Jacklyn Baker (called_jack) wrote in the_colony, @ 2010-06-23 13:27:00 |
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Entry tags: | ^ week 09, jacklyn baker, jed bailey, john james searle, |* jed/jack/searle |
Week Nine - Saturday
Characters: Jack and Searle with a cameo by Jed
Location: The desert and then later Jack's old room in Jed's suite
Summary: After burying Jack father, she and Searle talk about their families.
Rating: PG
Jack couldn't remember where her mother was buried. She wanted to remember and she'd tried to recall the route to the cemetery but it was impossible. She would have wanted her father with her mother but who even knew if there was room after people started dying from the flu. So they'd found a different spot instead near the hills on the edge of the city. It was pretty there and it would do.
The grave was dug first and as the hole appeared in the earth, Jack couldn't keep her mind off it. This is where my daddy is going to go. It had been easier not to think of her mom being covered in earth forever when she'd had a nice coffin in a real graveyard. This wasn't clean like that. It was messy and full of dirt and she was hot and sweaty from it. After that, the ride to her house was excruciating. Besides giving directions, she sat mostly silent between Jed and Searle. Neither of them were talking much, either. She couldn't go in the house. It wasn't the same as when she lived there but it was too painful. Jack couldn't walk back in there. Not ever. She sat slumped in the truck and stared at her knees when the body was brought out.
Everything after that was a blur. She was sure it had happened, but Jack couldn't exactly remember how. The heavy earth covered her father's body and she looked towards Jed and Searle. "Can I...can I have a minute?" When they were gone, she pulled a much worn Cubs cap out of her pocket. She turned it over and over in her hands.
"Hi, Daddy. So...it's done. You don't have to be alone anymore." There was a catch in her voice and her eyes burned. "I'm sorry I left you. I'm so so sorry, Daddy. I didn't mean to, I just didn't know what else to do, I had to go. And I'm sorry I couldn't get you and Mama together. But you can be with her in heaven now..." Her eyes finally spilled over, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. "I miss you both so much. I wish you and Mama were here. It's hard. It's so scary and hard and you left me alone." She fell quiet a minute, just crying instead of talking. "You be in heaven now with Mom," Jack told him when she had her voice again. "I made it right."
The cap was tucked back in her pocket and when Jack walked back up to the truck, her cheeks were streaked with tears through the dust on her face.
Searle wasn't sure how to greet Jack when she appeared, and his time alone with Jed had been tense considering what they were doing. For him, digging the grave had been more painful than going into Jack's home to retrieve her father's body, but seeing the tear tracks on Jack's face was even worse. Even though he'd felt a pain similar to hers, he didn't know if there was anything he could say that would make her feel better. So, he chose another subject. "Ready to go?"
Jack turned and looked over her shoulder at the way she had come. Her mouth opened as if she was going to speak, but no sound came out. Instead, she nodded silently.
Jed couldn't seem to find the words either. He knew Jack to be hurting, and that he should be doing or saying something to make it better. Just nothing came. So he just turned and headed for the truck. Glancing back, he saw Searle slip an arm around Jack's shoulder. His stomach gave a guilty hitch, but he shook it off. At least someone could be there for her.
**
For the most part, the ride back to the Suites was as quiet as the day had been. None of them seemed to feel like talking. Instead of speaking, Searle wrapped his arm around Jack and she spent the ride back leaning comfortably against him. It wasn’t until they were almost back before she broke the silence and asked if she could sleep at Searle’s tonight. Jack was happy this finally done but she didn’t feel much like being alone.
Jed answered, of course, suggesting after a second that she and Searle both stay over at his room tonight. He even said Jack could sleep with Rocky.
She was supposed to be sleeping now but for she couldn’t manage to drift off. With a sgh, she gave up, padding out to the living room with Rocky at her feet.
“Searle,” she whispered at the couch. “Searle.”
The room was dark and still, but Searle immediately reacted to Jack calling him by looking over at her in the dark and pushing himself into a sitting position from where he’d been lying on the back on the couch. “I’m up,” he told her in a whisper, “I couldn’t sleep.”
“Me neither,” she told him, relived she hadn’t woken him up. “Want to come watch a movie?”
Searle nodded, pushing the blanket he’d be using on his makeshift bed off of his legs. “In your room? Don’t let me fall asleep in there again,” he said with a smile.
“I won’t.” That was a fight she didn’t want to repeat. When it sounded like he was standing, Jack groped around until she found his hand, leading them back. “Come on. Come on, Rocky.” She hoped Jed wasn’t going to get back. “I brought a couple movies over but there’s not a lot to choose from. I don’t - I don’t have any stuff over here anymore.”
“It’s okay, I don’t care what we watch,” Searle assured her, letting go of Jack’s hand once they arrived in the room so she could set up the movie.
Jack had grabbed a couple ore light-hearted movies when she went to her suite to change her clothes. She put in the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, keeping the volume low enough to not wake Jack settled on the bed, holding on to her stuffed rabbit. Quiet settled back in and she didn’t say anything else until Orlando Bloom started yelling about rescuing Elizabeth.
"Thanks, Searle. For today.”
Searle stirred as Jack finally spoke; the movie had been lulling him to sleep. “You’re welcome,” he answered, looking over at his friend. “It’s something you had to do and ... I’m glad I could help you.”
Jack nodded. Having Jed and Searle there today felt really personal, as if she was showing them a part of her life that she’d rather keep hidden. “I know it was hard.” It had to be because how different could what happened to him be from what happened to her?
“Searle, if you ever want to talk about you know...your family...I’ll listen. If you want.”
“I know you will.” Searle kept his eyes on the TV screen, but he wasn’t really paying attention to the movie now. “I guess I’ve just been trying to ignore it.” After a pause, Searle glanced toward Jack. “Why was it just you and your dad before the flu?”
Jack fidgeted, toying with the long floppy ears of her rabbit. “It wasn’t,” she answered quietly. On screen, Orlando Bloom was breaking Captain Jack out of jail. “My mom...my mom got sick. Before the vaccine and everything, when they still took people to the hospital, she got sick and died. Before they knew the flu was going to get everybody. Then it was me and my daddy until he got sick, too.”
“I think you did the right thing burying him,” Searle said, while his eyebrows drew together. “At least he’s safe. ... I buried my parents, too. It’s how I said good-bye.”
“By yourself?” Her eyes widened. “I’m really really sorry.”
“They died at the evacuation center we went to.” Searle nodded, well aware of the prickling sensation behind his eyes as he recalled that experience. “I was the only one there who lived.”
Jack breathed in sharply and she looked over at Searle, concerned. Watching her daddy fall down had been awful - she couldn’t imagine being the only one left out of a whole camp. She missed her own parents out of sympathy. “It - it shouldn’t have happened.” Her voice broke a little. “It shouldn’t be like this.”
Searle could only agree, but the tightness in his throat prevented him from saying that aloud. Instead, Searle wiped his eyes and hoped Jack wouldn’t look at him.
Jack saw him wipe his face out of the corner of her. She didn’t know what to say, so she reached over and touched his arm softly. That earned her a watery smile, and Searle laughed a little in embarrassment as he rubbed his eyes harder.
“Sorry,” he said, “when I think about my parents I can’t help it sometimes.”
“It’s okay,” Jack answered with answered with a sympathetic nod. “It’s okay to be upset; I know how you feel. Besides, I’ve cried in front of you lots of times. I don’t mind.”
“It’s not uncool when a girl cries.” Searle sniffed.
“That’s stupid,” Jack said, turning towards Searle so she could look at him. “There’s nothing wrong with crying if you’re upset. You’re my friend; it’s okay if it’s me.”
“I’m over it,” Searle insisted, wiping at his eyes one last time.
Jack frowned a little, trying to figure out how to explain why this bothered her. “You don’t have to pretend anything if you don’t want to. The grownups...the grownups really don’t get what it’s like for us. They just look out for themselves. Kathleen left and now Zoe’s gone, too, and me and Jed fight all the time; one day he’s probably going to say he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore. You and me gotta stick together.”
“We are gonna stick together,” he said, frowning. Cass and Zoé leaving like they had was disconcerting, to say the least. Searle didn’t understand why people kept abandoning the group.
“Okay.” The only people they could really depend on was their family and now their family was gone. That meant there was no one else to rely on besides each other with the rest of the adults so wrapped up. Searle was the only one who could understand things.
“Cross my heart.” Searle drew an X on his chest. “Even if everyone else leaves.”
Jack nodded, smiling sleepily. “Me too.” She yawned. “I think I might be falling asleep. Movie’s not over but if Jed catches you in here, we’re going to be in trouble. You’ll be okay to sleep?”
“Yeah.” Mentioning Jed was like saying a magic word; Searle was suddenly ready to leave and go back to the couch. He got up, but paused before he turned to leave and bent down to give Jack a hug. Not a long one in case Jed was around, but it’d been a hard day and he figured they could both use one.