crossboned (crossboned) wrote in the_colony, @ 2010-07-03 02:32:00 |
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Entry tags: | ^ week 10, holland sharpe, jared bivens, | holly and jared |
Week Ten - Late Tuesday Night
Characters: Holly and Jared
Location: Siena Suites
Summary: Jared goes to Holly’s not long before the raid, hoping to convince “her” to run away with him. Instead he finds out more about Holly than he bargained for.
Rating: PG
Jared could practically feel the adrenaline pulsing through his body, and it was still two hours before everything went down. He’d tried getting to bed early, to get at least a couple hours rest, but that proved impossible. Instead he went over everything again and again, rummaging through his backpack a few dozen times to make sure he really had everything he needed. Finally it was time for one last errand. It was the one thing that was never part of the original plan, and the one thing out of his hands, but he couldn’t just leave without trying.
Creeping as noiselessly as possible through Holly’s living room window, Jared flicked open his lighter. It was even darker inside then out, and the light made it easier to quickly pad over to Holly’s bedroom. The door swung open silently, Jared’s little light falling onto Holly’s sleeping form, pale hair practically glowing with firelight.
“Holly,” Jared said, trying to be both quiet and loud enough. “Wake up, Holly, it’s--”
He froze. His eyes had wandered away from her face as he got closer. In the absence of air-conditioning, it looked like Holly had tossed the sheets aside sometime during the night, revealing only underwear for pajamas. From a little pawing during a couple make-out sessions, Jared knew Holly was extremely flat-chested, but his eyes weren’t on any non-existent breasts. They were on a bulge. A bulge where girls were not supposed to bulge.
Holly was blinking blearily while Jared stared, though he quickly started upon registering that there was a bright light in his bedroom that shouldn’t have been there. Heart beating quickly, Holly pushed himself up and squinted at the flame.
“Geez, you scared the shit out of me,” he sighed, realizing it was only Jared after a moment. He pushed sweaty bangs off of his forehead and prepared to get out of bed, but a flash of his own pale skin in the dark reminded him of how he must look. It was Holly’s turn to stare.
Jared’s eyes darted between Holly’s face and his crotch, half willing either of them to change. His gaze finally settled on his face, a face he’d seen and kissed and looked at dozens of times but now felt like he was seeing for the first time.
“You have a penis,” he blurted.
Holly rubbed his eyes, feeling the weight of the situation settling upon him. He’d known Jared would find out eventually, either because their relationship would become more serious or some accident would occur. Holly hadn’t quite pictured this scenario, but it was probably better than Jared finding out in the middle of something intimate.
“You finally noticed.”
That made Jared open his mouth but nothing came out for a bit. “What’s that supposed to mean? Like you weren’t tryin’ to look like a girl! It’s not like you whipped it or something,” he said, his expression tightening. This changed everything. Holly could have come with him. She wasn’t exactly the strong, able type Mitch favored, but if Jared vouched for her, she would have been in. But they were never going to accept whoever this guy was. “Fuck, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t tell anyone.” Holly grabbed his bedsheets and pulled them over his lap, trying not to feel so exposed. He didn’t like the way guilt was worming its way into his chest. “I didn’t think I could get in here if Jed knew I was a guy, and I didn’t think anything serious would happen between you and me.” After saying that, Holly had to look away, his jaw tightening. “When it did -- I was gonna tell you eventually, but I figured that’d be the end of it.”
“Well yeah, I’m not--” A jerk of his hand blew out the lighter, dropping the room into darkness. For a moment Jared considered just slipping out the door. This was not how things were supposed to go, and he didn’t have time to deal with not-Holly and what they were and the tangle of emotions that made his head feel like it was swelling. But he couldn’t just leave things like that; what if Holly didn’t just go back to bed? What if sh-- he was outside at the wrong time? “Jesus. You have a lamp or candle or something?”
“I have a flashlight.” Holly didn’t move right away, almost disbelieving Jared was still there, but when he didn’t make a break for the door, Holly reached over to his bedside table and felt around for the large flashlight he kept there. When he turned it on, he made sure not to blind Jared with it, keeping the beam pointed toward the ceiling.
The indirect light caught on the sharp angles of Holly’s face and made Jared feel like an idiot. How could he have not realized? He kept waiting for Holly to start laughing at him, but the silence stretched on. “What’s your real name?” he finally asked.
“It’s Holland. Still pretty fruity, if you ask me,” he joked, but it didn’t do much to release the tension he felt building up in his chest.
Jared latched onto the awkward joking like it was a life raft. “Yeah, no wonder you turned out like this, your parents giving you a name like that.” Then he actually thought about what he said and grimaced. “Fuck, sorry. I’m not this stupid really; I’m not Jed. I just-- I had a right to know who the hell I was making out with.” Pot kettle black?
“Yeah, well, you found out.” Holly rolled his eyes, letting the unintentional insult roll over his shoulder. “It’s okay, you can leave. I’m not going to cry and try to make you stay. I knew this would happen sooner or later - just hoped it’d be later. I didn’t feel like wrecking the only good thing going on for me these days.”
Jared’s stomach twisted. He wanted to say that Holland was the best thing he had going for him, too. Had been. Was. “Look, I just--” He pulled his hands through his hair. “I can’t do this right now, there’s-- I like you. But I’m not-- Look, we can talk about it tomorrow.” It was a lie but it was the only way out he could see.
“Jesus, Jared.” There was an edge to Holly’s voice now, and he got himself out of bed so he could press his hands against Jared’s chest. “You can go, okay? You’re not gay, I get it. There’s nothing to talk about.” He put pressure on Jared’s chest again, not shoving him, but insistent on him moving.
This was not supposed to happen. Jared took a couple steps back but still hesitated to go. He’d never see Holly again. Which should make this easy, should make him not care, but it only made things worse. He opened his mouth but came up empty. Instead he reached his hand up to take one of Holly’s, lifting it off his chest and giving it a squeeze. They were the same soft, long-fingered hands he knew, the same eyes and mouth and hair. His eyes lingered lower, and then reality kicked in. He holding the hand of a nearly naked man, just a step from being pressed against him. He swallowed hard before stepping back. He had enough to think about right now, and this wasn’t supposed to be what he was.
“I’ll go,” he said, finally dropping Holly’s hand. He took a couple ginger steps for the door before adding, “I’m sorry.”
“Me too,” Holly said, biting back anything else he could have said to Jared. He saw the hesitation, and part of him wanted to exploit it, but when Jared dropped his hand Holly lost his nerve. Instead, he showed Jared to the door.
“No hard feelings.” Holly meant to smile, but he couldn’t quite do it. “I guess ... see you around.”
The words lodged in Jared’s throat so he just nodded. Though he hoped to whatever god there might be that he didn’t. Because that would mean something had gone horribly wrong, for him or for Holly. He gave a lame wave as he went through the door. As if it would do anything to assuage the uncertainty in his stomach, he added, “Stay safe.”