Finn Mason (rangerboy) wrote in the_dome, @ 2013-06-29 00:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | 04-03-2017, audrey, audrey and finn, finn |
not wanting to leave
Who: Finn and Audrey
Where: their house
When: evening
By the time Finn had made it back from Avery’s house to his own he was drenched completely through. The shirt he’d worn was completely plastered to him, hair hanging in his face and his boots were making a squishing noise with every step he took. It didn’t stop him though, dripping through the house to find anyone there. Someone had to be home, but it was dark in the house with the lights not working.
Audrey was in her room, sitting by the window. She had it open, the wind in the proper direction that it wasn't flooding into the room. She was singing softly to herself, as per usual. "...and maybe you just need, a friend, as clumsy as you've been, there's no one laughing, you will be safe in here..."
Finn just barely heard her, but he’d stuck his head in her room looking for her anyway. Seeing her there had him letting out a sigh of relief. She was safe. And singing, which was usually a decent sign. It made him relax a little more, despite the goosebumps raising on his arms from the cooler air coming in her window and his drenched clothes. “Alls well?”
Audrey jumped a little bit, but looked over her shoulder and spotted Finn. She smiled. "Hey. Yeah, all's well. Just...wet." The dark didn't bother her that much. They'd gone through so many places where power was totally dead that she was used to it, even if they'd had it for a while now.
“Very wet,” Finn agreed, pulling at his shirt, but it stuck to him. “Have you seen the others?”
"I think Liam's downstairs." she said. "Eli took off a while ago. You should get out of those clothes, Finn." she pointed out. "Go get dry."
“Where did Eli go?” Finn asked instead of leaving to change. After he knew where everyone was, then he could change.
Audrey thought. "He didn't say exactly, he just took some fire wood. So, I'm assuming he left to bring it to someone who might not have it." she said. "I'm sure he's okay. He grabbed his rain poncho and everything, so he should be all good." Plus she trusted Eli to be fine in a storm. He had his shit together enough that it wouldn't bother him. "Where were you, anyways?" she asked. For the first time, she noticed he was wearing clothes she hadn’t seen on him. She blinked. “Were you on your date?”
Finn thought about that. "He might be with Corey. He likes her." Eli was likely to be fine though and that he was taking care others sat better with Finn though he would have preferred if Eli was home. At Audrey's question he nodded. "I was."
She was going to have to check out this Corey girl, to be sure she was okay for Eli. At Finn saying he'd been on his date, she wasn't sure how to feel. She was still unsettled about all of this, though she managed to keep it off of her features and instead she smiled. "How did it go?" she asked, tone bright.
He thought about that before moving closer to her, as if he might sit with her, but stopping short because he was wet. “I don’t think it went well.” He was getting that now.
"...why not?" she asked. And, even if she'd been jealous, hearing that it hadn't gone well was distressing for her. Ultimately, regardless of how she felt about any of her boys, she did want them to be happy and living normal lives. Which included dates. She didn't like the idea of Finn getting sorta shot down on his first venture out.
Finn debated on the window seat before he sat with her. “We went to a movie, which was strange for me. And then the lights went out.” He looked at his hands. “I don’t think she had a good time. And we both got wet.”
"Did you tell her she was pretty, like I said? Did you listen to her?" she asked, looking at him, concerned. She had totally shifted gears into trying to fix his problem, shoving her own feelings off to the side entirely.
“I did listen. She didn’t talk too much. She was worried it was weird and I told her it wasn’t and we should focus on having fun.” He sighed and shrugged. “I got worried about you in the storm and after I got her home in the rain, I came back here.”
"The telling her she's pretty part is important." Audrey said, since Finn skipped that bit. "Did you give her a kiss goodnight? Or tell her you'd see her soon?"
“I didn’t get a chance.” Finn said. And Avery had been soaking wet. He sighed a little. “I asked if we could try again, but she didn’t seem convinced. And when I kissed her cheek she just kind of smiled and went inside her house.” He let his shoulders drop. “I would have rather gone with you.”
Damn. That didn't sound good at all. Did she have to set up a repeat? "Hon, that's just because you know me, and there wouldn't be the whole getting to know you part. But remember? We talked about stuff like this. Getting to know people, making friends, all that."
“I know, and I tried, but I really would have rathered go with you. Not just because I know you.” Finn smiled at her, thinking of what Eli had asked him about.
Audrey was thinking that he meant because she was the bard, or something. Part of his crew, part of his life like that. She returned the smile. "Well, you should still give Avery another try." she told him, reaching out to give his hand a squeeze. "I'm sure she's very nice, and she did pick you."
Finn held on to her hand, watching it in his. It was smaller, but that didn’t bother him. She was smaller than he was. “So did you.” She had bid on him, just like she had the others. “If she wants. I will try. But...I can’t take you out can I?” Eli had asked him about that, if he wanted to and Finn had thought about how it would be nice, spending time with Audrey like that, but he wasn’t sure if Audrey would like it.
She had absolutely no idea how to respond to that. It left her blinking, clearly surprised. "I..." she started. She was coming to terms with the idea that she had a crush on Liam. Which she was positive would go nowhere, and now this was happening and she hadn't worked out at all if she had deeper feelings for Finn, though it wasn't off the table.
For a moment Finn wasn’t sure how to handle her reaction. Then something else kicked in, something from before the zombies, and his demeanor evened out, less the Ranger for a moment. “It might be fun.”
It was always a little strange when he shifted little bits. She still wasn't sure she was used to it. "I don't want to sign us up for that right after you got home from a date that didn't' go well." she told him. That seemed like a hideously bad idea. "We can talk about it again another day?" she suggested, not wanting to tell him no or anything, she just didn't want to set things up to suck even worse.
Finn frowned. “Why not?” he asked. He didn’t quite look at her, looking at her hand instead, touching the inside of her palm. “We don’t have to.” It might not have been a good idea to ask in the first place.
"Because it's a bad idea to hop from one date to a new one, like, immediately after." she told him. "For either of us. So, let's just talk about it another day, that's all. Kay?" she said, giving his hand a squeeze again to reassure him. "I didn't say no." she added.
It felt like no. Though a voice in the back of Finn’s head said it made sense. Why would she say yes? He didn’t voice his concerns though, just nodding and not letting go of her hand just yet. “Sure. Whatever you think is best.”
"I think we'll talk about it tomorrow, or the next day." she promised. She smiled at him then gave him a hug despite the fact that he was wet. "But we will talk about it." she assured him.
The hug definitely helped, and Finn put his arm around her, holding on to her. “We will,” he found himself agreeing. He was quiet for a moment, finger twisting her her hair without thinking about it. “Do you care if I stay in here? Just for a little while.”
Audrey shook her head. "No. I don't mind. Just go get dry clothes, first. I don't want you getting sick." she told him, aware he was playing with her hair, and that felt nice. "Just come back." she said, sitting back to smile at him.
He let her go, smiling and getting up. “I’ll be back soon.” He went quick, already pulling off his wet clothes as he left her room, dropping his wet clothes in the bathroom before ducking into his room to find dry pants and long-sleeve shirt to combat the chill from being so wet. Then Finn was headed back to Audrey’s room, shaking out his hair as it was starting to dry.
She was back to looking out the window, and smiled when he returned. "How well do you know Avery? Maybe you guys need to do something like have a picnic. Someplace you can talk." she suggested. "It's got to be weird just going to hang out in a theater with someone you barely know." she admitted.
Finn went back to where he’d been on the window seat with Audrey and shrugged. “I barely know her. A picnic might work. If the rain stops.” He looked out the window, wondering if it would. “You think that would help?”
Audrey nodded. "I do. Something that doesn't have the pressure of a date. Just be honest with her. That you'd like to get to know her better. That you could kinda start over, and just go have a picnic, and she can pick where to go, and stuff like that." she smiled.
Finn reached out and pulled at a little piece of her hair, not hard, but playing with it. “Will you be disappointed if it doesn’t work out? If she doesn’t like me?” he asked her, thinking her idea was a good one, but it hinged on Avery deciding she liked him.
"No. Sometimes things don't work. I just think it's worth another try, and maybe one that's a little more centric on you two getting to know each other instead of just sitting in the dark together. Really try to get to know who she is. She's probably awesome." she said, encouraging. "Don't worry so much about if she doesn't like you. Just talk to her. Listen, talk yourself, just get a good conversation going."
He twirled the strands of blonde around his fingers for a long moment, not looking up yet. “I know..people left us because of me Audrey. I know I’m difficult.” He wasn’t too lost that he didn’t realize that.
Audrey watched Finn for a minute. "Hey." she said. "I know. And it sucks, but you know what? We got through okay. And we're safe now, and things don't have to be like before. Remember? What you and I were talking about before? Having lives, stuff like that? This is the first step. You can do this. I know you can." she said, reaching out to take his hand and she held it between both of hers. "You can do this."
He watched his hand in hers, thinking they were both so small and it brought up the urge to want to protect her. “What’s so wrong with our life now Audrey? Why...why does there have to be more to this objective. Eli was asking me about kissing Avery and all I could think of was that I’d rather kiss you. And I hated being away when it got dark and the storm got bad. I know that...they need lives. Eli, Liam. Liam needs to remember how to talk.” Though Finn was no help there as Liam had to talk less around him than anyone else. “And Eli...needs to calm down.” Despite the fact that Finn saw him as a great warrior, he got that the other guy was angry a lot. “But you and me...Don’t we make more sense here? If we all go, who protects you?” Finn was looking at her hand, changing the grip he was holding both of hers in his, thumbs tracing the small bones.
This...was a lot for Audrey to try and handle all at once. she was internally flailing, though kept it to herself--it was her specialty, after all. Keeping calm in the face of a lot. At least he kept going long enough that she did know how to answer. "What's wrong with the current objective is that we're not going to be teenagers forever. We're going to grow up. We're going to need to be adults, having lives in the dome. Liam needs to get talking again, Eli needs to deal with anger better, you need to become you again, and I need..." she was struck abruptly with what she needed. "...I need to learn to let go." she said, looking a little haunted there.
Finn shook his head. “We can be adults together Audrey,” he said, feeling that edge of pleading in his voice. He felt like he was being pushed away, no longer needed. He glanced up at her admission, frowning when he saw that look. “Let go of what?”
"You guys. I have to grow up too." she said, really just figuring this out. "I've been wondering why I've felt like I'm freaking out lately, but...that's it, isn't it? I haven't moved ahead either. I just know we all have to." She shook her head. "We have to go, have families, be normal. Just...very close. I never want to lose touch with any of you ever ever ever." she said, really hammering that home, because the thought made her feel like she couldn't breathe.
Finn found himself reaching for her cheek to stop her from shaking her head, looking at her closely. “Audrey...I don’t want to go anywhere. I don’t want you to go anywhere. I can’t bear that.” That felt more like ripping out a lung or an arm. He wouldn’t be whole without her. It was likely the same with Liam, but he couldn’t think of Liam as leaving. Liam would always be there. But Audrey was talking about going and it was scaring Finn.
"It's okay--it's okay. It's not happening soon." she assured the both of them, really. "Just...we need to start looking at 'some day'." she told him. "And you really, really need to come back to us. Real you, not Ranger you."
He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I don’t want to think about someday. I want to be here.” When he opened his eyes again it was there, a different pain, something deeper than he normally showed, but the side of him that was peeking out rarely showed in general. “I don’t know how.” It was quiet, an almost admission that something was broken, but at the same time, he wasn’t sure what it was.
"I know. But we're all here to help you." she told him, not sure when this became about him again, but it was now. She got a little closer. "It'll be okay. And you'll learn how to be happy." she promised. "You've already showed little pieces of you. Real you. It'll keep happening, and some day, you'll be more you than him, and that'll be a good thing. Then, maybe one day, you won't be him at all and you can just be you."
It was hard to think of himself as two people. Was he? That didn’t sit right, but Audrey moving closer did and he found himself leaning into her, forehead close to hers. “Even...even if that happens, I’m not leaving you.”
"We'll all be close." she said with more conviction than she really felt. But she knew they both needed to believe that, so she was saying it. "Maybe we'll all live next door to each other. And we'll have picnics in a huge back yard, and we'll see each other all the time."
“You’ll have to throw me out,” Finn said finally. Someone would have to wrench her away from him. He wasn’t letting that happen willingly. He shifted, arm moving around her to guide her closer to him. He didn’t care how close they were, it wasn’t enough, no matter how many times they repeated it.
Audrey moved close. "It'll all work out, Finn. Trust me." she told him, knowing there was no way she could get him to really agree that the scenario she presented would be fine. So, she just took the other track. Assurances without specifics. “We all followed your lead out there. Maybe in here is my specialty.”
Finn let his fingers tangle in her hair again, keeping her against him. “Maybe it is. But...don’t forget about yourself. You were so sad after the auction...I hated that.”
"I know. But I'll be okay. I am okay." she promised. She was dealing with a bunch of weirdness, but she was determined that she was going to be okay.
“You can tell me if you ever aren’t,” Finn said quietly, wanting that to be clar. He wouldn’t hold it against her.
"I know." she said. And she did realize that any of the boys would be happy to listen to her if she wasn't okay. It was just so ingrained in her that they all had so much going on that they couldn't handle her stuff too that she never indulged in that, really. It would be intensely difficult for her to actually go through with it. But she did know, that didn't change the knowledge that any of them would listen.
Finn leaned in more, tightening his arm around her and pressing his face into her hair a little, breathing in her scent, letting it relax him. This was home. Not someone else. Avery was pretty, but he felt at ease with Audrey. He didn’t say anything else, just let himself calm down, heartbeat steadying and breathing evening.