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Tweak says, "It's All About Teh Love."

Anna Marie Adler-Darkhölme (_canttouchthis_) wrote in tensor,
@ 2011-03-22 05:24:00

Entry tags:

anna-marie_adler, piotr_rasputin

Piotr
It was the middle of the night, and she had almost been completely counting on Piotr already being asleep. It turned out that he definitely wasn't asleep, though. And he'd replied. And she had freaked out just the slightest bit before pulling herself together and throwing on some clothes that covered her a little bit better and heading down to the common area. She peeked around into the laundry room to make sure that there wasn't anyone else there. No matter how the conversation went, she really didn't want other people there to hear it happen.

Satisfied that there wasn't anyone else around, she headed into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, unscrewing the cap as she headed back out to lift herself up and perch on the top of the couch, staring at but not really paying attention to the TV that, for some reason, was still playing some shitty music channel.

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abs_of_steel
2011-03-22 10:17 am UTC (link)

"It's not a problem. You didn't wake me, or anything," he told her with a smile. Partly he'd been thinking - about this, actually - and partly he'd just screwed up his sleeping schedule with all of the naps he'd taken after their weekend of training.

And then he just went for it, asked about what she wanted to talk about, and tried not to look more nervous. Especially when she said she didn't know. He was searching for something to say - what, he didn't know, but something - when she continued.

Shit. Piotr's first response to that was to assure her that yes, they'd been friends for a long time, and he was definitely happen to remain friends for as long as she wanted. But he managed to restrain himself, because it was possible that that hadn't been what she'd meant at all, and he didn't want to answer something she hadn't actually been asking. "Yes," he agreed. "We have. I think of you as one of my best friends, actually."

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_canttouchthis_
2011-03-22 10:34 am UTC (link)

"That's good." Anna smiled back. She would have felt even more anxious if she'd woken him. Though that did bring up the issue of why he wasn't sleeping. Maybe it was for the same reasons as her, maybe it was something else. She'd ask later. If there came a time in the conversation when the question would actually fit, at least.

"Yeah," she nodded a this response. That was... maybe good, maybe not. "Me too." Best friends could mean best friends that he wanted to turn into more just as easily as it could mean best friends and absolutely nothing else. So... the problem was figuring out how to decide which it was.

"Okay." She nodded again. Maybe it was best to just say it. "Okay. So. I don't know..." Why the hell was it so hard to just say it? "I'm kind of stressed out right now because I'm really worried that all of that's changing because of-" she waved a hand between them. "and I don't really know how it's changing. And I know how I want it to change and how I'm good with it changing, but I don't know what you want or anything, and... I'm just kind of going a little crazy."

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abs_of_steel
2011-03-22 10:46 am UTC (link)

Oh. So. Yeah, it had been what he wanted to talk to her about. And her rambling, while really cute - and he should very much not be thinking that, it wasn't at all helpful - was actually not that much helpful, either. How did she want it to change, how was she good with it changing? It'd already changed, was this all the change she wanted?

"I want whatever you want," he said, then grimaced. "Sorry." He paused for a moment as he tried to figure out how to say this without just making it more confusing, then gave up. "I've been thinking about it a lot, but I kept not wanting to bring it up because I was worried that talking about it would ruin things, or at least make it awkward between us, and I'd never want that. I like you, Anna. A lot. And I do want something more than friends. But if you don't want a relationship, if you're happy just being friends who occasionally - test things with each other, then I'm happy with that, too."

That wasn't even a lie. He would be happier with an actual relationship, of course, and it might take him a little while to get over it not being a possibility if she didn't want it, but he would be okay with their current situation if it was what she wanted.

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_canttouchthis_
2011-03-22 11:30 am UTC (link)

He wanted what she wanted. That was a non-answer, and she chewed her lip, mouth twitching into an almost smile as he apologized and then went quiet. She didn't want to say it. Even when she'd said it, she hadn't said it, partially because she was still so fucking worried about what the reaction would be.

Piotr started talking again, and she let her eyes wander to what had to be the shittiest music video ever made. She smiled a little bit when he voiced his fears about talking about it. Looking up at him when he mentioned the potential awkwardness, she raised an eyebrow and looked around. Awkwardness had definitely already happened, despite both of their efforts to avoid it.

She found herself holding her breath when he said what she hadn't quite been able to say. By the time he was done talking about it, she nodded, exhaling. That was both good and terrifying. "Okay." She needed to get a new word. "That's good. I... me too."

"I've just never really..." She held her hands up, sighing again. "I'm not really all that good at this whole thing, so I didn't want to read it wrong or assume anything, you know?"

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abs_of_steel
2011-03-22 10:38 pm UTC (link)

Piotr'd almost faltered in his slightly rambly response when she raised an eyebrow and looked around, because, yeah. Trying to avoid the awkwardness hadn't worked at all, and really, he'd known it wouldn't. But he kept going, since he was pretty sure that if he didn't, he might start thinking too much and just stop in the middle.

And then he finished, and he didn't quite know what to do after that. Wait for her response, obviously, and he found himself glancing away slightly, as if not looking at her would make it easier. He wasn't sure what response he was expecting - purposely not expecting anything, maybe - but he was still surprised when she said her, too. His gaze snapped back to her, unable to hide his smile, though he did manage to resist the urge to ask 'really?' or something stupid like that.

"I do know," he agreed. "Which is probably pretty apparent, since I did the same thing you did." Not to mention he'd gotten so focused on trying not to read things wrong that he'd just ended up confusing himself. "I'm not all that great at it, either." But he was still smiling, because this was pretty much exactly the outcome he'd been hoping for.

Even if it was a little terrifying, because what if - no. He wasn't thinking about what ifs.

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_canttouchthis_
2011-03-22 11:36 pm UTC (link)

"We really suck," she observed, smile matching his despite their vast levels of suckage. It had taken longer than it probably should have to actually talk about it, but they were talking about it and they seemed to be agreeing completely... which was also kind of scary, even though it was a good thing.

"So what now?" Looking up at him, she nodded. "I mean both like, right now and now in a general sense." They still hadn't completely defined what was going on, other than the fact that they both wanted it to be more than just two friends testing... which was a stupid word that needed to not be used anymore. It had stopped actually being testing a while ago. "Does this make you my boyfriend?"

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abs_of_steel
2011-03-26 01:37 am UTC (link)

"Yeah, we kind of do," he agreed. If he'd just gotten himself to talk about it sooner, he could've saved a lot of worrying and internal debating. Of course, he couldn't have known that, but still.

Piotr blinked at her what now question, because he wasn't actually sure. Then, when she clarified, he smiled slightly. "Yes," he said. "I mean, it does, right, if we both want to give actually having a relationship a try? I'd like that, if you would."

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_canttouchthis_
2011-03-26 03:53 am UTC (link)

They definitely sucked, but at least they both sucked. That made it better than just one of them sucking. When he said yes, she smiled, nodding as he spoke.

"Yeah. I would." She took a deep breath. There were about ten million insecurities and potential problems that she really didn't need to add as any kind of caveat to the statement, even though she really wanted to. He knew her well enough to know at least some of them, and she was sure that he was at least a little bit nervous about it all, if not quite as nervous as she was. Tipping her head up to look at him, she smiled, pushing all of those thoughts aside. "Thanks for being an insomniac."

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abs_of_steel
2011-03-26 11:56 pm UTC (link)

All right, he should probably stop smiling now. Piotr knew there were a bunch of ways this could go wrong, and he knew both of them were still pretty insecure about it - likely her even more than him - but he just. Didn't want to think about that right then. He'd spent way too much time since this started worrying about what might happen, for now, he just wanted to be happy that she felt the same way about him as he did about her.

"Thank you for being the one to actually bring it up," he told her, moving closer so he could absently brush his fingertips through her hair.

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_canttouchthis_
2011-03-27 01:02 am UTC (link)

"I almost didn't," she admitted. "If you hadn't been up tonight, I probably would have tried to put it off longer."

It wasn't a good plan, but it had pretty much been the plan. She smiled as his hand brushed through her hair. He was her boyfriend. Anna couldn't tell if the feeling in her stomach was relief or trepidation or something else completely, but she was going to ignore it completely for as long as she could. Probably until Ali found out and started making her think about things again, like she had before. She moved, tugging a glove off to brush her thumb across his jawline.

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