heartfeltsanity (heartfeltsanity) wrote in the_dome, @ 2013-04-04 22:14:00 |
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Entry tags: | 03-23-2017, audrey, audrey and finn, finn |
upset
Who: Finn and Audrey
Where: The school
When: Around 1:30
With the trade show in the dome, work hours were different for Finn, mostly to give the others at the lumber yard a chance to swing by the trader’s booths to pick up any necessary items. While visiting with the traders was interesting enough, Finn was headed elsewhere. It made far more sense to him to check on his crew, which meant he was stopping outside the school that Audrey worked at, looking for her around the grounds.
Audrey had finished with her classes that day already, and was cleaning up the music room whilst singing to herself. She really liked the acoustics in the place, even if they weren't overly awesome. To her they were. She kept on singing, as she started to exit the building, spirits fairly bright today. "Behind your eyes, that's where the sacred lies, you know I need to get through..." she sang, leaning her back against the door to open it for herself. "Oh here I go again, through the undergrowth again...feel the earth move, the planets spin but I can't get through, it's the spirit in you..."
He heard her voice before he spotted her and instinct took him towards her, hopping up the few steps to get the door for her even as she came through it. He didn’t know the words, he never knew the words, but that she was singing brought out a smile in his features. Things had changed. She’d sung before, but not like this. Not so carefree. It was a good feeling, even if he felt useless from time to time, to see her so comfortable and safe.
"Oh!" she said, when abruptly there was a Finn there when she hadn't expected him to be. But she beamed at him. "Hi!" she greeted. "Here to check on me?" she presumed, not really needing an answer to that. Of course he was. It was what he did. "I'll have you know I've had a good day. Things are fine." she promised.
That she had a good day was obvious from the grin on her face and for a moment, Finn let himself revel in it and her attention. She did that sometimes, grabbing his attention in ways he hadn’t planned on, ways he wasn’t terribly equipped to handle. It had happened more since they’d arrived at the dome than before, but he blamed that on having more time to be distracted. “I’m pleased to hear all is well,” he said smile widening. “Care to tell me what makes the day so good?” he asked. His speech was still slightly off, worded in an older fashion that didn’t quite fit. But even now he was pulling his eyes from her, surveying the area around them, just in case, always on guard.
She watched him take a scan of the area, looking for danger. It gave her heart a pang, since these days, there was no danger to face. There weren't creatures lurking in the shadows, waiting to ambush them. There weren't zombies, there weren't other people who might want to hurt them for what they had, they were in a good, safe place, and Finn wasn't adapting to that as well as she would have liked. It had her really, truly reconsidering his fantasy. Out there, the whole 'Ranger' thing was okay. It meant he could function. He was insane, sure, but he was effective, and wasn't falling apart at the seams.
These days? The whole 'Ranger' thing was a detriment. It made him 'weird', alienating for a lot of people, and it didn't serve a function anymore. Finn didn't need the Ranger anymore, that was the problem. Only he couldn't seem to let go of that make believe world he cast himself in. "The day is good because I had twelve little girls and boys singing Heather Nova songs today." she told him. "And that makes me happy."
Satisfied with the area around them, he started walking them towards their house, assuming that was where she was headed as well. “I imagine that was quite the sight to behold,” he told her, smiling with her. “Seeing you happy makes me happy,” he half blurted, just a little late to really flow with the conversation.
Audrey smiled. "That's very sweet." she told him. He was sweet. Both the guys were. They were shades of adorable, that was for sure. She kept walking. "And you're in luck, because that's exactly what I am. How're you, though?" she asked. "How was work?"
He considered her question for longer than most would. He was never sure how he felt anymore. It seemed, sometimes, like half of him felt one way, and the rest another. It was confusing at best and left him hesitating before answering simple questions. “Fine. Work was fine. It keeps me busy.” And the physical labor of it kept him distracted and feeling like he was doing something.
Audrey internally sighed. She knew it kept him busy. What she was hoping for was him saying he was making friends there, or something. At least passing mention of a co-worker would be good. "I'm sure it does." she said. "How about your co-workers?" she asked, prompting him in that direction, in the hopes he would surprise her and tell her all about someone he was hitting it off with.
Finn tucked his hands in his pockets a he walked with her. “They are fine,” he said answering her question, though it was clear he wasn’t entirely sure why she was asking it. He wasn’t close to his co-workers. He wasn’t around them much at all honestly.
Her heart sank a little at that answer. "Okay." she said. "Um...do you maybe want to invite any of them over for dinner sometime here?" she asked, trying to be encouraging. "Maybe, I dunno, make some new friends?" she suggested, tone hopeful.
That confused him as well, at least at first. “I don’t need new friends,” he said, trying to keep that feel of defensiveness out of his voice, but not doing the best job. “Do you think...you think I do?” Which made him worry that she didn’t want him around anymore, which honestly felt a lot more like panic in the span of two seconds.
"I think friends are really important. I mean, what would you do without Liam?" she asked, putting it in those terms for him. "I think..." she paused, frowning slightly as the world suddenly seemed to get a lot darker. Slowing to a stop, she turned her eyes skyward. "What the...?"
“But I have Liam,” Finn answered, but he looked up when she did, frowning at the sky as well. “That’s not...good.” It was the best he had as the eclipse started, like something right out of one of his games. As it passed he frowned more, then, suddenly, everything was gone. Black. “Audrey!”
She was right there, and the light dimmed for her too. Dimmed, dimmed, then...nothing at all. Audrey reached out, clutching his bicep. "Finn..." she started, blinking. "Did the lights go out?" she asked, tone suggesting she knew that was wrong. That the lights couldn't go out, because last time she checked, the sun hadn't been going to die out for quite a long time. And besides that, the street lights should have come on, even if that was the case, right? But that was all she could come up with, facing blackness all around her.
Finn reached for her too, pulling her closer, under his arm so she was safe, but he could still use the arm if he needed it. His entire frame was tensing, panic rising through him. Why couldn’t he see? “Yes. Yes they did.” And that was bad. They were vulnerable.
Okay, so they had. Only she still kind of thought that was wrong. She waved her hand in front of her face, and saw absolutely nothing. She should be able to see something, right? But there was nothing at all. She looked back in the direction she thought the school was, but god--this was disorienting. Was it the school's direction? Were they in the road? Sure they didn't have to worry about cars or anything, but still. "O-okay, we...w-we have to go find someplace to s-sit down." she said, trying really hard to keep herself together, but god, did she just go blind? Did both of them?!
“Shh,” Finn said and not to reassure, but to think beyond that. He’d been here before. Another mission, another trial. Yes. Blinded, and they’d had to rely on other senses. Which meant he needed her to be quiet for a moment, listening. And he needed to place himself. Where he was. They’d moved not too far from the school, which was behind them. No, it was towards the right. They’d turned to look at the school. “This way,” he said guiding her back, counting his steps with one hand out in front of him, the other holding her.
Audrey did shut up when he shushed her. When he started them back, she really hoped it was in the direction of the school. She thought it was, which was good, they were on the same page. She too held her arm in front of herself, so she didn't hit anything. All that, while her thoughts were racing. What did she do now? What did they both do? Blind? Now? After everything? Was she going to be helpless? What was going to happen to them?
She gave voice to none of this, however. Not even a little. She wanted to keep calm or the semblance of it, because freaking out wouldn't help. It never did. Plus, she didn't want to stress Finn out any more than he probably already was.
He hadn’t gotten that far. He was still thinking about what to do in the moment, the trial that he’d been through before that wasn’t really a trial, but a game he’d designed. That he could find her somewhere to sit, to focus on keeping them safe for the moment until he determined what to do next.
Getting closer, he took another step, smacking hard into the steps of the school and letting out a soft sigh. They’d made it. He could do this. He tested the step, then pulled her with him. “Step up.”
Audrey did as told, falling into her role easily. Finn was effective as hell out in the world full of zombies, and she followed orders when she got them. It had worked before, and his tone was the same. It triggered in her that old response, to just act, and not ask questions first. So, she stepped up, then again, getting up to the school with him.
He felt along the wall for the door, which took longer than he would have liked, but eventually he found it. He moved his hand down her arm, gripping her hand and pushing open the door. “In here. We’ll be safe.” He hoped. Though it was the school. It was cool and quiet for the most part. It was a good start.
She got inside, and leaned against the wall when they got there. Sliding down the wall, she drew in a breath and let it out slowly. "We're safe anyhow, Finn." she told him, his statement bringing her back to the present. They were safe. There weren't any zombies inside. It was all okay.
“Except I can’t see,” he corrected, holding on to the wall, facing the door, still tense and ready to hold attack. He heard her voice change, where it seemed to come from under him, he couldn’t see her.
Audrey reached out, bumping his thigh, and she slid her hand up, til she could grasp his hand. "Sit down, Finn." she told him, giving his hand a tug. "Neither of us can see. But we're not in danger. We're in the dome, the dome is safe, and...and we'll figure this out." she said, with a confidence she didn't even remotely feel. But she put it in her voice, just the same.
He half tensed when she touched him, but he held her hand and after a moment he let her pull him down to sit with her. “Just because we’re in the dome doesn’t mean it’s safe.” He couldn’t get his head around safe. He wasn’t sure if he remembered safe. Finn held her hand tighter, trying to be reassuring. “I will make sure that we figure it out. Promise.”
I know, hon. I just said that. Audrey thought but didn't say. "Nothing bad has happened since we got here. I know you're nervous, and I know you want to make sure everyone's protected, Finn, but--we're safe here. Okay? One day...one day you're going to have to accept that." she said lightly. Maybe this wasn't the time, but it was coming up, so maybe now was as good a time as any--when he couldn't just walk away because he didn't want to hear what she had to say.
He didn’t like what she was saying. That didn’t seem to sit right. It didn’t stretch into the fantasy. It made it hard to process for himself. “What are you saying? I have to stop...protecting you?” Finn didn’t see how that worked.
Audrey wasn't certain how to put it. She gave his hand a squeeze, clasping it between both of hers. "I'm saying we're settling here. We've got a house, and jobs, and lives, and maybe you should put more effort into that having a life thing. I know you worry, and I know you want to protect everyone. But maybe you can do that best by settling in and having a real life here..." she attempted to put gently, though she was positive it wouldn't have a great impact regardless of how much sugar she coated it in.
Finn wasn’t sure what to think. For starters, she was holding his hand like that, and that was new and kind of weird. It wasn’t bad, not at all, just different. There was that, then there was the part where what she was saying didn’t make sense. It wasn’t quite lining up with what he felt about himself. “I have a real life...” he tried, feeling like that was the only part he could answer to.
"Explain it to me." Audrey invited, knowing he wasn't going to come up with anything normal. But she did want to know what she was working with. In the meantime, she kept blinking, like that was going to fix her eyes. It wasn't helping, however.
Why did he have to explain it? She was a part of it. She should know. Finn let out a slightly frustrated sigh, not liking that he couldn’t see her, or that she was asking such questions. Audrey had never frustrated him before, but now here she was, trying to make him nuts. “I have my crew. I take care of you. I defend our space, I protect us. I keep trouble away. Now that we’re here, I go to work and then come back, make sure everyone is fine. I’m not sure what’s not real about that. Someone has to keep trouble away, keep us safe. I do that. I’m just in between missions at the moment. There’s not another task to accomplish beyond working, but that’s the case with every warrior. They all have downtime.”
"What 'trouble' are you protecting us from?" Audrey asked, hating this. Very very much hating this. But she didn't know what else to do. She could hear the frustration in his voice, and it was hurtful--but not unexpected.
Finn opened his mouth to answer, only realizing at that point that he didn’t have an answer. “The monsters. Anything else. It’s not like we can be complacent.” But it wasn’t the right answer and the edges of his fantasy seemed like they weren’t stretching over his reality properly.
"Finn, there aren't any monsters." she said, voice quiet. Just above a whisper. It hurt her heart a little to hear this. She'd allowed it for so long, because he'd needed it, and they'd needed him, and it had all worked. Now, though, he just...he just wasn't getting past it. He wasn't getting over it. He was just continuing on this path and it wasn't working. She cared about him. Cared so very much about all of them. But with Finn, she felt like she'd never met him. Not really. She only knew the person he was pretending to be. It was a lonely, awful realization to come to.
He barely heard her. And even after she said it, it took a moment before he could really process what she’d said. “But...outside.” There had been. There could be couldn’t there?
She nodded, and sighed, squeezing his hand lightly. She got closer, feeling that need to be, with that chasm opening up in her mind. That she didn't know who Finn really was. That whoever he was, she'd never met him. That boy had gone to sleep sometime and hid behind some dungeons and dragons character, and never came back out. It left her feeling a little sick to her stomach on top of the fear the blindness was hitting her with. So she curled up a little closer, resting her cheek against his shoulder. "N-not in here. We're safe in here, Finn. You can stop being so vigilant. You can stop being on a mission. You can just...just be you. You can make friends and come up with new dreams and not...not keep treating every day like you're," waiting for the experience points to be handed out "on duty."
He shook his head, not sure what to do with her that close. She wasn’t like that with him much was she? They weren’t like that. He’d been the leader. “And what if something changes? What then? I can’t...I can’t lose you.” He hadn’t admitted that. Not ever. And yet...he couldn’t not admit it. Not now. It was all that made sense in that moment and that was a hard thing to cope with, feeling his personal fantasy starting to break. Not being able to see a damn thing wasn’t helping either.
It felt strange to hear that from him. It wasn't like it was a surprise, it wasn't. Not really. She knew she was important to him, in her own way. She helped keep him stable, at any rate. She supposed she didn't know exactly where she rated in his life, or how he truly saw her anymore, beyond 'the bard' and the like, but still. She knew she was important. Hearing it, however, was different. She wasn't even sure how to deal with it, beyond she wasn't sure it was something a 'ranger' would say. Audrey desperately wished she could see him then, but rubbing at her eye again had no effect. "If something changes, then you adapt to it then." she said. "You won't lose me." she added, because she felt the need to make that clear to him.
Finn shook his head. “I can’t risk it. I can’t.” He blinked again and again, hoping to see. That was starting to scare him, not helping what she was saying. His hand gripped hers, with more passion than he would have used normally. “What if I adapt too slowly.” There was a flash, something from the past, an instant of himself before the break in his mind. “I did once.”
That caught her attention more than anything else he could have said. "You won't, but..." she started, then she drew in a breath, let it out slowly, and started again. "What happened before?" she asked, wanting to know what he was talking about. Finn didn't really get into the past. Liam didn't either. Neither one of the boys liked doing so, and she didn't blame them. It wasn't like she liked talking about the school siege she'd been part of, all the people who died. She didn't like to recall having to bash her social studies teacher's brains in.
He shook his head, not wanting to talk about that. He tried to get up, but didn’t finish the motion because he still couldn’t see anything. “I failed.” His father had died. And then...again. The second time at his hands.
"Are you talking when things just started?" Audrey asked, wanting to try for a time frame there at least. She wanted details, but wasn't about to push for them right now. Not when he was sounding so fragile and they were both freaking blind at the moment.
He shook his head again, forgetting she couldn’t see it. “I don’t...don’t make me...” He started, wincing hard, rubbing at his own eyes to try and see straight again. “Yes.” It was quiet, as if something had broken properly, showing part of him that he never showed, that had been locked away for a long, long time.
Audrey had two reactions, and they conflicted completely. One was to immediately assure him that she wasn't going to make him do anything he didn't want to and it was all fine and please don't sound so broken like that. The other was to push, to get him to dig, to remember, because there was a person in there somewhere, she was betting needed to come out. When he did answer, she didn't say anything for a few long moments. "Finn," she said, voice soft. Soothing. "No one was prepared then, hon. If you...lost someone," she refuse to use his word 'failed'. "Then that was then. It would never happen again now."
“It wasn’t just someone,” he said, snapping at her. Something he never did and instantly regretted. He hated that. He shouldn’t snap at her. It made him shift away from her, ashamed at what was happening to him. He was more controlled than this. He wasn’t like this. What was going on? Why couldn’t he see?
Audrey blinked at his tone, and then he was pulling away, so she let go of him, feeling like he was rejecting her. Which, really, he probably was. She was pushing at something he didn't want her to push at, it only stood to reason. That perfectly logical response, however, didn't help the sharp sting it gave her. "I'm sorry." she apologized nearly immediately. "I didn't mean to make it sound like it wasn't important, or was 'just anyone'." she assured him. She might have continued with what her point had actually been, but bit her lip, silencing herself.
Finn scrambled to his feet, wanting to pace, but not able to do anything other than just hold the wall. He took a shaking breath, then leaned forward more, resting his forehead against it. “No. It was more than one. And...not just someone.”
We have all lost people, Finn, all of us. Not just you. And everyone else has to stand up and face reality but you. Went through her mind, a sudden, unbidden, completely shocking thought that she didn't even know was in there. She remained silent, worrying her hands as she wrestled with her emotions, unhappy on pretty much every level of everything now. She squeezed her eyes shut and kept them that way.
Her being quiet, that brought back out the ranger, pulling the strength in Finn out into the open. He looked down towards her, even if he couldn’t see then let himself drop down towards the floor to sit with her again. “What’s wrong?” he asked, sounding stronger again, sounding more like he could handle was she was going to say than he had moments before.
She frowned. "What's wrong?" she repeated. What kind of question was that? "I'm sorry I made you upset. We'll...talk about it another time." she said, feeling the need to shove everything back for the moment.
He shook his head, again, not remembering she couldn’t see it. “You’re upset,” he said, guessing that was what her being quiet meant.
"And so were you, just a second ago, what with snapping at me, and pulling away and all, so, let's just call it even, Finn." Audrey said, already hearing that Ranger thing back in his voice. She sighed, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes for a moment, before she opened them again. Only when she did, instead of blackness, there was light. Not perfect light, but she wasn't outright blind anymore. "...I think my vision's coming back."
Finn slumped against the wall. He’d upset her and for once that really bothered him. Bothered him a lot. He ran his hand over his face before she said she could see again and he looked up, confused. “It is?” Finn blinked twice, but his wasn’t there yet. Maybe. Maybe the darkness seemed lighter but that might have been him wanting it to be.
"Yeah...things are fuzzy, but I'm definitely seeing things!" Audrey said, latching onto that. She looked around, and...yep. There was a hallway, there was the principal's office, and looking around--there was Finn. "I can see you." she told him. "Not clearly, but I can definitely see you."
His was coming slower. It was more just shifting to shades of gray which wasn’t doing him any good and he had to force himself to stay calm. He turned to her though when she said that she could see him, wanting to see her, straining until he caught the blurred edges of her. “I can’t...not yet. I think it’s coming back.”
Audrey nodded, then pushed herself to her feet. "Okay," she said, rubbing at her eyes again, frowning as she thought she glimpsed something out of the corner of her eye, but then it faded. So she ignored it for the moment. "Do you want to start walking? Or do you want to wait a few minutes?"
Finn was blinking, watching her move, only to realize he was really watching her. The color was still faded, but then he was getting up with her, not sure what to do with his hands for a moment. “No we can start walking. I’d rather be home.” He wanted to hold her hand and lead them, but he really wasn’t sure, both where that idea came from and if he could.
Audrey took the lead in either event, heading for the door, wanting to get back outside into the sunshine. She saw another weird thing out of the corner of her eye again, and glanced back over her shoulder. She froze for a moment, door halfway open and she didn't know what she was seeing--only then she frowned, as it faded. It had looked like...a person? Maybe? Her eyes must still be messed up. "Let's just go."
He saw her hesitation, looking where she was looking and not seeing anything. That stopped Finn, frowning and then reaching for the door himself, over her head. “What are you looking at?” Because it looked like something had caught her attention. Maybe because his vision wasn’t fully back, but it was starting to.
"....nothing." Audrey said, not sounding super sure of herself, but it wasn't there anymore, right? She blinked, and--there it was again. Only this time, because she was looking straight at it, she saw, for just a heartbeat, a person. Just not a solid person. It looked like a ghost. It faded right away, but the immediate sight there had her freezing again in mid step, and she jolted, a tiny sound escaping her.
When made the noise, Finn went almost rigid, suddenly more than aware. His vision was mostly back now, not as clear as usual, but he could make things out, and it didn’t stop him from moving to protect her. “What was it?” She hadn’t sounded sure before and he was almost certain she’d seen something, something he was missing.
"I don't know." she said, it fading again. It took a few times, but she eventually realized that blinking caused it. "Something's...something's wrong with my eyes." she said, not sure she could actually buy that she was seeing--what, a ghost? Some spirit, from the beyond? That seemed ridiculous, didn't it?
“I thought you got your sight back,” Finn said, turning from around them to look at her, looking into her eyes and squinting as if he might be able to see what was wrong with her.
"I didn't say I was blind again." Audrey said quietly. "Just...ignore it. Nevermind." she said, closing her eyes to push the rest of the way out the door. She was seeing things. Stress, or something. That had to be it. Or whatever, she didn't know.
“No,” Finn said, stopping her after she got out the door, one hand reaching for her arm and not letting her get too far away from him. “I can’t ignore it, You’re upset.” He was mimicking her quieter voice though, tone lower and understanding.
"Well, don't worry about it." Audrey said, knowing that wouldn't be a good enough answer. "I'm seeing things. And two minutes ago we were both struck blind, so it's probably just an aftereffect, and it's not real." she said, trying to convince the both of them.
Finn made a face, confused. “What kind of things are you seeing?” he asked, looking around them, but he wasn’t seeing anything. Everything was mostly back to normal. Though that it had been messed up in the first place was an indicator of things being bad.
She didn't answer right away, her eyesight getting better by the second, and once she was outside, she didn't see anything else. Or, not yet anyways. "Doesn't matter." she mumbled, starting for home, walking much faster than he had been the first time.
That was weird. Really weird. Finn let her get a few steps ahead of him then hurried after her, catching up with ease. “It does too matter,” he said. “You’re upset.”
"Oh my god, Finn, you're on repeat. Yes, I am upset. You were too, only you seem to be absolutely ignoring that right now, like it didn't even happen, which is, in fact, contributing to my being upset. So, leave me alone for a few minutes. I'm fine, we can just go home!" Audrey snapped, unable to keep it under wraps anymore.
That stopped him in his tracks. She’d never been like that with him before and Finn was left standing in the street, not sure what to do with himself. Yes he’d been upset, but then there’d been Audrey to take care of, to protect and he’d fallen into that role easily. That was far more reasonable to him than being upset. But somehow he’d managed to upset Audrey and he was left trying to figure it out, but his broken brain wasn’t quite getting him there.
She kept walking, seeing now and then another ghostly afterimage as she walked, but she ignored them entirely. It took her a few minutes to realize she was angry. Actually angry. That didn't happen a lot. But there she was, feeling it now. And she didn't even know if it was fair or not. Just that it was very prominent at current. When she got to the cross street, she stopped, and looked back to see what he was doing.
Finn had eventually started moving again. Normally, he would have hurried to catch up with her, like he had before, but at this point he was just walking, slower pace with his hands in his pockets. He felt lost, which wasn’t right given that he knew where he was in the dome, where his house was, even where Audrey was. He was still a good bit behind her, but his thoughts were slowing him down. He’d upset her and honestly Finn wasn’t sure what he’d done completely.
She waited for him, even if she wasn't sure she wanted to. Her sense of duty, however, had that happening either way. And just because she was angry didn't mean he wasn't still her friend, and didn't mean he wasn't still mentally crippled, even if it was by his own design. She said nothing when he got closer, and only started continuing home when he was there with her.
That she waited for him was a good sign he supposed. A start. He walked with her for a bit before reaching out fingers grazing her hand. He had no idea why he was doing it, it just felt like the right thing to do in the moment.
She looked over at him, then relented, and reached out to take his hand. She didn't know why he was doing it either, but maybe he needed the comfort or something. She didn't know. All she did know was she really probably needed to talk to Liam about this. He was going to need to know.
It didn’t make sense, not in anyway, but it made him feel a little better, holding on to her. She was there, still with him, despite everything else. Maybe that was enough.