Alice Munroe (ex_barebones985) wrote in the_colony, @ 2011-01-01 14:05:00 |
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Entry tags: | ^ week 24, alice munroe, thomas galloway, | alice and tom |
Week 24 - Wednesday morning
Characters: Tom Galloway and Alice Munroe
Location: Laundry Room
Summary: Tom and Alice discuss her near-escape, and assess the future of her contributions to the colony.
Rating: PG-13 for one f-bomb.
After giving her space for a day to collect herself, Tom decided to seek Alice out the next morning. He hadn’t wanted to press her immediately on her brief flight from the group and return, and so had kept his distance.
Now though he wanted to find out exactly what her intentions were. She’d abandoned them in the middle of the night, then returned. Alice clearly hadn’t been in her best mental state, but he still needed to understand why she’d done what she had.
Bridget had been dead to the world when he’d knocked and poked his head in her room looking for Alice after coming back from his post-guard shift run, and he hadn’t found her in the attic, the library, or the kitchen. Rollo trotted beside him as they went to the laundry room, having decided to come along with his master for a change instead of snoozing on his bed.
“There you are.”
Alice looked up only briefly from her work before returning to it, her hair pulled back and her forehead slick with the effort it took to work the wet clothes across the washboard. The paranoia she’d been experiencing all morning hit her like a wave, then quickly receded.
“Here I am,” she affirmed.
Rollo reached her first, sniffing at her and looking up hopefully for a scratch.
Tom watched her work, and leaned against the wall. “I know this probably is the last conversation you’d like to have, but I need to talk to you about your vanishing act the other day.”
“I know,” she replied, tugging out the clothes in the wash basin and moving them to the wringer. It was only when she’d dumped them into the compartment that she finally allowed herself to stoop down and give the dog a proper pat-and-scruff, causing him to wag his tail furiously. She pulled herself up to her full height again, her expression a little grim.
“Were you thinking at all or did you just run?” Tom watched her face, wanting to see her expression. He thought he knew the answer already but wanted to hear it from her.
“I just ran,” she said quietly. Alice pulled the back of her arm over her forehead, then settled her slightly-pruney hands on her hips for lack of what else to do with them. “Got halfway to California before I realized how pointless it was.”
“Pointless how? You wanted to get away, you were well on your way.”
“To what?” she replied, brows arching slightly.
“How should I know?” Tom shrugged, and gestured outside. “Away from here, away from people and all their complications.”
The answer almost made her wonder if he’d had similar thoughts when he’d holed himself away in the cabin he’d once spoken of, but Alice didn’t ask. She wasn’t even sure she really wanted to know. Instead, she shook her head and sighed, looking off to the side and letting her eyes settle on the clothes wringer.
“Won’t matter where I go. The damage’s been done; bein’ alone isn’t gonna make things all better for me.”
“You’ve got people here who care about you Alice.” Even Jed, though his caring had only made things worse for her. “We all want to see you happy. The question is: what does Alice want?”
It wasn’t the first time he’d asked her, though it was almost safe to say it was that question that had put her in the mess she was trying to recover from. What did she want? Nothing I can have right this instant, she thought, both bitter and sad. It also hadn’t been the first time she’d heard of being cared about, though so often she wondered just how much of it was caring and how much of it was just because she’d become familiar and there were so few people left in the world. You think you’re better and smarter than everybody else, and you’re not. You’re just mean, came Jack’s words. You walk around all tough, but soon as somethin’ goes wrong, you break down and become ‘bout as useful as a blow-up doll, came Jed’s. She felt the tears coming, and rubbed furiously at her face, digging the heels of her hands into her eyes.
“Fuck if I know,” she answered at last, risking a look at him and giving him a wry smile she didn’t quite feel.
Tom had the decency to look a little chagrined when she started crying. Maybe he’d set the whole thing in motion when he’d told her he’d back her up whatever she decided to do with Jed, but he was certain that long-term things would end up better than they had been. Sometimes things had to get worse before they started getting better.
He crouched down and petted Rollo for a moment, letting her have a little space. “At least you’re being honest with yourself, and me.”
Alice nodded and moved her hands over to the crank on the wringer, if only to have something physical to distract herself with. One by one she began to feed each item of wet clothes through.
“Honesty to the point of heinous bitchery, that’s me.”
“You’re anything but a bitch, Alice.” Tom shook his head. “Plain spoken and not suffering fools maybe, but not a bitch. I’ve got another question for you, one that isn’t very nice: the next time things get painful, are you going to stick around and tough it out or are you going to try and run away again?”
“I came back,” she said solemnly, once again not looking at him. “I won’t leave again.” I don’t know about ‘toughing it out’, but I won’t leave again, she added inwardly.
“This is the second time you’ve tried to leave us Alice, but at least this time you didn’t try to eat a bullet to do it.” She visibly flinched at those words, but remained silent. Tom stood up and reached out to gently turn her head so she’d have to look at him. “If you decide you have to leave at some point, fine. We’re not going to hold anyone against their will, but I want you to tell me to my face that you’re not going to run the next time things get hard.”
Alice felt a painful twist in her chest, both at the touch and at the directness in his words. She realized, with stunning clarity, the full gravity of what she’d done to him. Before, she’d been de facto leader and he’d watched her at her worst; now, he had openly told her how he couldn’t do it alone, and she’d almost abandoned him again.
He, like so many others in the house, deserved so much better than her. Useless. Pathetic. Crybaby child. Why did you get to live when other, much more capable people, died? a critical, angry voice inside her snarled. Somehow, she managed to keep a straight face, though her eyes were clouded with guilt and self-loathing.
“I won’t run the next time things get hard,” she echoed, then tightened her jaw. She had to convince him, and parroting back to him wasn’t going to do it. “I swear on my daughter’s grave.”
Tom wasn’t entirely convinced, but it would do for now. “All right. I’ve got another one for you: Are you still up to being my second? If you don’t want the responsibility anymore, I’ll certainly understand.” He wasn’t sure at this point who he trusted to have the position, frankly. Louisa May would have enough on her plate with her medical duties, and most of the others had one issue or another to disqualify them.
“I think a better question is: do you still want me to be, and am I worthy enough?” Alice countered, having moved back to the clothes wringing. She pulled out the first two items, moving them to their temporary hangars on the lines above her.
“‘Worthy?’” Tom parroted back at her, eyebrows raised. “What do you think this is, some epic poem of chivalry? If that were the case I’d resign and have Greg take over.”
Alice cracked a more genuine smile, tipping her head to look back at him briefly before going back to wring the remaining items she’d set aside. There was still so much to wash. “All the same, I’ve kind of been a shitty second.”
“Bullshit.” Tom snorted and leaned back against the wall again, watching her work while Rollo sniffed the pile of laundry on the floor. “You kept this herd of cats together for months out of pure stubbornness. Who better than you to ride shotgun?”
“Cats watch themselves; all I did was make sure the box was cleaned,” she answered, looking sideways at him again. There was no denying it; she felt a little better from talking to him.
“They’re also solitary by nature, and you kept them from killing each other.” Tom shook his head. “You had a shitty couple days Alice, and you made some mistakes in the relationship department. That just makes you human. God knows I haven’t been perfect in relationships.”
“So I’m told,” she replied, going back to the washing section again. She was going to have to get creative once all the baking soda in Grant’s Pass ran out, assuming they didn’t have neighbors a little closer to home.
“Which?” The veteran tilted his head to one side and awaited her response curiously.
“The being human thing,” she gave him a small, somewhat playful smile. “That and you being a heartbreaker, but that was from you, so y’know.”
“More like I got my heart broken, but whatever.” Tom smiled back at her, pleased to see her smiling for a change. “You’re stuck with the job Alice, so no more of this ‘worthy’ shit, all right?”
“Sir, yessir,” she said with a nod.
He snorted as he pushed off the wall. “You see an officer around here?” He shook his head, but smiled as well as he started for the door, Rollo at his heels. ‘Yes Sergeant Major!’ will do nicely.”