Finn Mason (rangerboy) wrote in the_dome, @ 2013-12-27 16:29:00 |
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Entry tags: | 04-16-2017, finn, finn and liam, liam |
Like We Used To
Who: Finn and Liam
Where: Their house
When: early morning
Finn had been avoiding people. It was getting obvious at this point. He’d talked to Eli then gone for a run and found ways to occupy himself until he could sneak something to eat and hide out in his room. As soon as dawn had broke he’d gone out again, running before work, as far as he could go, and then back. By the time he’d wound up in the yard he was exhausted, sure he’d done more than any sane person would do, but it helped. When he ran, it was all he had to focus on. Not the way his heart felt heavy climbing the stairs to their house. Not the way he was upset with himself for being upset, for not seeing what made his friends so happy about their change. Not the way he felt guilty around how Eli felt when it wasn’t even his place or his fault. No, running for hours on end was much easier.
For a long moment he hesitated at the door, hand on the knob, not sure what to do. There had to be somewhere else he could go right? Somewhere that wasn’t here, where his emotions were messy, where his mind felt like it was fracturing into pieces and he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Or which self was him. Some days it felt like there were multiple versions of himself and right now he was starting realize that maybe he was. And he had no idea which one was the right one. Sighing, he gave up on going inside and sat down on the steps, back to the door, limbs shaking a little with exhaustion. He’d get up when he felt less tired.
Liam had debated on whether or not he trusted himself to attempt this outside of their house. After a few moments, the answer was a clear no. If he was able to change into a wolf, he wouldn’t know what it would do to him. Hopefully he would be a big, happy wolf puppy like Audrey seemed to be, but maybe he’d want to go on a mad dash around the house or, worse, hunt and he wasn’t sure he was ready to do that yet. He’d spent a long couple of hours trying to get it together, trying to get his body to change, inside of his room but it hadn’t worked.
A little frustrated, Liam trudged downstairs, grabbed himself a glass of water, and decided the fresh air would do him some good. It wasn’t like he was going to be changing anytime soon, it seemed. When he stepped outside and saw Finn, though, he smiled a small smile and moved to sit beside his friend. “You’re up early.”
Finn glanced up, surprised he wasn’t the only person in the world for a moment. Or the only three people in the world. Shaking his head he pushed the sweaty blond strands out of his eyes. “Was up early. At this point, I’ve been up for hours.”
“Couldn’t sleep?” Liam asked, looking at how sweaty Finn was and rethinking that he might need the water for himself. Instead he held it out to his friend and hoped he’d take it. “Where’d you go?”
There was a moment of consideration then Finn shook his head. “No, not really.” He took the glass, gulping at it before answering. “Around. I lost track of the miles after four.” It didn’t seem to matter after that.
At least four miles? He wondered if maybe when he could change, Finn could consider running with him. He wasn’t sure it would happen at first, but maybe with time they could be running buddies? “You were always the best runner,” He said, smiling a little at his friend. “Are you going to work?”
“Not as good as I wanted to be,” Finn said with a sigh, thinking of his father clearly and how disappointed the man had been in him. It was strange, the way the memory surfaced with little effort. “Eventually. Don’t have to be there yet.”
“You are the best runner,” Liam continued, smiling at his friend a little. “You always were. Remember in school, when you would finish your mile and then double back and make sure I finished too? I would have failed gym without you,” He said, thinking that bringing up a memory of that time might not be so smart, but he couldn’t help it. Finn had been his best friend for as long as Liam could remember and he didn’t want to lose that part of him. He just didn’t want to have to hide it anymore either.
Finn frowned because part of him did remember that. It was there, clearly, turning around after finishing to find his friend, and yet at the same time, another part of him rebelled against it, sharp pain through his temple as Finn winced. “I...I guess I do.” He rubbed at his head, then went back to drinking more of the water, hoping that would help.
Liam frowned a little, watching his friend’s reaction to this. It was sad, knowing that all he wanted to do was help Finn, to have Finn be happy again, and everything he seemed to do was making him more upset. After a moment, he reached into his pocket and pulled something out. Hayley’s bracelet. There was more than one reason he wanted to give this to Finn. Partially he wanted Finn to have it because Finn wasn’t going to change into a wolf and break the bracelet during that transformation, though the biggest reason was because he thought Finn might need it more than he did. Holding it out for his friend, he waited. “I’d like it if you would take care of this.”
He’d finished off the water, setting the glass aside, and kept rubbing his head, trying to piece together why some memories were so clear and others were a little more vague, when Liam spoke again. He looked up, surprised to see the bracelet in Liam’s hand. “I...why?” he asked, but not why him, just why Liam didn’t need it anymore.
“It helped me when I was down. I think it might help you too,” He answered honestly, looking back at Finn. “You were a brother to her. She wouldn’t want you to feel sad. She’d want you to know she still loves you.” Maybe that would help. It had to, because Liam wasn’t sure he knew what to do otherwise. “You can give it back to me sometime later, if you want. For now, just keep it safe for me?”
Finn took the bracelet, turning it over in his fingers. He didn’t feel like he’d done enough for Liam’s sister, who’s face was there, clearly as ever, following them around and sitting in, wide-eyed as they played. “I can take care of it,” he promised, closing his fingers around it.
Smiling, Liam felt a weight lift off his chest. As sad as it would be to not have that bracelet around his wrist, he knew Hayley would want it this way. And there was no one it would be safer with than Finn. Watching his friend for a moment, Liam stood up and headed toward the door. “Stay here, I’ll be right back,” He said, heading up the stairs and hurrying down when he had what he’d been after. Coming back outside, the light hit his eyes again in a way that was definitely unpleasant, but he tried to push through it and brought the soccer ball over toward Finn. “Let’s play?”
Finn was somewhat relieved to be left alone again, studying the bracelet and wondering what it meant for him. Then Liam was back and handing him the soccer ball which jolted Finn out of his thoughts again. He’d been good at that sport too though his father had preferred football. He only let Finn play soccer because he was good at it and it could be balanced with track. “Right now?”
“Unless you don’t want to,” Liam said, looking at Finn as he tossed the soccer ball onto the grass outside of their house. “Just...kick it with me a couple times? It could be fun, right?” It’d help him get used to doing something else outside and being able to focus on the smells and sounds of outside. But what was more important was trying to get a smile out of Finn.
“No, I want to. I just...haven’t in a while.” When was the last time they’d had time for games? Too long ago. He got up and went after the ball, nodding for Liam to follow. “You’ll be faster than me now won’t you?”
Liam shook his head and moved after Finn, giving them enough space so that kicking the ball would actually be fun. “No way. You’ll always be faster.” He smiled a little more as he thought on it. “I definitely won’t be faster like I am now.” Waiting for the kick, he shifted back and forth on his legs, trying to loosen himself up a little more. “Maybe I’ll be a better soccer player now though,” He teased.
Finn thought of what Eli had said, how he’d still rather have Finn in a fight, but didn’t bring it up. Instead he just kicked the ball towards Liam before moving back a few paces. “How’s Audrey?”
Liam was able to stop the ball and adjust his stance as he looked back at Finn. “Audrey is good, I think,” He said, watching Finn. Taking a moment, he kicked the ball back. It wasn’t perfect, but it felt nice to be doing something active with his friend again. “She might like it if you asked her that yourself, though.”
Finn stopped the ball with ease, the motions coming back with little effort, as if his muscles remembered better than he did. “I was just thinking you two probably have more of a connection than she and I do.”
That made Liam sad and it showed as he stood there, waiting for the return of the soccer ball. “Finn…” He sighed, shaking his head a little. “I think you should talk to her. It’s important that you say what you feel. She’d want to know what you’re thinking.”
He looked up at his friend, slowly at first, and then Finn was smiling but sad. “You’re closer to them now, more like them, you know. I understand. I’d want a place to belong too.”
“Finn, stop. Just because there’s a new change happening doesn’t make me any closer to them than to you.” He was saying it, but he was concerned that maybe it wasn’t as true as he wanted it to be. “I think you should talk to her because not talking to her isn’t going to make anyone feel closer to anyone.”
Finn wasn’t sure about that. He felt too cut off from them. “I guess I’ll talk to her, see how it goes. I still think she’ll pick you.”
“She wants to see you too, Finn. Don’t push her away.” Don’t push us away. He couldn’t ask his friend to do that, though, because Liam felt so strained with Finn right now that he didn’t know how to proceed. And he’d never not known how to handle Finn before, and the realization that he might not now really scared him. So he settled for something safer. “We should play soccer more often.”
Finn kicked the ball back at Liam and nodded, letting the subject change to not focusing on Audrey. “We should. Maybe with others.” It might be nice to do something other than run alone at this point.
“We could ask around town?” He suggested, brightening at the thought of maybe something real, something normal again. Like them making a small soccer league and playing games like regular, normal kids. “Can I still be on your team?” He asked, the smile he gave Finn something very reminiscent of the old days. “I don’t like not being on a team with you.”
“We could,” Finn said. That wasn’t a bad idea and it would be what Audrey had asked him to do. “I don’t see why you couldn’t,” he said.
“Good,” He said with a big grin, kicking the ball back to Finn again. Maybe then they could start and try to be some kind of normal again.