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Tweak says, "I'm the Blue Screen of Death."

james potter (deeringdo) wrote in the100,
@ 2015-06-19 22:17:00

Entry tags:

!log/thread, james potter, peter pettigrew

WHO: James Potter & Peter Pettigrew
WHAT: crying. hugging. making up?
WHEN: friday night, after this
WHERE: outside Peter's apartment
WARNINGS: ALL THE FEELINGS

Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe he'd end up regretting it, if Peter went and hurt him again.

Maybe.

But James knew it would be a mistake to go on pretending like Peter didn't exist, too. If he disappeared, if Peter disappeared, if they couldn't change anything that happened at home, and they'd go back to how they'd been. James, oblivious to what was going on with one of his best friends, and Peter, feeling... whatever he'd been feeling. Doing what he was going to do. For a horrible moment, James had been afraid that Peter had disappeared, that he'd gone back to that, and that had been almost as bad as the realization that Harry was gone.

Almost. In a different way, of course, but the strength of the emotion had taken him by surprise. It was so strong that he'd almost stopped breathing until Remus had answered.

Now he was on his way to see Peter, and all he could think was how glad he was that his very first friend was still here.

The minute James laid eyes on him, the last of his resolve crumbled, and he reached out, pulling Peter into a tight hug. It was almost suffocating, though completely without intent to do his friend any harm; it just felt like forever — had been forever, by his standards — since he'd hugged Peter, and if one or both of them disappeared before the sun rose, he wanted to make it count.

"Hey, Pete," he said, and he was attempting to be jocular, but his voice broke. He tousled Peter's hair, in the teasing but affectionate way he had such a bad habit of doing, and then just held onto him, fingers tightening in Peter's shirt. "Merlin, I'm so glad you're still here."

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spinzone
2015-06-20 06:20 am UTC (link)

From the moment James had filtered him, Peter had been nervous, wondering how things would go wrong. And suddenly he was crying over his tablet because somehow, both Remus AND James were offering olive branches. It wasn't full peace, and it might not be forgiveness, but it was a start.

No one was around when he had started crying, and it had only become steadily worse until he was wiping tears away every few seconds. James was coming to him, and he hurried out of the flat and waited. He couldn't move when he saw James, and only opened his arms when saw James's intention. Perhaps at the end of school they hadn't been as close as they had once been, but if didn't matter now. James was the first person to call him friend, and that had forged a bond that Peter had been sure would never be broken.

He hugged James tight, giving in to tears again and just nodding against James, unable to speak.

"I missed you!" he managed at last, on a hysterical laugh that comes only with joyful tears.

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deeringdo
2015-06-21 02:51 am UTC (link)

The relief James felt was quickly followed by less pleasant emotions, a whole host of them. He still felt the sting of betrayal, and probably always would, and he couldn't help but acknowledge (at least to himself), the sheer unfairness of all this, of having to deal with it before it even happened, so that it wouldn't happen. Almost, but not quite, as unfair as actually living through it.

But he didn't let go of Peter, letting him cry, even as his own throat tightened and a hardness came over his expression. He'd aged so much since coming here that it was strange sometimes to look at himself in the mirror and still see his eighteen year old face looking back at him. The happy Hogwarts graduate he'd been right before arriving here seemed like an entirely different person.

"I missed you too," he said, quietly, and he meant it. Things had a feeling of incompleteness without Peter around, and everything else piled on top of it had only made it worse. But simply missing his friend was probably the very worst of it, because he still did miss him horribly, in spite of everything.

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spinzone
2015-06-21 03:10 am UTC (link)

Peter sniffled, stepping back and using his sleep to wipe his eyes. In a moment he conjured a couple of handkerchiefs and stuffed one into James's hand. He blew his nose, and looked down, bashful. "Sorry about that. It's just been -- a really emotional night."

For the first time in months, he felt like he could breathe properly. His betrayal would always stand between him and his friends, and he was learning to live with that. But he had learned a lot since April, about himself and what it meant, owning your actions, even your future ones. He would always regret what he had done, even if he never understood it, and he would always do everything in his power to protect the people he loved.

"D'you want to go get that wine?"

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deeringdo
2015-06-21 04:02 am UTC (link)

James took the handkerchief, but his own eyes were still relatively dry. The aftertaste of the emotional moment had cut any tears short. He reached out with it in his hand, instead, and playfully put it on Peter's head, giving him a crooked grin. But his eyes were still serious.

"Yeah, I know it has," he said, letting out a breath. "It's alright, Pete."

Those last three words seemed to have more significance than he'd really intended, that things were alright, when they weren't really. But he was going to pretend they would be, at least for the rest of the evening. Probably for a while. It seemed easier, better, than being at odds. Eventually maybe things wouldn't hurt quite as much.

With a nod, he added, "Yes. D'you happen to want to get completely pissed?"

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spinzone
2015-06-21 08:40 pm UTC (link)

Peter gave James a small grin; this felt almost normal, which went even farther for his nerves. "Yeah. Yeah, it is."

Even if they weren't, completely, they were working towards it. And that was the first step, after all. "I do want to get pissed, as a matter of fact. These past few days have been utter shit for everyone."

He led the way towards the still room; there was a desk and some chairs arranged in a corner, along with a filing cabinet. All of it was there for the brewers, so that they could make notes on recipes and keep account of what they'd made and how much was left. Off to the side of that was a shelf, containing small barrels of beer, and several bottles of wine, all of them labeled "Cherry Leaf Wine for Neville and Hannah".

Peter took two bottles from the shelf and sat in the desk chair. It was a matter of moments before one of the bottles was open, and the wine poured. Peter lifted his to James. "Cheers, Jamie. To Harry. And everyone we're missing."

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deeringdo
2015-06-24 12:30 am UTC (link)

James couldn't decide if this was doing better or worse for his nerves. He did know that it was the right thing to do, now, in the moment. Sirius or Lily would have disagreed, maybe even Remus. It would be difficult to keep this up, to be anything resembling a friend to Peter when probably no one else was ready to do it yet, but at the very least they could talk to each other again.

And right now, they could get very, very drunk.

He slung an arm around Peter's shoulders, just because it would have felt awkward to tag along behind him, and let him go once they got into the still room. It was interesting to see the place, the surprising normalcy of it all, a place that brewed all the liquor that so many people consumed. "So this is it, eh?" he said, accepting the wine. "Where all the liquor's made?"

He went silent for a minute at the toast, finding it hard to take in the toast to Harry, coming out of Peter's mouth. But he didn't feel like ruining the moment, so he nodded, and tilted his head back to drink the whole glass of wine. Merlin, he needed it. When he'd finished, he swallowed, wiped his mouth, and said dryly, "I'll drink to that."

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spinzone
2015-06-24 12:46 am UTC (link)

"Over there," he said, gesturing to a corner where there were several stove-looking things set up. Some of them were obviously hot, while others didn't seem to be used at all. In fact, they were being used. Production had gone up, and there weren't many barrels and things to keep it all in. "We've got another room, too, filled with barrels and casks and other shit, all of it with beer or the liquor we make in it."

With a start, Peter realized what he'd said, and swallowed his glass at once. When would he ever learn to not put his foot in it? But James didn't say anything, so Peter just filled their glasses again, and drank half of it in one go.

It wasn't bad, really. Considering the source and everything they had to work with, it turned out pretty well. "So... when I left, the Tornadoes were playing like shit, in the league. It's like Pfeffer forgot how to throw a quaffle."

When in doubt, talk about Quidditch.

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deeringdo
2015-06-24 02:03 am UTC (link)

It was pretty cool, James had to admit. He'd always liked the creative process of making things. Alcohol was certainly worth the trouble, and in a different mood, he'd have asked a million questions about how it all worked, and offered his own ideas. Right now he was more interested in enjoying the fruits of the labor and getting drunk off his arse.

It was hard to talk about Quidditch, too, not because it was any kind of sore spot, but because it was so normal and nostalgic. He also honestly didn't remember what had been happening in Quidditch for the last while. He'd been excited about it right before he'd gotten here, planning to go to matches over the summer after graduation, but that felt like a very long time ago. All of those memories had been overruled by the war, then fear for Harry, and then...

Well, best not think about that.

"I really miss Quidditch," he said absently. "I've got a snitch here, you know. And Harry's broomstick, but that's nowhere near enough for a proper game."

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spinzone
2015-06-25 03:35 am UTC (link)

Peter was never really very good at Quidditch. He could sit a broom, and make it go fast, but he just wasn't very good at stopping Quaffles or Bludgers, and the snitch? Forget about it. He much prefered just watching and, for the entirety of their last three years of school, commentating. He was really good at commentating. For about five minutes in Fifth Year, he had contemplated doing just that for his career.

Too bad he hadn't. Things might have been different.

"I miss it, too. But I don't know if there would even be a place to play, since being outside for very long probably isn't good for us," Peter said. "Maybe we can think of something for in here. I don't have a damned clue."

He also had the light buzz that preceeded really getting drunk, and it felt wonderful. Beautiful.

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deeringdo
2015-06-28 07:14 pm UTC (link)

"Being outside isn't that bad," James said, dismissively. "I've been out there plenty already."

In truth, he was probably underestimating the threat of the radiation — underestimating the reality of the danger he was in was a bad habit of his that he probably wouldn't ever truly be able to break. The same could be said for the current situation, he thought. Certainly Lily and Sirius and maybe even Remus would tell him that he was being stupid and getting himself into more danger by hanging out with Peter again. But he was ignoring that, too.

He should've brought the Snitch in here, just to play with. To have something to do with his hands. Instead, he grabbed for the cork that had been in the wine bottle, and tossed it in his hands for a bit. "Tell you what, let's play a game. We've got to get this into something — one of the glasses — and if we miss, we have to drink. If we make it, the other one drinks instead."

It was a simple game, but promised to be an entertaining one when combined with wine. It also seemed like just the thing to get them both so drunk that they stopped worrying about everything else.

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