying that she'd want to be close. They may have re-committed to each other but it still felt like a gift whenever she came close. "Oh, I remember those days. Trying to make the time go faster because sitting behind a desk never suited me." He followed along with her, reminiscing a bit with a faint smile. "Are you coming back here with her or heading home?" he asked and shook his head at her question. "No worries. I have all the time in the world for you."
She couldn't help but laugh a little. "I don't mind the sweat. Honestly, I always found you incredibly sexy after a long day of physical labor. Sweat and dirt shouldn't turn me on, but it has since high school. Then again, I think it was just because it was you." Her friends always thought she was crazy, but something about Riley in his work clothes, his hair damp and dirt streaked across his face. It certainly fueled her daydreams at school, that was for sure.
"I thought maybe we could all eat dinner together, and then maybe I would take Sophia home for the night. Maybe we can talk about moving in a bit more permanently soon, just so we aren't going back and forth all the time. Would that be all right?"
"But you look so pretty and clean," he protested, though he was grinning. Remembering just how sexy she had found him which sometimes meant they ended up in the hayloft. "That turns me on, so I guess we're meant to be." His friends had never understood why he'd never ended up with the tanned, red-headed tomboy that always followed him around the farm, roping cows, and getting dirty herself. But he'd loved the fresh, sweet smell of Lia and her soft, clean skin.
"I'll let the housekeeper know to expect you two." He smiled and rubbed her back gently. "Whatever works best for you both, okay? There isn't a hurry." Not now that he felt sure Lia wasn't going anywhere far. "But you wanted to talk about something else right now?"
Lia laughed again, feeling better about things. Riley knew her better than anyone, after all, and maybe she was worrying for no reason. Her own friends had understood Lia's attraction to Riley, because he was gorgeous. But some of them hadn't quite grasped the concept of her wanting to marry him. In their eyes, Lia had belonged with someone her parents approved of. Someone with money and a nice car. But Lia had fallen in love with the boy who worked on the ranch down the street and that was that.
"No hurry," Lia agreed before glancing at him. "Can we go to your office, or the bedroom? Privacy is pretty important." Which might have sounded ominous, but Lia couldn't risk anyone overhearing.
Riley's friends, like Riley, had known he was getting the better half of the deal when he broke the news about marrying Lia. The worst response had been his father's because the old man had pretty much intimated that Riley would never have what it took to keep a girl like her satisfied. But it hadn't dissuaded him from loving her. Nothing ever could have.
His face slowly became more serious though not worried. He nodded. "Sure, the bedroom's probably the most private." He led the way though she very well know where the bedroom was herself.
Lia followed Riley to the bedroom, wishing she didn't have to have this conversation at all. Maybe she should have called Micah to have him help her out, because he was a doctor and knew about this stuff and he would have probably been more coherent and detailed about it than Lia would be.
When they got to the bedroom, Lia stepped inside and waited for Riley to follow before she closed the door behind him. Then she took a deep breath and wrung her hands together before stiffening her resolve to do this with confidence. It was outlandish and scary and there were more questions than answers. But she couldn't keep it from him. "I have to tell you something. But I need you to try and not panic, or freak out, okay?"
Riley watched her over his shoulder, feeling concern growing. She didn't look like she was about to tell him anything that would drop a bomb on his life. She'd just been affectionate after all. And so it must have to do with something else, something maybe in the dome that he wasn't going to like. He wondered what it could be and tried not to worry about it until they were in his room.
Face to face with her looking like that, he suddenly had a strange queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't exactly dread but it was definitely anticipation and not in an entirely positive way. He wanted to say, You're talking to the man who hid in fox holes with a gun for hours on end listening to gunfire just over the ridge and not panicking. But he couldn't bring himself to mention that right now. Instead he said, "Should I sit down?"
"Uh... I don't know. Maybe?" Lia cringed, because she was so far out of her element here. In a way, she wanted to laugh, because the words in her mind were so ridiculous. So unbelievable. On the other hand, she felt fairly queasy and scared. Saying the words out loud again would only reaffirm the truth to them. Only... nothing had been proven yet. She wouldn't know for sure until the full moon the next night. With Micah and who knew who else. It made her feel restless... frightened. Something else, somethin deeper, only Lia couldn't quite put her finger on the emotion.
"It's about the night I was attacked by the wolf outside of my house. And everything that had happened afterward. My quick healing, my body heat, the way every single one of my senses shifted into overdrive. I can still hear people talking outside," she explained to Riley, proud of herself for keeping her tone careful and unwavering. "There's more, but it's... it's hard to explain to you, because I can't quite explain it to myself. Micah was bit too, my friend at the hospital. He healed just as quickly. A few others as well. I guess... it's..." Lia paused and exhaled quickly, shoving her hair behind her ear. "They've come to the conclusion that those who were bit by wolves that night and survived became werewolves." There. The word was out there, hanging in the air between them. Lia couldn't take it back now.
To be on the safe side, Riley lowered onto the chest at the foot of his bed and lifted a hand toward her to have her sit with him if she wanted. She was making him nervous but he said nothing more. He listened to everything she said before speaking again and it was a full beat before he actually opened his mouth. He'd known there had been other wolf attacks in the dome. His talk with Serge had solidified that. But he hadn't heard that people had come to a conclusion on the reason why those who'd been bitten had changed. And the one she was giving him didn't make any sense. He lowered his face into his hands, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms in a soft sputter incredulous laughter.
"I … seriously, Lia? Late April Fool's Day joke? You got me. It's a good one." He wanted to continue to laugh as he sat back up straight again but something was nagging at the corner of his mind that stopped him. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on but was turning this situation a lot more serious than a joke in his mind. What was it?
It was instinctive to feel defensive regarding Riley's reaction, but Lia reminded herself that she had been skeptical too. And Riley wasn't the one experiencing the disorienting symptoms. She breathed in through her nose, but crossed her arms against her chest, as if bracing herself against the possibility that he might not believe her. "It's not a joke," Lia said quietly, her eyes locked on his face. "I know it sounds crazy, and it is crazy. I couldn't believe it at first either, but... it made sense. We're all experiencing the same things. Silver burns, Riley. I smelled a bouquet of flowers three rooms down in the hospital, as if they were on the table right beside me. I can hear your heart beating right now. I shouldn't be able to hear your heart beating." Lia paused and swallowed hard. "The night we almost had sex, it was because I needed to claim you. Somehow make you mine. I wasn't myself, but there was a sense of possession there that I had never felt before. Not until I had been attacked."
That was it. It was that he could tell she was serious about this. There was no element of amusement here. She was worried about it. It looked to him like she was maybe in low-level freaking out on the inside. He frowned and held up a hand. "Whoa, slow down just a second and let me think." She was loading him with information, some of which seemed sort of circumstantial and the rest of it sounded downright frightening. "Silver… silver burns?" He smirked and glanced at her left hand. "Good thing I put myself into years of debt instead of going with the sterling silver."
He looked at her for a long moment in silence. "I just… werewolves? How did anyone come to that conclusion?" Couldn't there be some other medical reason why people would run hot, have heightened hearing and smells, or feel like having sex? Other than being a fictitious animal monster?
Obviously it was a lot to take in, but Lia had spoken quickly to try and ply him with the evidence so there would be no room for doubt. But the truth was, Lia still had doubts just because the idea of being a werewolf was so insane. "Micah and I aren't the only ones," she explained. "And Micah looked and researched other possibilities, but none of them added up." Lia lowered her arms and walked over to sit down beside him. "None of my symptoms have worn off. If anything, they're just getting easier to tolerate. I know it's hard to believe, Riley, but I needed to tell you. I don't really know what it all means yet."
Micah. That was going to bother him too. She'd gone to Micah to talk about all of this. Riley had no idea what the nature of their relationship was but some part of him didn't like that the other guy had been part of her believing she was a werewolf. It was neither here nor there right now though. That was a distraction from the issue at hand. "So have you … turned into a wolf yet?" The only things he knew about werewolves was the full moon rule and silver. But if reality was bending to include them, who knew if they followed regular "rules."
Well, he wasn't laughing anymore, so maybe that was a good sign. Lia shook her head, absently twirling her wedding band around on her finger. "Not yet. But… the full moon is tomorrow, so I guess… I'm still not sure. Micah's working on having a safe place for everyone, away from other people." She inhaled deeply, wishing it would help ease the nerves churning in her stomach. "If you're willing, I need you to take Sophia for the night. I can't be around either one of you, just in case… you understand, right?"
She hadn't let him go after the wolf that attacked her and now she wanted him to stay at home and babysit while she went through this? He had no idea what he could do to help if she actually turned into something, but he sure as hell didn't want to be sitting around wondering what was happening. "No, I'm not sitting on my hands with this, Lia," he said. "Our daughter needs to be looked after but Mrs. Haggerty can do that. I need to do something if this is real." He looked at her, willing her to understand that she couldn't keep asking him to be powerless.
"No," Lia said suddenly, her eyes intense as they locked onto his. "No, Riley. If this is real, then you could get hurt. Not only by me, but whoever else might be there. There are too many questions I don't have any answers to, and I'm not going to risk putting you in danger. I don't want you anywhere near me tomorrow night." That wasn't entirely true. Because Lia knew having Riley there would help comfort her some, but Lia couldn't bear the thought of Riley getting hurt, or worse, because of her.
His eyes burned right back into hers, just as serious. He wasn't sure what to say to her because he knew how stubborn she was. He was just as stubborn too and he'd already let her talk him out of doing something before. Now she wanted to ask him to do the same while she went off to have who knew what happen to her with some other man. She was hedging him out of parts of her life while including someone else and he didn't like it one bit. "I am not a child, Lia," he said evenly and quietly. "You can't protect me by refusing to let me be part of this." The bizarre thought that perhaps this story had all been cooked up to explain an affair she'd been having and wanted to keep having went through his mind and he tried to kill it immediately. Yet he couldn't help asking, "Or is there some other reason you'd rather I not be there?"
She recognized the look in his eyes, the subtle clench of his jaw. Lia had seen that look before. Riley could be just as stubborn as she was, if not more so, and Lia braced herself for a potential argument. She just had to try hard to keep from getting angry and defensive. Now wasn't the time for that. "I never said you were a child, Riley. But being a part of this, whatever it is, could get you killed. Look how many people died from those wolf attacks. I don't know that there's anything you can do." Lia rubbed her eyes wearily before looking at him again, drawing her brows together curiously. "You mean some other reason besides wanting you to be safe? What other reason would there be, Riley?"
Riley was already well on his way to feeling defensive. Not angry but definitely frustrated. What gave her the right to tell him not to be there for her? Did she not understand how emasculating it was for her to continue to tell him to sit on the sidelines? And expect him to obey? "You don't have to say it to treat me like one. What makes you the final authority on what is or isn't safe for me?" His voice came through closed teeth and he looked away from her when she asked the last question. He wasn't going to lob that grenade fully at her, whatever weird thoughts he had about it. "I don't know. You tell me. Why wouldn't you want me by your side through something difficult like that?"
Okay, so it seemed like it would be impossible to keep from getting defensive. Riley's words set her on edge and Lia lifted her chin stubbornly, her eyes darkening with frustration. "Let's try it this way, Riley. What if you were me. What if there was a very real possibility that you could turn into a dangerous, potentially deadly animal. You would be alright if I wanted to be there with you while it happened? When you had no idea what could happen? You would agree to let me put myself at risk?"
She stood up abruptly. Not to leave, but to step away so she could pace, and try to focus. "I'm not treating you like a child. I'm your wife and I think that gives me some authority on what's safe for you! I never said I didn't want you by my side. But if I am what Micah thinks I am, and Micah is what he thinks he, why on earth would I want you to be there where you could get hurt?"
"No, I wouldn't be okay with that and you know why it's not the same. I know how to take care of myself. I was trained to and I have survived a whole hell of a lot more than my wife turning into a mythical creature!" He stood up as well and began pacing the small area rug at the foot of his bed. It was so ridiculous that they were fighting. About her turning into a werewolf of all things. It seemed utterly laughable except for the fact she was giving him orders and he was struggling not to assume the worst. Which wasn't that she was going to become a huge, hairy beast.
Every time she said the name Micah it grated on his nerves. He chewed his lip to keep from exploding about it more than once but he was on the verge. "Sure, why not," he finally answered with an incredulous breath of a laugh. He still wasn't looking at her and his voice was lower than ever. "Why not. I'll sit down. I'll have some coffee. I'll turn on the telly and watch some footy. I'll hide in my house like a scared little girl. You go, be monsters with Micah. Make sure to tell me all about it when you're through."
Lia's eyes flashed angrily as she rounded back on him. "Excuse me, but I know how to take care of myself too! I took care of myself, and Sophia, for six years. I kept us both alive when the world went to hell. I'm not a damsel in distress, Riley." It irked her that he thought she couldn't take care of herself. Maybe years before, when they were teenagers, or even newly married, Lia wouldn't have been able to load a gun, let alone use one. But things had changed since then. She had changed. She'd had to, once she had Sophia and the world around them crumbled.
Her chest was heaving with emotion, and Lia felt her face burn at his words. It made her cringe to hear the word monster come out of his mouth, because maybe that had been part of her fear about talking to him about this. That he would see her differently. Like a monster. But before she could properly respond to that, Lia felt a dawning revelation, and she stared at Riley, some of the fight fading from her, replaced by something more acutely painful. "You don't believe me, do you?"
Riley looked up at her then and tilted his head slightly. "So you understand some then how it makes me feel when you act like I can't take care of myself. It makes you angry. Maybe it hurts. You keep telling me what I can and can't do with regard to taking care of myself. It's like cutting off both my legs and asking me to be happy about it. And I can't, Lia. It's not even the fact that you don't want me to get hurt. It's that you don't even give me the choice to make the right decision! It's insulting. Whether you meant it to be or not."
This was horseshit. This shouldn't even be happening right now. How in the world had they gone from blissful lovemaking and planning to talk about the possibility of moving in together as a family to fighting over where he could or could not be while she turned into a werewolf. He had the distinct desire to burst out in hysterical laughter. He held it back, quietly answering, "I believe you believe it and that you're worried about it. It's real to you."
"Fine," Lia said tightly. "Make your own decisions, Riley. Do whatever you feel you need to do. Forget that you have a wife here, that you have a daughter. Go out there with your gun and be a big man, if that's what you feel you need to do. I won't hold you back anymore." Lia knew Riley had always felt like he had to prove himself to his father, but she had hoped that he had grown out of that by now. Especially now. Especially when his father was no longer around.
She breathed in through her nose and fought the urge to storm out. She had promised not to run away, and Lia was going to try and hold herself to that promise. "You believe that I believe it," Lia repeated slowly, well aware of what that meant. "It's real to me, but it's not real, is what you're saying. Just say so, Riley. Don't try and make it sound like anything but what it is. You think I'm crazy."
Riley held his expression in check, not wanting to look at her like she'd lost her mind. Was she really so stubborn as to not even see what he was saying? She really refused to understand? "Wow. Big man, huh?" He nodded, running his hand up the back of his hair in agitation. "Don't think you could be any more insulting than that. Consider yourself the victor." She might as well have just called him the world's biggest asshole. His expression said as much then. Closed down. Done.
"No, I don't think you're crazy," he said flatly though he meant it. "This situation is crazy. But I don't think you're crazy." He sat down on a window seat and looked at her silently. Was she really so ready to believe he thought the worst of her that she automatically thought the worst of him? What had they been thinking trying to rekindle this relationship? This wasn't going to work and it felt glaringly obvious right now. His heart sank into his stomach.
"This isn't about victory," Lia exclaimed, exasperation evident now as she lifted her hands up to her face and then back into her hair. "This is about you, wanting to go out there and hunt something that nearly killed me, and succeeded in killing others. This is about you wanting to be there for me when I could quite possibly turn into a monster and kill you. You already called me a monster once, Riley, even if you said it sarcastically. Do you think that's how I want you to see me?" What if he saw everything and it changed how he felt about her? What if she lost her mind completely and actually tried to kill him, if whatever Micah concocted to keep them contained didn't actually work? Couldn't he see her side of things at all? Was he not even willing to try?
Lia lowered her hands and looked at Riley, feeling her shoulders slump slightly. She didn't like the way he was watching her, the way it sounded like he had given up already. Hadn't they promised not to give up? Lia was regretting coming here, talking to him, telling him what could happen to her. She should have lied, sent Sophia to a friend's house and dealt with it. Once it happened... then she could have told him. "Do you want me to go?" Lia whispered.
Riley would have liked to see her side. But it conflicted so much with his and neither one of them was conceding even the smallest inch that the other might have a point. It was an impasse and he wasn't sure how to get around it without telling her he'd just stand by and watch danger rush past while doing nothing about it. He couldn't. It wasn't in him to be idle when things needed to be done. "Sure it is," he responded evenly, unemotionally. "You want me to do what you want me to do and you'll shame me to get it if you have to. I'm a terrible husband and father for needing to protect my family. I'm stupid for wanting to be by your side when you go through something so life changing. And I can't be trusted not to think the worst of you. Consider me shamed."
This was impossible. He knew even as he answered her that it was just going to make things worse. It felt hopelessly stuck with no way of being fixed or untangled or whatever needed to happen so that they could go back to being happy again. Why had she bothered to tell him this if all she was going to do was forbid him from being there for her through it? "I want you to do what you feel is best for you," he replied, unable to say yes or no to the question because he wasn't sure what he wanted. Other than to stop arguing.
Her brows drew together in confusion as she stared at him. "Shame you? Is that what you think I'm trying to do? I never said you were a terrible father, or a terrible husband. I never called you stupid. I'm worried about you. I lost you before, I can't... I can't survive if I lose you again. I couldn't live with myself if I was the reason for it. You don't get that, do you? God, Riley, I couldn't handle it when you left to fight and prove yourself after we got married, what makes you think I could handle it now? I wasn't trying to shame you." Her voice broke and she paused, swallowed hard to try and regain control of her emotions. It wasn't fair, that he could turn her words around and make her sound so... horrible. Like she was cutting him down on purpose. Like she wanted to insult and hurt him to get her way. Was that really how he saw her now? It made her chest hurt something fierce and she reached up to rub absently at it, wondering if she had been a complete fool since the moment they saw one another again. Maybe she had been a fool longer than that.
Lia swallowed and shook her head, looking away and blinking rapidly to try and keep the tears at bay. She wasn't going to cry right now. "You can't even answer if you want me to stay." And just like that, the promises they made to one another the other night seemed moot. Like they hadn't mattered at all. Except now Riley was the one shutting down. Lia reached up and rubbed at her eyes, exhausted now in more ways than one. "I'll find out where Micah is setting up... whatever it is he's setting up to keep us safe. Then I'll let you know where I'll be tomorrow night. You can come, if you want to. And I'll make other arrangements for Sophia."
Her emotion hit something inside him. Turned on some light and softened him a little. There was more warmth in his tone when he spoke again, holding back from jumping up and pulling her into a hug because they needed to work this out or give up on it, not throw physicality at it. "Maybe you don't realize that's what it sounds like when you talk like I want to just toss myself out into gunfire, so to speak. It's like you think I want to be a target, purposely putting myself in danger like I'm off-kilter or something. I'm not like that, Lia. Only I can't sit still sometimes. Sometimes I have to protect. Sometimes I have to fight and it's not because I don't care how you feel about losing me. It's because if I don't, you'll lose me anyway. I won't be me. Can't you see that?"
He sighed, suddenly so exhausted. And while he was tired of the emotional roller coaster, he wasn't tired of her. It had been spiteful not to just say yes to her. Even though that hadn't been his intention. He hadn't meant to make her feel rejected. "I don't know what to say, Lia. Of course, I want you to stay. But not like this. Not when it's upsetting you." And he shook his head at her sudden change of mind over whether or not he could come. The about face made his head spin slightly. He opened his mouth to respond but had no words. His brows knit together and he simply nodded.
"And what do I do if you try to protect us and you get hurt? What do I do if you die?" So many people had died already. It was something no one was talking about, but the deaths were there. And she and Riley were simply lucky that it hadn't been them. Lia buried her face in her hands to try and breathe and focus. She couldn't focus. When she lowered her hands, she studied her fingers, especially her wedding band. "I don't mean to make you feel that way, Riley. I don't mean to make you feel like you're a terrible husband, and I certainly don't mean to shame you. It hurts that you feel that way. I won't ask you to stand by anymore. I guess you're right, and I have no authority to ask you to stay out of harm's way."
She twisted the ring around on her finger slowly. "If you wanted me to stay, you should have said so. I needed to hear you say it, because now all I can think is that you wish I would leave." She looked at him then, still exhausted, and she was sure it showed in her weary face. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. Where the lines are. All I wanted... I just..." She just wanted support. For him to believe her. To understand. "I'm sorry," Lia said, settling for the apology, because she was afraid anything else she said would make things worse. "I'm really sorry, Riley."
"The same thing you'd do if I got trampled while working in the field. Or had a heart attack. I don't know but I can't not live for fear of dying, Lia." His voice was gentle now. He wasn't protesting so much as trying to figure out how to soothe her mind because anything could happen at any time whether he was putting himself in danger or not. "I won't take it that way then, now I know. And I love that you're concerned for me and that you want me to be safe. I really don't want to do things that make you worry. Can we compromise somehow?"
He nodded at her, eyeing her ring as she played with it, wondering if she wanted to take it off. "If I wanted you to leave I would say so. I promise. I want you to stay." He stood and half raised his arms, offering them if she wanted them. "No, I'm sorry. Because I don't how to do this either. We never had to worry about this stuff before I … Before." He closed his eyes for a moment. "I honestly don't think you're crazy. Maybe I'm the crazy one." The thoughts he'd had. There was something to be ashamed of.
Lia knew that Riley had a point. Anything could happen, at any time. But she thought it was different when one actively sought out danger. She knew Riley didn't do it to purposely risk his life, but that's exactly what he was doing when he wanted to hunt dangerous animals. Or go to war. "I don't know how to compromise something like this," Lia admitted after a moment. "But I know I don't want you to feel like you can't do what you feel you need to do because of me." She supposed all she could really do was voice her displeasure about things, if his decisions made her uncomfortable. But she couldn't ask him not to do what he wanted to do anymore. Not if it was going to lead him to accuse her of shaming him, or making him feel like a terrible husband and father.
She saw him lift his arms, but Lia hesitated, unsure as to whether or not she was ready to touch him just yet. There were things still nagging at the back of her mind. "You're not crazy," Lia whispered. "Maybe I shouldn't have sprung all of this on you. I just… I don't want you to think I'm going to play monsters, Riley. This isn't a game. I'm scared and I have no idea what to expect."
Riley didn't see hunting as actively seeking danger. Nor did he see standing by her to be the same either. Those things were things he felt he could control and fight because he had relied on his training for so many years to get him through. And he'd always survived. But she didn't see it or couldn't because she was too afraid to lose him. He could understand that even if he didn't like that it ate at her whenever he needed to go and do the things he felt were necessary. He wished maybe some part of her would be proud he was a warrior instead of always trying to talk him out of it. He was so much more than the cowboy she'd met now. He wished she loved those parts of him too.
"I think we have to find a way. Neither one of us is used to this," he said and waved a hand between them. "Including another adult in our lives the way we're trying to do it. It's all new territory and yeah, my first instinct is to run off and do battle, because that's how I've lived for six years. Maybe…" He paused, licked his lips, and took a deep breath. "Maybe, the more we are married, the less wild I'll feel. The less at loose ends when you want me not to stick my neck out. Because I have a lot more to live for than I ever did in the past few years."
He didn't blame her for not coming to him and he let his arms rest down at his sides again. What he didn't like was the implication that she should have hidden this from him because he wasn't taking it how she wanted him to take it. Though he supposed she was entitled to feel that way. "I didn't intend for you to think I believe you're playing a game. I know you're scared, I can see it. I'm not scared. Maybe I should be, but I know you're strong and you can make it through anything. I just wanted to be there with you - for you."
Riley had always been brave, and even if she hadn't wanted him to leave her in the first place, a part of her had been proud of him. It was her own fault that she had begun to let doubt creep in. And fear. And resentment. None of that had been Riley's fault. She had known from the beginning that he was going to eventually leave. It was something he had planned since before they began dating as teenagers. Sure, a part of Lia had hoped that maybe once they were in love, he would change his mind and chose her over his other plans, but that had been selfish of her. It was a flaw Lia couldn't quite shake.
Lia stood quietly, listening to Riley and wondering if he believed what he was saying. Did he really believe he would ‘change' his desire to do ‘battle' over time? Did they really have to be together again for a certain length of time before his first instinct was to chose she and Sophia over potential danger? Was Lia always going to feel like a lower priority than Riley wanting to be that soldier and protect not only herself, but everyone else? Could she live with that? She couldn't six years ago. And things felt worse now, because the dome was still locked and the danger of being stuck somewhere with dangerous creatures or situations was very real. "Okay," she whispered, nodding briefly. Lia could only let him do what he felt he needed to do at any given time from now on. She didn't want to rehash this argument again. She didn't want him to accuse her of shaming him. All she could really do was sit by and hope he came home to her. And try not to let those past resentments build again. It was worse now, because she had a daughter to think about. "You can be there, Riley. I don't know where is just yet, but I will soon."
Riley was not so foolish as to believe she was okay with everything she was conceding to. He knew better and he wondered exactly what impact that was going to have on them as they tried to move forward now that he was a step away from the argument taking stock. He could kick himself for getting into an argument with her when she was scared. His big head really got in the way sometimes. He was fighting her as though she were his father, not letting him be a man. But pursuing his father's idea of a man had lost him Lia the last time. Maybe he had just ensured she never brought her fears to him again. He was going to make it a priority to retrain his mind not to want to jump up and grab a gun every time something happened.
"I'm going to try, Lia. I'm really going to try." He looked at her, tired and a bit sad. "I'm sorry for this. You're scared and I couldn't pull my head in. I had to fight." He shook his head, he really was the world's biggest asshole but she hadn't been saying it even as he'd been going round the bend. He had shamed her for her fears. "I don't know why I did that to you. I have a lot of adjusting to do, obviously. Can... Can we try this conversation again?"
Lia gave him a soft, but tired look of her own. She didn't want him to apologize, because she knew he had a point, even if they had to argue for him to get it across. It was better to communicate than to shut down, and they would both have to work on that. She slipped some hair back behind her ear and then lowered her arms, tugging a little anxiously at the hem of her shirt. They both had a lot of adjusting to do, it seemed. But they had discussed this several times, hadn't they? Reconciling wasn't going to be easy. They just had to push through the rough moments.
Lia's lips curved very faintly and she took a breath before speaking again. "So, it turns out I might be a werewolf." And that was her way of starting the conversation over, just to see if they could get through this the way they should have in the first place.
He breathed in a sense of hope that they could make it through these things. These disagreements that ended up arguments where one or both of them shut down. He'd shut down this time and it hadn't been fair to her. This was going to be so much harder than he'd anticipated. He'd been pretty optimistic that they had all of the fights behind them and that it would just be a quiet, cozy life going forward. But he could see now that it wouldn't be anything of the sort. Not completely, at least. He wanted to get better at this though. He wanted to learn how to disagree without it being terrible. He wanted this marriage. Wanted her, wanted Sophia.
When she started the conversation over, he mirrored her slight smile. "I hope you're wrong about that. I really do. Especially with the full moon coming up. Do you need me to do anything for you? Protect our girl and be sure nothing happens to her? I can get all the guys to play Go Fish with her, close ranks. Sophia and her warriors." Which is what he should've said to begin with. Protecting Sophia was something a man would do. Men didn't have to go to war to be men. Take that, Dad.
She knew they couldn't expect the disagreements to be easy to deal with. Lia fully expected them to fight. They were both strong willed and stubborn, and even after all this time, that much hadn't changed. Lia could very distinctly remember some of the fights they'd had when they were younger. Passionate, screaming matches. One, or the other, storming out. But they had always made up after they both cooled down. And then they would sneak off to the hayloft and really make up. Unfortunately, things weren't so simple these days.
Lia wished she had more time to deal with things before the full moon. But it was only a day away. What if she hadn't gotten back in touch with Micah before then? What if she had been with Riley and Sophia when evening set in? Lia knew she was lucky enough to have some notice, but it made her stomach churn anyway, because she was still trying to process everything. "I'd like Sophia to be somewhere safe," Lia admitted. "Honestly, I would prefer her to stay here, even if it's with your housekeeper, or some of your boarders. I want her to be with someone I can trust to keep her safe. If you want to stay with her, I wouldn't be upset with it." She knew Riley would protect her with his life, if it came down to it. "But if you want to be with me, I would understand that too. It's your decision, Riley."
Riley nodded, his eyes on her face, concerned and determined. He believed that it would mean the most to Lia if he stayed with their daughter. Since that was what she'd asked to begin with and she'd made it abundantly clear that the little girl came first before anything. As she should. Riley would learn that too, the more time he was given to be a father. He only hoped he didn't push Sophia the way his own father had pushed him. He'd make a concentrated effort to do just the opposite.
"Just let me be with you as much as possible before you have to go and I'll stick like glue to Sophia. I'll round up everybody in the house and we'll give her a night she'll never forget." He tried on a smile though it might have been more of a grimace. Now that he wasn't busy trying to defend his manhood, more clear thoughts were funneling in. Like what if something went wrong and Lia never came back? He wanted as much time with her as he could get if he had to lose her again. And he wanted to be sure that Sophia had at least one really happy spot in her life before she lost her mum. He'd said he wasn't scared before. The bravado was wearing off and he was beginning to feel it. But he would be strong for Lia.
Riley was right, because Lia would definitely feel more comfortable knowing Riley was with Sophia, rather than watching Lia potentially turn into a monster. Maybe it would be easier once she knew what was going to happen, and what she could expect later. Relieved, and grateful, that Riley seemed more receptive to her wishes, Lia crossed the room, closing the short distance between them to slip her arms around his waist. She buried her face against his chest, not caring one lick that he had been out working with horses. She needed him close to her. "Thank you," Lia murmured, curling her fingers against his back.
Riley put his arms around her and held her close, maybe even too tightly for a long moment before relaxing a little. She was this fragile reality that he both wanted to hold on to forever but didn't always know how to live with. But, true to his word, he would work on himself and not give up on them. She was worth that and so much more. He only hoped he didn't do any permanent damage to them with his hot-headedness one day. And he still wasn't even sure if he believed she was a werewolf but that, at least, would have a definitive answer by tomorrow and they could either rest easy or learn how to adjust. Strategy. He gently rubbed her back. "Thank you," he replied, and because he felt it so important to say right now, he added, "I love you."
Like Riley, Lia continued to hope that she could try and remember that she couldn't control their lives. She needed to be more open and listen. She needed to make sure her selfishness, and her insecurities, wouldn't get the best of her. Because someone had given them a second chance, and Lia didn't want to be the reason why it blew up in their faces. Lia relaxed as she felt Riley rub her back. "I love you too," she said, looking up to press a kiss to his chin. "Let's just get through tomorrow, and we'll go from there." That's all they could do.
He smiled at her kiss and tipped his chin down to peck a kiss to her lips. "Yes, let's do that." And it was probably a good idea for the rest of their lives together. "Is there anything I can do between now and then? Supplies, foot rub, chocolate?" He half-smiled, still rubbing her back slowly.
Unable to help herself, Lia tilted her head back and released a short laugh. "I love that you always offer things that any woman would say yes to. Unfortunately I have to go pick up Sophia." She kissed him again, wishing she had enough time to get him naked for awhile. Maybe they could spend some time together tomorrow, before she had to leave for the night. "Can I take a rain check on the foot rub at least?"
He gave her a full smile at that. "Well I don't want any woman saying yes, I'd prefer it were just you." Then he nodded, knowing she did need to go but wishing they could truly make up. He'd waited a long time and their re-consummation the other night had contented him enough that he could wait, if that's what needed to happen. "You most certainly can, and whatever else you'd like. Kiss our girl for me."
"I would prefer it just me too," Lia agreed. She lifted her hands up to slide them against his face, cupping his cheeks before kissing him again. There was nothing Lia hated more than fighting with Riley. But she could live with their arguments as long as they always made up afterward. Lowering herself on her heels again, Lia sighed and then pulled back from him, feeling reluctant to leave, but knowing she had to. "I will. I'll be back before you know." She squeezed his hand before releasing it and turning to leave the bedroom.